aanns_GAD
13-09-20, 00:07
I haven’t posted here in so long!!! I’ve been really working on me and my anxiety and doing my best to stay swimming but I just got knocked down this week so damn hard. I’m in CA where the fires have been ablaze for about a month. The air quality is absolutely garbage. Where I am it’s been between 150-300 for weeks. This past week I got triggered so hard. My husband was on fire duty watch all week. He ended up not going Thank God and he will be local this coming week Thank God again. I don’t do well when he’s gone overnight for days at a time. That’s a whole other story. Anyways, I have been on constant flight or fight all week from that worry and fear and then yesterday there was so much smoke in the air and I had to leave to go get food and it was coming into my mask and I could smell the campfire smell and I have some trauma surrounding fires. Two years ago we were driving through a really bad one on our way to Seattle and I was asleep. I woke up and was so sick. Like I think I got the flu on the way up and the smoke made it worse. Idk. But I ended up on steroids and it was miserable. And now I get anxious about the smoke. I don’t want to get sick from it like I did. I’m also worried about Covid. I haven’t been around anyone who has it but my roommate has flown to Florida two weeks ago and her new bf just flew in last night from Pennsylvania and we have been getting some take out and I went to the gym for the first time in a month two days ago. And then last night my roommate left her window open as the air quality was around 165 and turned the air down to like 68 so I woke up cold and my throat has been tight and constricted and dry. I can’t stop the racing thoughts. Like what if the smoke has hurt my throat? What if I’m starting to get Covid? What if I’ll end up having to go to the ER? What if I can’t breathe? What if I can’t get medical attention? And I’m just really anxious and scared. I emailed my doctor to talk to him Monday but I’m worried something could happen before then and what if something bad happens to me?