Ridden with guilt.

[Granny Primark]

Omg do I need get all this stuff off my chest.
Why when Ive been the happiest for the last 2 years have the panic attacks and irrational thoughts come back with avengence?
My beautiful grandaughter was born 3 weeks ago and ive been needed and loved every minute of it.
Ive been asked for advice and been really busy at my daughters helping her.
Ive been out and about showing my grandaughter to friends, relatives and any strangers that take a peek in her pram.
Ive been mentally and physically exhausted but happy.
The last few days have been a struggle. But no where near as big a struggle as today has been. Ive walked round the city centre shops (and yes primark!) in absolute terror and panic.
Tonight I should have had my grandaughter staying with me while my daughter and her boyfriend went out. But due to how Im feeling I really dont think I could cope. Sadly Ive told her I dont feel upto it.
Now Im ridden with guilt and feel an absolute failure as a mum and granny.
When I told my friend on the phone what Id done she told me I should be ashamed of myself for letting my daughter down. She even said Id done it to get attention. That is so not the case honest.
I keep questioning my sanity now.
Why the panic attacks and why the irrational thoughts?
Am I going mad?
Why when Ive got a brill hubby, no money worries and the most fantastic grandaughter am I feeling this way?
My mum had a saying "I should feel as happy as a pig in muck".
But Im feeling so down and confused.
Right thats enough of me gabbling. But my goodness I feel better for saying all that.
I just want to get back to being normal or whatever normal is.

Take care
LYNN xx

[trac67]

Lynn,

No way should you feel guilty, you have been doing amazingly well, and you have just burnt yourself out, give yourself a day or 2 to re charge those batteries and you will be back up to speed again in no time.

You were honest with your daughter and told her you didn't feel up to it, so you have nothing to feel bad about.

I hate to say this, but your so called friend isn't really what I would call a friend if she has that attitude :mad: What if you had a bad cold and couldn't look after your grand daughter for the nite incase you passed it on, would that make you a bad nanna? no I think not, and neither does not being able to look after her for a nite because your anxiety is playing you up.

Please don't listen to your 'friend' with friends like her who needs enemy's huh ??

Love

Trac xxxxx

[fretty freda]

dont be hard on yourself granny

you sound like a great person ,mum, mother in law and granny, you have had a very busy time latley and even though you have been enjoying it it sounds stressfull all that attention on you being a great granny ect even though its nice its a lot to deal with ! you sound like you have been doing too much you need a little rest .
your friend has not thought before she made that comment! after all you have done your bit of bringing up babies and you need a little time for you now ! you can look after the baby when you feel a little better sure your daughter understands and thats all that matters

put your feet up and be kind to yourself granny

take care:hugs:

[yorkylover]

http://www.yourcoolprofile.com/Images/Hugs_And_Kisses/images/hugs-kisses--10.gif you have nothing to be ashamed off.

[Believe]

Hello Lynn,

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

Hope you get some much needed rest. I have found that when I wear myself out, I too get the anxiety and panic back. You have done well and you will do well once you are rested.

An as for your friend tell her to take a hike, that's not a friend hun.

Remember you are only human and can only do so much before you need to rest.


Take Care
Believe

I Believe That We Will Get Better!!

[chillx]

Hi Lynn

I felt I needed to reply to your post. When I am excited or tired I can feel the old symptoms of anxiety return. The way I would explain this is when we are excited we produce adrenalin in the same way as we do when we are anxious. I think the over production of adrenalin due to your excitement and increased activity helping your daughter and grandchild has resulted in your current state. Remember you were probably excited long before the birth. It is always after an event that these symptoms kick in.

Please try and avoid letting this get a grip of you, instead find time to rest and relax and these feelings will pass. Please don't worry about your daughter I am sure she appreciates all you are doing for her and understands how you are feeling. As for your 'friend' just ignore her comments she doesn't have a clue what you are going through.

This is just a blip and you will come through it. Try and unwind a little and slow down a bit.

Enjoy your grandchild. Take care. :hugs:

[kazzie]

:hugs: Lynn

Luv Kaz x x x

[Granny Primark]

Sadly when i explained how i felt to my daughter she said she felt she had been messed about. Shes right. I have done that today. But not intentionally.
I did promise her after all and id bought her a new top to go out in.
I just didnt want to let me daughter down. I hope she realises how much i love her.
I dont do things for attention. If anything the one thing i keep my mouth shut for is to tell people the truth about how im truly feeling.
Im scared my family and friends wont want me if they knew how im really feeling. Me hubby wants hols abroad and im certain that cant happen again.
I feel so guilty cus ive got so much to be grateful for, but I just feel so unbearably sad and lonely at the mo. And trust me thats just me being truthful and not attention seeking.

[chillx]

Oh dear Lynn I feel you are putting yourself through unnecessary anxiety over this. You say "If anything the one thing i keep my mouth shut for is to tell people the truth about how im truly feeling." Maybe you need to share how you are feeling i.e. panic and anxiety with your daughter and you may find she will be understanding. Have you spoken to anyone about how you are feeling?

