Most Important Advice

[LittleLionMan]

Hi all,

I just wanted to pose a question...

If you got to tell someone who was suffering with anxiety, one piece of advice, what would it be?

Mine would probably be that it is constantly changing, and that how you are feeling now won't be how you will feel tomorrow, or even in an hours time. I remind myself of this constantly.

[NoraB]

It would be that anxiety is our body trying to keep us alive. Severe anxiety is our body trying very hard to keep us alive. The symptoms of anxiety are unpleasant, but they're not harmful, and they will fade away as the body desensitises, but that won't happen while we are pressing our foot down on the accelerator...

Try to live moment by moment, instead of brooding on the past which cannot be changed or worrying about something in the future that will most likely never happen. The present is where recovery lies, and alongside this is acceptance of whatever life will bring, including potential illness and inevitable death. There is nothing to be gained in worrying about these things but everything to be gained in accepting them.

I also advocate wolfing down the occasional chocolate bar with zero guilt. :yesyes:

[Lolalee1]

I tried to give advice to a friend but copped abuse so I keep quite now plus no one listens anyway.

[LittleLionMan]

All very important, and the idea that it's a purely an inbuilt survival mechanism is an easy thing to forget when it feels like your mind and body are working against you. Good little reminder that. 👍

[ankietyjoe]

Ignore it and it'll go away.

[ankietyjoe]

I tried to give advice to a friend but copped abuse so I keep quite now plus no one listens anyway.


They do listen if you persevere.

As proven by the 'lost cause' that started this thread.

[Midnight-mouse]

Quite simply that it honestly doesn’t matter and no amount of thinking about it will change a thing so why bother when there’s much more interesting things that can be enjoyed.


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[LittleLionMan]

They do listen if you persevere.

As proven by the 'lost cause' that started this thread.
I always tried to listen, and I appreciated the advice, it's just a lot to try and get your head around.

I'm still a lost cause, just a stubborn one that won't give up trying! Ha.

[pulisa]

You're hardly a lost cause. You have so much going for you, far more than most people of your age.
.
Don't try too hard..It's counterproductive. Don't obsess about anxiety and don't give it significance. Once you do you're hooked

[ankietyjoe]

I always tried to listen, and I appreciated the advice, it's just a lot to try and get your head around.

I'm still a lost cause, just a stubborn one that won't give up trying! Ha.

I was being facetious.

You're not a lost cause, you just need a kick up the arse. You're somebody that needs a stick, not a carrot.

Your language here is LIGHT YEARS from where it was a couple of months ago. Recognise your own progress.

[MRS STRESS ED]

Hi all,

I just wanted to pose a question...

If you got to tell someone who was suffering with anxiety, one piece of advice, what would it be?

Mine would probably be that it is constantly changing, and that how you are feeling now won't be how you will feel tomorrow, or even in an hours time. I remind myself of this constantly.

As bad as it maybe it can't harm you try and go with it you control it don't let it control you xx

[pulisa]

I was being facetious.

You're not a lost cause, you just need a kick up the arse. You're somebody that needs a stick, not a carrot.

Your language here is LIGHT YEARS from where it was a couple of months ago. Recognise your own progress.


Absolutely! Why not ditch your old thread and carry on with this one..Fresh start and all that?

[LittleLionMan]

I haven't posted on that old thread for ages.
Even if I'm feeling like death, I'm trying not to discuss it or whinge about it. I save it all for my psychologist and then just try and get back to ignoring it and cracking on in the meantime.
I have no idea if any of it is helping, but that's what I'm trying to do.

[ankietyjoe]

I haven't posted on that old thread for ages.
Even if I'm feeling like death, I'm trying not to discuss it or whinge about it. I save it all for my psychologist and then just try and get back to ignoring it and cracking on in the meantime.
I have no idea if any of it is helping, but that's what I'm trying to do.

The evidence is this thread. You must be able to see that?

[LittleLionMan]

I'm approaching it differently, I don't feel better.
Hoping the latter follows the former eventually.

Trying to crack on, and accept the feelings will leave when they are ready. I've also been pushing my boundaries... hard!

How are you doing?

[ankietyjoe]

I'm approaching it differently, I don't feel better.
Hoping the latter follows the former eventually.

Trying to crack on, and accept the feelings will leave when they are ready. I've also been pushing my boundaries... hard!

How are you doing?


You don't have to feel better to recognise progress. The fact that you aren't hyper negative about everything is a good start, and the key thing I was trying to push in your other thread was acceptance, and here you are accepting :)

All good here thanks bud, within the realms of what's possible!

[LittleLionMan]

There will be a true test of my acceptance today. I've just pushed way way out of my comfort zone for an hour with my psychologist, didn't run, just tolerated it stayed for half hour or so, and have just got back home. That was tough, so I'm going to accept why is was tough and be easy on myself for the rest of today.

I don't mind getting anxious so much when I am pushing, as I know why.

[LittleLionMan]

The constant anxiety that follows, after I've pushed my boundaries, and brought on expected panic attacks in the process, is a frustrating one for me, turns what could be perceived as a positive into a negative. I wish I could just forget it after and move on.

