View Full Version : Exhausted & rundown with HA, chest & stomach issues
Hello folks,
I'm going through a really tough time right now and could just use some words of encouragement/support or just logic (A good slap on the wrist). :blush:
To explain, 2 weeks ago, my HA spiked when i had a panic attack, I went to A&E they told me everything is fine. Had an ECG/Chest X-Ray/Blood test. Nothing was found. All normal. Great. Cool.
Fast forward 2 days and I ended up in A&E again this time however, they were going to take out my appendix as I was taken there by my dad with incredible stomach pain to the point where I could not even move properly. At the time I was happy to finally realise the difference between and actual emergency condition and an anxiety one. God that pain was awful.
Since then however, my anxiety has become absolutely fixated on things pretty rare/ridiculous and even unrelated to that particular operation. The main one right now of course as most HAers have is their heart. I am terrified i have some form of coronary heart disease, and i'm waiting to keel over. The reasoning behind this? Well, recently i've been walking 30 minutes a day to recover from my operation, which is great, until about 20 minutes in when I start to get chest ache and a slight shortness of breath, If i stop walking it dies down, if i carry on it flares up again and goes on and off during the walk.
Now before my HA spiked, I had a rule of no googling at all, regardless of minor or major the illness was. But since I slipped mentally I ended up on a path I wish I hadn't. I googled pain during excercise and got Angina/Heart Disease etc, you know the drill. And of course this absolutely terrified me. I rang up my GP after 4 days of getting this while walking and he told me that at 29 years old, even overweight(Which i'm losing atm) it would be incredibly rare for a heart disease to manifest itself, even angina. I have no family history of heart problems (Except my grandad but he's like 90). I do feel tense alot during the day and my shoulders feel sore. Is it possible that all this ache and pain while exercising is nothing more than a combination of poor posture and muscular tension? The GP also mentioned that because I haven't really exercised well since lockdown began it could be my body adjusting to it. But a week seems a while for it to adjust. :weep: And of course, even though I've had ECG's i'm like "hur dur but what if they didnt pick up the angina". It's stupid. I know it is.
Secondly since then, my appetite has gone to shit. I wasn't eating after the operation which they said was normal but it's been 2 weeks and my appetite is still gone. Although, my GP prescribed me Citalopram 10mg which I have been taking for 7 days so I imagine that's a contributing factor. I also seem to get this really odd cramp on the left side of my stomach just under my ribs, could be IBS.
If you got this far, thank you :yahoo:. I don't know what else to do right now, I just had to vent my frustrations. I have my first therapy appointment next week and the citalopram is stacking up so, I'm not just sitting on my laurels and letting this rule my life entirely. But...any support would be appreciated. I'm so exhausted from the worry. I feel trapped in my own mind.
Maybe I'm just going mad.
I honestly wouldn't be surprised at this point.
glassgirlw
24-08-20, 02:35
A week truly isn’t enough time to make up for being sedentary for a long time. It can take several weeks to build up momentum. I’m overweight as well and I get the same sensations you’re describing. I think you’ve been checked out at the hospital and you don’t have heart issues, maybe just stick with short walks and then extend the time as you feel you can? Try to take baby steps!
A week truly isn’t enough time to make up for being sedentary for a long time. It can take several weeks to build up momentum. I’m overweight as well and I get the same sensations you’re describing. I think you’ve been checked out at the hospital and you don’t have heart issues, maybe just stick with short walks and then extend the time as you feel you can? Try to take baby steps!
I do agree, I need to be kinder to myself.
My anxiety peaked today and (sigh) again I ended up in A&E, I had an ECG done came out perfectly normal. I had a blood test and they told me my D-Dimer was positive. Which sent me into a hell of a panic attack. I was like Oh god it's a clot, i'm going to die. The doctor flat out told me it can be positive for any number of reasons, from stress to infections. However, in my case, it's because 2 weeks ago I had surgery, and it's always positive after surgeries. This helped me but the guy was so nice he even sent me for a CT - Angiongram scan to check my lungs and heart vessels for clots. Guess what? They came back clear. They discharged me and told me to go home and relax.
With that in mind, I'm going to do my damn best to trust the doctors. The positive D-Dimer still scares me...but if the professionals aren't concerned. Then I shouldn't be either I guess.
I do agree, I need to be kinder to myself.
My anxiety peaked today and (sigh) again I ended up in A&E, I had an ECG done came out perfectly normal. I had a blood test and they told me my D-Dimer was positive. Which sent me into a hell of a panic attack. I was like Oh god it's a clot, i'm going to die. The doctor flat out told me it can be positive for any number of reasons, from stress to infections. However, in my case, it's because 2 weeks ago I had surgery, and it's always positive after surgeries. This helped me but the guy was so nice he even sent me for a CT - Angiongram scan to check my lungs and heart vessels for clots. Guess what? They came back clear. They discharged me and told me to go home and relax.
With that in mind, I'm going to do my damn best to trust the doctors. The positive D-Dimer still scares me...but if the professionals aren't concerned. Then I shouldn't be either I guess.
Hi Aleman, really sorry to hear of all your going through i can tell you’re going through it at the moment. Please trust the dr’s they know what their talking about & the tests are proof of this. Try to rest & relax in order to gain strength, do you have any hobbies at all that could distract you & get your mind of everything if only for a short while. Hope you feel better soon.
Hi Aleman, really sorry to hear of all your going through i can tell you’re going through it at the moment. Please trust the dr’s they know what their talking about & the tests are proof of this. Try to rest & relax in order to gain strength, do you have any hobbies at all that could distract you & get your mind of everything if only for a short while. Hope you feel better soon.
Thank you so much Redsmum, I appreciate you reading my rather drawn out story. I'm currently trying to re-engage with some hobbies to keep my mind busy. I know the DR's are right and I have no grounds to call them wrong, after all i'm not a trained professional who see's hundreds of thousands of people a week. I just need to keep a lid on my anxiety.