Also remember that your daughter is going through a time of adjustment having only given birth 3 weeks ago. Her hormones will be all over the place and she will not be thinking rationally. Explain there will be other nights you can baby sit to let her and her partner go out for the evening.

This will get better Lynn.

Take care. :hugs:

[red100]

hi Granny,
No wonder you panicked, first bit of peace you get and all that built up adrenalin has to go somewhere. !

I think anxiety suffereres can suffer happy anxiety (?) thats what i call it anyway, thoughts racing feeling tense etc, but feeling in a really good happy mood as well - i think its due to too much excitement, and that at times this can tip us over into the ususal panic attacks, with anxiety and low moods etc. I wonder if this is whats happened to you? all that excitement finally just got too much and you need a rest?

So i don't think your being a drama queen, i just think this shows how much you really want your granchild and how happy you are about everything. Frankly if you didn't have any difficulties in what must be one of the most stressful events anyone can go through - I might question why?, only other anxiety sufferers would know or understand this though.

Best of luck and congratulations.
Now your officially a granny i would have thought its obligatory to get lots of R&R so make the most of it!!!!!!!!!

RED

[nanny]

Hi Lynn
oh please don't think like that! you are NOT ready to be locked away in a padded cell for goodness sake, you are unwell at the moment and can't help it.
As for that ruddy so called friend!! well after that i'm afraid she would no longer be any friend of mine. Friends are there for the good and bad not to ruddy well say you ought to be ashamed of yourself, cheeky cow! It's not as if you meant to feel unwell and couldn't look after Katie, i'm a bit surprised em was a bit mad with you, you have done loads even when you have felt really bad, so don't you dare feel any guilt whatsoever do you hear me??
I think you have lost a lot of your confidence through not working,
I do admire you having done care work, i done all the training for that, passed and couldn't do it for more than 2 weeks, i was sent to terminally ill people and couldn't cope i felt throughly ashamed of myself but i just could not do that so i really admire you so you ought to feel good about yourself. there are not many people who can do that lynn so be proud of yourself!
I'm not surprised at how you are feeling , you have gone through a lot and thats bound to knock you for 6.
Promise me you will let go of that guilty feeling and start thinking something of yourself coz you are a GOOD, DECENT, LOVELY LADY.
take care, talk soon
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: xxxx

[Alabasterlyn]

Lynn I am so sorry you are feeling like this right now but please understand that you have been under an immense amount of pressure and like other people have said even joyful events bring their own stresses and worries with them.

Like you I am a recent grandma, my granddaughter being 9wks old now, and we've had her overnight 3 times now and each time I have to make sure my partner takes a day off work if it's a weekday as I find it very exhausting.

The comment made by your so called friend is truly awful, she is certainly not a friend at all and I'm sorry that she upset you so much. I know your daughter herself is most likely going through a lot of hormonal changes right now but it's a shame she can't realise how hard all this is on you too. As grandmas we always want to take care of our grandchilden, but as anxiety sufferers we also have to realise that we aren't always going to feel up to it. I really hope you start to feel better soon :hugs:

[groovygranny]

Oh Lynn, I've just caught up with this thread.

I can only repeat all of what has been said already.

And friends as insensitive as the one who calls herself yours certainly don't help matters.:mad:

Being made a granny is stressfull as well as joyful in itself - but when we suffer from anxiety the stressfull side always seems more evident.

You seem such a kind, considerate person but I wonder if keeping quiet about your feelings really is the best thing to do?

You say you have felt needed and appreciated by your daughter and her husband, so maybe a reall heart-to-heart with her may be a way forward here?

When we don't talk, warts and all, about how we feel to our loved ones it can be very difficult, nigh on impossible for them, to appreciate and understand all that we're going through.

I do hope you feel better soon - and you have absolutely no need to feel guilty at all........please, try and believe that for yourself. Just say it over and over until it becomes as natural as breathing.

Sending big hugs and lots of love your way:flowers:


:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

[Nibbles]

Hi Lynn,

There's nothing for you to feel gulity about at all and you deserve a rest for being such a brilliant grandma. You're friend obviously has no experience of anxiety and is completely wrong. If you had a cold or migraine then you wouldn't have been able to look after Katie and this is exactly the same. Your daughter was just disappointed and as someone mentioned, her hormones are all over the place at the moment so she didn't mean it. I think a good talk with her would really help matters and make you all feel better.

You've been doing brilliantly Lynn and this is just a blip which I imagine was brought on by tiredness. As people have mentioned, the excitement can release adrenaline and bring on the same feelings as anxiety. You're certainly not ready for the nuthouse when there are people like me wandering around. :D


:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:


Take care,

Mike x

[eeyorelover]

Hey Lynn -
I've been there myself!! I have a grandson who is just too cute for words but when I'm anxious it's not fun being a grandma (yes I said the g word!!! Swore I'd never say it but what the heck might as well - hehe) as it is when I'm not anxious!!
Here's what I had to do...
I had to learn to put me first!!!
Selfish ... maybe a little.
But who says we can't be selfish sometimes??

