View Full Version : Does anyone else’s HA make them feel this way?
I’m sorry if this is not allowed but does anyone else so affected by their HA they wish they were dead?
I’m so fed up of thinking I have cancer and I’m going to die young it’s making me physically feel sick.
To the outside world I have everything - family, pets, enough money for me and my husband to never work again/mortgage free at 30 etc but what’s the point if I feel I’m going to die young?
I came off my 40mg Citalopram because I felt it had stopped working plus it was giving me digestive issues which ironically were making me think I had bowel cancer so I stopped taking cold turkey.
I have no one to talk to about it and it’s been going on for over half my life. I had brief respite when I was on citalopram at the start but that lasted 6 months.
Just feel so alone right now
I’m sorry if this is not allowed but does anyone else so affected by their HA they wish they were dead?
I’m so fed up of thinking I have cancer and I’m going to die young it’s making me physically feel sick.
To the outside world I have everything - family, pets, enough money for me and my husband to never work again/mortgage free at 30 etc but what’s the point if I feel I’m going to die young?
I came off my 40mg Citalopram because I felt it had stopped working plus it was giving me digestive issues which ironically were making me think I had bowel cancer so I stopped taking cold turkey.
I have no one to talk to about it and it’s been going on for over half my life. I had brief respite when I was on citalopram at the start but that lasted 6 months.
Just feel so alone right now
Yes definitely which is hard to explain to people as they wonder how I can be so scared of having cancer and leaving my children behind but at the same time I don't want to be here anymore. For me it's the daily torture that I put myself through. Nearly every second of my day I'm tormented by thoughts that I've got cancer and even worse recently the thoughts have moved to my children as well having it. I'm sorry I don't have any advice but just wanted to let you know that you're not alone.
I came off my 40mg Citalopram because I felt it had stopped working plus it was giving me digestive issues which ironically were making me think I had bowel cancer so I stopped taking cold turkey.
:doh: Going cold turkey without medical supervision or approval is not wise. Its no wonder you're suffering the consequences. You essentially shot yourself in the head! So what are you currently doing in real life to address your mental illness?
Positive thoughts
Heather1234
30-12-20, 02:23
I have, yes. It wasnt a lingering thought but i have felt it when ive felt just so unable to function & know im doing it to myself. My husband gets a "symptom" and goes forward with life. Why cant i? And he has the patience of Job with me, but doesnt understand.
Im currently climbing out of my current "symptom" rabbit hole.
Anyhow, what brings me out of the mental lows is my belief in God. I know, not everyones thing. However, regardless what you believe, you have a purpose :) and its not HA. I try to remind myself that i dont want to feel like ive wasted time worrying anymore & i have the power to change that. I cant change the symptom, but i can change my actions.
Easier said than done. I know. I posted a cpl days ago abt something.🤦🏼*♀️
My friend is currently going through a real medical issue. A very serious one. She is so full of joy & peace. Its truly amazing. She has her lows, but overall shes handling it 100% better than i handle a sneeze. And its all her perspective, not her circumstance.
And i agree with the above comment. Might want to discuss with the doc about going off the meds in case you need to taper down.
I hope you feel better soon. 🤗💕
I’m sorry if this is not allowed but does anyone else so affected by their HA they wish they were dead?
HA, at it's core, is the fear of dying, and the desperation to stay alive. If I genuinely wanted out of life, an actual cancer diagnosis wouldn't bother me at all..
I definitely have thoughts of wandering off into the sea but this is more of a comforting, escapism thought - which I have when I'm physically exhausted, and which I find hard to explain to people. It's about letting go - surrendering - but it's very much to do with life, rather then death. It's not about drowning or giving up. It's about giving up fighting because we float when we stop fighting against the sea. It's about letting go of the tight hold I have on myself and giving myself up to something much bigger than myself, and trusting that all will be well.
HA is physically and mentally exhausting and at my worst I felt that a cancer diagnosis would be preferable given that somebody might actually be able to help me, or cut something out of me to make me well again. I'd imagine that this must be hugely insulting to people who actually have cancer and would maybe swap with me in an instant? But you have to live HA to appreciate just how life-affecting it is. People with cancer do get to live a life whereas people with severe HA are trapped in the prison of their own minds - unable to function in any meaningful way - and that's no life at all.
