Am I the only one that feels like this?

[Cantlivelikethis]

Hi everyone. This is my first post but I have been dipping in and out of this forum to view it for over 8 years. It has given me reassurance in times of sheer panic and for that I am very grateful. I have to ask though; Does anyone else feel like that will/can never be rid of health anxiety? This is ruining my life. I have had health anxiety from age 20-35 in some way shape or form. I have had CBT 6 times, I have seen many different therapists, spoken to my GP all provide some small relief, but no matter what I cannot stop going back to worrying about my health (specifically that I have cancer). There are constant triggers all around us (social media, news, TV, friends stories, family members being diagnosed) and any small thing causes me to dive deep into anxiety to the point that I can be crying and anxious for days on end. I can have a few days of feeling ok but I feel like I will never TRULY stop worrying about some new symptom or ailment or be able to live my life not waiting for something to turn out to be cancer. If anyone has any tips, feels like this too or has come out the other side after a long battle with HA I would be grateful to hear those stories. I’m beginning to wonder what the point in life is if it’s to be consumed by HA from day to night. It feels like a living hell. X

[flatterycat]

Hello

i just wanted to say that I feel the exact same. I could have written your post myself and I really don’t know the answer. I am very aware that by being like this I am not fully living and I feel so very frustrated with myself. I too have had different therapists over many years and am about to start yet another CBT course. I’m taking medication, and yet here I am feeling anxious and looking for a way forward. X

[Cantlivelikethis]

Thanks Flatterycat. I really appreciate you replying. It’s just so hard isn’t it, I wouldn’t wish this mental fear or torment on anyone. I know all of the right things to do, I just can’t ever truly stop worrying about my health so I relapse, constantly. Sending you some virtual support x

[BrightPhoenix]

I feel like the same. If I get a weird twinge or tingle or whatever issue on my body, my brain automatically looks to Google, and then there's a list of "common causes" and then your brain focuses on the rare "zebra" cause.

It's an irritating feedback loop. It's something you try to stop but you keep coming back to it. You can have dozens of psychiatrists and psychologists tell you how to stop it but it feels like your mind doesn't want to change that pattern of behavior. It's frustrating and be rest assured you're not the only one.

[carriewriting]

Sorry to hear you're feeling like this. I was in a similar place up until a few weeks ago. After 15 years of it I felt like my HA was so bad I'd never be able to get past it. Like I was a lost cause. I gotten to the point where I'd decided I'd just have to exist in this constant state of worry. I had a long talk to my therapist and said the CBT and workbooks he'd given me helped a bit when I was worrying about a specific disease, but not with the constant feeling of doom. I constantly feel like something is wrong with me, even if I can't pinpoint anything in particular. He has referred me to another therapist who specialises in schema therapy. There is a schema called Vulnerability to Harm where you believe something awful is going to happen to you all the time, including health things. For the first time I believe there might be light at the end of this tunnel. I haven't started with the new therapist yet, but this might be something to look into if you haven't already.

[Scissel]

It takes time to find the right therapist. Be patient and don't be afraid to therapist shop, been through many along the way, myself.

I hope things improve and keep posting if it helps.

Take good care :)

[WorriedOlive]

Hello,

I am feeling exactly the same at the moment. I feel like I’m permanently just waiting to find out what horrible disease I’ll get that will kill me, rather than living without thinking about it until it happens. Social media has so many terrifying stories that it just feels inevitable it will happen. While others read stories of young women with cancer they consider it very unlucky, whereas I feel like I see so many stories that I am in the healthy minority heading towards doom, even though logically I know the majority of young women will lead healthy lives for many years.

Every tiny symptom in my body leads to hours of googling, worrying and crying. I feel like I’m not living a normal life, as I’m just so consumed with fear all the time.

I’ve found it harder as time goes on, as those close find my worry’s ridiculous, even though they try to support me, it’s as though no one can take you seriously anymore so it feels like I have no one to talk to.

I’m going to retry therapy soon and see if that helps.

Sending positive thoughts to you and hope you can get your HA sorted xx

[NoraB]

I can have a few days of feeling ok but I feel like I will never TRULY stop worrying about some new symptom or ailment or be able to live my life not waiting for something to turn out to be cancer. If anyone has any tips, feels like this too or has come out the other side after a long battle with HA I would be grateful to hear those stories.

