Being Sucked into the HA Vortex :-(

[Inanna]

Hi all

I'd been doing so well, but now slipping down the vortex once again.

So, had a lot of bowel worries, despite having had a colonoscopy less than 18 months ago. Life is very stressful, lots of family problems which I've written about elsewhere. Anyway, I was realy rtying,, and was coping a lot better. So much so that just under two weeks ago, went to visit friends in Essex, and I can remember on the way there I was feeling healthy and strong, and remarked about it to my OH.

while we were there, we visited a restaurant, and it was only afterwards I realised that I had been leaning in to speak to my friends, as it was so loud in there. Well, thats sent me into a tailspin. I was convinced that I had brought COVID back with me, and had a bit of a tickly throat. Its now nearly two weeks though, so I think maybe not. Unfortunately, my HA has turned on again, and I have been getting chest pains (its a sharp almost burning pain slightly to the left). Its not severe, and only happens a few times a day. So then I was panicking that I am about to go into cardiac arrest (despite having a clear ECG, Echo and stress ECG less than 12 months ago, and cholesterol and BP is within range). I recently started running again (as I had been feeling so much better mentally). I hae had other random pains, last night I woke up with a pain in my outer thigh, it was just in one spot.

Now today, my abdo feels sort of full and uncomfortable, I dont know why.

The other thing I would mention is that my OCD is very bad. When I read or hear something about someone else, I feel like I am the person I am reading about. So, if I read that someone has been a bad mother, I think that I am a bad mother, and it all applies to me. This is true also of ill people. I'd like to say a bit more about this, but I dont want to trigger anyone else.

How do I stop spiralling? Life just seems so hard right now :weep:

Inanna xx

[Slug]

Sorry to hear you are having troubles. I am also having a bad time with HA at the moment, I really sympathise. I think if it's been 2 weeks it can't have been COVID or you'd have got it by now. Random pains, bowel issues and stuff, all sound like the kind of anxiety-induced issues I also get :(

The only way i seem to be able to manage when I am getting really anxious with HA is to really distract myself. Spend time with other people even if it's just a zoom call, play a game, watch a film. I've tried walking but it just gets me ruminating...

[NoraB]

So then I was panicking that I am about to go into cardiac arrest (despite having a clear ECG, Echo and stress ECG less than 12 months ago, and cholesterol and BP is within range).

In that case, my wheelie bin is more likely to go into cardiac arrest than you.


I recently started running again (as I had been feeling so much better mentally). I hae had other random pains, last night I woke up with a pain in my outer thigh

I'll leave that one there. It's self-explanatory.


Now today, my abdo feels sort of full and uncomfortable, I dont know why.

Where do you hold tension in your body? With me it's generally my abdomen, arse cheeks, and jaw.

There is a direct link between stress and the gut. You're stressed, so it will affect your tummy.

Re your OCD, I once thought my brother was the Yorkshire Ripper cus he grew a beard. I can laugh about it now... :scared15:

Are you having therapy for the OCD?

[Inanna]

Hi

thank you so much for your replies.
do you really you think that is the case NoraB.? I keep trying to tell myself it’s highly unlikely, but then doubts creep in. I have been told I have a partial right bundle branch block, but that this condition is completely benign. My cardiologist says he is working together name changed as block suggests something dangerous, when in fact it means that the electrical impulse takes a slightly different path , causing microseconds of delay, and not completely in synch with left side .


as ha is, it’s hard to hear the voice of reason, it’s like our brains are impervious to it.

Ihave read on here multiple times that a clear colonoscopy 18 months ago, means that colorectal cancer right now is practically impossible or at very least vanishingly rare

Iwant to get help for my ocd. But finding a specialist is hard.ive even phoned the charities , but they won’t recommend anyone.

thank you again

inanna

[NoraB]

Ihave read on here multiple times that a clear colonoscopy 18 months ago, means that colorectal cancer right now is practically impossible or at very least vanishingly rare

It takes 10 -15 years for a polyp to develop into cancer. It's a very slow process, so yes, it's highly unlikely to have a clear colonoscopy and 18 months later have colon cancer.


Iwant to get help for my ocd. But finding a specialist is hard.ive even phoned the charities , but they won’t recommend anyone.

Do you know you can self-refer for CBT on the NHS website?

[Inanna]

Hi norahb

thank you for being so kind to me

i did an online cbt course via nhs, maybe I should do it again.


my sister died in the the early hours of this morning,



inanna xx

[pb]

Hi norahb

thank you for being so kind to me

i did an online cbt course via nhs, maybe I should do it again.


my sister died in the the early hours of this morning,



inanna xx
Sorry to hear about your sister, Take care x

[BlueIris]

Sorry for your loss, Inanna.

[NoraB]

my sister died in the the early hours of this morning,



inanna xx

I'm so sorry to hear that Inanna. Big hugs lovely. X

[pulisa]

I'm so sorry too..I know this was expected but....it's never expected and is truly shocking when it happens.