You don't want to die anymore than I do. You're just exhausted and scared. You just don't want to feel like you do.
Things got better for me, and they can get better for you too.
You're not alone.
Yes definitely which is hard to explain to people as they wonder how I can be so scared of having cancer and leaving my children behind but at the same time I don't want to be here anymore. For me it's the daily torture that I put myself through. Nearly every second of my day I'm tormented by thoughts that I've got cancer and even worse recently the thoughts have moved to my children as well having it. I'm sorry I don't have any advice but just wanted to let you know that you're not alone.
Thank you for your comment - at this stage I don’t really want/need advice purely because I think I’ve exhausted every method of getting better :(
It’s just comforting to not feel as alone with these feelings as people, particularly my husband, don’t get it at all and just get frustrated.
Having said that I also wouldn’t wish this upon anyone 💔
:doh: Going cold turkey without medical supervision or approval is not wise. Its no wonder you're suffering the consequences. You essentially shot yourself in the head! So what are you currently doing in real life to address your mental illness?
Positive thoughts
It’s sad to have a mental illness because like they say it’s an invisible disease so I’m expected to carry on as normal though I’m suffering so much.
I’m going back to the doctors to try another AD because the Citalopram was driving me crazy with the constipation (a HA trigger)
It’s sad to have a mental illness because like they say it’s an invisible disease so I’m expected to carry on as normal though I’m suffering so much.
I’m going back to the doctors to try another AD because the Citalopram was driving me crazy with the constipation (a HA trigger)
Yes i definitely wish that some days i just wouldn’t wake up as i can’t face another day of constant worry & intrusive thoughts but as you say its an invisible disease so i just get up & carry on as best i can. I try to not think further than the next thing i’m going to do because anything more than that i can’t cope with, planning ahead is a no no for me as i’m already thinking if i have to go to say a party or event i’m going to be ill i won’t be able to eat i’m going to make a show of myself, god what a mess i must sound! At least during the pandemic i don’t have to worry about it.
I also have a husband who doesn’t understand at all so i don’t even waste my breathe on him whats the point.
This really has been the worst of years for us all hasn’t it & i’m sorry i can’t give you any words of wisdom but always here if you need to get it of your chest. Take care x
I also have a husband who doesn’t understand at all so i don’t even waste my breathe on him whats the point.
I always say that I wouldn't wish mental health disorders on anybody but I can't help but think it would do my husband good to have a day inside my head...
I always say that I wouldn't wish mental health disorders on anybody but I can't help but think it would do my husband good to have a day inside my head...
Too right Nora, i think there’s a
saying ‘you’ve got to walk a mile in someone else shoes to understand how their feeling’.
carriewriting
31-12-20, 00:14
Health anxiety is exhausting. I really feel for you and have often felt this way, like I couldn't stand the worrying another moment.
Nora's advice has helped me so much as has therapy. At the moment I'm working on trying not get angry at myself for having all these crazy health worries every minute of the day. To not beat myself up for not being like other people who don't worry about their health like I do. To not get frustrated by my inability to stop the thoughts coming and my body reacting to them with adrenaline dumps.
I've had a few tries at CBT and find that helps a bit to dampen down my panic when I'm worried about something in particular, but I walked around with a feeling of doom for many years so every time I had a health anxiety thought I assumed this was the thing that was going to finish me off. This year I started schema therapy, which works on the underlying beliefs that are driving the anxiety.
The worst thing we do is to withdraw into ourselves because we don't feel like people understand what we're going through. That makes the depression and feelings of overwhelm so much worse in my experience. I don't talk to people in my life about my health anxiety as I don't think they understand and also because I have a lot of shame about it (working on that). Talking to a GP or therapist on a regular basis is so important. Just speaking your fears out loud or having a cry can help a lot. Plus keep posting. No one understands or supports you like the wonderful people here. All the best x
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.