chrissie
05-11-07, 19:49
Well here goes, I'm Chrissie and have suffered with panic attacks, palpatations and depression for the past 18 months. Until that time I was perfectly 'normal'. I am on medication and am now back at work although I still get many bad days. I just feel that I'm fed up with fighting every day, fighting this invisable illness.
I think how I'm getting better (there was a time I couldn't go out the house due to the depression and panic) but then I can be browsing around my local supermarket and I feel it coming, my heart pounds, sounds become distorted and I feel like everyone's looking at me because I'm behaving oddly. Really I'm not and I know I'm not but I feel so odd that the rational brain has momentarily left me. I leave, come home, lay in bed and cry, feel sorry for myself, have a real pity party! Then I start to think of all the REAL troubles in the world, all the people who really do have something to worry about and feel frustrated at myself for being so weak. It's just horrible. Im so tired of fighting off all these feelings, every day. Will I ever be really better? :wacko:
Don't get me wrong most people who know me would have no idea that I am still struggling as much as I am, it's something I keep to myself. Everyone's so happy that 'I'm better now', how could I tell anyone I still cry every night, that I still get panics in shops and crowded places, that I get so drunk when I go out only to blank out how I really feel, how can I tell anyone that I'm living a lie! (oh excuse the spelling as it's not one of my strong points).
Anyway sorry to bore you but that's me!
I think how I'm getting better (there was a time I couldn't go out the house due to the depression and panic) but then I can be browsing around my local supermarket and I feel it coming, my heart pounds, sounds become distorted and I feel like everyone's looking at me because I'm behaving oddly. Really I'm not and I know I'm not but I feel so odd that the rational brain has momentarily left me. I leave, come home, lay in bed and cry, feel sorry for myself, have a real pity party! Then I start to think of all the REAL troubles in the world, all the people who really do have something to worry about and feel frustrated at myself for being so weak. It's just horrible. Im so tired of fighting off all these feelings, every day. Will I ever be really better? :wacko:
Don't get me wrong most people who know me would have no idea that I am still struggling as much as I am, it's something I keep to myself. Everyone's so happy that 'I'm better now', how could I tell anyone I still cry every night, that I still get panics in shops and crowded places, that I get so drunk when I go out only to blank out how I really feel, how can I tell anyone that I'm living a lie! (oh excuse the spelling as it's not one of my strong points).
Anyway sorry to bore you but that's me!