Thank you so much Redsmum, I appreciate you reading my rather drawn out story. I'm currently trying to re-engage with some hobbies to keep my mind busy. I know the DR's are right and I have no grounds to call them wrong, after all i'm not a trained professional who see's hundreds of thousands of people a week. I just need to keep a lid on my anxiety.
I know, its just so damn hard to keep our old enemy health anxiety at bay isn’t it, even though logically we know we shouldn’t go down that route our minds lead us down it. No matter how many times i tell myself not to get on the spiral & go down in the black hole i end up there anyway. Sorry not much help to you but i really do emphasise with you. Take care.
I know, its just so damn hard to keep our old enemy health anxiety at bay isn’t it, even though logically we know we shouldn’t go down that route our minds lead us down it. No matter how many times i tell myself not to get on the spiral & go down in the black hole i end up there anyway. Sorry not much help to you but i really do emphasise with you. Take care.
No no, thank you for replying anyway, just having someone re-affirm things is always helpful. I know the doctors checked me out and the D-dimer can be positive for a ton of things, I even rang my GP when i got home to inform her of the tests and she told me the d-dimer on it's own is absolutely nothing to worry about, it's when it's paired with swollen legs etc it can be worrisome. So i'm going to try and relax.
I'm really hoping the Citalopram kicks in soon because I feel so run down from all the worrying.
At the time I was happy to finally realise the difference between and actual emergency condition and an anxiety one. God that pain was awful.
Been there. No time for thoughts. Pain takes over. Were you scared, by the way? I wasn't, funnily enough. My imaginary illnesses though? TERRYIFYING!! :scared15:
i've been walking 30 minutes a day to recover from my operation, which is great, until about 20 minutes in when I start to get chest ache and a slight shortness of breath, If i stop walking it dies down, if i carry on it flares up again and goes on and off during the walk.
You've recently had an operation, cocker. This is your body's way of telling you to take it slow and easy. Shorten the time you're walking down to 20, or 15.
I googled pain during excercise and got Angina/Heart Disease etc, you know the drill. And of course this absolutely terrified me.
Ok, first off you know what happens when you consult Doctor Google. Nothing good will ever come of that, so slap wristy and all that..
Secondly, it seems that you have been inactive since lockdown? Dare I suggest that you're unfit? - as is half of the UK at the minute.
Secondly since then, my appetite has gone to shit. I wasn't eating after the operation which they said was normal but it's been 2 weeks and my appetite is still gone.
It would take a non-anxious person a while for their appetite to return after an op, but you have health anxiety too, and fear doesn't half bugger about with appetite. I lost two stone on the HA nervous breakdown diet. I can report that I've bunged most of it back on now I've stopped trying to convince myself I'm dying.:yesyes:
If you got this far, thank you :yahoo:. I don't know what else to do right now, I just had to vent my frustrations. I have my first therapy appointment next week and the citalopram is stacking up so, I'm not just sitting on my laurels and letting this rule my life entirely. But...any support would be appreciated. I'm so exhausted from the worry. I feel trapped in my own mind.
You're not as trapped as you think you are. You thought your way into this hole, and you can think your way out of it.
You're not mad. You're just as sane as I am. :w00t2::w00t2::w00t2:
Been there. No time for thoughts. Pain takes over. Were you scared, by the way? I wasn't, funnily enough. My imaginary illnesses though? TERRYIFYING!! :scared15:
You've recently had an operation, cocker. This is your body's way of telling you to take it slow and easy. Shorten the time you're walking down to 20, or 15.
Ok, first off you know what happens when you consult Doctor Google. Nothing good will ever come of that, so slap wristy and all that..
Secondly, it seems that you have been inactive since lockdown? Dare I suggest that you're unfit? - as is half of the UK at the minute.
It would take a non-anxious person a while for their appetite to return after an op, but you have health anxiety too, and fear doesn't half bugger about with appetite. I lost two stone on the HA nervous breakdown diet. I can report that I've bunged most of it back on now I've stopped trying to convince myself I'm dying.:yesyes:
You're not as trapped as you think you are. You thought your way into this hole, and you can think your way out of it.
You're not mad. You're just as sane as I am. :w00t2::w00t2::w00t2:
Oh goodness, thank you for the reply NoraB. Very kind and reassuring words.
I am most definitely unfit. That's without a shadow of a doubt haha! I'm definitely doing my best to not become too sedentary again. (Though it is tough during lockdown)
In response to the diet...yes. Sometimes I can eat some pasta one day and feel amazing, other days I feel sick to my stomach and wish I hadn't eaten. Goodness, anxiety is awful isn't it?
I've definitely dug myself this hole you're right. Take for instance today, been walking around helping out my parents, my calf muscle feels tight as hell when walking around. when i sit down, it calms down alot. And of course what did I diagnose -myself- with? DVT! All because my d-dimer was positive, which there was an explanation for. My calf isn't swollen or red or anything but hey that doesn't matter right! I must be the rare person it doesn't happen to.
I wish I was sane Nora! :yesyes:
Oh goodness, thank you for the reply NoraB. Very kind and reassuring words.
I am most definitely unfit. That's without a shadow of a doubt haha! I'm definitely doing my best to not become too sedentary again. (Though it is tough during lockdown)
In response to the diet...yes. Sometimes I can eat some pasta one day and feel amazing, other days I feel sick to my stomach and wish I hadn't eaten. Goodness, anxiety is awful isn't it?
I've definitely dug myself this hole you're right. Take for instance today, been walking around helping out my parents, my calf muscle feels tight as hell when walking around. when i sit down, it calms down alot. And of course what did I diagnose -myself- with? DVT! All because my d-dimer was positive, which there was an explanation for. My calf isn't swollen or red or anything but hey that doesn't matter right! I must be the rare person it doesn't happen to.