[ankietyjoe]

Why concern yourself with the perception of positive or negative? Why not just accept something as 'is'?

All you're trying to do is re-regulate your panic response to benign situations. If in the process of forcing yourself to feel anxiety you actually feel anxiety, how can that be positive or negative? You've undertaken an action to illicit a response, and succeeded. By tagging it negative, you're undoing some of the work you've done. It just is, don't attach emotion to it.

[LittleLionMan]

I don't mean that I'm sitting back and coming to the conclusion that it's a negative, I just mean that the ramifications make me worse, so afterwards, I am left in a worse place than I was before.

This isn't a good example, because I actually overdid it, it wasn't a little push with anxiety I could tolerate, it was a massive push that wiped me out, but I resisted the urge to leave, and saw it through, so even in them circumstances, I didn't back down or shy away... I suppose a short term backlash is expected, just got to let it ride.

Edit - Letting it ride isn't going so well. 😔

[ankietyjoe]

I actually overdid it, it wasn't a little push with anxiety I could tolerate, it was a massive push that wiped me out, but I resisted the urge to leave, and saw it through, so even in them circumstances, I didn't back down or shy away


But by your own admission you did tolerate it.

You don't have to feel amazing to achieve a success. By NOT backing away, you took a little step in re-training your CNS to not overreact next time because you provided proof that catastrophe won't happen if you remain with the anxiety.

[LittleLionMan]

That's what I mean really.

By the text book, it was probably the ideal anxiety 'practice'. When we first got there, in the heat of the anxiety, I went to spin the car around as I couldn't stand it any longer, but I resisted the urge to do that, but was in so much of a state, that we agreed that my psychologist would drive back because I wasn't in a fit state to, and half an hour later, I drove back fine, so I saw the anxiety through perfectly well I suppose.

I'm just struggling with the backlash, and this is a bit of a pattern for me, where I am anxious for days afterwards, and it makes me feel negatively towards the event, instead of taking the positives out of it. Honestly, yesterday and today so far have been a real struggle, and it then feels like a backwards step, instead of a forward step. If that makes sense.

[LittleLionMan]

One thing I have noticed, and I don't know if anyone can relate? If I stay up late, doing anything intensive, ie. working, gaming, gambling, etc. I am FAR worse the next day.
I was markedly better yesterday, played Xbox with a mate last night until 12:20ish, was asleep by 12:45, solid 6 1/2 hours, so a good nights sleep, yet I feel awful today, mind is a being menace, and feel like panic is coming at any time. Another thing happened yesterday that could be at the root of it, but I've noticed this pattern of doing stimulating (no not that!) stuff late at night and paying for it the next day.
I'm going to experiment with being mindful of it for the time being, and seeing if it helps.

[ankietyjoe]

Yes it's normal, but remember to try not to over analyse every single cause/reaction. Sometimes anxiety will just happen.

[glassgirlw]

My anxiety has been honestly really well controlled for the last several months. Even through a pandemic. Then today it just shot up sky high with no real evident trigger that I could see at first. So I think the key lies in not necessarily finding all your triggers and avoiding them, but recognizing that it’s anxiety and just deal with it in that moment. Anxiety can’t always be explained logically, so it’s up to us to handle it when it happens. And the more we normalize how we handle it, the easier it becomes - and is how we can beat the beast. Just my opinion! And I realize sometimes easier said than done.

[LittleLionMan]

Yeah, you've probably just described the thing I do wrong there. I can't help but try and 'figure it out', constantly, and then gets stuck in my own head, although I think I've got a bit better at it actually.

I know there are things you can do to help yourself. Have a decent sleep routine, eat better, exercise, not avoid specific things, but aside from that, I think you have to accept that what comes, comes.

I tried to get a better nights sleep last night. Wasn't particularly early, but tried to unwind before I went to sleep (went to bed and watched boxing, including the superb Katie Taylor!), and have now been awake since 4am with my mind racing, so that's backfired and I feel dreadful.

[ankietyjoe]

I can't help but try and 'figure it out'


Yes you can, it just takes practice. You are trying to undo years (decades?) of habitual reactive thinking.

[LittleLionMan]

I mean I can't at the moment. I'm learning, and getting better at it I think, but every thought sticks when I'm not feeling great, like today.

I'm a ball of anxiety today from overthinking from 4-7 this morning, and can't let it go.

[ankietyjoe]

and can't let it go.


Mentally replace that thought with 'I haven't let this go yet, but I will'.


It really matters how you process the details of what you are experiencing. Everything is temporary.

[LittleLionMan]

I was just going for a run to break the cycle and twisted my knee going down the stairs. Today just isn't my day! 😂

It's just like a low level, persistant anxiety that seems to let my mind latch on to everything. It's worse when I'm tired, and I think it's from a rubbish nights sleep last night.

* it's turning into panic now. 😢

[NeoGriffin]

A piece of advice that I would offer is to start by working on your thoughts first and in person activity second. While it may be difficult if your mind is constantly racing, try putting an end to your negative thoughts by literally saying "stop" in your head. You don't need to replace it with any positive thought, just literally cut off the fearful one to try and prevent your brain from running on autopilot with negativity. Over time, it may help if you can in a way rewire your brain to not constantly expect the worst since it seems like it can happen every day without us even realizing it. As with anything related to overcoming anxiety, this is a suggestion that would take a little time to hopefully yield positive results.

