Relationship Anxiety

[Ruby77]

Does anyone have experience of this?

I have been seeing a lovely man for nearly a year now (after 6 years single due to several hurtful relationships previously, cheating etc.)

Things were going great but I am suddenly experienced a lot of anxiety around the relationship. I'm not sure if I'm scared of getting hurt or maybe this means he isn't the one for me??

Any insight would be really helpful, feel like I'm going mad!

[meltedchic]

Does anyone have experience of this?

I have been seeing a lovely man for nearly a year now (after 6 years single due to several hurtful relationships previously, cheating etc.)

Things were going great but I am suddenly experienced a lot of anxiety around the relationship. I'm not sure if I'm scared of getting hurt or maybe this means he isn't the one for me??

Any insight would be really helpful, feel like I'm going mad!

Feel the same way...It is a bit stressful and yet don't wanna lose him/

[Ruby77]

Thanks for your reply and sorry you feel this way.

How long have you felt like this? How are you dealing with it?

[Ruby77]

Does anyone else have experience of this? I can't make sense of my thoughts!

[WiseMonkey]

Hi yes, I felt like this when I met my now fiancé. We'd been going out for nearly a year when a couple of issues cropped up (which they do in relationships) and I instantly thought that he was like all the others! At the time I'd been divorced for 17 years, then I'd had a few relationships (not live-in thank goodness) with narcissistic men, my ex-husband was also a narc and verbally abusive. I'd ended all these relationships. My now fiancé knew about my relevant past relationship history.

So, I emotionally took a step back, addressed the 'incidences' with him, told him how I felt then waited to see what would happen. To my amazement he didn't become defensive, didn't blame me or become verbally abusive and talked about the issues in a very rational, adult manner. Seven and a half years later things are still great and we can discuss things openly.

After I ended my marriage, I decided that I was prepared to risk loosing a relationship, in order to be heard and to preserve my dignity :D

[Ruby77]

Hi yes, I felt like this when I met my now fiancé. We'd been going out for nearly a year when a couple of issues cropped up (which they do in relationships) and I instantly thought that he was like all the others! At the time I'd been divorced for 17 years, then I'd had a few relationships (not live-in thank goodness) with narcissistic men, my ex-husband was also a narc and verbally abusive. I'd ended all these relationships. My now fiancé knew about my relevant past relationship history.

So, I emotionally took a step back, addressed the 'incidences' with him, told him how I felt then waited to see what would happen. To my amazement he didn't become defensive, didn't blame me or become verbally abusive and talked about the issues in a very rational, adult manner. Seven and a half years later things are still great and we can discuss things openly.

After I ended my marriage, I decided that I was prepared to risk loosing a relationship, in order to be heard and to preserve my dignity :D

How long did you feel this way for? I'm worried that this anxiety is telling me I don't want to be in the relationship even though I don't want to lose him.

It's hard to listen to your gut when you have anxiety.

[NoraB]

Does anyone have experience of this?

I have been seeing a lovely man for nearly a year now (after 6 years single due to several hurtful relationships previously, cheating etc.)

Things were going great but I am suddenly experienced a lot of anxiety around the relationship. I'm not sure if I'm scared of getting hurt or maybe this means he isn't the one for me??

Any insight would be really helpful, feel like I'm going mad!

I spent the best part of 20 years in a very damaging relationship. I eventually left, but you take that kind of crap with you, right?

I couldn't ask for a lovelier husband now, but my past has kept happiness at bay because I allowed it too with the negative thoughts..

I've actually tried to push Hubs out of my life several times because I thought that would be easier than waiting for the day when he hurts me. But he keeps saying stuff like, 'You won't get rid of me that easily - I'm like shit to a blanket' - which isn't exactly Mills 'n' Boon - but he's been true to his word! We've been together for 13 years now, and he's never, ever walked away from me - despite the emotional baggage I brought into our relationship.

Forgiving my ex husband has been a long time coming, but it's a weight off my shoulders. He's never said he is sorry, but he doesn't need to - I forgive him anyway. Because, to hang onto hate is to hurt myself, and I'm done with the self-harm.

My advice? Forgive those who hurt you, and understand that you were never the problem - they were the problem.

Your heart might have taken some knocks, but that doesn't mean that you can't allow yourself to be loved, and for you to love without fear of rejection. It just takes time, and the right man will be there for as long as it takes.

If I may use an analogy?

A cat is mistreated and learns not to trust people. Some kind soul comes along who wants to love it, but the lil moggy has learned not to trust, so it claws the peep in the face a few times before it realises that, actually, this person isn't trying to hurt them. With time comes trust, and that purring round the legs things they do. You get me?

Loving somebody means having to deal with grief at some point - whether it comes because the relationship ends, or because a life ends.