Thinking of you xxx

[Inanna]

Hi

thank you all for your kind words, it means a lot.

inanna xx

[pulisa]

Stupid question..but how are you, Inanna? You must be in turmoil mentally xx

[Inanna]

Yes, I think turmoil sums up how I feel.

my mum said that she will take me to the chapel of rest when she finds out where it is. She said no one needs to know. How strange that I have to sneak around to do it. I think I need to go though, as it doesn’t seem real, and I can’t take it in. I wo t be allowed to the funeral, so this is my onLy chance to say goodbye

thank you all again

inanna xx

[Nicole0134]

So sorry for your loss Inanna. I lost my sister a couple of years ago....it hurts x

[pulisa]

It's so awful that you can't even feel free to see your sister even now..It's a terrible situation but you must go if you want to because she is your sister and whatever has happened you should be allowed to say goodbye properly and decently x

My condolences to you too, Nicole. I can only imagine the hurt and disbelief x

[Inanna]

Hi

nicole, I’m so sorry for your loss, yes, it hurts...

pulisa, I will go. I dreamed that my sister was still here, and she let me hug her. She was so thin and frail. I didn’t see her when she was really ill, and she was always a big woman, and I woke up so distressed.

I had a terrible thud in my heart, and felt momentarily dizzy. I’m scared my heart is going to give out, and Im trying to support my poor mum. I can’t die on her , it would be too much for her right now . I really want to believe the wheelie bin theory, norab


Inanna xx

[Inanna]

I am not coping at all.

ive been getting a lot of pains in my caves and shins, and keep getting popping sensations, like bubbles in my calves. Then this morning I woke up with a horrible pain in my chest. It lasted about 20 to 30 seconds. I looked at my Fitbit and my heart was going at 95bpm! My resting heart rate is 54. I wasn’t having a bad dream, I was dreaming I was at a cocktail party with John le mesurer.

my hand felt a little bit tingly.

im so scared I got up and got dresssed in case I die, and the ambulance has to pick up my body.

i just don’t know what to do...

Inanna xxx

[pulisa]

You're still alive despite your tryst with John Le Mesurier!:)

If you're dying you won't be too bothered about getting dressed for the sake of decency.

You're in a terrible panic but you're safe physically. Mentally it's a different matter. Can you talk to your GP about having a short course of diazepam in view of everything that is going on and the trauma you are experiencing? xx

[NoraB]

I am not coping at all.

Not coping involves sitting in a chair rocking - counting the seconds. It's not functioning. Trust me, you are coping better than you think..


Then this morning I woke up with a horrible pain in my chest. It lasted about 20 to 30 seconds. I looked at my Fitbit and my heart was going at 95bpm! My resting heart rate is 54.

Take the Fitbit off and put it away. People with health anxiety shouldn't use them.:unsure:

When my mother died, as in that night, I woke up with severe chest pain. That was 9 years ago. I'm still here. My heart, despite numerous tests, has always been fine.


I wasn’t having a bad dream, I was dreaming I was at a cocktail party with John le mesurer.

You been watching Dad's Army on Gold? :winks:


im so scared I got up and got dresssed in case I die, and the ambulance has to pick up my body.

Mate, if you died you'd be going into a nice big bag which zips up. It really doesn't matter if you've got your best clothes on or skanky leggings with holes in the crotch. Nobody but you gives a crap, and even you won't give a crap when you're dead! :yesyes:


i just don’t know what to do...

This is a crazy stressful time for you, but it will pass. Like Pulisa says, maybe some short term meds are in order? X

[Nicole0134]

Thanks Inanna and Pulisa for your words. And thanks Nora for your contribution because your words always make me smile! Plus they always make sense!

Grief hurts Inanna - mentally and physically. Be kind to yourself and realise what your are experiencing is completely normal....x

[Inanna]

Thank you all for your kind words.

I went to see my mum on Saturday, and out if the blue, she said “ your sister wanted to put things right between you, but she couldn’t find a slot when bil wasn’t around”. I was stunned. On the one hand i am glad she told mr, as it means she did not hate me, but on the other hand I am gutted that now it’s too late.

I wish I had known :weep:

my ha is still sky high. Pains all over, but especially in my lower legs. I ended up getting a d diner test, after speaking to a gap, who said I am higher risk for dvt, as I am on hrt. Thankfully, it was negative, but I still have the pains, aches burning. I’m also getting an ache in my left arm , so worrying I’m going to have a stroke or something.

i think I may b e getting depressed. I’m sitting in my bed, no sheets, just the mattress protractor , I washed the linen, and now can’t motivate myself to make the bed up again..

Inanna xx

[Inanna]

Not really feeling any better.

my calves feel like there is popcorn popping inside. Also get gnawing aches, sharp burning pain. This can’t be normal can it? Maybe I have ms...

infeel like I am slipping into a big black hole. I spilled a cup of coffee today, and I still haven’t cleaned it up.

chest pains too

sisters funeral was yesterday, I was not allowed to go, but I knew this anyway


Inanna xx