Please help talk me off the ledge...nodular melanoma

[icantbestill81]

So I have a growth thing on my thigh, had it for about three years or so, maybe 2.5. It only ever darkened around my period then looked like it looked when it first appeared. I never went to the derm but had nurses/docs look at it and say it was nothing so stupidly, I let it go. Then for some reason, a few weeks ago, I started freaking out over it so I stabbed it with sharp objects. A white skin appeared over it but no blood. Clear liquid came out of skin and then the pigment was gone. Is this normal? Can you take the pigment off a melanoma? It also looks like it could be a dermatofibroma. The healthy skin is growing where the pigment was but you can still see the bump.

I know I need to see the doc for my own peace of mind but I'm terrified I waited too long and I'm going to die. Do you think I could have nodular melanoma for almost three years and not be dead? I have two young kids and I'm freaking out. I can't live like this, it's awful. I'm scared I waited too long and now I have a death sentence. I know I can't keep googling either because Dr. Google sucks. Any help would be great, especially from people who've had dermatofibromas before.

[Worrywart84]

I came across nodular melanoma once during a routine HA spiral over something and if I recall it is pretty aggressive so the fact that you’ve had it for 3 years with no symptoms, growth or problems seems reassuring to me.

Also...you stabbed it and now it’s healing—that seems like what normal skin would do.

[icantbestill81]

It probably wouldn't heal if it was nodular, right? Yeah, it's small, only like 4mm.

[Fishmanpa]

Cancer is an uncontrolled growth of abnormal cells. It doesn't come and go nor does it stop once it starts.

Positive thoughts

[icantbestill81]

Thank you. My anxiety hasn't been the best lately but I'm in therapy, so it's a process.

[Fishmanpa]

Thank you. My anxiety hasn't been the best lately but I'm in therapy, so it's a process.

Does your therapist know you're posting on an anxiety forum?

Positive thoughts

[icantbestill81]

Nope.

[Fishmanpa]

Nope.

Its vital you share that as reassurance seeking is detrimental to your recovery.

Positive thoughts

[icantbestill81]

I will.

[Captain irrational]

3 years? You'd be dead by now if it was nodular melanoma.

[icantbestill81]

Like 2.5. 😂

[icantbestill81]

Ugh, visited Dr. Google in a moment of weakness and came across a woman who had a spot on her thigh and it was flesh colored. They told her it was fine and she had Stage 3 mel.

I feel sick now. Why do I do this to myself? :(