I wish I was sane Nora! :yesyes:
Hi Aleman, you’re so right anxiety is the pits it affects everything i do or try to do, i was an extremely anxious child, don’t know why because i had a lovely childhood at home but hated school, never made many friends. For some reason i seemed to think that when i got much older i would change & everything would be different & i would become the carefree woman i always wanted to be, wrong, nothings changed except i’ve got worse. Just wanted to say something which may be of interest to you, my sister in law was a receptionist at the Hommerton Hospital in Hackney & when patients used to phone weeks after they’d had an operation saying they still felt so tired/had no appetite/depressed etc she was told to tell them that when you’ve had an op the anaesthetic can stay in your body for up-to 1 year & you can expect to feel under the weather & not quite right & its all quite normal & to be expected & is nothing to worry over. Easy for me to say but it does kind of make sense doesn’t it?
Hi Aleman, you’re so right anxiety is the pits it affects everything i do or try to do, i was an extremely anxious child, don’t know why because i had a lovely childhood at home but hated school, never made many friends. For some reason i seemed to think that when i got much older i would change & everything would be different & i would become the carefree woman i always wanted to be, wrong, nothings changed except i’ve got worse. Just wanted to say something which may be of interest to you, my sister in law was a receptionist at the Hommerton Hospital in Hackney & when patients used to phone weeks after they’d had an operation saying they still felt so tired/had no appetite/depressed etc she was told to tell them that when you’ve had an op the anaesthetic can stay in your body for up-to 1 year & you can expect to feel under the weather & not quite right & its all quite normal & to be expected & is nothing to worry over. Easy for me to say but it does kind of make sense doesn’t it?
That would make sense Redsmum! I can imagine things will be rough for a good while and it is tough but thank you for the kind words. It's just something we got to learn to live with I guess?
Now the pain is in my calf and on the back of my thigh, with tingling. It's not red or swollen so unlikely to be DVT but good lord my panic is soaring right now.
I've got an appointment with one of my favourite GP's today at 4:30. He's going to look at my leg even though he said it is almost definitely nothing, talk about increasing my medication dosage and working through some of the anxiety I have had recently. I'll update once I have seen him. Hopefully I can start to make headways against my health anxiety.
I've got an appointment with one of my favourite GP's today at 4:30. He's going to look at my leg even though he said it is almost definitely nothing, talk about increasing my medication dosage and working through some of the anxiety I have had recently. I'll update once I have seen him. Hopefully I can start to make headways against my health anxiety.
Thats good news aleman it will give you the reassurance you need. Take care
Thats good news aleman it will give you the reassurance you need. Take care
Thank you Redsmum, i'm having a feeling of cold in my right leg at the minute since yesterday. Trying not to google it, gonna speak to my GP about it. It's not actually cold to touch, just giving me the feeling of being cold.
UPDATE:
I saw my gp who did many checks. He measured my calves, checked the pulse in my foot and examined my knee. He said although gp's never say never, he said there's not a chance it's a clot, no swelling, no pain, no redness, it'd be incredibly rare for it to be a clot.
We talked through my anxiety and decided the medication increase would be for the best. We spoke about my discharge from hospital and he explained all the jargon to me about the scans I had and why they didn't take it further. He explained that the CT scan would have showed my heart aswell as my lungs, and although they were looking for clots, other things would have shown aswell if there was an issue. We agree'd to work on my anxiety together and he said if things are truly bad he'll send me for tests but only if he clinically see's it as appropriate.
What a wonderfully insightful GP! It makes such a difference to get one that doesn't practise CYA medicine which is so unhelpful for HA management.
That all sounds positive aleman, he sounds like a wonderful dr the way he’s explained everything to you, its so good to get one that appreciates the fact you have HA it makes all the difference doesn’t it.
Yea I agree it was a very positive and reassuring visit. The only problems I have now that I know have a cause is the incredible amount of anxiety in the mornings. This is because of my citalopram. Its not very nice waking up to panic attacks :(
No it's not but at least you know why because SSRIs are notorious for this. You are lucky in having a supportive and insightful doctor so discuss any concerns re the citalopram with him if they persist because ADs aren't compulsory in recovery if they don't suit you.
No it's not but at least you know why because SSRIs are notorious for this. You are lucky in having a supportive and insightful doctor so discuss any concerns re the citalopram with him if they persist because ADs aren't compulsory in recovery if they don't suit you.
Yes he is very supportive. The only sad thing is im moving to London in a week or two for my final year of university so I have to switch GP. He did give me some encouraging words of just sticking to the medication and things will gradually improve. I've been on them before so I know they work. Its just the initial build up that sucks haha!
I do have a rather ridiculous question for everyone though, and this is almost definitely my heart anxiety but I'm 29 with a Bmi of about 31 and I am dropping weight quite nicely I was 15st and im now 13st 6 so i've done quite well but, is it too late for me to start losing my weight and exercising to avoid heart problems in the future?
It is never too late and you are only 29 which in my book is very young! Getting down to a healthy weight now will stand you in very good stead for the many years you have ahead of you!
It is never too late and you are only 29 which in my book is very young! Getting down to a healthy weight now will stand you in very good stead for the many years you have ahead of you!
Thank you Pulisa, before I banned my googling I did the silly NHS heart age test and drove my anxiety up. So i've forcibly blocked things like that. I'm going to focus on eating well, exercising and living better now, and hopefully Health anxiety will die off in the background in the process.
Good for you, Aleman. Your recent surgery will have given you an HA blip but I'd advise you to get on with your healthier life now and give this forum a bit of a break because otherwise there will always be
the potential of being triggered by other stuff?
You're doing really well and are certainly on the right track to recovery!
Good for you, Aleman. Your recent surgery will have given you an HA blip but I'd advise you to get on with your healthier life now and give this forum a bit of a break because otherwise there will always be
the potential of being triggered by other stuff?
You're doing really well and are certainly on the right track to recovery!
Yes I'm trying to avoid reading threads incase it really triggers my spiralling again. For now I'll keep my citalopram diary updated and maybe drop in on minor things to help out.
