View Full Version : HA worse at Christmas?
Hi everyone,
I know this Christmas is very different in many ways, but since starting with HA, Christmas seems to be the time of year that mine really goes up a notch. I become terrified that I will be ill and ‘ruin Christmas Day’. I think there is also an aspect of feeling unsafe because of GP’s/dentists being closed, and worrying about having to attend hospital. I hate that this even factors in to the festive period for me. This is not something that people without HA even consider, is it?
This year feels darker than normal, probably for obvious reasons.
Does anyone have tips on gaining some perspective on this please? I’m in very deep now and it happened so quickly I couldn’t catch myself.
Thank you.
Hi Cece6,
I think you're right about this. I've suffered from HA in the past and I continue to struggle with anxiety more generally, and it is always worse at this time of year for me too.
I can't help but think that because I look forward to Christmas/wintertime (it's by far my favourite season), my mind somehow is unable to enjoy the moment, and throws up all sorts of anxious thoughts. Basically, if I feel happy or look forward to something, my anxious mind will question it. It's as though my anxious mind can't accept feelings of happiness or contentment and will always make me wonder if something bad is going to happen. Maybe this is similar to what you're experiencing, with the fear of being ill and ruining Christmas day?
For me, another explanation comes from realising that I have low self-esteem. In various situations in the past, I have been very anxious about the possibility of me ruining some thing or event, doing/saying something stupid, performing something incorrectly, giving out the wrong advice, etc, all with (to my mind) catastrophic consequences. I'm currently trying to work on improving my self-esteem.
Yeah, feeling unsafe because GPs/dentists are closed/worrying about having to attend hospital is just more anxious 'content' that I think is just a symptom of the the anxiety, and not the underlying cause, and to those without HA, it would seem totally irrational. I think figuring out and understanding the core beliefs that give rise to all of the anxiety can be so difficult but it's an essential first step towards recovery - I'm still trying to work it all out too. Does any of this resonate or help?
Cancer claimed my dad on a Christmas Day 24 years ago. Struggled with it ever since - even though I know he would be gutted to know how sad it still makes me feel.
This year is shitter than most years because I'm not well and COVID has totally ruined my chances of sniffing my Grandson's hair and seeing him give my son the run-around like the little sod gave me in the 80s. Then there is the memory of my dad breathing his last to Noddy Holder screeching ' IT'S CHRISSSSSTMAAAAAS - and no matter how many years go by it still sends a cold shiver right the way through me.
With unexplained abdo pain (for 3 months now) the 'what if I end up in A&E on Christmas Day?' thought has flitted through my mind - but if that happens, it happens. Worrying won't stop it from happening. As long as Slade aint playing - I'll be ok. :yesyes:
Hi Cece6,
I think you're right about this. I've suffered from HA in the past and I continue to struggle with anxiety more generally, and it is always worse at this time of year for me too.
I can't help but think that because I look forward to Christmas/wintertime (it's by far my favourite season), my mind somehow is unable to enjoy the moment, and throws up all sorts of anxious thoughts. Basically, if I feel happy or look forward to something, my anxious mind will question it. It's as though my anxious mind can't accept feelings of happiness or contentment and will always make me wonder if something bad is going to happen. Maybe this is similar to what you're experiencing, with the fear of being ill and ruining Christmas day?
For me, another explanation comes from realising that I have low self-esteem. In various situations in the past, I have been very anxious about the possibility of me ruining some thing or event, doing/saying something stupid, performing something incorrectly, giving out the wrong advice, etc, all with (to my mind) catastrophic consequences. I'm currently trying to work on improving my self-esteem.
Yeah, feeling unsafe because GPs/dentists are closed/worrying about having to attend hospital is just more anxious 'content' that I think is just a symptom of the the anxiety, and not the underlying cause, and to those without HA, it would seem totally irrational. I think figuring out and understanding the core beliefs that give rise to all of the anxiety can be so difficult but it's an essential first step towards recovery - I'm still trying to work it all out too. Does any of this resonate or help?
