I want freedom from HA!

[bosmerbeauty]

I just joined this forum. Not so I can come on here and list my "symptoms" and get reassurance that I'm okay. I think that in an of itself is a symptom of HA and it needs to stop. I don't think I can ever overcome HA if I'm repeating behaviors that only keep me "sick" with HA.

I want to learn how to live with the fact that I can't control what happens to me (or my children because I worry excessively for them too) or that my control is limited and even if I do all the right things with my health, I (and my kids) could still get some kind of disease. I want to learn how to be okay with that and live a happy life in spite of this fact.

I tend to worry about the rare diseases more than the common ones, even though I am more likely to get one of those. And the more rare, horrible and untreatable the disease, the more I worry. Most times I don't have a symptom but just the idea that I have no way to stop it and although it's rare, it DOES happen to people, is enough to send me over the edge with panic. I will sometimes develop "symptoms" just hearing about a disease that I have started to worry about.

I have read about FFI and sFI. There are only 40 families world-wide that have it and it's mostly hereditary. Even more rare, are cases of sFI (sporadic and not hereditary). There are only 24 people world-wide diagnosed. On this planet of 7 BILLION I am actually worried about getting this disease! That is how crazy HA is. 24 out of 7 billion is so rare that it's not even worth my time because it's much MORE possible that I will NEVER get this disease. If we're talking about rates, that means 7,699,999,976 out of 7,000,000,000 do not get this disease. Yet the rate of cancer for women is 1 in 2. 50% of women on this planet will develop some kind of cancer in their lifetime. Yet I don't worry about cancer. I think a lot of the anxiety for me is in the lack of treatment options. The more rare a disease, the less treatment options, zero chance of surviving and dying a horrible death, the more worried I get. But with cancer, lots of people beat it and survive. There is hope. I think that's why rare diseases scare me most. They are death sentences with tremendous suffering.

I can't control these things. I might get some horrible disease and die a horrible death. My children might too which scares me so much. But I literally can't do anything about it. But I also may not get a horrible disease and die a horrible death. I might live to be old and die a peaceful death. Like my grandmother, who died peacefully in her sleep a the ripe age of 89. That could be me too.

The fear of me dying and leaving my children alone in the world also plays into this too. I have a son with challenges who relies on me for everything. I can't die until he's an adult and able to survive on his own. And I have no way to secure that. This scares the hell out of me. But somehow, I need to accept this and be fine with it so that I can live life to the fullest with my children.

I am hoping we can find ways to overcome and I would love to hear your success stories. I'd like to know if there are others who are like me and worry about the rarest diseases and how you cope with that.

[Lady Penelope]

Hello and welcome to the forum.
i can totally relate to all you are saying and worry constantly about my health and leaving my children.
I had CBT and took fluoxetine a few years ago and I was fine for a couple of years.
came off the fluoxetine 3 years ago and have relapsed in the last year. Back on antidepressants and on waiting list for CBT again. This combination worked for me before so I am hoping it will again. Good luck

[bosmerbeauty]

Hello and welcome to the forum.
i can totally relate to all you are saying and worry constantly about my health and leaving my children.
I had CBT and took fluoxetine a few years ago and I was fine for a couple of years.
came off the fluoxetine 3 years ago and have relapsed in the last year. Back on antidepressants and on waiting list for CBT again. This combination worked for me before so I am hoping it will again. Good luck

I have heard that CBT can be very helpful.

[ankietyjoe]

I have read about FFI and sFI.


This is what you need to stop doing first, researching.

It is not possible (not even remotely) to recover from HA if you research disease. It will never, ever stop.

So that's the first place to start. Take control of the self research. Stop making disaster such a familiar thing to your brain. Your subconscious has trouble separating the difference between reading about something, and it actually happening.

You sound like you're on the right path already with not wanting to repeat bad habits, but this is the main one to break.

Whenever you feel the worry of disaster happening, repeat a mantra to yourself 'we are all fit and healthy right now, this is where I choose to be right now'.......or something similar, whatever you choose.

You can only ever live in this moment, so there's no point in imagining a worse moment that doesn't even exist.

