Having an off day

[glassgirlw]

Most days I’m great at dealing with my anxiety. Other days...not so much. I don’t post much seeking reassurance, and I don’t think that’s what I’m really after here either. More just want to get it down on “paper” so to say.

Covid is on the rise in my county, and state - in a big way. Through most of this pandemic I’ve been able to keep the anxiety under control. Not much about my life has really changed, other than now we don’t go in shops or in restaurants to eat. Other than that I’m still going to work every day, wearing my mask out of the house, etc. But yesterday there were several press conferences live streamed on Facebook from our local health care departments and I did watch a couple of them because I trust those sources. Because the cases have skyrocketed, all of our ten large health systems in the area are significantly overwhelmed. To the point that they’re rescheduling non-emergent surgeries, etc. And it’s not just due to Covid of course, people are hospitalized for other reasons. But Covid is definitely putting a strain on things.

so I went to bed, slept “alright” I guess - I’m not the worlds best sleeper anyway. But today starting about 9 am I started having those occasional “skipped beats” - no other symptoms, only skipping some beats now and again. I’ve had them before, I know they’re harmless, logically I tell myself to not worry about them. But I think in the back of my mind, knowing our hospitals are overwhelmed and full of sick people...the “what if” game starts to play in my head. What if this is it and I need to go to the hospital and there’s no room. What if I go to the hospital and there is room, but what if I catch Covid while I’m there. What if I go, they have room, but then I lay there for two hours waiting to be cleared and then I’ve taken up space from someone else that may have needed it more. It’s just so frustrating.

thanks for letting me vent lol. I suppose these will stop eventually and I can go back to managing as I have been. Am going to try some more deep breathing and maybe try to distract myself with a movie or something.

[pulisa]

You know these skipped beats are harmless manifestations of anxiety but now you have to believe it and let them just happen without ruminating on the possible connotations of needing medical attention. "What ifs" are the HA talking but they are just fears and not fact. You've had these before and so have I..many times. What makes it different now is Covid and the news reports of overwhelmed hospitals which will quite naturally put the fear of God into you..but you don't have a diagnosed cardiac condition and you know why you have anxiety now.

We all have off days especially when we are tired and frightened. You know what's going on with Covid so I would advise putting a block on watching the news etc and try to distract yourself with pleasant things regardless of whether you're having skipped beats or not. They aren't significant so don't give them importance.

I hope things settle, glassgirlw..You're doing really well and you've carried on regardless throughout these long months of the pandemic. You're only human and having a wobble is completely understandable. Please look after yourself x

[glassgirlw]

Pulisa - you are 100% right, and thank you for the kind words. I appreciate your advice.

I truly thought I was “handling” the little bits of news that I watch really well. I’ve made it a point to only receive my news from reputable Health professionals rather than just news anchors. But I suppose it’s a bit like google, or anything else really - it can become obsessive to check those things and maybe I was overloading on it.

regardless I managed to have myself a bit of a catnap and the skips are much much less now, so hopefully the fact that I haven’t needed to visit the ER for them yet will help me to keep things in perspective when they do inevitably return. I am proud of myself that it didn’t escalate into a full blown panic attack - but if I’m being honest with myself I wasn’t too far off from it. Gotta keep working on that.

Thanks again, P - your response means a lot and I appreciate you taking the time to reply earlier. Hope you and your kids are doing as well as can be expected during these crazy times!! Stay safe over there.

[Carnation]

Hi glassgirlw,

It's good to sometimes pour out the way you feel and although you have been coping, there's no doubt this new way of living will have an affect over a period of time.
That's what happened to me. I was coping quite well but eventually it hit me. Let's face it, we've never had to deal with a situation like this before.
I wouldn't be too concerned about these missed beats. For one thing you'll be listening for them and making yourself more stressed. Maybe do some guided meditation or listen to some affirmations. x