Yes I'm trying to avoid reading threads incase it really triggers my spiralling again. For now I'll keep my citalopram diary updated and maybe drop in on minor things to help out.
Wish you well Aleman, it is a hard journey we’re on but we’ll all get there in our own time. Enjoy your time in London its an exiting vibrant place to be, take care & look after yourself mentally & physically.
Thank you both of you! Honestly, your kind words have helped me alot during my horrendous time.
I do have a question, during your bouts of Health Anxiety did you ever find yourself googling for hospitals near places you were travelling -Just in case-? And if so, how did you stop yourself? Because I've apparently moved from googling symptoms to looking up local doctors. I have no interest in anything medical (Aside from my anxiety) so I don't know why this is happening. :shrug:
It's a "safety" behaviour ...but it's a false safety behaviour. "Just in case"..3 words which create fear and uncertainty in our minds.
In an emergency unless you are in the desert or in some place in the back of beyond there will always be access to a hospital and in a true emergency someone else would be making the arrangements/call for an ambulance anyway.
It's a "safety" behaviour ...but it's a false safety behaviour. "Just in case"..3 words which create fear and uncertainty in our minds.
In an emergency unless you are in the desert or in some place in the back of beyond there will always be access to a hospital and in a true emergency someone else would be making the arrangements/call for an ambulance anyway.
That makes alot of sense! I wouldn't be in any position to worry about it anyway! I had my therapist appointment today and we're gonna start on working through it all soon. :)
Well today was the worst day I've had since the Health Anxiety resurfaced.
I've been having some discomfort in my chest and what feels like a weak heartbeat, because I can't hear it in my ears anymore when i'm going for a walk, my pulse feels fine and when I was in A & E a week ago they said blood pressure/pulse is fine too but of course, rather than googling i searched "Weak heartbeat nomorepanic" to see if anyone else had this sensation, obviously this was stupid, I was reassurance seeking again...I came across a guys post from a few years ago where he's a 28 year old guy, had feelings of chest discomfort and various other things, and he ended up being diagnosed with early stage heart disease thanks to some valves or whatever.
This of course, sent me into a harsh spiral. I ended up losing control and googling British Heart Foundation stuff, and wondering if I should try and get an echo done to check my heart. Which counters everything i've learned so far. The logical side of me says the tests i've had (ECG,Blood Test,CT-PA Scan, Chest Xray) would show SOMETHING up if there was anything dodgy going on. But the anxiety side of me says "I haven't had this echo test done before, or a stress ecg....i think they're missing something) and of course i'm now in a panic and have been for the past few hours. I want to believe the logical side that says "Yes, he had a congenital heart problem, but they are rare and often don't even show until much later in life." But my mind is like "Omg he's 28, i'm 29 and having similar symptoms, i'm going to have to go through tests and waiting times a-....." The list goes on....
I'm on the therapy waiting list now and I just don't know what to do. I know you've all been lovely with your advice, I'd really appreciate your continued support while I fight this anxiety.
It's a lesson in being triggered by stuff on the HA forum, Aleman. You are trying to manage your own anxiety but if you research anything online you lay yourself open to information which doesn't apply to your situation.
You know you've been thoroughly checked out in hospital. You have had the tests which doctors thought most appropriate for you based on years of study. They have made the right decisions and have given you reassurance. Why reject that reassurance based on someone else's experience? Every case is different and you don't know all the facts about this other person. I'd advise you to reject what your HA is telling you and accept what your doctors have told you and leave it there unless you really want to reignite your anxiety for no good reason?
Well today was the worst day I've had since the Health Anxiety resurfaced.
I've been having some discomfort in my chest and what feels like a weak heartbeat, because I can't hear it in my ears anymore when i'm going for a walk, my pulse feels fine and when I was in A & E a week ago they said blood pressure/pulse is fine too but of course, rather than googling i searched "Weak heartbeat nomorepanic" to see if anyone else had this sensation, obviously this was stupid, I was reassurance seeking again...I came across a guys post from a few years ago where he's a 28 year old guy, had feelings of chest discomfort and various other things, and he ended up being diagnosed with early stage heart disease thanks to some valves or whatever.
This of course, sent me into a harsh spiral. I ended up losing control and googling British Heart Foundation stuff, and wondering if I should try and get an echo done to check my heart. Which counters everything i've learned so far. The logical side of me says the tests i've had (ECG,Blood Test,CT-PA Scan, Chest Xray) would show SOMETHING up if there was anything dodgy going on. But the anxiety side of me says "I haven't had this echo test done before, or a stress ecg....i think they're missing something) and of course i'm now in a panic and have been for the past few hours. I want to believe the logical side that says "Yes, he had a congenital heart problem, but they are rare and often don't even show until much later in life." But my mind is like "Omg he's 28, i'm 29 and having similar symptoms, i'm going to have to go through tests and waiting times a-....." The list goes on....
I'm on the therapy waiting list now and I just don't know what to do. I know you've all been lovely with your advice, I'd really appreciate your continued support while I fight this anxiety.
Aleman i totally agree with everything Pulisa has said, if you go looking for trouble you’re sure to find it. You’ve been checked over by Dr’s that have trained for years & years to be where they are, they’re not going to get it wrong. You’re a fit & healthy 29 year old with HA, please don’t press for any more tests, don’t trouble trouble until trouble troubles you was an old saying from my nan & if you think about it it makes sense. Can you try & distract yourself whilst you’re going through this bad day, & it is just a bad day it won’t always feel like this & tomorrow will be better. Sending you calming thoughts & good wishes.