Hey JamesG, thanks for taking the time to reply. Oh yeah, this resonates with me big time! I hadn’t even taken into account self-esteem issues, but that is actually a huge part of it. I get overwhelmed with having to make Christmas Day as magical as possible. I’m also responsible for some food, which always puts me under pressure (incase it’s shit, ha!), so yeah, this is very fitting for me too.
When I was a kid, I always had a migraine on birthdays, Christmases, big events etc. My Mum never ever made me feel bad about it, but I felt bad about myself, always. It’s quite deeply engrained.
I do also have a lot of toxic thoughts when I’m feeling content, which was how I was feeling a couple of weeks ago. It’s like my anxiety going, “Oh no you don’t! Get back in your cave!”
It’s frustrating and exhausting, and I’m sorry you feel it too, but thank you for sharing, sometimes you feel like the only person in the world who is feeling that feeling right now.
Hi NoraB,
Thanks for responding to me. I am really sorry about your Dad. My Mum struggles with the same time of year from losing her Dad. Sending you some virtual hugs.
I’m also sorry you won’t get to sniff your Grandson. I totally get it how you feel when you would normally be so excited to see family altogether at Christmas. I hope you get to do that soon <3
I’m walking a fine line between telling myself whatever happens happens, and feeling totally apathetic. I have a kid, and I know she can sense when I am mentally elsewhere. A lot of shame and guilt is attached to having HA for me as well, because of that.
I’m sorry you are also dealing with unexplained pain. Although if you have been checked out then hopefully that means you won’t have any Christmas Day trips to A&E - I’m sure you won’t.
Sending you some virtual hugs.
Ta X
I’m also sorry you won’t get to sniff your Grandson.
Sounds weird when you put it like that..:huh:
A lot of shame and guilt is attached to having HA for me as well, because of that.
Totally understand that vibe - been there.
Although if you have been checked out then hopefully that means you won’t have any Christmas Day trips to A&E - I’m sure you won’t.
Seeing my GP face to face for the first time (tomorrow) with this pain, and I practically had to beg to be physically examined. It's ridiculous. :lac:
Don't worry, I won't be anywhere near a hospital on Xmas Day if I have any say in it. :yesyes:
Totally with you all on this one. I think as you say it’s the unavailability of medical help over Christmas. Down here in the south, we’ve been plunged into Tier 4 partly because our hospital and ICU is overwhelmed (not just Covid patients) so even a trip to A and E would be impossible unless a life was in imminent danger and the ambulances would probably be queued up in the car park. Thankfully I’ve never had to use A and E but knowing it was there was the safety net I needed. I’m on my own over Christmas, like every other day, and I’m not feeling well so my anxiety has shifted up a gear.
Hoping you get some relief and/or explanation NoraB. Haha, not weird at all, when I’m feeling bad a sniff of my daughter is sometimes just the tonic 😂
Hi Clarrie. Yes I agree it is a safety net. Up North we are going back to Tier 4 very soon as well.
Really sorry you’re not feeling well. Do you want to talk about it? Getting my thoughts out of my head sometimes helps me.
Stress makes any type of anxiety worse, and for many of us, holidays cause stress. Just look at my thread during Chanukah last week!
carriewriting
23-12-20, 00:52
Every Christmas for the past decade my health anxiety has flared. This is year is no different, but I'm reminding myself that none of the things I worried about those years came true so the suddenly weird look of my old gallbladder scar, pain on my left side and fuzzy head I have this week will also probably be nothing, it just feels like they will be. And if they are something, I'll cope with it. I hope you have the best Christmas possible x
Hoping you get some relief and/or explanation NoraB. Haha, not weird at all, when I’m feeling bad a sniff of my daughter is sometimes just the tonic
Been glued to a heat pad for 24 hours solid. I don't cry easily these days but I fear I may have a 'moment' when I hear those words, 'I can't feel anything. There's nothing I can do. You'll have to wait to see what gastro says in a months time'. :scared15:
You too, Carriewriting. I replied on your thread too ☺️
Hoping for some relief for you NoraB 🤗
Just look at my thread during Chanukah last week!
Thank you, will check now.
carriewriting
24-12-20, 07:05
Sorry to hear you're in pain Nora. Fingers crossed it gets better soon. Take care of yourself.
Cece6 I hope you can have a bit of respite over Christmas x
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.