[LittleLionMan]

I agree that you can't let negative or nonsense thoughts spiral, but I can't talk myself out of them and struggle to ignore them. I almost have to put my attentions and energy into real life stuff to make them quieten down.

I'm actually having that problem this morning. My mind keeps darting off to odd places, and I have to just keep bringing my attention back to my work and not get involved with my minds nonsense. Any attempt I make to rationalise or stop thoughts just makes me get in a fight which makes me worse.

[NeoGriffin]

One additional suggestion for racing thoughts is have you have ever tried any sort of meditation? In the past, I might have thought this meant sitting in the lotus position up on a mountainside when really it can be as simple as listening to videos on YouTube while sitting in a chair at home. Jason Stephenson has countless free guided meditation videos that either help focus on your breathing or have some sort of visualization to assist with fear/anxiety.

I realize this may not be for everyone, however I've found it helpful to have someone else talk me through everything rather than simply leaving it up to myself. A lot of them are geared towards falling asleep easier which is a great way to end a rough day.

[LittleLionMan]

I have tried to do mindfulness, but it knocks me around to be honest. I've got better at sitting with myself, but my mind just tortures me to be honest, and mindfulness seems to force me into my head, when that's the opposite of what I want.

There was a time when I had to have the tele on, or the radio on constantly to stop me from thinking, and I've got over that by tolerating it and refusing to use them safety behaviours. I'm just too much 'in my own head' constantly, and it leads to all the derealisation, crazy thoughts and almost depressed stuff that I'm feeling at the minute. Today being a hopeless example.

[Scass]

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[LittleLionMan]

Where have I mentioned abdominal pain or my heart? I think you're confusing me with someone else?

I'm fully aware of the physical symptoms anxiety creates.

If you were talking about me, then how dare you say that I'm doing nothing to help myself. You have no idea what I put myself through in a day, attempting to get better.

[pulisa]

Scass will have just mixed you up with someone else, Phil..A genuine mistake.

Maybe you are trying TOO hard to manage your anxiety though?

[LittleLionMan]

Hi, how are you?

Yeah, that's why I was polite at the start, with a little 'if' afterwards. Haha.

I never get the criticism in this forum sometimes, when the majority here are trying to do the best they can in whatever situation they are in.

My psychologist has suggested very similar, that I try too hard at everything, which has served me well in some areas of my life, but is counterproductive for anxiety.

[Scass]

I did absolutely mix you up with someone else,and I’m so sorry I upset you. That’s why I swore I wouldn’t reply to that other thread!

But hey, I’m really glad you are working so hard on your anxiety. If only everyone did. What do you find works for you?


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[pulisa]

Hi, how are you?

Yeah, that's why I was polite at the start, with a little 'if' afterwards. Haha.

I never get the criticism in this forum sometimes, when the majority here are trying to do the best they can in whatever situation they are in.

My psychologist has suggested very similar, that I try too hard at everything, which has served me well in some areas of my life, but is counterproductive for anxiety.


Exactly..It's not a battle but it will be if you fight it too hard and get the adrenaline flowing constantly.

You do sound as if you are doing really well though..as is your football team!

[NoraB]

I agree that you can't let negative or nonsense thoughts spiral, but I can't talk myself out of them and struggle to ignore them.

You don't have to ignore them.

You can learn to reframe them.

[LittleLionMan]

Exactly..It's not a battle but it will be if you fight it too hard and get the adrenaline flowing constantly.

You do sound as if you are doing really well though..as is your football team!
I am doing well in some regards.

I was on the floor Wednesday/Thursday/Friday, but I've managed to get myself to an OK place last night and most of today. Really learning that I need to crack on and do stuff instead of ruminating on the nonsense my anxious mind throws up.

Been for a run the last couple of days, which definitely helps me. I'm so easily triggered it's unreal though, over silly stuff.

My football team are a bit like me, hit and miss! Haha!

I have put both of my racehorses away for the winter though, so I'll miss having them out on the racetrack.

[LittleLionMan]

You don't have to ignore them.

You can learn to reframe them.
The thoughts that I'm having are about the nature of existence and questioning reality, so there isn't really any 'reframing' that can be done, as there are no answers or rational way of looking at them. It's more just an acceptance that minds wander to odd places sometimes. They come with real force though, and the anxiety makes me derealised which reinforces the theory. It's just done it now, purely because I was walking back towards the house, and noticed the moon and that's enough. Very odd.

[LittleLionMan]

I did absolutely mix you up with someone else,and I’m so sorry I upset you. That’s why I swore I wouldn’t reply to that other thread!

But hey, I’m really glad you are working so hard on your anxiety. If only everyone did. What do you find works for you?

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Don't worry about it, I assumed you had me mixed up.

Just getting up and about really, and running.

The less I do, the worse I am. I also have to just accept that at the moment things make me anxious and to accept it without reading too much into it. Easier said than done though at times.

I also have to stop avoiding things around the house and with my family.