View Full Version : Mom has covid
My mom just got a positive test. She’s going in to day 5 of symptoms. I have spent the last 9 months panicking about this and now it is like I am watching my worst case scenario unfold before me. She is 64, pretty healthy, no underlying health conditions other than some minor management for high blood pressure. I always figured if I and my husband and kids got covid it would be stressful but fine, statistically with our ages and health it would probably be a nonevent. But my fear all along was my parents would get it even though they have been so careful and isolated this year. And now it’s happening. So far my dad is negative still. I know statistically it’s likely she/they will be fine but living through this is crippling to me.
I have a lot of superstitious anxiety so I find it really hard not to see this all just being the culmination of a hellish year, my mom dying of this or having a horrendous go of it, landing in hospital, severe complications and lingering issues, plaguing her for the rest of her life. I have images of having to tell my young son his grandma has died and he can’t see her anymore. I have images of her alone in the hospital, her funeral, of my dad living alone after this. Every time I talk to her I wonder if it will be the last “normal” conversation I’ll have with her. Will I look back and wish I had known it was my last chance to say I loved her? I just can’t shake it and I’m really struggling with it. I don’t know how to get through this. She is not crippled by the anxiety in an obvious outward way but I know she is really anxious about it herself too and hearing that fear in her voice just unravels me. I know it’s day 5-10 typically where people can take a sudden turn to severe condition and knowing she’s heading into this zone now is almost too much for me to bear. I don’t know how to cope in the next week or so to get through this. When HA is about myself it’s very bad but different than this where I feel completely at a loss and helpless.
Also related to the superstitious anxiety - my mom has always tended to have a harder time with respiratory stuff like getting over colds and coughs and stuff so I think that leaves me with a sense of dread and foreboding like well this is it, there’s no way she’ll get through this. And secondly, I just started virtual therapy a couple months ago with a therapist I really like but whose husband suddenly died in an accident years ago when her kids were young and as a result she’s now certified in grief counseling etc because she feels it’s something she can help others with since she’s been through it herself. Since I first learned that I found myself unable to shake the sense that I was “meant to find her” because then she will be a guide when I suffer some great loss in my life. It’s like I’ve been just waiting for this to happen and now I feel like the covid with my mom is going to be it.
Bg222 my husband and I are 61, we are recently recovered. I have to say we were all counting the days to get beyond that scary zone when things get bad. What I found is that usually those who get real bad have been progressing in that direction already.. how is she now ? We had textbook symptoms that leveled off around day 5/6 stayed there a few days and then very slowly got better.
Of the 3 in our house that had it, we all agree it hangs on longer than the flu. I'm at 5 1/2 weeks and still can't taste or smell much at all. I still get a bit winded from time to time. Don't be surprised if she can't quite shake all of the symptoms right away.
Our younger son had a real hard time with us being sick, I tried my best to reassure him even though I felt pretty crappy, I was ok.
Thanks NancyW - I’m so glad you and your family all got through it ok. My mom is definitely mild still. Her sore throat is a little less today and she has a minor headache. No fever at any point yet. A little coughing but not terrible. She ha said many times already that she’s had many colds and or flus that have been way worse than this. Hoping this is all a good sign but you know how HA sneaks in when you’re feeling confident and says “but what if ...”
Thanks NancyW - I’m so glad you and your family all got through it ok. My mom is definitely mild still. Her sore throat is a little less today and she has a minor headache. No fever at any point yet. A little coughing but not terrible. She ha said many times already that she’s had many colds and or flus that have been way worse than this. Hoping this is all a good sign but you know how HA sneaks in when you’re feeling confident and says “but what if ...”
Oh yes I absolutely know about HA, it's really a beast, isn't it? Unfortunately my younger son has inherited anxiety from me, or learned it from me (which I tried me best to hide)
It sounds to me like she is going to be ok. I totally agree with her that I have been sicker with other viruses, but there is so much fear attached to this one and combined with not feeling well, makes it all the harder. In our family, my older son exposed me (he was presymptomatic) I was sick within 48 hours, my husband got it from me about 5 days later, we all had mildish symptoms, we were sick no doubt, but it never escalated.
