So tired

[Lilith1980]

Hi all,

I'm sorry to post more about my problems - I don't feel like I offer much to other people in the forum at the moment but I do try and offer my opinion when I can....

I am so tired, my anxiety has taken hold really hard lately. I feel so down and I'm always worrying that my relationship with my fiance is on the rocks. I basically worry about most things and I just want my head to shut off.

We've had a few weeks where my fiance has come home from work at a normal time and we've had evenings on our own together which has been great. Before that he was busy with work for a few months and we didn't have much quality time together as his friend was staying over a lot as well. So you would have thought that us having a few weeks of time onour own would have been enough.....but my fiance is working late a few nights this week and when he told me the nights he'd be late I started crying.

I hate being indoors on my own, which is weird because I used to be someone who enjoyed my own company. But if my fiance works late or if he goes out without me (which isnt often at all) then I get filled with panic and I feel abandoned. When he is out I spend most of my time crying and thinking the relationship is hitting rock bottom and just feeling alone.

My fiance said last night that he wishes I would stop whinging, he said he didnt mean to sound nasty but we've had lots of time together recently and it always seems to be me saying "I just want some time together" even if we have had time. He said he had been dreading telling me he'd be working late because he knew how I would react.

I said sorry and that I wasn't meaning to whinge and that I'm sorry he feels like he can't talk to me. I said I wouldnt whinge anymore and at that point I just started to shut off because now I feel like I can't talk to him, I feel so low about myself, I feel empty. I said I don't feel like I can talk to him, he says I can, but he's said before that he finds it hard going and that sometimes when he comes home from work he doesn't want to hear what I have been worrying about as soon as he steps through the door.

I know its frustrating for him I know the anxiety gets on his nerves, but who else can I talk to? I dont want to speak to friends or family because I dont want to worry them.

I am waiting to see a counsellor at the moment so I dont know what to do in the meantime. If I don't talk to someone about these things I feel like I'm just going to slip down more and just clam up altogether.

[lesleyB]

I am sorry to hear your feeling bad, I think because your feeling low you tend to get everything out of proportion and think you relationship is at rock bottom. Poeple who don't understand anxiety do get fed up with us sometimes, I am sure he loves you. I wish you could tell your friends and family I am sure they would love to help you, I felt I coud'nt tell anyone but felt better when I did and they did help. I when your hope counselling works for you it has helped me see things more clearly and not worry so much.
Look after yourself
Lesleyb:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[Lindalou64]

Hi Lileth.......when We Are Full Of Anxiety It Brings Us Down And Makes Us Very Tired.....just Try And Stay Positive Im Sure Ya Bf Loves You And Wants To Help You...maybe Instead Of Whining To Him I Dont Know If Thats What U Really Do But If So Just Try And Talk To Him.....from Experience Even Tho Feeling Bad I Would Never Whine Once Inawile I Would Get Down On Myself For This Crap We Deal With, But Try And Keep Ya Chin Up Walk Tall Stay Positive...and Know This Shall Pass........wish Ya The Best.........linda Xxx

[Lilith1980]

I dont believe that I whine to him, I just get upset and I say that I miss him. And sometimes I do resent the industry he works in because sometimes he has to do things real last minute so he only finds out about working late normally on the day or a few days before.

When I try and talk to him about things I worry that it is annoying him. I have tried the approach of talking to him but I end up getting on his nerves because he says sometimes he doesn't want to hear it all the time so I just dont feel like I can talk to him now.

A friend of mine is coming up from London in a few weeks, just passing through, and I think I will talk to her as she suffers with anxiety. It would just be nice to have someone to listen who I know wont be annoyed with me.

We are meant to be going out tonight for a Halloween party but all I want to do is go to bed and sleep just to give my head a rest and to shut everything out to be honest.

[lesleyB]

Yes talk to your friend who has anxiety, its helps to talk to people with the same problem like this site.good luck
Lesleyb:flowers:

[inrainbows]

I have a similar problem. When I was younger I was rejected by someone for "complaining" too much, even though they had previously told me to "tell them everything". Ever since then I hardly tell anyone anything and when I do it's very vague. My parents and most of my friends don't really know about my anxiety, etc. Recently, however, I've been seeing a counsellor for a few weeks and it definitely helps to have someone who IS there just to listen to your problems/worries, etc. and you don't have to worry about them getting annoyed or judging you. It's really hard, but it does help.

Maybe when you see your counsellor it will take some of the weight off of your fiancé? I think it's very understandable to be worried since it's very hard for people who don't have anxiety to empathise since they don't know what it's like.


Anyway, best of luck! :)

[Lilith1980]

Thanks for your replies.

We went out last night to this halloween party. It all started off very well and I was trying to be upbeat even though I hadn't previously been very up for going.

Anyway, a girl turned up who we know and who I feel insecure around because my fiance had got drunk once and been a bit flirty and ever since then I get anxious when I see her. Told my fiance that I'd been a bit anxious about them hugging and he apologised and I said I'm sorry for worrying.

Later in the night we were outside, and a guy turned up who we know. My fiance went over to him while I waited by the entrance of the bar we were at. The guy we knew was with some random girl. We had dressed up for this party and we had fake blood on our faces which was made with strawberry jelly. My fiance had obviously explained this to his mate because all of a sudden his lady friend licked the side of my fiance's face and I freaked and my heart sank.

I continued standing by the entrance and my fiance came back over to me and asked what was up cos I must have looked annoyed so I licked the side of his face and said "what was all that about?!". I wasnt having a go at him although I could see why he thought that. I wasn't blaming him either I was just mortified.

Anyway, this was the last straw for my fiance and he said lets go home. We were talking and I explained I wasnt mad at him. But he said he just wanted to come out and for me to not have an issue with anything for once. I said well maybe this isnt going to work then and he agreed. We talked some more and just before we went to bed he said the fact that I am waiting for counselling doesn't matter, I should be doing something NOW to help myself and listed off the things I need to change. I know what needs to happen but its not an on/off switch that I can control and to be honest, until I get a counsellor I dont know how to deal with it. I try to ignore intrusive thoughts, I try to tell myself I am a beautiful person and my fiance loves me. But I have deep-rooted insecurity, I have had it since I was a teenager. I dont have the strength to deal with it alone. It was a smack in the face for me when he said all that.


I know it cant be easy for him. I am angry for him at not understanding and being more tolerant. I am angry at me for being like this and not being able to shut it all out. I am angry at me for always ruining our nights out with my worrying and insecurity. I love my fiance to bits but the way I feel right now I am past caring about what happens with us. Deep down I care greatly but at the moment I am mentally exhausted and cant think about it.


My fiance is out tonight, I dont know where we stand now. I am tempted to suggest we postpone the wedding (which isnt until August next year) but our relationship is really suffering because of me. I'm sorry, I know this sounds very self-pitying. I know I need to dust myself off and keep going. I go to work every day and put on a smile when inside I am eaten up with my anxiety and the problems in my relationship, I am trying so hard to not let this thing rule my life.


I dont know which way to turn, I dont want to tell my Mum -she will worry I know she will. My fiance is fed up with me - those were his exact words last night. He used to say he was fed up of the anxiety but now its me. I just dont know what to do, I know counselling is going to make the world of difference but my fiance has had enough and its my fault so it seems to be too late