Yes..you're both right. I don't know why I'm disregarding experienced doctors advice. I remember the last time I was in A&E last week the doctor there sat me down and was like "Why are you here?" So I explained my fears, and he looked at me as if I was mad. He saw all the tests I had done and even saw I'd seen cardiologists about 2 years ago. He turns to me and he goes "You need to have confidence in yourself, you are healthy, trust me the discomfort you're feeling is not your heart or your lungs." He went on to say through everything I've had it would be a damn near impossibilty they missed anything. My blood pressure was perfect, my pulse was spot on and my ECG was exactly the same as the last time I had it. E.g Nothing wrong. I quizzed him about many things and he said "You're laser focused on your heart huh?" he was completely confident I had no heart disease, which I don't hear a doctor say often. Although the discomfort continues today, I'm having more and more moments of acceptance that it's muscular and anxiety related. There's no way 3 ECG's 3 Blood Tests, 2 X-Rays, CT-PA test and stethoscope checks could be wrong.
Re-reading my old posts I realized that exact same post triggered me into seeing cardiologists 2 years ago. Which took me a while to forget about. Lesson learned as they say. When I saw the cardio he told me I was only going to have a 24 hour ECG, i had that, nothing was found, maybe a few ectopics but nothing major by any stretch. Thinking about it now, if there was something going on with my heart it probably would have been picked up then.
Acceptance is very hard. Ontop of my normal anxiety the Citalopram is heightening it each morning, it usually dies down by the evening but I hope that'll change soon.
Thank you for your replies, Pulisa and Redsmum.
I'm confident that you'll get on top of this, Aleman. It's impossible to un-read stuff which you "research" online and that's why it's so destructive to HA management. You don't want to be an A&E "regular" particularly in view of the current CV crisis.
You've had more than enough tests for "reassurance". The more tests you have, the more fuel for your HA.
I'm confident that you'll get on top of this, Aleman. It's impossible to un-read stuff which you "research" online and that's why it's so destructive to HA management. You don't want to be an A&E "regular" particularly in view of the current CV crisis.
You've had more than enough tests for "reassurance". The more tests you have, the more fuel for your HA.
Thank you again for your encouraging words Pulisa. I really want to avoid being seen as a regular there. If the doctors think I should have the tests then I will have them. If they do not, then I will accept their judgement and have confidence in their years of experience in training to be a doctor...rather than my few weeks on bloody google, what a muppet I am honestly. I am doing my best right now to break the behaviour of reassurance, for example yesterday when my anxiety peaked again, I ended up looking up statistics of heart diseases in the uk etc. No more of that, or i'll slap myself silly.
It's important for me to laugh at myself when I think about how i've been, particularly when I asked the doctor "Is it normal to not feel your heartbeat sometimes? Like it's weak?" And he looked at me again and laughed and said "Of course it's normal" And then I asked if he needed to listen to my chest and he shakes his head, he goes "Look man, i'll be honest, these tests on this sheet of paper right here are far far more accurate then my ears". At that point I realized I was seeking constant answers and kept my mouth shut. Haha!
To cut the long story short, yes the more tests I have the more fuel i give my HA, I agree Pulisa. If the docs don't see a need for an echo then I don't bloody need one.
Also need to remember - Everyone's situation is different.
Thank you again for your encouraging words Pulisa. I really want to avoid being seen as a regular there. If the doctors think I should have the tests then I will have them. If they do not, then I will accept their judgement and have confidence in their years of experience in training to be a doctor...rather than my few weeks on bloody google, what a muppet I am honestly. I am doing my best right now to break the behaviour of reassurance, for example yesterday when my anxiety peaked again, I ended up looking up statistics of heart diseases in the uk etc. No more of that, or i'll slap myself silly.
It's important for me to laugh at myself when I think about how i've been, particularly when I asked the doctor "Is it normal to not feel your heartbeat sometimes? Like it's weak?" And he looked at me again and laughed and said "Of course it's normal" And then I asked if he needed to listen to my chest and he shakes his head, he goes "Look man, i'll be honest, these tests on this sheet of paper right here are far far more accurate then my ears". At that point I realized I was seeking constant answers and kept my mouth shut. Haha!
To cut the long story short, yes the more tests I have the more fuel i give my HA, I agree Pulisa. If the docs don't see a need for an echo then I don't bloody need one.
Also need to remember - Everyone's situation is different.
Hi aleman, you seem in a calmer place today & thats good. Speaking from many years experience HA is such a hard nut to crack, once we get a feeling or suggestion in our heads its damn hard to shift it & any symptoms we do get we tend to catastrophise over which in CBT they tell you not to do (easier said than done). I’m trying so hard at the moment to not let bad thoughts overcome me & immediately switch to something happier (again easier said than done). You were saying you were going back to London in a few weeks, maybe when you get back to studying again you might find comfort in routine & put some of this behind you. Take care.
Hi aleman, you seem in a calmer place today & thats good. Speaking from many years experience HA is such a hard nut to crack, once we get a feeling or suggestion in our heads its damn hard to shift it & any symptoms we do get we tend to catastrophise over which in CBT they tell you not to do (easier said than done). I’m trying so hard at the moment to not let bad thoughts overcome me & immediately switch to something happier (again easier said than done). You were saying you were going back to London in a few weeks, maybe when you get back to studying again you might find comfort in routine & put some of this behind you. Take care.
That's the hope Redsmum. I'll talk to the GP i'm registered to down there to make them aware of my anxiety so they can keep an eye on my medication increases and such. Hopefully i'll be in a better position to take control of my mental state.
I think a change of scene and being occupied with constructive studying and not HA "studying" will help you, Aleman. You've got yourself into a rut but the good thing is that you recognise this and are not one of the "yes but.." rigid thinkers and diagnosis chasers.
When do you go to London and are you looking forward to it?
I think a change of scene and being occupied with constructive studying and not HA "studying" will help you, Aleman. You've got yourself into a rut but the good thing is that you recognise this and are not one of the "yes but.." rigid thinkers and diagnosis chasers.
When do you go to London and are you looking forward to it?