[Fishmanpa]

I just joined this forum. Not so I can come on here and list my "symptoms" and get reassurance that I'm okay. I think that in an of itself is a symptom of HA and it needs to stop. I don't think I can ever overcome HA if I'm repeating behaviors that only keep me "sick" with HA.

I want to learn how to live with the fact that I can't control what happens to me (or my children because I worry excessively for them too) or that my control is limited and even if I do all the right things with my health, I (and my kids) could still get some kind of disease. I want to learn how to be okay with that and live a happy life in spite of this fact.

Hi and welcome! I've been on the boards for a while and have seen pretty much everything when it comes to HA and anxiety in general. The vast majority of threads are way beyond irrational and sadly, many are caught up in the rabbit hole, unable to see the light of day. IMO, the above statement already puts you on the path to healing. Its apparent that you recognize that your fear of extremely rare diseases is irrational and are applying reasoning and rationality in dismissing them.

Check out the Success Stories (https://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/forumdisplay.php?20-Success-Stories) forum. There's a lot of inspiring accounts. I know of several that have tamed the dragon and moved on from the site. This Stickie (https://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?159331-Get-a-plan-and-get-on-it) is worth reading. Chris was really in a bad way and worked hard to help himself. He left the forum and started a Facebook Group dedicated to recovering from HA. He's doing quite well now.

With hard work and some inner fortitude, you can learn to keep the dragon in his cave ;)

Positive thoughts

[Aleman200]

This is what you need to stop doing first, researching.

It is not possible (not even remotely) to recover from HA if you research disease. It will never, ever stop.

So that's the first place to start. Take control of the self research. Stop making disaster such a familiar thing to your brain. Your subconscious has trouble separating the difference between reading about something, and it actually happening.

You sound like you're on the right path already with not wanting to repeat bad habits, but this is the main one to break.

Whenever you feel the worry of disaster happening, repeat a mantra to yourself 'we are all fit and healthy right now, this is where I choose to be right now'.......or something similar, whatever you choose.

You can only ever live in this moment, so there's no point in imagining a worse moment that doesn't even exist.

I know this was directed at someone else but, I really needed to hear this. Thank you.

[pulisa]

I believe in Fact not Fiction. Dr Google is Pure Fiction but memorable for all the wrong reasons. Highly addictive but of very dubious quality.

[bosmerbeauty]

This is what you need to stop doing first, researching.

It is not possible (not even remotely) to recover from HA if you research disease. It will never, ever stop.

So that's the first place to start. Take control of the self research. Stop making disaster such a familiar thing to your brain. Your subconscious has trouble separating the difference between reading about something, and it actually happening.

You sound like you're on the right path already with not wanting to repeat bad habits, but this is the main one to break.

Whenever you feel the worry of disaster happening, repeat a mantra to yourself 'we are all fit and healthy right now, this is where I choose to be right now'.......or something similar, whatever you choose.

You can only ever live in this moment, so there's no point in imagining a worse moment that doesn't even exist.

That is a very good mantra. You're right. Sometimes I think research will help me see that I have nothing to worry about. Kind of like how we come on here asking people to help us feel better about our symptoms but in the end I almost always feel worse and find out even scarier facts about the disease that make me worry more.

[bosmerbeauty]

Hi and welcome! I've been on the boards for a while and have seen pretty much everything when it comes to HA and anxiety in general. The vast majority of threads are way beyond irrational and sadly, many are caught up in the rabbit hole, unable to see the light of day. IMO, the above statement already puts you on the path to healing. Its apparent that you recognize that your fear of extremely rare diseases is irrational and are applying reasoning and rationality in dismissing them.

Check out the Success Stories (https://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/forumdisplay.php?20-Success-Stories) forum. There's a lot of inspiring accounts. I know of several that have tamed the dragon and moved on from the site. This Stickie (https://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?159331-Get-a-plan-and-get-on-it) is worth reading. Chris was really in a bad way and worked hard to help himself. He left the forum and started a Facebook Group dedicated to recovering from HA. He's doing quite well now.

With hard work and some inner fortitude, you can learn to keep the dragon in his cave ;)

Positive thoughts

Thank you!! I will check out those links. Yes, I definitely recognize that I'm being irrational and I have to somehow, come to terms and be at peace with the fact that a horrible disease could happen to me or the kids or maybe not, and how to live happily until I cross that bridge, if I ever have to.

