Gryphoenix
06-11-07, 02:11
I had a post on here about how scared I was that I would panic before and during the anime convention I went to in which I sold some of my artwork. I was so scared that I would be TOO excited the week of, the day before, and the morning of that by the time I got to the convention center I would be a wreck. I had a bad bout in a building next door and I kept thinking about how it could happen again. I was running around at the last minute trying to finish my costume and some of my art that I was selling and the stress was mounting. Especially since last year I was extremely stressed out because of this I assumed that I would be so again.
I really was planning my panics unconciously.
And I panicked--not once. Not even once.
On Friday it was the first time in a loooong time I experienced a day without any real anxiety. I was a little nervous, yes, but it didn't seem to affect me as it usually does. My mind was so pre-occupied with the convention and having a blast and wearing my costume (I dressed up as Reno from Final Fantasy) that I had ignored what I was 'feeling' like. I usually watch my heart very carefully (an old fear) and get anxious when it gets high but I didn't even notice my pulse or heartbeat even once that day. I just had fun. It was more like I had this sort of 'wow, I'm here, aren't I? I've waited all year for this' feeling. I half-expected to panic when I came in sight of the convention center but as I approached I instead was happy and excited in a good way, with that 'wow, I'm actually here and I'm okay' feeling.
Saturday was a little different as I was trying to finish a load of commissions and was getting a little ansy about not being able to finish it in time for people to come pick it up in time.
Also I nearly missed the Final Fantasy photoshoot and I had raced across the center to get back to my table to pick up my mock weapon (a silver baton of sorts) because I couldn' t be seen without it (lol, I'm a stickler for accuracy this year with my costume) and I was like "OH I'm GOING TO BE LATE!" so by the time I raced back across the convention center to the doors and out towards the fountains where the shoot was I was palpatating a little. But I ignored it because I was concentrating on how great it was to see the other Final Fantasy cosplayers. I think this is important because if it was anything else I would be panicking on ectopics and palps and how freaked out I was and if I would be able to catch my breath or my heart was beating too fast or something and I was completely hopped up on adrenaline by then (took me a couple of hours to get back to normal after that, lol, took of my suit jacket cause I had gotten sweaty after all that). But I was so distracted that it didn't matter. When I got back to my table I felt a bit nervous over what had happened but I think because everything had calmed down by then and I had time to think. When I had no time to think it didn't matter. And anyway this proved to me that I CAN take frantic hyper spazzing and not die from a heart attack or something. Because I'm still here, aren't I? :yesyes:
So anyway I just wanted to let you all know how it went. I did end up being more successful this year than last year and I got some nice moments in character, if you will. :D I realized that I can take stress and go through stuff like this and come out okay. If you told me last week that I would be perfectly alright without any PA's or even be fairly anxious I would have laughed.
I really was planning my panics unconciously.
And I panicked--not once. Not even once.
On Friday it was the first time in a loooong time I experienced a day without any real anxiety. I was a little nervous, yes, but it didn't seem to affect me as it usually does. My mind was so pre-occupied with the convention and having a blast and wearing my costume (I dressed up as Reno from Final Fantasy) that I had ignored what I was 'feeling' like. I usually watch my heart very carefully (an old fear) and get anxious when it gets high but I didn't even notice my pulse or heartbeat even once that day. I just had fun. It was more like I had this sort of 'wow, I'm here, aren't I? I've waited all year for this' feeling. I half-expected to panic when I came in sight of the convention center but as I approached I instead was happy and excited in a good way, with that 'wow, I'm actually here and I'm okay' feeling.
Saturday was a little different as I was trying to finish a load of commissions and was getting a little ansy about not being able to finish it in time for people to come pick it up in time.
Also I nearly missed the Final Fantasy photoshoot and I had raced across the center to get back to my table to pick up my mock weapon (a silver baton of sorts) because I couldn' t be seen without it (lol, I'm a stickler for accuracy this year with my costume) and I was like "OH I'm GOING TO BE LATE!" so by the time I raced back across the convention center to the doors and out towards the fountains where the shoot was I was palpatating a little. But I ignored it because I was concentrating on how great it was to see the other Final Fantasy cosplayers. I think this is important because if it was anything else I would be panicking on ectopics and palps and how freaked out I was and if I would be able to catch my breath or my heart was beating too fast or something and I was completely hopped up on adrenaline by then (took me a couple of hours to get back to normal after that, lol, took of my suit jacket cause I had gotten sweaty after all that). But I was so distracted that it didn't matter. When I got back to my table I felt a bit nervous over what had happened but I think because everything had calmed down by then and I had time to think. When I had no time to think it didn't matter. And anyway this proved to me that I CAN take frantic hyper spazzing and not die from a heart attack or something. Because I'm still here, aren't I? :yesyes:
So anyway I just wanted to let you all know how it went. I did end up being more successful this year than last year and I got some nice moments in character, if you will. :D I realized that I can take stress and go through stuff like this and come out okay. If you told me last week that I would be perfectly alright without any PA's or even be fairly anxious I would have laughed.