Thank you Pulisa, inside my mind I feel a bit like a diagnosis chaser, but i've come a long way since my first bout of HA which had me shaking every day waiting for the phone to ring for the doctors to tell me I have X disease. Even my GP and Therapist said I seem very self-aware of my condition, it's just difficult for me to put the brakes on the mind!
I move down to london on the 10th of september, I am looking forward to it as I live out in the middle of nowhere at the minute which I feel is a contributing factor to my HA. I'm not so fond of the 3 hour drive down there though with a car full of boxes! And I agree i think a change of scenery and gettting back into a routine will help distract my thoughts. It certainly helped last time, it's exactly the same thing my GP said. I'm studying a Video Game Design course and will be graduating next year so it's going to be a very busy year thankfully.
Tonight I spoke to my parents about how crazy my thoughts are being and the thoughts of birth-defects etc and they went and told me "Don't be silly, you were a healthy baby! If a bit fat" Thanks mother! :blush: It helped ease my mind about things like congenital diseases etc.
Boredom is a huge contributor to HA but it sounds as if you're going to be really busy in your final year so no time to speculate on your latest perceived disease!
My son was born with a load of birth defects..He'd have a field day if he had HA! :D Thank goodness he doesn't!
I think the pandemic has had a huge impact on those with existing MH issues and the irony is that everyone else is jumping on the bandwagon for help so that those with enduring conditions get shunted out from the already limited services..I hope your London doctor is as insightful as your local GP.
It certainly is.
More power to your son for being strong minded honestly!
I think it has yeah, I feel sorry for alot of people who couldn't access services they needed. My parents who both have different cancers were fortunate to be able to still get treatment/surgery during the pandemic peak. And so do I. The last time i spoke to them was a year ago, when my HA was mostly subdued. I had a lady doctor who was genuinely lovely. So I'm hoping If i lay my anxiety out there for them they can help me.
If you can find a GP/MH professional who understands HA and how NOT to enable it with multiple tests etc then hang on to them! They are a rare breed!
They are indeed.
I've been trying to comfort a friend of mine today, he's recently (like me) had 2 CT scans done with a few x-rays, he read online that it increases your risk of cancer and is now absolutely freaking out.
In a way it's nice to not be alone, but in another way I have no idea what to say to him really, I would assume a couple of CT scans over 4 weeks and a few x-rays would be negligible radiation in the long run.
I honestly wonder if im going to get better. I went to Yorkshire wildlife park and spent 90 minutes walking around and towards the end got the same chest ache that didn't go away for a while.
My partner told me its just my anxiety and my muscles tensing up. It kinda ached to breathe in all the way.
My mind keeps racing through heart disease and angina and that I need different tests but I know this is stupid and I need to control it.
But its so tough at the minute while I wait for citalopram to kick in :(
You don't need to wait for a med to kick in. You can manage these thoughts now. You have had loads of heart tests and have been told in no uncertain terms that you are fine, heart-wise.
Listen to your partner..Don't just dismiss the reassurance..Accept it. Constant reassurance doesn't work anyway as you can see from the evidence on here.
You don't need to wait for a med to kick in. You can manage these thoughts now. You have had loads of heart tests and have been told in no uncertain terms that you are fine, heart-wise.
Listen to your partner..Don't just dismiss the reassurance..Accept it. Constant reassurance doesn't work anyway as you can see from the evidence on here.
You are right. The reassurance has helped me build up a process of challenging my negative thoughts thankfully. Its a slow process but im repeating things like a mantra to reassure myself.
Thank you for your patience, pulisa.
You don't want to drive your partner away and are quite capable of challenging the negative thoughts and doubts without the aid of citalopram.
You can do this, Aleman. To be honest the med is probably working against you at the moment with the heightened anxiety but things will settle down very soon, I'm sure. Just keep going with the self-talk when you feel yourself catastrophising and remember what the docs have told you..You have had professional reassurance following tests and you have a lot more knowledge about your heart health than most people. You know how quickly HA moves you on to another "dodgy" body part so use this knowledge to challenge the doubts and fears when they inevitably arise? Facts not fiction.
Thank you, pulisa. Im doing my best. Today is quite tough as most mornings are. Im repeating things like a mantra to myself to reassure myself that I'm fine. My anxiety keeps telling me I need a heart echo. But my brain says the defects are rare and would have been noticed by now. I will definitely speak to my London gp next week about my anxiety and hope they can help me aswell.
Yes..you're both right. I don't know why I'm disregarding experienced doctors advice. I remember the last time I was in A&E last week the doctor there sat me down and was like "Why are you here?" So I explained my fears, and he looked at me as if I was mad. He saw all the tests I had done and even saw I'd seen cardiologists about 2 years ago. He turns to me and he goes "You need to have confidence in yourself, you are healthy, trust me the discomfort you're feeling is not your heart or your lungs." He went on to say through everything I've had it would be a damn near impossibilty they missed anything. My blood pressure was perfect, my pulse was spot on and my ECG was exactly the same as the last time I had it. E.g Nothing wrong. I quizzed him about many things and he said "You're laser focused on your heart huh?" he was completely confident I had no heart disease, which I don't hear a doctor say often. Although the discomfort continues today, I'm having more and more moments of acceptance that it's muscular and anxiety related. There's no way 3 ECG's 3 Blood Tests, 2 X-Rays, CT-PA test and stethoscope checks could be wrong.
Re-reading my old posts I realized that exact same post triggered me into seeing cardiologists 2 years ago. Which took me a while to forget about. Lesson learned as they say. When I saw the cardio he told me I was only going to have a 24 hour ECG, i had that, nothing was found, maybe a few ectopics but nothing major by any stretch. Thinking about it now, if there was something going on with my heart it probably would have been picked up then.
Acceptance is very hard. Ontop of my normal anxiety the Citalopram is heightening it each morning, it usually dies down by the evening but I hope that'll change soon.
Thank you for your replies, Pulisa and Redsmum.
Bump
I definitely deserved that.
I do have to ask. Anxiety, can it cause calf pain? Been having it all day, im guessing its because im tense and have probably strained the muscle.
