View Full Version : Can anyone help on this one?
I'd appreciate anyone's help on this. I've convinced myself I am dying, that I have a dreadful disease that's been ignored for years. I've had a bad stomach for the last week, my throat is bad last two days, I've just looked at the back of my throat and, let's say, if I'm lucky then it will be oral thrush. It's not good, not terrible, but not right at the back of my throat. I took my steroid asthma inhaler last week for the first time in years and my stomach problem started after that and I know those inhalers can cause oral thrush, but this looks like something I should get sorted out.
I guess anyone reading will know the worst thing I'm thinking.
And here's the problem, since something really bad happened medically to a relative years ago, I have felt unable to go for any medical checks. About anything. I went for a check on my breast 3 months after the relative's event and they told me it was cancer. 6 weeks later I finally got the confirmation that it wasn't, that it was just some scar tissue. But something about that whole thing happening after a traumatic event has now stopped me from being able to go to the doctor's about anything.
My regular doctor has retired too, or I could have gone to him as he knew me from a child and understood the whole story.
I'm avoiding going to the doctor's about many health things and they are stacking up. I wrote to a psychologist in london to explain I really need to address all these fears, but there was no reply.
I've looked privately for CBT but to be honest I can't see anyone that is suitable in my area.
Can anyone suggest anything, on anything that I've said. I'm always aware that if there is something wrong with me I'm leaving it all much too late
I'd appreciate anyone's help on this. I've convinced myself I am dying, that I have a dreadful disease that's been ignored for years.
By dreadful disease, you mean cancer? (it usually is with HA)
And here's the problem, since something really bad happened medically to a relative years ago, I have felt unable to go for any medical checks. About anything. I went for a check on my breast 3 months after the relative's event and they told me it was cancer. 6 weeks later I finally got the confirmation that it wasn't, that it was just some scar tissue. But something about that whole thing happening after a traumatic event has now stopped me from being able to go to the doctor's about anything.
So you know where the issue stems from, that's helpful.
I have an issue with your terminology though. You say you went for a check and they told you it 'was' cancer?
As far as I know, breast cancer is diagnosed via imaging and biopsy. It is common for people to use the word cancer as a possibility, as in, 'this could be cancer' - which is obviously what they're checking you for - but while this is anxiety provoking, but 'could be' is very different from 'is'.
My regular doctor has retired too, or I could have gone to him as he knew me from a child and understood the whole story.
Sometimes a fresh pair of eyes can be very helpful - especially when it comes to mental health issues.
I'm avoiding going to the doctor's about many health things and they are stacking up. I wrote to a psychologist in london to explain I really need to address all these fears, but there was no reply.
Your being proactive about the HA and that's really great start. Maybe phone up the psychologists secretary and ask what the delay is? (or ask somebody to do it for you)
I've looked privately for CBT but to be honest I can't see anyone that is suitable in my area.
Have you tried the good old NHS? You can self refer - you don't need to go through a GP.
I'm always aware that if there is something wrong with me I'm leaving it all much too late
A pharmacist can help you with the thrush - you can get OTC gels in the short-term but long-term you need to be working towards making an appointment to see your GP. Take somebody with you for support? Maybe binge-watch some doctor programmes to desensitise yourself? It will ramp up the anxiety to start with, but just keep watching until you no longer react with fear. I watched 24 Hours in A & E until I literally got bored. Exposure therapy and all that...
By dreadful disease, you mean cancer? (it usually is with HA)
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So you know where the issue stems from, that's helpful.
I have an issue with your terminology though. You say you went for a check and they told you it 'was' cancer?
As far as I know, breast cancer is diagnosed via imaging and biopsy. It is common for people to use the word cancer as a possibility, as in, 'this could be cancer' - which is obviously what they're checking you for - but while this is anxiety provoking, but 'could be' is very different from 'is'.
Sometimes a fresh pair of eyes can be very helpful - especially when it comes to mental health issues.
