Lana
15-09-20, 18:18
Hello, and thank you for reading,
I have been on and off on the Forum, but pretty often in the past 2 years or so. I am a married , older than middle age woman, who has not been sexually active for probably 5 years now. I have been tested for HIV 6 times, first time when I was admitted to the U.S. second time when I was pregnant ( routine in the US). The other four times I had it tested, every time thinking somehow I got infected. In the last less than 2 years, I have been tested twice, one in a clinic (finger poke), and one in a lab ( RNA test). But, every time something goes wrong and my HA flares up, it ends with me being petrified with fear that somehow I got infected, and then I have to have test again. This coming Friday I am visiting my doctor for unrelated hip issue/spider bite, that in the meantime healed, but I have been thinking about how to ask ask him to do HIV test again. I do not know how to help myself anymore; I was in therapy, I took anti anxiety meds, but nothing really helped long term. AT the same time, the thought of testing again and waiting results, scares me to death. I feel horrible because of my husband. and my almost 22 year old son, because they are sick & tired of me. I do not want to be like this anymore.
Again, thank you so much for reading, and maybe giving words of comfort and/or piece of advice. I am currently dreading Friday.
I have been on and off on the Forum, but pretty often in the past 2 years or so. I am a married , older than middle age woman, who has not been sexually active for probably 5 years now. I have been tested for HIV 6 times, first time when I was admitted to the U.S. second time when I was pregnant ( routine in the US). The other four times I had it tested, every time thinking somehow I got infected. In the last less than 2 years, I have been tested twice, one in a clinic (finger poke), and one in a lab ( RNA test). But, every time something goes wrong and my HA flares up, it ends with me being petrified with fear that somehow I got infected, and then I have to have test again. This coming Friday I am visiting my doctor for unrelated hip issue/spider bite, that in the meantime healed, but I have been thinking about how to ask ask him to do HIV test again. I do not know how to help myself anymore; I was in therapy, I took anti anxiety meds, but nothing really helped long term. AT the same time, the thought of testing again and waiting results, scares me to death. I feel horrible because of my husband. and my almost 22 year old son, because they are sick & tired of me. I do not want to be like this anymore.
Again, thank you so much for reading, and maybe giving words of comfort and/or piece of advice. I am currently dreading Friday.