You don't have to ask because you've answered your own question! You can reassure yourself.
One thing I have noticed in the mornings which is when my anxiety is high is that my mind jumps from symptoms to symptoms looking for something to latch onto. This in turn makes me sub consciously anxious because I need to go to the toilet frequently for an hour or so.
Definitely a stress response.
Definitely. You don't need reassurance that it is. Trust your own powers of reasoning?
Yup! I'm trusting my logic here. Im also learning that despite not having the physical symptoms of being anxious at the moment my body still induces the stress response.
So i know I can definitely be sub consciously anxious!
Today has been a much better day. I had no chest ache, and only slight muscular pain in my leg after walking for about 60 minutes. Things are starting to look up!
Today has been a much better day. I had no chest ache, and only slight muscular pain in my leg after walking for about 60 minutes. Things are starting to look up!
Thats great news Aleman really pleased to hear it. Long may it continue.
I was doing well. Until this morning. Woke up at 5am in a blind panic about my heart again. Im making active efforts to not monitor pulse or bp or any of that crap though. I just keep having intrusive thoughts about people who only found out they had heart valve issues from an echo which I havent had. I rang up my GP about help with my anxiety and he has given me some diazepam to get me over the next few days until I'm in London.
You don't have to believe or be afraid of intrusive thoughts. Well done for focusing on your anxiety rather than listening to your HA mind chatter.
You don't have to believe or be afraid of intrusive thoughts. Well done for focusing on your anxiety rather than listening to your HA mind chatter.
Very true, i'm trying out the "let the thoughts exist but just observe them" tactic.
On the plus side, I have found a solution to my appetite loss, i'm trying out the breakfast drinks someone suggested to at least keep my vitamins up.
Okay so, i've gone from not having an appetite to actually feeling hungry? But constantly. Like I eat a meal and an hour later im hungry again.
Now i'm not going to go spiralling suspecting stomach problems because 3/4 weeks ago i had an abdominal CT scan AND they cut me open, not to mention blood tests! So i'm going to assume all is fine.
But can Anxiety really just constantly make you hungry?
Okay so, i've gone from not having an appetite to actually feeling hungry? But constantly. Like I eat a meal and an hour later im hungry again.
Now i'm not going to go spiralling suspecting stomach problems because 3/4 weeks ago i had an abdominal CT scan AND they cut me open, not to mention blood tests! So i'm going to assume all is fine.
But can Anxiety really just constantly make you hungry?
Hi Aleman, don’t even go there with any thoughts of stomach problems, you’ve answered yourself already with that one. From my experience when you start on the Citalopram & you gradually start to relax more your appetite comes back, only a few weeks ago i was waking & heaving my heart up the thought of food was just too much, went in Greggs with husband had to walk out again, today went in there had two sausage rolls & a belgium bun, very healthy not!! It will be your medication for sure.
Hi Aleman, don’t even go there with any thoughts of stomach problems, you’ve answered yourself already with that one. From my experience when you start on the Citalopram & you gradually start to relax more your appetite comes back, only a few weeks ago i was waking & heaving my heart up the thought of food was just too much, went in Greggs with husband had to walk out again, today went in there had two sausage rolls & a belgium bun, very healthy not!! It will be your medication for sure.
Thank you Redsmum! I just feel hungry so much! Even after eating at the minute, I'm just having plain food and yogurt so I don't overdo it and end up giving myself indigestion or something!
Thank you Redsmum! I just feel hungry so much! Even after eating at the minute, I'm just having plain food and yogurt so I don't overdo it and end up giving myself indigestion or something!
Yes best not too eat to late at night. Maybe while you’re feeling so hungry just eat little & often. I’m always pleased to have a good appetite as there are so many times when i don’t & i loose weight really quickly.
Yes best not too eat to late at night. Maybe while you’re feeling so hungry just eat little & often. I’m always pleased to have a good appetite as there are so many times when i don’t & i loose weight really quickly.
Yes thank you! I'm very thankful to actually feel my appetite but this is a bit too much hahah! Hopefully it'll calm down!
Today feels like a step back AND a step forward, I began the day feeling terrible. I had horrible vivid nightmares about dying and they replayed during the day to the point where I was convinced my body was going to drop down outside of Tesco. On the plus side my London GP contacted me today about my medication, we discussed alot of what I had gone through recently and she was very sympathetic, she thinks the Citalopram is a good idea and if the CBT doesn't work there is other therapies she has in mind to help. She talked me through my results from A&E too and why she really doesn't feel the need to refer me to a cardiologist and told me to just go out and exercise and enjoy life, and I'm never alone because they're always at the end of the phone. She told me if i'm scared I can ring 111 or I can just walk in to the GP centre which is 24 hours. This helped calm me down today and I managed to get on with the last of my packing for Uni. I leave at 5am tomorrow morning for a fairly long drive.
I also tried to reason out my fear of death today, I realized it's not getting old and dying I fear, it's not getting the chance to do so which scares me.
Today feels like a step back AND a step forward, I began the day feeling terrible. I had horrible vivid nightmares about dying and they replayed during the day to the point where I was convinced my body was going to drop down outside of Tesco. On the plus side my London GP contacted me today about my medication, we discussed alot of what I had gone through recently and she was very sympathetic, she thinks the Citalopram is a good idea and if the CBT doesn't work there is other therapies she has in mind to help. She talked me through my results from A&E too and why she really doesn't feel the need to refer me to a cardiologist and told me to just go out and exercise and enjoy life, and I'm never alone because they're always at the end of the phone. She told me if i'm scared I can ring 111 or I can just walk in to the GP centre which is 24 hours. This helped calm me down today and I managed to get on with the last of my packing for Uni. I leave at 5am tomorrow morning for a fairly long drive.
I also tried to reason out my fear of death today, I realized it's not getting old and dying I fear, it's not getting the chance to do so which scares me.
Hi Aleman, don’t let the bad start to your day deter you from moving forward, you’re doing so well & you will get there but we both know it takes a while. What a lovely Dr you have i’d hang on to her if you can, its such a help to be able to discuss your problems & know that she gets it. Just hold onto what she’s told you today because it really does make sense.
Good luck for tomorrow i hope your drive goes smoothly & you can settle into your new routine & hopefully get absorbed in your new life where there won’t be as much room for HA to rear its ugly head. Take care.
Hi Aleman, don’t let the bad start to your day deter you from moving forward, you’re doing so well & you will get there but we both know it takes a while. What a lovely Dr you have i’d hang on to her if you can, its such a help to be able to discuss your problems & know that she gets it. Just hold onto what she’s told you today because it really does make sense.
Good luck for tomorrow i hope your drive goes smoothly & you can settle into your new routine & hopefully get absorbed in your new life where there won’t be as much room for HA to rear its ugly head. Take care.
I honestly can't thank you enough for you continued support Redsmum! You, pulisa and NoraB have been voices of reason and calm in my turbulent time. I shall let you know how I get on with moving! Thank you!
Finally moved in and beginning the unpacking.
As soon as my dad left the university grounds I just broke down crying, I'm not sure why, I began to panic I wouldn't see my parents again or I'm going to die here in London alone, despite there being no rational evidence to either of those statements. I only managed a small amount of sleep so I think that's contributed to my stress.
Hello again everyone,
Im finally unpacked and moved in and im starting to settle down a bit. I've spoke to my new GP who is wonderful and he's doing a full health m.o.t blood check just to check me over.
Lately my anxiety is beginning to shift away from diseases and things which is positive, however I keep having weird moments of panicking about germs. I bought a new rice cooker the other day and I've been scared to use it despite cleaning it incase I fall sick. Its ridiculous I have these weird avoidance behaviours. I wonder if its linked to the anxiety honestly.
I've also begun my 20mg of citalopram!
Hello again everyone,
Im finally unpacked and moved in and im starting to settle down a bit. I've spoke to my new GP who is wonderful and he's doing a full health m.o.t blood check just to check me over.
Lately my anxiety is beginning to shift away from diseases and things which is positive, however I keep having weird moments of panicking about germs. I bought a new rice cooker the other day and I've been scared to use it despite cleaning it incase I fall sick. Its ridiculous I have these weird avoidance behaviours. I wonder if its linked to the anxiety honestly.
I've also begun my 20mg of citalopram!
Good luck with university, hope you enjoy your time there.
Hope the medication helps.
Hello again everyone,
Im finally unpacked and moved in and im starting to settle down a bit. I've spoke to my new GP who is wonderful and he's doing a full health m.o.t blood check just to check me over.
Lately my anxiety is beginning to shift away from diseases and things which is positive, however I keep having weird moments of panicking about germs. I bought a new rice cooker the other day and I've been scared to use it despite cleaning it incase I fall sick. Its ridiculous I have these weird avoidance behaviours. I wonder if its linked to the anxiety honestly.
I've also begun my 20mg of citalopram!
Hi Aleman, its all a big change for you because no doubt due to covid you’ve been at your family home for quite sometime, so never under estimate how its going to make you feel & to be honest we’re all on shifting sand at the moment aren’t we. Glad you’re settling down a bit. I wish i had your gp who sounds wonderful, hopefully they will put your mind at ease when you get your health mot. The rice cooker will be fine combined with other ingredients i’m sure you’ll get some wholesome meals together. Keep up with the 20mg, it will all come good. Take care & be kind to yourself.
Hi Aleman, its all a big change for you because no doubt due to covid you’ve been at your family home for quite sometime, so never under estimate how its going to make you feel & to be honest we’re all on shifting sand at the moment aren’t we. Glad you’re settling down a bit. I wish i had your gp who sounds wonderful, hopefully they will put your mind at ease when you get your health mot. The rice cooker will be fine combined with other ingredients i’m sure you’ll get some wholesome meals together. Keep up with the 20mg, it will all come good. Take care & be kind to yourself.
Thank you redsmum i'm going to make a nice wholesome meal tonight. It feels like everything is going wrong at the minute, managed to ruin my mattress topper today with the uni washing machines and all sorts of problems. Really hope things get better soon.
Thank you redsmum i'm going to make a nice wholesome meal tonight. It feels like everything is going wrong at the minute, managed to ruin my mattress topper today with the uni washing machines and all sorts of problems. Really hope things get better soon.
Hi Aleman, goodness there must be something going on today because strangely enough i also ruined my mattress topper, put it on too hot wash & now its fit for nothing! Put stuff in the slow cooker but forgot to turn it on, what a day, son, daughter in law & 2 grandchildren to stay & no dinner, thank god for the takeaway! Don’t worry we all have bad days & hopefully we’ll have a better one tomorrow. Hope you have a great evening.
It's very odd isn't it! Lately i've been trying to challenge my ridiculous thoughts I have that I KNOW are linked to my anxiety. Like my avoidance behaviours of not drinking carbonated drinks every so often because my mind convinced me "I will get a sick stomach from this" even though I know I won't.
I can honestly tell my anxiety is trying to latch on to things right now.
Back again. I've been doing well for the past few days/weeks. I'm settling into university now and things are going okay. My blood test came back fine, said i was in excellent health, except for some hormone levels which I'm going to be checked for again.
But at the minute I've started getting anxious again. Yesterday I opened my mouth and the left side of my mouth popped/clicked and it was followed by some ache, for the rest of the day I had a grating sound every so often when I opened my mouth, that seems to have gone today at least, but now I have a slightly filled feeling in my ear and my jaw on my left side still hurts, I noticed my bottom and top teeth don't line up (The gaps in the teeth aren't symmetrical) so i'm panicking that i've dislocated my jaw or something and I can't see a dentist for a while. :( Is this normal? I don't have any issues chewing food or anything.
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