Your being proactive about the HA and that's really great start. Maybe phone up the psychologists secretary and ask what the delay is? (or ask somebody to do it for you)
Have you tried the good old NHS? You can self refer - you don't need to go through a GP.
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A pharmacist can help you with the thrush - you can get OTC gels in the short-term but long-term you need to be working towards making an appointment to see your GP. Take somebody with you for support? Maybe binge-watch some doctor programmes to desensitise yourself? It will ramp up the anxiety to start with, but just keep watching until you no longer react with fear. I watched 24 Hours in A & E until I literally got bored. Exposure therapy and all that...
Thanks.
I was told it was breast cancer, they just needed to find out what type with biopsy. When I pressed they said they were 90% certain. I realise technically they had to confirm it but apparently that's all they would be doing, so I was told. I'm not complaining, just feel very flat at the moment. They were after all looking to save my life, but there we are. it turned out to be benign.
Phoning people is getting less and less easy. I'm finding everyone is just so harsh these days. They don't realise how vulnerable you're feeling. I also really don't know where to begin. Even looking for a psychologist is anxiety provoking. This is just getting worse and worse as the years are going by, with no one who is able to support me. I have friends, but no one I can talk to about this.
I didn't know you could self refer. So if you know of someone could you just try and find their dept and leave a message for them. I saw one years ago for 4 weeks, maybe I could talk to her.
Thanks.
I was told it was breast cancer, they just needed to find out what type with biopsy. When I pressed they said they were 90% certain. I realise technically they had to confirm it but apparently that's all they would be doing, so I was told. I'm not complaining, just feel very flat at the moment. They were after all looking to save my life, but there we are. it turned out to be benign.
See, I think this is out of order. If breast cancer cannot be diagnosed without biopsy, then they should have chosen their words more carefully! If they got it wrong with you, how many more women are they scaring the shit out of?
Phoning people is getting less and less easy. I'm finding everyone is just so harsh these days. They don't realise how vulnerable you're feeling.
I've found this a lot in the NHS. Over the last 9 years, I've had numerous tests, imaging, etc and it's rare that I come away thinking that the staff were pleasant, so I agree with you. Also, the receptionists in our surgery are SS trained, rather than NHS. :whistles:
I also really don't know where to begin. Even looking for a psychologist is anxiety provoking. This is just getting worse and worse as the years are going by, with no one who is able to support me. I have friends, but no one I can talk to about this.
The worst part for you will be the first where you pick up the phone and make the appointment - whether that's to see your GP for a referral or a private appointment, but you really need to do this because avoiding seeing doctors is the other end to seeing them all the time - only the danger with avoidance is that something will be missed and then you will have to deal with that too.
You could go to see a new doctor and be blown away with how understanding they are but you won't know unless you try.
I didn't know you could self refer. So if you know of someone could you just try and find their dept and leave a message for them. I saw one years ago for 4 weeks, maybe I could talk to her.
https://www.nhs.uk/service-search/find-a-psychological-therapies-service/
Hopefully this link is allowed? But in case it's removed - Google NHS CBT and self-referral is at the bottom of the page.
Hi , am not a great deal of use to people right now because my head is like a tin of alphabety spaghetti due to recent events but I can tell you from past experience steroid inhalers 100% will give you oral thrush at the back of your throat , little white blisters and redness, every time my asthma nurse makes me up my dose I get this , you have to gargle mouthwash after taking the inhaler and the chemist do a cream that gets rid in no time .
Not going to the docs for fear of bad news is also my new thing , I used to be the opposite going every week , getting the balance right is the problem and right now it’s even harder , calling 111 will usually sort out if you’re in need of help or not and right now it’s the best option rather than unnecessary visits .
Now if I can take my own advice ,,,,,,
See, I think this is out of order. If breast cancer cannot be diagnosed without biopsy, then they should have chosen their words more carefully! If they got it wrong with you, how many more women are they scaring the shit out of?