You'll be hyper focused for a bit yet .. I am sorry for that, but as the dr told me when he said my test was positive - "you'll be ok, the overwhelming majority of people do just fine."
Oh yes I definitely think my son has inherited the anxiety predisposition from me as well, he’s still very young but I can already see it a bit and that’s been a big motivation for me to work so hard at overcoming this all. They absorb everything and pick up on all the worry and fear we have over things even if we think we are hiding it.
I also agree such a big part of this is the fear. I found myself absolutely convinced that it would be completely beating the odds for my parents to get through this ok, when in reality it is the other way around. The odds are majorly in favor of them getting through with no issues at all. It’s a mind game. I can often get through the day ok bc I am busy with two little ones, work, household stuff, but it is night time when this stuff really racks me. I am so exhausted I’ll fall asleep fine but then here I am wide awake at 1am, my mind a runaway train of intrusive thoughts and nonstop worst case scenarios.
I know no one can guarantee anything with this virus (or anything else for that matter) but I appreciate the support from this forum tremendously.
My mother had it in October, so did I. My mother is in her early sixties and has underlying health issues. She barely even knew she had it and, in fact, it hit me far worse than it hit her.
Odds are if they’ve had it for a few days and the symptoms are still mild it’s not really going to get any worse.
Although age is a risk factor, it’s still very highly unlikely to cause anything other than minor discomfort for a week or so.
Hello bg222
I just wanted to say that I'm in my early sixties too and don't consider myself to be on my last legs just yet! I haven't had covid yet to my knowledge but I'm a carer for my 2 adult children so am fit and there are other illnesses which scare me far more than covid. Not everyone in their sixties is frail and fragile and I'm sure your mom will agree with this! I do hope she continues to make a good recovery and that your dad stays clear of it.
Best wishes to your mom. I don't have anything else to add than what's already been said, but I hope for a speedy recovery :hugs:
Thank you to all for the messages of support. My dad did get a positive test as well but has had mild symptoms so far. He's on day 4 or 5 of symptoms and other than feeling bad the first day or two has had a pretty easy time so far. My mom is now on day 8 of symptoms and is feeling better every day. She still has some congestion and itchy eyes but otherwise is up and moving around, cooking, doing whatever. Neither of them has had much more than a regular cold so really hoping things stay like this and they're in the clear soon. What a horrible mind game this all was / is. I know they are very lucky to have had such mild cases so far when you look at some of the more severe cases that can happen seemingly out of the blue, but I also know this is the most common outcome for people, too. Thanks again for all the support.
Really good news!
I do hope you are able to breathe again and I wish you and your family a very Happy Christmas!
Good to hear! Keep us posted!
I checked in with my parents today and although my mom is feeling fine, now my dad has developed some head cold type symptoms including more of a cough than he had before. Although I know this is common with covid and cough is one of the most common symptoms, I'm still having a hard time not spiraling with thoughts like "well, this is it. This is the start of his dip into severe symptoms. He didn't really have a cough before so the fact that it now developed means he's getting worse." He's on day 6 of symptoms so I feel like this was the time frame I was especially dreading where they say you can suddenly take a turn. I also tend to have a really superstitious/jinx kind of anxiety about things, so I have a hard time not thinking that just when I was starting to feel a little less intense anxiety about all this and feel like they were going to be ok, now this comes up and I'm back almost where I was at the beginning with worry. Kind of like it was a cruel joke that I was thinking they'd be ok and now the rug's being pulled out from beneath me and everything's going to come crashing down just like it was always meant to do. I'm aware how overreactive this thinking is and how the simple fact that finding out my dad now has a cough has sent me straight off the cliff.
I have been working so hard at therapy and CBT in the last few months and have been feeling like I'm actually making a lot of progress in terms of being aware of my thoughts and how I end up feeling like this. But this whole experience is really setting me back. I know it's normal to have a few steps forward and a step (or a few steps) back while digging out of the hole these mental health issues put us in. But I'm still struggling with this a lot nonetheless.