[ankietyjoe]

Sometimes I think research will help me see that I have nothing to worry about.


It will never work that way. Not ever.


Health anxiety is the most habitual of all forms of anxiety. It is the most self inflicted form of anxiety, and the main source of the anxiety is ironically googling something for 'safety'.

[Fishmanpa]

It will never work that way. Not ever.


Health anxiety is the most habitual of all forms of anxiety. It is the most self inflicted form of anxiety, and the main source of the anxiety is ironically googling something for 'safety'.

Here's a great example. Mind you, I don't suffer from HA....

Last week I cut the lawn and used a trimmer in several places in our yard. Apparently, I picked up a case of poison ivy as the itching and rash in various places on my body visibly and physically indicate. I looked up remedies and part of the google search brought up things like leukemia and other more serious diseases. Even though I'm a cancer survivor, the events and reaction are blatantly obvious. I was actually amused when I saw the serious illness links as I knew, from my experience on the forum, that the HA mind latches onto things like this. It latches onto the most serious issue and pulls you into the rabbit hole.

So... I bought some OTC remedies and they're helping, and while uncomfortable, they affirm what I know as fact and not serious.

Positive thoughts

[AntsyVee]

I'm gonna have to agree with Joe on this one. HA is a type of OCD. And if OCD responded to research and statistics, no one on here would have it.

[bosmerbeauty]

It will never work that way. Not ever.


Health anxiety is the most habitual of all forms of anxiety. It is the most self inflicted form of anxiety, and the main source of the anxiety is ironically googling something for 'safety'.

It has helped in very rare situations when a disease was hereditary and I knew it wasn't in my family. But other than that, it's made my anxiety worse.

[NoraB]

I just joined this forum. Not so I can come on here and list my "symptoms" and get reassurance that I'm okay. I think that in an of itself is a symptom of HA and it needs to stop. I don't think I can ever overcome HA if I'm repeating behaviors that only keep me "sick" with HA.

Absolutely. You're on your way to recovery!


I want to learn how to live with the fact that I can't control what happens to me (or my children because I worry excessively for them too) or that my control is limited and even if I do all the right things with my health, I (and my kids) could still get some kind of disease. I want to learn how to be okay with that and live a happy life in spite of this fact.

We have no control at what life throws at us. And it doesn't matter how healthy we try to be or how safe we keep our kids - shit happens. It's part of life - the balance of things. Birth/death. Light/dark. Love/hate. Heat/cold etc We don't get a choice in what happens to us, but we can control our attitude to life. Given that the human brain has a negative bias, it takes effort, but this is where CBT can help.


I tend to worry about the rare diseases more than the common ones, even though I am more likely to get one of those. And the more rare, horrible and untreatable the disease, the more I worry. Most times I don't have a symptom but just the idea that I have no way to stop it and although it's rare, it DOES happen to people, is enough to send me over the edge with panic. I will sometimes develop "symptoms" just hearing about a disease that I have started to worry about.

People with health anxiety tend to go straight to terminal illness. They bypass the most likely causes of symptoms - one being anxiety which has a list of symptoms a mile long.

I also found it helpful to remember that the only time in my life when I was in actual trouble (internal bleeding at 37 weeks pregnant) I wasn't scared at all. But those imaginary diseases have terrified me!


I can't control these things. I might get some horrible disease and die a horrible death. My children might too which scares me so much. But I literally can't do anything about it. But I also may not get a horrible disease and die a horrible death. I might live to be old and die a peaceful death. Like my grandmother, who died peacefully in her sleep a the ripe age of 89. That could be me too.

You might get a horrible disease, yes, but why does it have to be a horrible death? No. My dad had a terrible disease but passed peacefully. My nan had a stroke, but died peacefully. My ex-husband's grandfather got up one morning, had his cup of tea, and peacefully passed away. This absolutely could be you. And, how many horrible deaths do you know of? Or was the death horrible to everybody else? Chances are, the person who was dying knew very little of what was happening to them. How about, instead of imagining the worst - you imagine yourself as how you would like to go? I would like to go on a fine autumnal day with a fire going and maybe some music because it's been my lifelong passion. Or with a book in my hands - my other lifelong passion. My headstone will read, 'Gone Home'.:yesyes:


The fear of me dying and leaving my children alone in the world also plays into this too. I have a son with challenges who relies on me for everything. I can't die until he's an adult and able to survive on his own. And I have no way to secure that. This scares the hell out of me. But somehow, I need to accept this and be fine with it so that I can live life to the fullest with my children.