Unless it's you who carks it first..:yesyes:

I'd say that your past is buggering with your happiness, lovely. X

[Ruby77]

I spent the best part of 20 years in a very damaging relationship. I eventually left, but you take that kind of crap with you, right?

I couldn't ask for a lovelier husband now, but my past has kept happiness at bay because I allowed it too with the negative thoughts..

I've actually tried to push Hubs out of my life several times because I thought that would be easier than waiting for the day when he hurts me. But he keeps saying stuff like, 'You won't get rid of me that easily - I'm like shit to a blanket' - which isn't exactly Mills 'n' Boon - but he's been true to his word! We've been together for 13 years now, and he's never, ever walked away from me - despite the emotional baggage I brought into our relationship.

Forgiving my ex husband has been a long time coming, but it's a weight off my shoulders. He's never said he is sorry, but he doesn't need to - I forgive him anyway. Because, to hang onto hate is to hurt myself, and I'm done with the self-harm.

My advice? Forgive those who hurt you, and understand that you were never the problem - they were the problem.

Your heart might have taken some knocks, but that doesn't mean that you can't allow yourself to be loved, and for you to love without fear of rejection. It just takes time, and the right man will be there for as long as it takes.

If I may use an analogy?

A cat is mistreated and learns not to trust people. Some kind soul comes along who wants to love it, but the lil moggy has learned not to trust, so it claws the peep in the face a few times before it realises that, actually, this person isn't trying to hurt them. With time comes trust, and that purring round the legs things they do. You get me?

Loving somebody means having to deal with grief at some point - whether it comes because the relationship ends, or because a life ends.

Unless it's you who carks it first..:yesyes:

I'd say that your past is buggering with your happiness, lovely. X

That is a good analogy and one that makes a lot of sense. In a way, I hope you are right. If it is my past messing with my happiness, I can hopefully work through it.

The alternative is that there is something wrong in the relationship and we need to break up which I don't think I can handle.

[NoraB]

That is a good analogy and one that makes a lot of sense. In a way, I hope you are right. If it is my past messing with my happiness, I can hopefully work through it.

The alternative is that there is something wrong in the relationship and we need to break up which I don't think I can handle.

How about working out what it is that is wrong and trying to work through it?

No relationship is perfect.

P.S you can handle more than you think!

[Ruby77]

How about working out what it is that is wrong and trying to work through it?

No relationship is perfect.

P.S you can handle more than you think!

This is the thing, there's nothing wrong as such. On paper, he is everything I could ever want but something just doesn't feel right.

Is this my anxiety causing this feeling or is it something else?

[EmmerLooeez]

Have you ever read about relationship OCD? I'm not saying that necessarily reflects your experience, but it is maybe worth reading about. I think counselling would be a great help for you with this honestly.

I hope you're okay. [emoji3590] Sending love xx

Sent from my moto g(8) plus using Tapatalk

[WiseMonkey]

It could be that everything is going along so well, that you're missing the negative drama that goes along with a dysfunctional relationship? Or you're waiting for the hammer to drop and reveal something "bad" about him, so you can end the relationship? From my experience 'finger in the light socket" relationships don't last the distance, where as sure and steady ones do. Of course if you really don't care for him then it's better to end it than keep him lingering on.

[Ruby77]

Well I've had 2 counselling sessions and I think what came out of today was that as the relationship progresses and we are getting closer, I am starting to fear the fact that it could end at any moment and that's almost making me want to run before we get to that point so I don't get hurt.

Still pretty confusing and I feel a little bit lost but I hope I can work through this.

Thanks for all your replies x

[NoraB]

This is the thing, there's nothing wrong as such. On paper, he is everything I could ever want but something just doesn't feel right.

Is this my anxiety causing this feeling or is it something else?

Could be either.

I'm into listening to gut instinct, but it's hard to differentiate when you have anxiety...

[meltedchic]

Thanks for your reply and sorry you feel this way.

How long have you felt like this? How are you dealing with it?

Well its been for a year and a half. I am always thinking that everything will be okay but deep inside there is this feeling that probably it will be more okay to let go. But part of me says no.

How are you coping?

[Stace1990]

Hey. Just saw your thread and I can fully relate to this.
I've had 5 relationships previously, all being pretty rough. Some more than others.
I've been cheated on twice, I'm also a domestic abuse survivor.
As someone said previously, that shit stays with you.

My current partner had a tough time getting with me but he was very persistent. Nothing like the rest and he's lovely. The strange thing? I'm more anxious with him than I have been with the others! I honestly think it's because I'm scared to lose him and I'm scared of getting hurt again.
I guess in time trust will come. Anxiety is awful, especially when it tries to Interfere with relationships. I'm sorry I've not got any answers, I just wanted you to know you're not alone. :hugs: