How do you learn to live with a “shotty” node?

[Worrywart84]

I’ve heard a few people mention they have shotty nodes that no longer seem to give them any trouble or panic HA-wise. I would be curious to hear your stories of how you got past it—was it through a test, several tests, a doctor’s reassurance, the passing of time...? I cannot get over this one on my neck—it’s been an on and off obsession for me since July (and before that I somehow made it 5 years without prodding around.) I can’t stand that I can feel it, that it’s 1.7 cm and that I can see it poking through if I crane my head ultra far to my shoulder. HA keeps telling me I need to go get this checked again because it just can’t be normal. It’s that feeling of feeling like you’ve cried wolf too many times and ow “this is real” and no one will take you seriously and you will end up neglecting what you should have advocated further for (which is the crappiest of HA feelings, isn’t it?)

What strategies have you learned to not panic at the presence of a palatable, somewhat visible lymph node after going to get it checked out?

I have tried telling myself I am not allowed to touch it for a period of days and this sometimes works and other times doesn’t.

[Aussie11]

Went through this about 10 years ago. Many doctors appointments later, ultrasound, blood tests and finally being referred to a specialist (endocrinologist/general surgeon) for opinion, had CT scan then this specialist said he was convinced it was nothing (just a shorty node). It’s about 2cm, long and thin shape, in my groin. Dr said he wouldn’t biopsy as they’d have to take whole thing out and there was no point as he was convinced all fine. After that I accepted it...then moved on to the next health anxiety thing and forgot about it. It’s still there 10 years later, and so am I!

[NoraB]

It's happening again..

Every time I see this thread title, I see it as 'How do you learn to live with a snotty nose'

Help. Me. :scared15:

[NancyW]

Lol at Nora :-)

Worry wart, I've gone through the node thing it's horrid.
When my son's dr told me nodes react easily but they have a very poor drainage system and can remain enlarged forever, they even can scar and then for sure stay enlarged. That helped me.

The nodes I freaked out about when my son was little are still there and he's 27.

[Fishmanpa]

How do you learn to live with any physical anomaly or issue? The simple answer is "You just do". I suffer several physical issues due to the side effects of heart disease, cancer treatment and the medications I take. Add age to the equation and yeah, sometimes it really sucks. But what choice do we have?

I've posted this quote many times and I really try to do my best to follow it.

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.”

― Charles R. Swindoll

Its not easy by any means and often times we fail at doing so but we have to wake up each day and try and it applies to mental as well as physical challenges. The "Positive Thoughts" (https://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?173453-Positive-Thoughts) thread I started several years ago is something I shared as its what I do everyday. I get positive quotes sent to my email daily. Many of which I post here. I often print them and post them on the bathroom mirror or some other place I'll see it regularly to help remind me about maintaining a positive attitude.

The reality is, that shotty node is not going to change and its harmless :shrug: Accept it and live your life... And read the quote in my signature. That's another one I try to live by every day.

Positive thoughts

[NotDeadYet]

Worrywart84,

For me it happened through challenging my unhelpful thoughts. Anytime I would have an anxiety inducing thought about my shotty node, I would just challenge the thought by saying, "it hasn't changed in years, I have no other symptoms, its nothing." Then I move on. Like Fish said, "you just do." It takes practice and effort but you can get there.

Best Wishes.

[Worrywart84]

I loved waking up this morning to read these replies. It helps with my attitude today already. Thank you guys.

[Kuraimoar]

I have one in my neck. It swelled up really big back in 2017 when I got hit with a stomach virus and a cold at the same time. It is noticeably bigger than the other side and sometimes swells bigger when I get sick or have a sore throat. It also swells if I poke at it so I definitely advise against touching it much. The doctor told me not to worry and it hasn't changed in 3 years so I figure its probably fine.

[.Poppy.]

I have one (I think) behind my ear and one that was under my jaw. I noticed both in middle school I think (I'm almost 30 now) but have vague memories of noticing them when I was much younger. They were the kick off on my HA spiral. I was so afraid to say anything about them because I thought I'd be diagnosed with something awful. I also didn't want to upset my parents. But for years I was afraid I was going to die at any minute and I was afraid to do things like raise my head in case a friend noticed and freaked out (unrelated, but I had an incident where I had ringworm and one of my friends convinced me it was lyme disease and that I was going to die).

Then, when I was in college other life things happened that drove my anxiety into overdrive. Finally I said enough and I had my doctor take a look. Obviously having had them for almost 10 years at least at that point it could be assumed that they weren't harmful, but my doctor confirmed. It was a huge weight off my shoulders.

The one behind my ear is still there. The one under my jaw is gone.

Like everything else with anxiety, it's a process. There are times when you are flying high and times when you hit a low. I suppose that's what coping mechanisms are for.

[helenhoo]

I've got a fair few, one on my neck for about 6 years now. My sister has one too similar place that was up during an infection and didn't go down. I was convinced this was something awful but doctor at the time just said we can feel them. He has some and got me to feel his (bit weird now thinking about it)

[Worrywart84]

Thank you again guys! I appreciate the replies!

[Worrywart84]

Ugh, I accidentally found yet another node, about an inch away from my main huge one. It’s smaller, but just the fact that I was able to find another on the same chain has be spiraling. I am mad at myself for touching the area. But now I am also panicking. Is it possible to “find” multiple healthy nodes in one spot on your neck?

[Fishmanpa]

Ugh, I accidentally found yet another node, about an inch away from my main huge one. It’s smaller, but just the fact that I was able to find another on the same chain has be spiraling. I am mad at myself for touching the area. But now I am also panicking. Is it possible to “find” multiple healthy nodes in one spot on your neck?

Ummmm :lac:

Positive thoughts

[glassgirlw]

I've got a fair few, one on my neck for about 6 years now. My sister has one too similar place that was up during an infection and didn't go down. I was convinced this was something awful but doctor at the time just said we can feel them. He has some and got me to feel his (bit weird now thinking about it)

well at least it was only a node you were feeling :roflmao:I guess that depends on where the nodes were too LOL

[Worrywart84]

I know :(

I am feeling like I either throw my hands up in the air and just dismiss this forever and not allow myself to ever even entertain this again or...call my doctor and demand more tests.

[glassgirlw]

I know :(

I am feeling like I either throw my hands up in the air and just dismiss this forever and not allow myself to ever even entertain this again or...call my doctor and demand more tests.

I can tell you from experience, demanding more tests is only going to hurt your wallet and will do absolutely nothing for your health anxiety. Sure, you may move past this worry, but shortly after a new worry will crop up and you’ll find yourself demanding more tests again. It’s a vicious circle, my advice is to treat the root of the problem, which is the mental health issue.

[Worrywart84]

Very true. I will really try not to let this get the best of me. I know rushing in to the doctor again will only fuel the fire to do that every time. Here’s to hoping the one thing I try not to dwell on is truly nothing and not the one damn thing that’s sinister.

[Worrywart84]

Do you ever get to the point where you just get exhausted with yourself? That’s where I am at right now.

[glassgirlw]

For sure I’ve hit that point before. But in a way those low points can be incredibly helpful because that’s when I found the most motivation to actually do something about my HA. I stopped focusing on all the things that I perceived as “wrong” with me, and worked on managing the anxiety. Sure enough, all my “symptoms” eventually fade away.

For me acceptance was key. I had to accept that I was fine, accept that I was only experiencing sensations that would not harm me, and accept that eventually it would all pass. I am not saying that’s always easy. But I try very hard to bring my focus back to acceptance when I develop a “symptom”.

[Worrywart84]

Thank you for your reply. That’s a helpful strategy for me to try. I just get so overwhelmed thinking it’s real it’s real it’s real and then I torture myself into believing it by touching/poking constantly to remind myself they are there and then viewing them every which way in the mirror until I can see them poking through just so I can scare myself. Such an awful state to be stuck in. I hope I haven’t spiraled so deep where there is no hope of talking myself out of this one. I have an annual check up in like, 6-7 months. Wondering if I will honestly be able to wait until then to have them examined once more.

[Stephenie.welch]

I have one in my neck. It swelled up really big back in 2017 when I got hit with a stomach virus and a cold at the same time. It is noticeably bigger than the other side and sometimes swells bigger when I get sick or have a sore throat. It also swells if I poke at it so I definitely advise against touching it much. The doctor told me not to worry and it hasn't changed in 3 years so I figure its probably fine.



how big does yours feel?

[Stephenie.welch]

Hey worry wart how big does your 1.7 one feel? Like does it feel like a kidney bean?

[Worrywart84]

I have two “big ones” — they feel about what they measured on ultrasound — the 1cm one feels larger than a pea but maybe like a small blueberry. The 1.7 cm one feels like a kidney bean I suppose?