Family problems

[whispershadow]

I have to keep this short, Tigger is making it hard to type

Basically, a member of my family has got arrested and sent to a jails and i'm scared of what will happen (he's been sentenced)

i dont want Tigger and Willow to get taken to a pet jails

Add to this the fact that family member has been disagnosed with a cancers and he's basically said i have to take on the responsibility of younger brother if Mum decides to move and brother refuses to go with her

this is not a long term solution, i have tried to make it clear he cannot stay long term with me, it will be too much for me, considering my work schedule and looking after Tigger and Willow cats

will Tigger and Willow go to a pet jails? :scared15:

i'm asking cause Willow ran and hid when they came for family member, Tigger was all over them insisting they her very best friends and she loves them lots and lots (the cops i mean)

what reasons do pets go to a pet jails?

[BlueIris]

It's okay, Whisper, no such thing as a pet jail. Tigger and Willow are staying right where they belong, with you.

[whispershadow]

i'm worried about aspbergers brother's future as well if he doesnt learn independence soon

cause if family have it their way and i take on the full responsibility of him

there's going to come a day when i am not physically able to look after him any more

nor do i want to give my whole life up to care for him, particularly as i work and he likes to stay up most of the night and keep Mum awake as well, if he comes here he will do the exact same thing which will be a danger for me being on a early shift cause if he only lets me get to sleep at 2am for example i have to be up again at 6am which means 4 hours of sleeps then i have to drive to get to work which could make me crash the car due to exhaustion

also the fact that when i'm on a late i cannot be cooking seperate meals for him as well as doing myself a meal, early starts i would be too exhausted to be cooking seperate meals as well and if i'm on a long-ish day, i will not be able to cook different meals

so he cannot be left to me to be fully responsible for him anyways but even if family did manage to leave me fully responsible for him what will happen when i die if he has never had the responsibility of doing everything for himself

he is younger than me so i am likely to be the first one to die out of both of us

he would *have* to be independent by then

and i dont want to spend my retirement years being his carer as well when the time comes for me to retire

cause when would I get a life for myself? i wouldnt cause i would be the only one responsible for him until the day i die

it does not feel like i am being given that choice, what needs to happen is they need to be like "whisper said no she cannot take on this responsibility, lets think of another plan"

instead they be like "you have to be a very special big sister and take on the full responsibility of him"

yes he has aspbergers and he needs reminding of stuff but he needs to learn to care for himself, like remembering to do what is expected of him

cause if he ever gets work, they won't be like "he doesnt feel like doing this task or any task we asked him to do, we'll let him off cause he has aspbergers"

they are going to eventually (if he gets work) fire him if he decides not to do what he would be getting paid to do

cause workplaces are not going to pay someone for not doing the work they pay them to do

does anyone know any aspbergers helps that i could email to him and Mum so he can be the responsibility of others?

i know its lazy and selfish of me to not want the full responsibility of him but as i said if i get responsible for him then i will never have a life of my own, i will be forever running around after him as well as dealing with my other responsibilities

it would stretch me too thin, i cannot be responsible forever for another person, he constantly needs reminding to do stuff and needs to be supervised to make sure he actually does what we asked him to do cause otherwise he would decide not to do it (once he has started a task he will finish it, but he does need telling all the time "do this task do that task"

i do not want him to live with me cause as i said i have my own responsibilities and i want to have a place to myself, plus the fact that family decided he was allergic to cats just cause he would scratch when he was around my boy Dylan, so thats another reason i am putting my foot down and saying "no" cause if he is genuinely allergic i am not under any circumstances giving Tigger and Willow back to rescue

Willow will never get a new home anyways, she would die in a rescue cage due to her dominant territorial issues and nobody would give her a home cause of those issues

i KNOW this cause that is what happened last time, she was in rescue cage for over 6 months, she had to get split up from the other cat she was with simply cause she was getting worse and was becoming a bully towards the other cat, other cat was afraid of her and got adopted fast after the split up

Willow, however, only got adopted when i got there after the split-up and adopted her the same day after a vet trip that Tigger had for routine booster

Yes Tigger would get adopted fast but it is ESSENTIAL for my own mental health that i have cats in my life

when they made me rehome Dylan i made suicide plans and seriously thought about how to carry them out, i actually attempted one of the plans once and was about to make a different attempt when i got ran at by a barking large dog (i dont remember which attempt came first though, 2012 is basically a blur in my brain)


the only reason they decided to not make me rehome Ebony after brother came to stay with me for a few days, along with Mum, is cause Ebony was such a sweetheart (my boy Dylan was as well but that didnt stop them making him go to a new home) and unlike Dylan they knew that Ebony had had a lot of traumas in her life and was also sick and was unrehomable due to her issues

meh my own life clearly isnt important enough for them to consider, they prove that plenty of times when they basically say "you will HAVE to be responsible for him" instead of "would you feel able to take on the responsibility of brother"

[Carnation]

Whisper, what has happened has obviously upset you and you are worrying about what will happen in the future.
There will be options for your brother if the situation arises, but you are not at that stage as yet, so don't worry about it for the time being.
There is no jail / prison for pets, so don't worry about that either.
In the meantime concentrate on some self care as you have enough on your plate with work and looking after your fur babies. xx

[NoraB]

Hi Whisper,

No such thing as jail for cats, so stop worrying about that one.

Re your Aspie brother..

It's not about being a 'special sister' - it's about whether someone physically and mentally able to take on the challenging role of a carer, and it's not a decision that should be taken lightly. I'm sure you want what's best for your brother as well as yourself?

As Carnation says, there are options for your brother if the situation arises, but he might just surprise you because a lot of autistic people live independently with the right support.

How old is your brother?

If he gets a job then his autism should be taken into account. It's technically a 'disability' and the rules have changed around disability in the workplace now. I know from personal experience that the right job and the right working environment makes for a happy autistic employee.

I'm autistic by the way - and I have one autistic son (11) and another who I think is autistic too - and he lives independently.

Take a look at the National Autistic Society website - it's very informative and there are people you can talk to about your concerns re your brother. They will be able to put your mind at rest. X

[whispershadow]

Hi Whisper,

No such thing as jail for cats, so stop worrying about that one.

Re your Aspie brother..

It's not about being a 'special sister' - it's about whether someone physically and mentally able to take on the challenging role of a carer, and it's not a decision that should be taken lightly. I'm sure you want what's best for your brother as well as yourself?

As Carnation says, there are options for your brother if the situation arises, but he might just surprise you because a lot of autistic people live independently with the right support.

How old is your brother?

If he gets a job then his autism should be taken into account. It's technically a 'disability' and the rules have changed around disability in the workplace now. I know from personal experience that the right job and the right working environment makes for a happy autistic employee.

I'm autistic by the way - and I have one autistic son (11) and another who I think is autistic too - and he lives independently.

Take a look at the National Autistic Society website - it's very informative and there are people you can talk to about your concerns re your brother. They will be able to put your mind at rest. X

my brother's almost 21