Pamplemousse
24-12-20, 19:12
I also tend to have a really superstitious/jinx kind of anxiety about things, so I have a hard time not thinking that just when I was starting to feel a little less intense anxiety about all this and feel like they were going to be ok, now this comes up and I'm back almost where I was at the beginning with worry. Kind of like it was a cruel joke that I was thinking they'd be ok and now the rug's being pulled out from beneath me and everything's going to come crashing down just like it was always meant to do. I'm aware how overreactive this thinking is and how the simple fact that finding out my dad now has a cough has sent me straight off the cliff.
Oh, I know that feeling; a sort of guiltiness for thinking it'll be okay and then this is a sort of punishment for thinking so?
I used to joke that my mixed Catholic/CofE upbringing meant I could do whatever I liked, but feel really guilty afterwards...
Oh, I know that feeling; a sort of guiltiness for thinking it'll be okay and then this is a sort of punishment for thinking so?
I used to joke that my mixed Catholic/CofE upbringing meant I could do whatever I liked, but feel really guilty afterwards...
YEP! I was raised Catholic and I am positive some of these feelings of "superstitious/jinx" and "must be more than a coincidence" are related to that. Definitely some deeply ingrained guilt and shame underlying everything.
I think most of us think that if we get too blase about things or if things turn out well for once we will pay the price somewhere along the line..
We tend to struggle with accepting good stuff without there being a payback.
It must be hard to hear that your dad has developed a cough without spiralling into worst case scenario territory straight away...but you have to keep reminding yourself that covid means a cough and the cough is a routine symptom. Not at all pleasant but you have no reason to believe that his breathing is severely compromised. It's a cough which is to be expected.
Pamplemousse
26-12-20, 23:22
I think most of us think that if we get too blase about things or if things turn out well for once we will pay the price somewhere along the line..
We tend to struggle with accepting good stuff without there being a payback.
A line from a school hymn has always stuck in my head: "mornings of joy give for evenings of tearfulness*" - and then of course that phrase "there'll be tears before bedtime."
(* the hymn is O worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness - http://www.traditionalmusic.co.uk/hymn-lyrics/o_worship_the_lord_in_the_beauty_of_holiness.htm)
leanderson2012
27-12-20, 18:13
I checked in with my parents today and although my mom is feeling fine, now my dad has developed some head cold type symptoms including more of a cough than he had before. Although I know this is common with covid and cough is one of the most common symptoms, I'm still having a hard time not spiraling with thoughts like "well, this is it. This is the start of his dip into severe symptoms. He didn't really have a cough before so the fact that it now developed means he's getting worse." He's on day 6 of symptoms so I feel like this was the time frame I was especially dreading where they say you can suddenly take a turn. I also tend to have a really superstitious/jinx kind of anxiety about things, so I have a hard time not thinking that just when I was starting to feel a little less intense anxiety about all this and feel like they were going to be ok, now this comes up and I'm back almost where I was at the beginning with worry. Kind of like it was a cruel joke that I was thinking they'd be ok and now the rug's being pulled out from beneath me and everything's going to come crashing down just like it was always meant to do. I'm aware how overreactive this thinking is and how the simple fact that finding out my dad now has a cough has sent me straight off the cliff.
I have been working so hard at therapy and CBT in the last few months and have been feeling like I'm actually making a lot of progress in terms of being aware of my thoughts and how I end up feeling like this. But this whole experience is really setting me back. I know it's normal to have a few steps forward and a step (or a few steps) back while digging out of the hole these mental health issues put us in. But I'm still struggling with this a lot nonetheless.
You’re doing an amazing job of working through your HA during what is probably one of the scariest (if not the scariest) times of your life. It sounds like you have great self-awareness and perspective; it’s amazing that you can identify what your anxiety based thought patterns are, and you should be proud of that. I too struggle with the magical thinking, superstition based thoughts, and am constantly needing to remind myself that being fixated and anxious on something will not guarantee me a better outcome. It’s a really hard cycle to break, and it’s impressive that you can have that presence of mind to identify what’s going on in your brain during this scary time.
If it helps at all, I had covid in October, and I was very nervous when I developed the cough. Similar to you, I thought “Well, this is it. It’s in my lungs now and it’s downhill from here.” I was sure this would lead to pneumonia. Turns out, coughing is GOOD for you and helps prevent pneumonia! My nurse friend kept telling me to cough. It keeps things loose in your lungs, and helps prevent any build up or settling. So, as perverse at it may seem, it’s a great thing that your dad is coughing!
