Worst case scenario has happened & I am not coping

[Lushchicken]

I am 39 year old asthmatic who has been deadly afraid of contracting COVID.
Was super careful, but guess what? Looks like this idiot has caught the virus.

I had a socially distanced dinner with my Dad last Sunday. Blankets were involved, we sat well apart.
Yesterday I woke up with hives all over my arms. Weird, I never get hives. Oh no, that's a Corona symptom.
But I was only in contact with Dad and he would have said something.
Minutes later I got his text. It was like in a movie. "Had to get tested, someone I spent time with tested positive."
But I'm sure he's fine, right? I'm sure his test will be negative.
Guess who's Dad just got his positive result and is now symptomatic (headache, tiredness), but mostly feeling ok?

I'm now sat here with my stupid hives (that very much look like a rash you get with COVID) monitoring my temp (normal so far)
waiting for the other shoe to drop. I don't know how I will get through the coming weeks. I am petrified of landing in the hospital, even dying.
I have severe health anxiety, so this is pretty much the worst thing that could happen.

I will try to get tested tomorrow but at this point it's mostly for confirmation. I feel like such a massive, unlucky fool.
And I'm scared to death.

[fishman65]

Hi Lushchicken, this is an entirely natural reaction when we consider all of the media stories that focus only on the negative/sensationalist of this pandemic. OK let's say you test positive. In your age group, the chances of severe disease are very slim even with asthma. My niece who is in her mid 30s had swollen toes like chilblains and she recovered with minimal symptoms. Of course you will be scared, I would be too. Take care.

[Lushchicken]

Thank you for your kind words. It's been all doom and gloom in the media, so it's very hard to have an optimistic outlook. I quite rational, usually. I need to get back there.

[fishman65]

Thank you for your kind words. It's been all doom and gloom in the media, so it's very hard to have an optimistic outlook. I quite rational, usually. I need to get back there.I would be feeling just the same, the media only concentrates on the bad news. If we think that anxiety levels among the general population are high, then those of us with a pre-existing anxiety diagnosis suffer a double whammy. And anxiety isn't rational. But the statistics are on your side.

[Lushchicken]

You are very right, thank you!

[pulisa]

It must be hard for you, Lushchicken but you have no choice but to look after yourself and try to keep things in perspective. Your fears will be worse than any symptoms. We are here for you if you need help and support. I hope your dad is doing ok..You'll get through this and be stronger mentally as a result.

[Lushchicken]

Indeed. There's no way to avoid this, I have to get through the next couple of weeks somehow. Spoke to Dad and his only symptom is tiredness. And boredom lol So he's not doing bad at all considering he must have caught this well over a week ago.

[leanderson2012]

@LushChicken, your fears and anxieties are totally understandable. But that’s all they are: fears and anxieties. They’re not a premonition of the future and they’re certainly not a fact.

I tested positive for COVID last week. I was petrified. I had convinced myself that if I got it this would be the end. I also have asthma, and major, major health anxiety. I knew that if I got it, it would get me. I heard all the success stories of people beating it at home and I thought, “I’m different than them. I’m not as strong as they are.” Guess what, a week in and I’m still here and am actually feeling a bit better! I would describe my experience so far as a mild-bad head cold, with accompanying waves of tiredness. I’ve barely had to use my rescue inhaler this week, and when I did it was for symptoms “above the shoulder”, not issues with lungs. Loss of taste and smell sucks, but is manageable. Minor gastrointestinal symptoms hit last night (I’ll spare you the details 😊), but I like to think that was the virus’s last hurrah and it showing itself out of my body (literally lol)

You might be in a bit of a state of shock right now, and that’s okay. Nurture yourself. Curl up with a blanket and a cup of tea. Let yourself feel what you need to feel.

Do you plan to get tested? Or are you just going to isolate and recover at home? If you are going to get tested, be prepared for another blow if the result comes back positive. I knew I had it before I got my results, but still, seeing the positive result was hard. Hard, but doable. It’s just something you have to get through, and all you can do is ride it out. We’ll be here for you.

I would recommend Vitamin C, D, and zinc. And steams! Both in the form of nice long hot showers where you breathe deeply, and a DIY steam. Boil some water, put it in a bowl, stick your head over it with a towel thrown over it and nice and long deeeep breaths. If you have some essential oils, throw that in! If not, just the steam will help keep your lungs hydrated and strong, and it will help relax you as well.

You are going to be okay. Would reassurance help right now? A breakdown of my experience? Facts that support the fact that you WILL get through this? Because you will! I have every faith that you’re going to be okay.

[Lushchicken]

Thank you so much for that wonderful post. I've been reading your thread, actually and it has helped me a lot. Like you, I'm just very good at convincing myself that I will be one of the super unlucky ones at our age who gets it severely. I always feel I'm super unlucky with health things. Even now, I struggle with understanding how I might have caught this from Dad in a socially distanced outdoor situation. Seems beyond unlucky, so I'm also feeling a bit sorry for myself because it seems so unfair. I'm only on day 3 of 'symptoms' and apart from that weird rash (that has gone away) I'm practically symptom free. I have the occasional productive cough, but that's normal for me in autumn (heating, dry air). Will be firing up the humidifiers tonight.

