Howdy

[Duality]

Hello all,

I'm not a panic attack suffer, however i'm the son of one. My dad has been suffering panic attacks since the age of 14 (he's 41 now), i've been aware of his "problem" since i was 13 and recently he's gotten worse.

I don't understand him and i really don't like the way he is, i've tried looking for articles / information on to understand and this is how i come across this site.

I want to know what happens, how he feels, why he can be agressive / argumentative and many other things.

Hopefully you can help.

Mop (aka Duality).

[JPF]

Hi Duality

Welcome here - sorry to hear about your Dad.

I'm no expert (but there are plenty of people here more qualified than I am and with much more experience who can answer yoy) but I would think a lot of your Dad's aggressiveness could well be down to stress and anxiety. When you're in a bad way you tend to snap at people, especially those closest to you. It's not nice but it's one of the products of being in such a state.

I'm a very recent sufferer of panic attacks (but a long-term anxiety sufferer I've begaun to realise) and I know I can be snappy, terse and just a plain pain in the backside to have around! When I'm a bad state everything and everyone can feel like a threat or an irritation.

Think of people with 'Road Rage' - although they're not having panic attacks per se - they are under stress and reacting to what's going on in an agressive manner.

Researching here may give you some ideas of things which will help your Dad or at least perhaps gain an insight into the way he feels that will give you some understanding of why he reacts the way he does.

This is just my ha'peth - there are many folks on here who can probably give you a better answer than this!

Good luck and I hope you find some information which can help you

Cheers
J

[seh1980]

hello there,

Sorry to hear about your Dad - it must be very difficult for you not knowing how to help him.

Has he tried to combat his anxiety at all by seeing a doctor or seeking counselling? Maybe you could suggest this website to him and see what he says...

Sarah :D

[lainey]

Hi

Welcome to the forum, I hope you find some answers to your dad's problems here. Everyone is very helpful and understanding and will do all they can to help you.

Take care

Elaine x

[Duality]

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">
Has he tried to combat his anxiety at all by seeing a doctor or seeking counselling? Maybe you could suggest this website to him and see what he says...

Sarah :D

<div align="right">Originally posted by seh1980 - 03 February 2005 : 20:44:23</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

He see's a doctor and is on around 20 tablets a day, he also does counselling but we moved from carlisle to a countryside area which doesn't have a local counselling building and my dad has to travel on the train for 15 mins (or 40 on the bus) to get to town which does have a counselling building .. he goes twice a month but didn't this week because he felt really bad.

[nomorepanic]

Hi Mop

It is very kind of you to look around for stuff for your dad - I am sure he will appreciate it.

Have you read much on the website attached to this forum - www.nomorepanic.co.uk

Perhaps you could print some pages off for him - coping, first steps etc

It may help you understand and I am sure it will help him.

I bet he has never been on websites like this looking for help so it could be a really big help for him now.

I hope we can help you both


Nicola

[Meg]

Hi Mop,

Essentially your Dad will be frightened but maybe not sure what of, he may be overwhelmed and totally self absorbed in how dreadful he feels , he may feel a failure for not being able to control his feelings, he may be struggling with body symptoms that feel very real and scary and this may result in him being snappy and appearing to be in a bad mood.

I know that when I was bad - I went ice cold towards my family and extremely matter of fact and clinical. It was as much as I could do to control my answers, make myself carry on and not shout - Help me - I feel sooo awful and I don't know what to do anymore.

He may have had this for many years but if he hasn't had any help he may still not understand it or know how to help himself.

What do you think we can do to help you both ?







Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

You cannot conquer fear until you have learned what it is you're afraid of. The enemy is ignorance. Vivian Vance

[Duality]

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">What do you think we can do to help you both ?

Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

You cannot conquer fear until you have learned what it is you're afraid of. The enemy is ignorance. Vivian Vance

<div align="right">Originally posted by Meg - 03 February 2005 : 21:14:20</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

To return some state of normality to his life. My dad spends most of his time in bed now-a-days, we've moved from Carlisle (his home town for 39 years) to Northumberland .. the problems that led to my our move have been with my dad since he was ten, and it seems now he's suffering more. Back in carlisle my dad was able to walk places, do stuff, enjoy things. Now he's in bed, panic attacks, he turns cold towards us (me, my mum and my brother) in bad times. My dad's seeing a counseller but his office is 30 miles away from us (where as in carlisle it was only in town, a short bus journey), he also suffers from phobias about being outside and in small spaces and feels the house we live in now is too small for him. He was on beta blockers before Christmas and he was fine but the callout doctor won't prescribe him them it was upto another doctor (I think it's his counsellor) when he came round this week, when i feel he needs them the most. He's also got flu currently and you can hear him coughing, spluttering and choking when he's being sick in the bathroom.

All i want is for my dad to be able to control his panic attacks, for him to do things again and for him not to turn cold on us.

[FAN]

hi maybe you could show this site to your dad then he can see that others are the same he can also read the tips on how to help himself feel better as i think that might be easier than you trying to relay the information to him

fan x

[Meg]

Has he been seen/assessed by the community mental health team since moving ?

If not - your Mum can visit / call the GP and explain the change in him and ask for a referral.




Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

You cannot conquer fear until you have learned what it is you're afraid of. The enemy is ignorance. Vivian Vance

[mico]

Hi Mop

It sounds that you're in a difficult situation, and I'm not sure anyone has any right answer that they could suggest.

I believe in this kind of situation, although it could be very difficult, is that someone needs to be able to communicate with him in a honest way, but in a way that you can all feel comfortable with it, especially him. It sounds that he has a lot going on, he may even feel a lot of guilt for being the way he is, or feel that it is his fault. He may well think that by staying in bed he can stay away from everyone and that he'll not cause people any problems that way. These are just thoughts though, I may be completely wrong. But it may help a lot if somebody can talk to him about the whole situation and more importantly try to understand him and why he feels the way he does. So it's good that you've stumbled across this place, if you have a look around, there's a lot of information here that could be of help.

Being aggressive and argumentative arn't really traits of anxiety, but they can be defences. I guess it can help people not to show their feelings. Or more likely, it could be that he would like to show his feelings, but just doesn't know how. Unfortuanetely people get stuck into routines and comfort zones, and that applies to the way in which we communicate with others. Some people are passive, others might find it easier to be aggresive, not many people are truly assertive, which is the ideal happy medium. I think the bottom line here is that he doesn't know how to talk about this stuff, and that's where your going to have to help him. Difficult, I know.

You probably already know that him staying in bed isn't a sollution to the problem and that it's only going to make things worse. So it would be helpful for you to encourage him to go about normal activities and such, but I feel it's important that you don't pressure him in any way, that would more likely make him more defensive.

All I can say, is to encourage, communicate honestly, but try never to get annoyed and pressure him, and to learn, so that you understand the whole situation better.

Not the greatest advice, I know, but I hope you can find some help. Just remember, you can take a horse to water, but you can't make it drink it, so you need to be tactful, not forceful.

mico