When my son and his girlfriend came to me and told me that they were having a baby I decided - I was going to be the Maw Maw and not a convenient babysitter or bank.
I sat them down and this is exactly what I told them...
If I want to have Peanut (his name is Austin but I call him Peanut!) I will ask to have him!
If I want to buy him something I'll buy it!!

I know it sounds harsh but my son is a grown man with a family of his own now.
I raised my kids!!
Did a pretty darn good job of it too I might add :)

Of course you want to help out and spend as much time as you can with the baby BUT you have to make sure you aren't overdueing it darlin cuz if you do then the anxiety creeps in and bashs you over the head and then what good does that do???

Your friend sounds like my sister.
She says it's all in my head and I should just get over it.

But I've come to the realization that I have to do what is best for me and not let what others think or say bring me down!!

Don't let them get to you hun!!!
You are doing what you can and that is all anyone can ask of you!!!!!
:hugs:
xxx
Sandy

[Alabasterlyn]

Hey Lynn -
Here's what I had to do...
I had to learn to put me first!!!
Selfish ... maybe a little.
But who says we can't be selfish sometimes??

Sandy

See I don't think that's at all selfish Sandy. If we don't learn to take care of ourselves first then what use are we to anyone?

[erialc]

Hi GP,

Sorry to hear you are not feeling so good.

You shouldn't feel guilty hun, I can tell from your writing on here and in chat that you are a No 1 Mum and Granny!!!!!! You care so much about them.

You need to make sure you take some time for yourself too - just think your emotions have been up high due to the excitement and birth etc etc and so am not suprised you have been feeling not so good

Take care

Claire xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[sandlin]

:hugs: :hugs: Sending a massive hug to one fantastic person
:hugs: :hugs:

Everyone needs me time and its much better to say how we feel than to bottle it all up. Have a good rest and then have katie when ur felling better

Linda xx

[miss motown]

oh granny i do sympothise with you and im being honest when i say this but ive been down that road myself with my grandaughtor she,s one now and how i longed for her to be born i couldent wait i promised id always be there and id be takin her everywere with me but now as my anxiety has been at a high i dont seem to be doing wot i promised and times when theyve asked me for her to stay the night and ive had to let her down ive felt bad and even my son has comminted about the lack of time i have with her but when im feeling bad having her makes me feel even more anxious,dont beet yourself up over it and i dont agree on wot your friend said to you that was out of order

[anxious]

Hi Lynn,

don't even go there with feeling guilty, you have NOTHING to be guilty about.
I often find i'm at my most anxious when i'm in a situation or at a time when i feel i should be happy and things are going good (holidays/christmas/family days). I think you are thinking too much what other people are thinking. You know by now you have to look after yourself, as in the long run its the only way you are going to be well enough to look after others.
I didn't get a night out when i had my kids for at least 6 months (my mum had the attitude you don't have kids for someone else to bring them up lol). I've just had the first night away from my 3 year old since he was born.
And as for friends, she'd be low on my christmas card list!
You know you are a good mum & gran. Just stop beating yourself up and take a bit of time out.
love anx xx

[Lindalou64]

BY ANYMEANS LYNN DONT BE SO HARD ON YASELF I CAN UNDERSTAND HOW YOU WOULD FEEL GUILTY CAUSE I THOUGHT ABOUT THIS AS I READ IT, BUT PLEASE DONT FEEL GUILTY, LYNN WE DIDNT ASK FOR THIS DISORDER HUN AND YOU BEEN GOING THRU SO MUCH EXITEMENT AND ALSO WORRYING IT ALL BUILDS UP LYNN...AND CAN MAKE YOU ANXIOUS BUT THIS SHALL PASS...YOUR A WONDERFUL MOM AND I KNOW YOUR GONNA BE A WONDERFUL GRAMS ALSO.....BIG HUG FOR YOU HUN, JUST KNOW YOU ARE A DECENT PERSON, AND FOR THOSE WHO DONT UNDERSTAND WE HAVE TO JUST LET IT GO, FOR THEY NEVER WILL...ITS ALL GONNA BE OK LYNN HANG IN THERE HUN I BE THINKING OF YA.........LOVE YA.........LINDA XXXXX

[Granny Primark]

Thanks so much for your good advice and support.
Its obviously worked cus ive looked after katie for most of today. Ive taken her shopping with me and a family member.
Ive done what ive been doing for the last 3 weeks.
But i know more than anything my daughter wants a night out on the town with her other half and her mates.
I still feel guilty but I know now that I cant run before I can walk. I need to do things at a pace that suits me.
Having a blip when I was so happy has knocked me for 6.
But thanks to you lot I feel calmer and more confident now.
Im just hoping and praying it lasts.

Take care
LYNN xx