I am planning to sort out testing with my GP tomorrow, so I just know where I'm at. I really don't want to, but it seems like the sensible thing to do. Right now I still feel like I can get away with 'feeling normal' because I don't have positive test result. So yeah, not looking forward to that potential positive.

I've been on vitamin D for over a year and am hard-lining an echinacea supplement (purple cornflower which supposedly helps your immune system, very popular in Switzerland). The steam is a good one. Had a shower earlier and it def cleared things a bit, even though I don't feel massively congested. But I have a little steamer and will probably get that out at some point. I just feel so incredibly normal at the moment. But my health anxiety makes me wait for 'THE BAD TURN', of course. So I'm just on edge, mostly.

Plan is to just take it easy this week. Isolate and look after my body. Give it what it needs. I don't think there's much more I can do, really.

[leanderson2012]

@Lushchicken, you’re doing everything right. I’m thinking of you today, and I hope you’re feeling okay and that the test goes well. You may not have it! You never know. The good news is that you’re over a week into exposure and so far things haven’t progressed badly. Keep us updated if that will help. I was where you are a week ago, absolutely terrified and not knowing what’s going to happen next. Now, I feel like I’m 70-80% back to normal, with just random waves of tiredness and a lingering cough (and also going a little stir crazy stuck in my room for two weeks!) In a week from now you’ll be where I am now, (maybe even feeling closer to 100%!) and will be able help somebody else who is scared. You’ll be able to say, “I was scared, but I made it!” Focus on that as much as you can. Lots of healing and love coming your way!

[Lushchicken]

Thank you! Have been feeling completely normal today and yesterday. Rash has gone. Managed to organise some testing for the day after tomorrow (everything else meant waiting in line, which I'm not going to do). So results by Friday, probably. Almost two full weeks after exposure. Not going to help me much this week, but what can you do. Talked to my doctor who thinks it's very unlikely I caught it (outdoor, distanced situation, rash as only symptom 8 days later). I'm probably going to have to deal with a lot of health anxiety this week, but I knew it was going to be rough. At least mentally. My sister and husband who were at the same dinner with my Dad are completely unfazed as they have no symptoms at all. Just I had that stupid rash. So everyone around me (including several doctors) is very much not worried. Wish I could be like them.

[pulisa]

But you're not and that's ok.

You're feeling completely normal and have not yet had a positive test. Covid (if indeed it IS covid) could be an absolute doddle for you and you will have wasted all that anxious energy on nothing but a random rash which also could be a red herring. Take heart from the fact that the docs aren't worried. You will be but that's just you and your HA. The fact is that you are feeling completely normal which is very good news.

[Lushchicken]

I'm sure you're right. Of course I've now developed a (tension?) headache which worries me. It's going to be a LONG week.

[leanderson2012]

@Lushchicken, something that helped me was to set an alarm at the top of every hour from 9am-9pm for a “symptom check in”. The thought was that I wouldn’t think about or spend energy on my symptoms or what I was feeling except for those times. Of course, I ended up thinking about them a lot more than just once an hour, but the alarm did help me gain some perspective. I could be going down a hole and freaking out, thinking that this was it and I was about the crash, then the alarm would go off and I would think, “so how do I feel compared to an hour ago? Do I really feel that much worse?” And the answer would always be no. Something to consider!

[Lushchicken]

I'm doing something similar. I take my temp every hour and jot it down in my digital diary together with any symptoms. Then I try to let it go. Writing things down always helps me, for some reason.

[Lushchicken]

Ok, testing is done. Should be able to get results tomorrow or by noon Friday the latest. Still convinced I will test positive and have no idea where I would take it from there. I'm still not symptomatic beyond the rash I had for 2 days. So I have no idea when I would be able to let myself off the hook and relax if I were to test positive. I am now 10 days past exposure, 6 days past 'symptom' (rash). It just feels like this won't ever end or feel ok if that test comes back positive. My main worry, at the moment.

[pulisa]

And if it comes back negative? Would you worry that the test was inaccurate?

[Lushchicken]

Pulisa, I'm usually quite good at accepting test results, so I wouldn't anticipate any problems there.

[pulisa]

Take it as it comes? If it's positive you've already got several days under your belt. You'll be on tenterhooks but you're ok so far. How is your dad?

[Lushchicken]

He's back to normal, basically. 70, not particularly fit but only felt a little tired and head achey. Massively lucky. I'm ok physically, but the last 6 days have easily been some of the worst of my life, mentally. And I've been through some awful stuff. I really don't know how I will get through about another week of this, constantly scared of getting worse.

[tommeasor]

It’s not so much the virus that hurts you, it’s your immunes response that is the problem, and that is regulated by a modulator – vitamin D. without a good level of vitamin D, your immune system over reacts.

[pulisa]

You'll get through because you have no choice in the matter. You'll be scared but you'll get through..