I hope your parents are feeling better today. I’m so impressed with how you’re handling this. My parents getting covid is my worst fear as well, and seeing you navigate through this with great presence of mind is very inspiring. Keeping you in my thoughts, I’m sure everything is going to be just fine!
You’re doing an amazing job of working through your HA during what is probably one of the scariest (if not the scariest) times of your life. It sounds like you have great self-awareness and perspective; it’s amazing that you can identify what your anxiety based thought patterns are, and you should be proud of that. I too struggle with the magical thinking, superstition based thoughts, and am constantly needing to remind myself that being fixated and anxious on something will not guarantee me a better outcome. It’s a really hard cycle to break, and it’s impressive that you can have that presence of mind to identify what’s going on in your brain during this scary time.
If it helps at all, I had covid in October, and I was very nervous when I developed the cough. Similar to you, I thought “Well, this is it. It’s in my lungs now and it’s downhill from here.” I was sure this would lead to pneumonia. Turns out, coughing is GOOD for you and helps prevent pneumonia! My nurse friend kept telling me to cough. It keeps things loose in your lungs, and helps prevent any build up or settling. So, as perverse at it may seem, it’s a great thing that your dad is coughing!
I hope your parents are feeling better today. I’m so impressed with how you’re handling this. My parents getting covid is my worst fear as well, and seeing you navigate through this with great presence of mind is very inspiring. Keeping you in my thoughts, I’m sure everything is going to be just fine!
Thank you so much for your kind words. And thank you to all the others as well who commented. My parents are now both out of that "10 day horror window" from the start of symptoms and they are both doing much better, a little mild congestion left and not much else. What a scary, scary spike of anxiety that was for me though. leanderson2012, your comment about reminding yourself that being fixated/anxious on something will not guarantee a better outcome was so spot on. I would also add that it helps to remind myself that being fixated/anxious also does not guarantee a bad outcome!! I think sometimes (always?) we trick ourselves into thinking we are somehow controlling the outcome by pre-worrying about everything but also that we are kind of just preparing ourselves for that worst thing that could happen by worrying about it in advance, and that by worrying a ton we somehow believe we may be "cursed" into being the one who this terrible thing is going to happen to. In reality, there's no relationship between the worrying and the likelihood of an event. I think I need to just print that out and tape that everywhere in my house so I can re-read that all day!! That is the central feature of the superstitious stuff for me. My husband calls it my "waiting for the other shoe to drop" mentality.
Anyways, just wanted to give an update here in case anyone is following that my parents seem to be doing just fine. I am always worrying in the back of my mind about long-term covid effects or stuff that will get discovered later, etc. I think I am not alone in that worry - probably even those who are not severely prone to anxiety worry about that. But the whole experience has helped me grow in the sense that the next time panic strikes, I will remind myself that I FULLY expected the absolute worst to play out here, and it did not.
Really glad to hear this about your parents! There's potential for so much scary stuff with covid due to the unpredictability of symptoms etc etc so it's natural for us to fear the worst...but that doesn't mean to say that the worst is guaranteed although it's much easier to say this in hindsight rather than when you're going through the wringer of panic and fear!
Really pleased your parents are better. Thank you for sharing.
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leanderson2012
31-12-20, 15:36
So, so glad your parents are feeling better! Thank you for sharing.
I wouldn’t be too concerned about the long term effects if I were you. I was in a group of 6 people who all got it (it went through my bubble), and I’m the only one who is experiencing long haul symptoms. Everyone else felt totally normal after 2 weeks, which seems to be the norm. Of those long haul symptoms, fatigue is the overwhelming one, along with more headaches than usual. Not fun, but certainly manageable.
I know there are horrible and tragic reports of people experiencing severe repercussions from the illness, but there’s a reason those get news reports, they’re unusual. If it was happening frequently to the millions of people worldwide who got it, the reporters wouldn’t be able to keep on top of it! Chances are your parents will just need to take it easy for the next couple of weeks as they continue to recover, and then they’ll be able to bask in their amazing antibodies ☺️
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