Rationalizing my fear

[Perpetual]

I have an almost constant intrusive thought that something will happen with my heart and I will die. This is especially present when I am among people and/or anywhere but at home.

Just now I got out of the bus and had to walk to the hospital (visiting my father). While on the bus I kept hoping time would fly and we would get off the highway, at least being closer to a hospital in case something happens. When I got out I wanted walk quick, for the same reason. Now at the hospital I feel worse, because of the experience I had two months ago being in the A&E for the first time due to having a very high heart rate.


When I was walking to the hospital I suddenly said out loud, ‘Don’t you pride yourself to be a rational person? A skeptical non superstitious person?’ I started thinking about how the plethora of symptoms I have could be caused by any obsessive longterm fear. What if I feared being attacked every time I was outside, and that at any moment somebody might break into my home? Wouldn’t that, after a few months (or years in my case), cause numerous issues?

I don’t know how to get rid of the almost continuous train of intrusive thoughts, but I will try to also think about the rational ones and stop checking my body for all the things arising.

[Carys]

I think you are taking some good steps in dealing with what you know is irrational. The fact is that HA is based for many people on a fear of being ill and dying, however, you know that that is no way to live your life. We see it on here each and everyday from some posters, a total and utter obsession with illness and dying (that isn't even present) which actually stops them functioning normally and living their lives. You are quite right, if you focus on one thing like being attacked and have a fear of it which is out of proportion with the likelihood of it happening, then it means you start shutting down aspects of your life, experiencing anxiety responses and that is a slippery slope. How to stop thinking about it ? Start by accepting that those thoughts are there, and get on with other things, they are thoughts and not reality, fears and not truths. Push yourself to continue with normal life, even if your heart (excuse pun) is telling you to go and stand outside the hospital. Trust me, I've been there, 30 year ago I couldn't even be alone in the house and whilst I was alone I would stand by the front door incase I had a heart event happen and could stagger out onto the street and be rescued. I did this for hours, yes, hours. Intrusive thoughts thrive on being focused on and being given merit, the more they are fed the large they become and the more they return.

[Perpetual]

I think you are taking some good steps in dealing with what you know is irrational. The fact is that HA is based for many people on a fear of being ill and dying, however, you know that that is no way to live your life. We see it on here each and everyday from some posters, a total and utter obsession with illness and dying (that isn't even present) which actually stops them functioning normally and living their lives. You are quite right, if you focus on one thing like being attacked and have a fear of it which is out of proportion with the likelihood of it happening, then it means you start shutting down aspects of your life, experiencing anxiety responses and that is a slippery slope. How to stop thinking about it ? Start by accepting that those thoughts are there, and get on with other things, they are thoughts and not reality, fears and not truths. Push yourself to continue with normal life, even if your heart (excuse pun) is telling you to go and stand outside the hospital. Trust me, I've been there, 30 year ago I couldn't even be alone in the house and whilst I was alone I would stand by the front door incase I had a heart event happen and could stagger out onto the street and be rescued. I did this for hours, yes, hours. Intrusive thoughts thrive on being focused on and being given merit, the more they are fed the large they become and the more they return.


Stopping thinking about it is tremendously difficult, but I couldn't agree more with what you're saying. I am confronting a lot nowadays, even when my body seems to be saying 'no'.
Thank you for your response, really appreciate it!

[NoraB]

I don’t know how to get rid of the almost continuous train of intrusive thoughts, but I will try to also think about the rational ones and stop checking my body for all the things arising.

Are you getting any help for this obvious OCD?

[Perpetual]

Are you getting any help for this obvious OCD?

I have been in therapy for 1,5 years, but not specifically for my anxiety. I recently told my therapist that I wanted to focus more on my anxiety and he transferred me to a colleague to do CBT. But nobody mentioned OCD and I also did not consider it myself.

[Harkar]

Intrusive thoughts are awful but they are just that, thoughts. Instead of engaging with the thought try labeling them as just that, thoughts, tired thoughts of a tired mind.
http://cbt4panic.org/overcome-obsessional-frightening-thoughts/
This is really good at explaining them.

[Perpetual]

Intrusive thoughts are awful but they are just that, thoughts. Instead of engaging with the thought try labeling them as just that, thoughts, tired thoughts of a tired mind.
http://cbt4panic.org/overcome-obsessional-frightening-thoughts/
This is really good at explaining them.

You're absolutely right. Thank you! I will work through them.