[Lushchicken]

I know, Pulisa, you're very right.

[Lushchicken]

The hospital just called. The machine that was supposed to analyse my COVID test (and others, of course) is broken. they now have to send the tests to another part of Switzerland and don’t know when I will get my result. I have never felt so much tension and fear. It feels like the universe is punishing me.

[leanderson2012]

You’re almost two weeks from exposure right? Is this Sunday two weeks? I think you’re in excellent shape either way. Here in the US (which I don’t pretend is the epicenter for handling the virus well by any means lol), if you’re exposed but asymptomatic you can leave quarantine 14 days after exposure. You’re no longer considered a danger to yourself or others. Is it the same where you are?

Deep breaths. If I were to guess, you don’t have it, but you may be one of the lucky ones who was asymptomatic (or your only symptom was the rash). You’re in amazing shape if that’s the case! Now you’ll have antibodies and can donate (if you wish) to help others!

Deep deep breaths. You’re going to be fine.

[leanderson2012]

Also, remember that even if you were to get it and have symptoms, you would be like me and you would feel sick for awhile, and then you’d start to feel better. Caution and safety need to be exercised with this to help protect each other, but having the anxiety or fear take over your life is not worth it. I'm living proof of that (literally lol I’m still alive!). I was certain I was going die if I got it, and here I am on Day 13 of symptoms feeling better than I did a week ago. Do I still have some lingering symptoms? Oh yea. Headache today, tiredness, and on occasional cough. Not my favorite, but not too bad. Do I want to go through it again? No way. But if I do, numbers are on my side, and they’re on yours.

Deep, deep breaths. Challenge the fatalistic thinking as much as you can. Imagine yourself getting it, feeling sick for a week, and then coming out of it stronger (both mentally and physically! Although you might feel physically weaker for a bit like I do :winks:) Imagine yourself being able to do what I’m able to do now, which is telling somebody who has similar fears to, and letting them know that you’re okay and you made it, and they will too! Imagine yourself being able to donate antibodies to help out those who got a worse case than you. Imagine walking around with the strength and confidence in your immune system and body, knowing that you beat Covid. Because, if you get it, that’s what will happen :)

[Lushchicken]

Thanks for the wonderfully encouraging words. Yeah, 13 days past exposure. Last 'symptom' a week ago and nothing to report since. Either I'm negative or my body just wasn't fazed by it. Of course I am still worrying about taking a bad turn. But have to ask myself a bad turn from what? No fever, no cough, no loss of sense of taste. At this point, I'm just massively over the whole thing. I can't believe I tried to get tested on Monday and still haven't got answers Friday night. That's really concerning and does not bode well for the entire testing system. I really, really wanted that peace of mind but have resigned myself to the fact that I need to stop waiting for it. Frustrated and pissed off rather than anxious, which feels a lot more manageable. Guess my anxiety has just kind of powered itself out.

[pulisa]

I really hope covid has been a non-event, symptom-wise, for you but it would be good to know for sure because then you would have a definitive answer.

One of the worst things about this virus for anxiety sufferers is the unpredictability of individual response but I suppose the watching and waiting is literally a form of exposure therapy with a vengeance and you do come out the other side mentally stronger!

[Lushchicken]

Yeah, I will get my result eventually. But it's not in my hands right now. I just need to take my body and mind out of the 'waiting mode', if you know what I mean. It's just not sustainable for much longer.

The exposure therapy thing is a very good point. I honestly thought I was going to lose it completely. Monitoring my symptoms and temperature every single day for 7 days, always on edge, fearing that I might get worse or seriously ill all of a sudden. It feels like having a major dog phobia and being locked in a room with a dog for days, just waiting for it to tear your face off. It's agonising. At this point I can't see huge benefits from going through this. Maybe I will in a few months. It honestly feels like I will be even more paranoid now about having it (if I end up testing negative), because I will do everything in my power to avoid going through this again.

[Lushchicken]

Lab still doesn't have my results. They're apparently 3000 tests behind. 'Maybe we'll let you know until 7 pm tonight'. Sure, totally up for another round of this SHIT ��

[Lushchicken]

Finally got my result tonight and I'm negative! Thank goodness. That was a very bad week. Dad is practically back to normal and knows he's incredibly lucky. In hindsight he's very glad I insisted on all of us meeting outdoors rather than indoors.

[Carys]

Phew, but I have to say I came on here to say that if its been that long (2 weeks ?) then it would be really really incredibly unlikely and unlucky to develop the virus anyway.

[Lushchicken]

I'm sure you're right, Carys. Took entirely too long to get tested & receive the results. 6 days! Just needed the result to completely shut down my health anxiety.

[leanderson2012]

So glad you’ve tested negative! But remember, even if you had gotten it, you would have been fine 😊

[Lushchicken]

I hope you are right. I know age is on my side.

[fishman65]

That's brilliant Lushchicken!! I'm so pleased for you.

[Lushchicken]

Thank you, Fishman. It's a massive relief!