Partly my fault, I could read their facial expressions, then they gave me an envelope to carry to the next consultant down a corridor. The envelope was marked urgent. In view of everything I'd been through up to that point (other stuff), I felt justified to open my own envelope and I read what she put inside. Then I told the next consultant what I'd done. He then said it was 90% certain but that there are one or two other conditions that can look like this. I think it was the prior trauma I'd been through that made this all so hard, if I could have switched off my life for a while (not suicide I don't mean that) I would have.
I've found this a lot in the NHS. Over the last 9 years, I've had numerous tests, imaging, etc and it's rare that I come away thinking that the staff were pleasant, so I agree with you. Also, the receptionists in our surgery are SS trained, rather than NHS. :whistles:
You have made me feel so much better just by saying that. Even though I know when it's the other person and not me, it just feels like attack from everywhere and when you are already trying your hardest to get through the day it's awful. I know I should just tell myself that everyone is stressed at the moment, but it's toxic and it gets under my skin.
The worst part for you will be the first where you pick up the phone and make the appointment - whether that's to see your GP for a referral or a private appointment, but you really need to do this because avoiding seeing doctors is the other end to seeing them all the time - only the danger with avoidance is that something will be missed and then you will have to deal with that too.
You could go to see a new doctor and be blown away with how understanding they are but you won't know unless you try.
Good idea to find a new doctor. I miss the one that retired. He was kind and reassuring. Even if something was potentially bad he would be measured. I called him after the hospital (breast) appointment and he was very calm and said the only way to deal with this is to find out what it is. This has reminded me of something, when we are stressed we tend to talk in general terms rather than specifics. By analysing the problem scientifically we are being specific. Being specific lowers stress. I wish there were a book out there written by an Oncologist or something where they actually address cancer fears, because I know up to a point there is a huge public phobia going on, at the same time I know why and understand it. I wish I could read something by someone who could be a lot more specific, like an Oncologist. Cancer is one word for many different diseases.
https://www.nhs.uk/service-search/find-a-psychological-therapies-service/
Hopefully this link is allowed? But in case it's removed - Google NHS CBT and self-referral is at the bottom of the page.
Thanks. I tracked down the psychologist I saw and she replied. She's asked for a summary of the problems, so I've sent that. I'm not up for looking for a reply today, I'll do it tomorrow.
Thanks NoraB for listening. Hopefully I will talk more when my mood is a bit more elevated, I'm usually more cheerful than this. Sorry, my answers to your comments look like they're your's above, but I'm sure you and other readers will work it out. Sorry! lol
Hi , am not a great deal of use to people right now because my head is like a tin of alphabety spaghetti due to recent events but I can tell you from past experience steroid inhalers 100% will give you oral thrush at the back of your throat , little white blisters and redness, every time my asthma nurse makes me up my dose I get this , you have to gargle mouthwash after taking the inhaler and the chemist do a cream that gets rid in no time .
Not going to the docs for fear of bad news is also my new thing , I used to be the opposite going every week , getting the balance right is the problem and right now it’s even harder , calling 111 will usually sort out if you’re in need of help or not and right now it’s the best option rather than unnecessary visits .
Now if I can take my own advice ,,,,,,
That's really helpful, thanks Buster. I hope your recent events ease up and life becomes easier for you.
I had bad indigestion and stomach problems for a week, it was after taking the steroid inhaler. I should tell the doctor, though I don't know if it was that. I also wonder if I've had a throat infection as I had a temperature as well. All of which is much better now, throat is also feeling better but I'm not up for checking anything else at the moment. But you've made me feel a bit better re the oral thrush theory. Thanks.
partly my fault, I could read their facial expressions, then they gave me an envelope to carry to the next consultant down a corridor. The envelope was marked urgent. In view of everything I'd been through up to that point (other stuff), I felt justified to open my own envelope and I read what she put inside. Then I told the next consultant what I'd done. He then said it was 90% certain but that there are one or two other conditions that can look like this. I think it was the prior trauma I'd been through that made this all so hard, if I could have switched off my life for a while (not suicide I don't mean that) I would have.