HA took me to the very brink of sanity - to the point where I begged my husband to have me sectioned. I've had imaginary bowel cancer, ovarian cancer, heart attacks, stroke etc - none of which turned out to be true. I was 100% convinced I had bowel cancer. I wrote out my funeral wishes (note, I went straight to death - no question of recovery) and I accepted my fate. I had my colonoscopy totally expecting to hear the very worst, and instead I got this: 'Your bowels are absolutely fine Mrs B. Discharged.' I was like, 'Are you sure?' (to this highly experienced consultant) Well, I went home and I said to myself, 'I can't do this shit anymore. I've put myself, and my family, through enough. No more'. And I asked my GP to refer me for some more CBT.

These are the things that got me out of the HA hell-hole.

Not Googling symptoms.
Researching, in depth, the stress response and understanding that my body is reacting as it should do.
I learned to breathe my way out of panic attacks because breathing from the diaphragm deactivates the fight or flight response.
I stopped watching, and reading, the news.
I deleted my Twitter and Instagram accounts.
I practiced mindfulness (very hard for me)
I stopped drinking caffeine and other stimulants.
I stopped fearing my panic attacks.
I learned to get up and work off the stress hormones, no matter what time in the morning.
I stopped using electronics before bedtime.
I started to take magnesium in drink form, and it all but stopped my ectopic beats and palpitations.

I made my peace with dying by reading lots of books about good death, and by telling myself that, while I can't control when I die, I can give my autistic son the tools he needs to be able to live independently while I am here.

I have memories that I don't want, and so does he - memories of his mother in A&E - wired up to heart monitors. He must have been so worried, and my heart breaks to know that I put those worries there through my own thoughts. To be fair, I was ambulanced once and walked in the other time. Ok, I was there three times if you count the time when I was convinced I had pushed my bowels out and when the doctor shoved a finger up my bum - all she could find was a pile due to chronic constipation. This is how health anxiety is passed on to our kids so that made me even more determined to gain control this disorder. Not to mention, the holidays that have been ruined, and other special moments when I was physically there, but mentally somewhere else. I can't take any of it back, but I can use it as a reminder to do all I can to keep myself HA free.
I have been in control of my HA for three years now. I have fibromyalgia, so I have a lot of symptoms to deal with, but, so far, I have not gone back down the rabbit hole.:yahoo:

[pb]

HA took me to the very brink of sanity - to the point where I begged my husband to have me sectioned. I've had imaginary bowel cancer, ovarian cancer, heart attacks, stroke etc - none of which turned out to be true. I was 100% convinced I had bowel cancer. I wrote out my funeral wishes (note, I went straight to death - no question of recovery) and I accepted my fate. I had my colonoscopy totally expecting to hear the very worst, and instead I got this: 'Your bowels are absolutely fine Mrs B. Discharged.' I was like, 'Are you sure?' (to this highly experienced consultant) Well, I went home and I said to myself, 'I can't do this shit anymore. I've put myself, and my family, through enough. No more'. And I asked my GP to refer me for some more CBT.

These are the things that got me out of the HA hell-hole.

Not Googling symptoms.
Researching, in depth, the stress response and understanding that my body is reacting as it should do.
I learned to breathe my way out of panic attacks because breathing from the diaphragm deactivates the fight or flight response.
I stopped watching, and reading, the news.
I deleted my Twitter and Instagram accounts.
I practiced mindfulness (very hard for me)
I stopped drinking caffeine and other stimulants.
I stopped fearing my panic attacks.
I learned to get up and work off the stress hormones, no matter what time in the morning.
I stopped using electronics before bedtime.
I started to take magnesium in drink form, and it all but stopped my ectopic beats and palpitations.

I made my peace with dying by reading lots of books about good death, and by telling myself that, while I can't control when I die, I can give my autistic son the tools he needs to be able to live independently while I am here.

I have memories that I don't want, and so does he - memories of his mother in A&E - wired up to heart monitors. He must have been so worried, and my heart breaks to know that I put those worries there through my own thoughts. To be fair, I was ambulanced once and walked in the other time. Ok, I was there three times if you count the time when I was convinced I had pushed my bowels out and when the doctor shoved a finger up my bum - all she could find was a pile due to chronic constipation. This is how health anxiety is passed on to our kids so that made me even more determined to gain control this disorder. Not to mention, the holidays that have been ruined, and other special moments when I was physically there, but mentally somewhere else. I can't take any of it back, but I can use it as a reminder to do all I can to keep myself HA free.
I have been in control of my HA for three years now. I have fibromyalgia, so I have a lot of symptoms to deal with, but, so far, I have not gone back down the rabbit hole.:yahoo:
This is a great post.