Jumpy/tense outside with yobs/noises..

[unclebuck]

I seem to be more and more anxious of Anti-social behaviour. (just found this social anxiety forum!)

I live out in the country with only 1 next door neighbour to my side, both of us in a detatched house on a busy road, so we dont get anyone walking past, but have views of the Countryside..

You may wonder what i have to be worried about?? as I seem to find myself increasingly jumpy about sounds outside or cars revving a mile or so away as we are so used to the quiet?!

I used to live with my parents in a normal small town street and never gave a 2nd thought to kids outside walking down the street, or general people outside, maybe because it wasnt my house and i knew i had my brother there and Father and we were on a normal street with neighbours who wouldnt put up with much either if there was anything going on in the street (not that there was!)

When I moved out I moved in with my Girlfriend into a secluded detatched cottage which i couldnt get used to at first as it was soo quiet and out in the country set back from the road with private gate. After a few years of this we moved into a town and didnt like it... (we luckily moved back to the country after)

In the short time that we were there we did experience kids on Fri night late, running around the back of our row of houses a couple of times and it really got my back up coming from a very small hamlet/village with no-one!

I then started to feel anxious and looking out o f the window all the time to see what was going on (mostly nothing!!) but would get jumpy if someone was in the next road!!! or cars driving past our top road at the top of our street!! which is ridiculous!

My now wife knows nothing of how i feel, and I dont show it either, but maybe with news reports of yobs beating up (& killing) young people who go
out to complain about anti-social behaviour, i think it all sunk in and now once its dark, i feel a bit like a prisoner looking out of the window at EVERY noise.

As mentioned at the start we now live back out in the country and have a private gated drive and our house is tucked away. All we can hear at night is wildlife, but if i hear a slightly unusual noise im awake and looking out of the window.. even if its next door neighbours putting out the rubbish, whilst my wife just sleeps and ignores it..

how can I get back to normal and not let this affect me anymore? I did think secretly about hypnosis??

I am a very laid back and relaxed guy, but when its me and my wife on our own i feel very vulnerable and uncomfortable - this never happens if i hear yobs i the street if i am at someone elses house or on our own at a friends house in the middle of London! (maybe as i know i dont live there all the time)

Also it maybe that when i was in a street at my parents, at least i would know that 2 neighbours up the road would complain to yobs before i had to..?

I hope this post makes some sense! but i just dont know if i'm being over cautious or going mad?! I know that maybe 90% of people live in towns and cities, but just can't understand how they cope??!!?

HELP! :blush:

[EebyJeeby]

Hi unclebuck,

I could have written that post myself as I am much the same. I too live in a rural area now although was brought up in a big town. I share the same fears and also have the same experience of not worrying about it when I'm at someone else's house.

I think the crux of the matter is that you are worried about being in the position of having to confront potential yobbos in order to protect your own home/family/privacy. At home, the task would fall to you. Away, it's someone else's problem.

There's no easy answer to this because it is sometimes hazardous to confront people due to the state of the law in this country. I do really sympathise. I can't stand it when anyone comes near my house, which is why I choose to live out in the sticks. I also understand about the car thing. Revving engines = aggression to me and it makes me very edgy.

I suppose if you stand back and look at it, there will always be people who wander past and they may be rowdy in some way, but it doesn't mean that they are going to target your house or provoke you into action. They might just be having a good time (although I too would wish they'd do it somewhere else!). There may have been times in the past when it was you outside some else's house being a bit boisterous in an innocent way, not realising the effect you were having on the locals!

I don't think you're mad - you're just feeling vulnerable. If you have other worries, it can just make you feel more vulnerable at the moment.

Having said that, I think I don't actually like people any more. If I had my way, I'd live in a castle with a moat and drawbridge!

Eeb x
(bah humbug)

[unclebuck]

Thanks for your reply EebyJeeby

Yes your right i suppose about the confrontation thing when its at your own home, and also when it was prob us at one point and not thinking about the neighbours on our own streets!

I would just not like to feel this way, and let people get on with their own thing unless it involves me and my property..

I have never had any incident of confronting people/yobs , so its not as if i have had a bad experience, as i know most people in towns and cities that you see on the news are plagued every Fri/Sat night...

How can i calm down about this??

[EebyJeeby]

Well I don't know your background but I'd suggest that if you are suffering from anxiety in general, this yob issue is only such a problem because it is being amplified by your general anxiety. I know that when I'm feeling strong and my anxiety is low (or non-existent), none of the detailed things I usually worry about when in high anxiety seem so important.

So the suggestion would be to look at the bigger picture and address the underlying anxiety, if that makes sense! It's all about replacing the "what ifs" with more positive thoughts, perhaps via counselling.

Eeb x

[Ellen70]

Hello Buck, I really, really sympathise with you. It is horrible to feel unsafe in your own home and I agree with Eeby that it is because you now have to confront the offenders yourself that you feel extra anxious now. It is also probably due to being anxious by nature that is adding to this problem. I live on my own and am always 'on guard' for outside noises or anti social behaviour as I am acutely aware there is no one but me to confront it.

Can you tell your wife even a little about how you feel? Surely she has noticed that you are on edge and seen you looking out the windows etc a lot? If your wife knew how you felt you might feel more relaxed as keeping something to yourself is not a good idea. Do you have a counsellor or therapist you could talk to?

Anyway I hope you find some way of dealing with this, I really do empathise.

Take care of yourself,

Ellen :hugs:

[Anna C]

Hi, I also sympathise with how you are feeling. When I lived at home with my parents I never felt unsafe, there were always people around and I always felt safe and secure there. I now live alone the neighbourhood is a mix of council and bought houses and the kids all seem to come in to my street. Apparently it used to be all open plan now even though we have fences and gates the kids seem to ignore them and walk into the gardens, also there are older kids who are very loud. It really scares me, because I wonder if I should be going out and saying something to them. My neighbour has told me I should say something to them, but said they don't listen to her husband when he goes out. So I'm sure they wouldn't listen to me. So then I worry about the noise and also worry that my neighbours think I should be doing something!

I would love to live in the country like you and get away from it all, but maybe I'd still worry like you do.

I wonder if listening to music with headphones would help you sleep. I also have not told anyone how I feel. If you could speak to your wife it would make it easier for you to get help such as counselling, listening to relaxation tapes and getting the help you need, as just doing nothing and hoping it will go away on its own doesn't work. Anna