You know you shouldn't have looked! (I'd have looked too) :ohmy:
You have made me feel so much better just by saying that. Even though I know when it's the other person and not me, it just feels like attack from everywhere and when you are already trying your hardest to get through the day it's awful. I know I should just tell myself that everyone is stressed at the moment, but it's toxic and it gets under my skin.
It concerns me that too many hospital staff appear to have the empathy range of a teaspoon. When people go to hospital for tests, or ops, it's usually when they're at their most vulnerable. A kind word or smile goes a long way when you're scared doesn't it?
As I've said, I've had so many of these experiences, I've lost count, but I remember last year when I went to have blood tests and it was a number system. My number came up but nobody came out and the door was closed so I stayed where I was. The next number came up and that person walked in, so I knew I'd made a mistake. When that person came out, my husband went in to explain what had happened and they told him to take me in. I tried to make a joke of it but they didn't respond. There were two nurses in there and they carried on talking to each other - they never said a word to me. Luckily I've had that many blood tests done in my time that I know the drill. I came out and my husband commented on how rude and ignorant they were, so I knew it wasn't just me. I was literally just a number to them. I've always presumed people choose to be doctors and nurses because they want to make people feel better, but that only seems to apply physically - not emotionally.
Good idea to find a new doctor. I miss the one that retired. He was kind and reassuring. Even if something was potentially bad he would be measured. I called him after the hospital (breast) appointment and he was very calm and said the only way to deal with this is to find out what it is. This has reminded me of something, when we are stressed we tend to talk in general terms rather than specifics. By analysing the problem scientifically we are being specific. Being specific lowers stress. I wish there were a book out there written by an Oncologist or something where they actually address cancer fears, because I know up to a point there is a huge public phobia going on, at the same time I know why and understand it. I wish I could read something by someone who could be a lot more specific, like an Oncologist. Cancer is one word for many different diseases.
Cancer is the most feared disease on this forum, but the reality is that many of us will eventually develop it - even if it's in old age - because we have to die of something. With my family, my dad was the youngest to die at 58 but it's important to look at them as individual cases. Cancer is not the death sentence it once was and rates of survival are getting better all the time. I personally know only three people who have died of cancer. One was my dad, the other was my friend who was unlucky enough to get one of those cancers which is hard to treat (rare) and most recently my 74 year old FIL but I know lots of people who've had cancer and beaten it including a lady who had a double mastectomy.
I've accepted the possibility of developing cancer or other diseases. Death's a given for us all, and I'm ok with that. My parents both had cancer so I will always act on symptoms that are new, and which don't go away after a few weeks. In doing this I am being proactive with my health. I've also had a very physical mental breakdown due to health anxiety so I know that an overstimulated body can produce some 'scary' symptoms. I also have a chronic health condition - which isn't life-threatening but it is life-affecting and I'm having to work to overcome the depression which comes with chronic pain. I've also come to understand that the human body is a wonderful machine, and it works hard to keep us alive. It's just that most of us don't understand the stress response and that these symptoms are normal..
Unfortunately, bad things happen to people. My SIL died from a medication error in hospital but that won't stop me from going because her story isn't my story, and the most important thing to remember is that she died peacefully and if we have to go (which we do) that's not a bad way to go, right?
My FIL just died and he literally slept for 48 hours then peacefully passed away. I can scare myself and make connections which don't exist re cancer or I can choose to see the bigger picture - which is that his suffering was minimal when he was conscious and in the end there was no suffering at all - just him snoring his head off. :shrug:
When I start to ruminate about leaving my son (and my grown up sons) I remind myself that they will die one day too, and I absolutely don't want to outlive them. That puts things into perspective for me. But I am here now, and I get to live now.
Avoidance with HA (you) is as bad as having your own car parking space at the doctors surgery (used to be me) - somewhere in-between is 'normal' and your first step is to find a doctor and make an appointment for some CBT. You had a bad experience with the BC/hospital thing but that's in the past. But this can help you because, now you know that even being told you probably have cancer doesn't mean you have cancer, right?
I hope some of these ramblings help you but it's early in the morning and I'm trying to operate minus caffeine, so it might be a bit digressy. X
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