I get this - totally. My 11 year old son is autistic, and I have lost many a night's sleep worrying how he will cope without me. I can't control when I will die. All I can do is try to keep myself as healthy as I can. Most importantly, I am teaching my son to be able to live independently while I am here. I will never, ever tell him that 'I will always be here' because it's a lie that won't help his literal mind. What I can do is be the best parent, and teacher, I can be with the time I have, and also to let go of the irrational thought that my son won't cope without me because if that is the case, I have not done my job properly.


I am hoping we can find ways to overcome and I would love to hear your success stories. I'd like to know if there are others who are like me and worry about the rarest diseases and how you cope with that.

I've had imaginary bowel cancer, ovarian cancer, MS, brain tumour, heart attacks - all the classic HA diseases, and all terminal, but I knew I had recovered from HA when I had a rheumatologist diagnosing fibromyalgia and a neurologist (one of the top ones in Salford Royal) saying he would test me for a very rare (and genetic) life-limiting disease. HA me would have homed in on this, but I thought about it rationally and then e-mailed him, thanking him for his time, but that I am satisfied with the fibromyalgia diagnosis. Nobody in my family has this disease. I don't even have the classic rash and the neurological symptoms I do have are explained by some nerve impingement in my cervical spine found on my recent MRI scans. There was no need to go down that route. This was a landmark moment for me, because I knew that I was finally in control of my health anxiety.

CBT helped me. Taking my thoughts 'to court' helped me. Asking myself, 'Where is your evidence for this disease you think you have?'

More than anything, I learned that you drown faster when you struggle - so I stopped struggling and started accepting that I cannot control life, but I can work on controlling my thoughts.

One last thing (Ooh, I sound like Columbo) is that my friend passed away (peacefully) at 46 leaving her 8 year old son. She was terrified how he would cope without her, and that bothered her far more than the cancer. You know what? Her son is doing really well. His life has changed, for sure, and he misses her every day, but other people stepped in to help to fill the gap that she left and he is getting on with his life. Children are more resilient than we give them credit for.

You can absolutely recover from this. It's your thoughts that got you into this hole, and it's your thoughts which will get you out.

[ankietyjoe]

It has helped in very rare situations when a disease was hereditary and I knew it wasn't in my family. But other than that, it's made my anxiety worse.

It's little more than temporary relief. Like an alcoholic taking a hit of vodka to feel better temporarily.

It's not actually helping in reality because you're still embarking on the OCD habit of checking something you don't have, which is in fact part of the problem. Temporary relief isn't success, it's just the up vs the down.

[bosmerbeauty]

It's little more than temporary relief. Like an alcoholic taking a hit of vodka to feel better temporarily.

It's not actually helping in reality because you're still embarking on the OCD habit of checking something you don't have, which is in fact part of the problem. Temporary relief isn't success, it's just the up vs the down.

That's true. It's very much temporary until I find the next thing to Google.

[bosmerbeauty]

You can absolutely recover from this. It's your thoughts that got you into this hole, and it's your thoughts which will get you out.

Thank you for all that you said. I really hope I do recover. I don't want to live like this anymore. It's a sad existence honestly. I can't enjoy life because I'm consumed with losing it. I've noticed a link though. Everytime I go through something difficult, recently a break up, HA comes back. It's always there but a lot less when I'm not alone and my mind is on other things. But when I go through something hard and I feel alone, HA returns. I wonder if there are books I can read that help with health anxiety and teach CBT techniques. That would be a good place to start maybe.

[Fishmanpa]

I wonder if there are books I can read that help with health anxiety and teach CBT techniques. That would be a good place to start maybe.

Check THIS (https://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/books) out.

Positive thoughts

[carriewriting]

NoraB that is such an amazing post. Thank you!