feeling guilty

[helenclaire]

Hi,
today i am feeling really bad, my 18 year old daughter has a day off work and wants to go shopping in town, unfortunately her friends are not able to go with her and so she is going on her own, she really wants someone to go with her and she even asked me, but as usual i have made an excuse. I would dearly love to of gone with her but i just cannot face it and even thinking about it is making me feel unwell.
I am now sat here close to tears at the thought of her going on her own.
This is the sort of thing i was looking forward to doing with her as she got older.
This anxiety can be so cruel, its not just me affects but the whole family.
After 7 years i still cannot see an end to it.

Helen:shrug:

[nomorepanic]

Helen

Are you getting out and about each day so that you will in time be able to do this.

Small steps is the way forward and just push yourself a bit more each day and go one step further.

In time you will be able to do it I am sure.

[sagey]

I do sympathise with you Helen, I feel guilty at letting down my o/h and kids. I haven't been able to drive for months and feel so bad about not giving the lifts I used to. I think guilt initially kicks in with motherhood and sometimes you have to try and fathom out if you're being fair to yourself. does your daughter know about your problem?

[groovygranny]

Hi there Helen,

I'll start by saying what I know everyone else will say - you have no need to feel guilty.

However, I understand why you do because I feel the same way when I can't do something like go up in the cable car with my husband when we were on holiday last week. The thought that we have let a loved one down is one of the most debilitating things about anxiety and panic. Of course, they'll always reassure us that we haven't, just like my hubby did last week.

My mother suffered from seemingly every anxiety and panic phobia going right from when Iwas 5 and still does.(and I'm 53 now!) Yes, I missed out on a lot with her but I don't ever recall her 'feeling guilty'. This is in a way upset me because it seemed she didn't care about it.

What I'm trying to say (and not doing too good a job of it) is that at least you are feeling 'something' - which one day will serve to work for you instead of against you by motivating you to beating it. And, back in my mum's day, there was no therapy, no NMP .....just valium thrown at you and being told to 'pull yourself together'.

Of course we all know it just isn't that easy - but feeling truly guilty will only hold you back from going forward. If your daughter already knows about your fears and anxieties then I'm sure she understands (I so wish my mum, my dad or someone had told me what was going on) and if she doesn't know then I would try and find a moment to have an honest mother-to-daughter talk with her.

I've never had that priviledge with my mother as she has an aversion to talking about her 'problems' - but I'll keep trying.

Sending lots of love and big hugs to you:flowers:

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: