New year, new worry

[Charlie1108]

Hi all, here I am again. I hope you're all doing OK in these strange times. I've been better thanks to sertraline but I caught covid in December and for some reason stopped taking it and not restarted. For the past few weeks I've been getting tingling and numb and burning sensations in my arms and legs. Then last night, I took a sip of my drink and everything went blurred for a split second. It was as I pulled my drink away from a sip and it was a martini glass so my rational side is trying to say I just looked through the glass, but unfortunately my anxious, far louder side is telling me it's a brain tumour. I've obsessed all day and with the tingling etc, it's not helping. I also had bloods taken on Friday do I have the added anxiety of the wait on those. I also keep getting heavy eyes and numb teeth. Does this sound like a neurological thing?

[Sparky16]

Withdrawal from sertraline can make you feel awful. What does your doctor say about restarting it?

[Charlie1108]

I stopped taking it almost 2 months ago now so would it still affect me? I'm going to call my gp in the morning to discuss. Currently lying in bed unable to sleep as my left arm feels really weak 😔

[Scissel]

I totally understand. My APRN tried to take me off of it last month and I had to restart it as I was becoming unstable. Did you come off of it abruptly? All those symptoms sound quite familiar. Hope you feel better soon.

[Charlie1108]

Yes, I just stopped it completely. I spoke to my gp. Apparently my vitamin d is quite low so wants me to supplement but she thinks all this is anxiety and I need to restart ASAP so that's what I'm going to do. Thank you for taking the time to respond, it's much appreciated

[Scissel]

You're quite welcome. Yeah I would restart it. I'm back on 100MG for the next few months and then perhaps switch to something with less side effects.

[Charlie1108]

I've woken up today and feel nauseous and exhausted and my eyes feel weird as do my legs. I'm really worried it's a brain tumour. Why does my mind think like this?

[kv21]

I've heard of people suffering withdrawal symptoms for 6 months or longer after coming off antidepressants. I think it's definitely possible it could still be affecting you!

Numbness, tingling, blurry/weird vision, nausea - all symptoms I've had from anxiety. Especially the vision thing. Sometimes I feel like I'm looking through a tunnel. It's amazing what anxiety can do! And it's amazing how our brains can convince us it's something sinister. Coming off antidepressants suddenly is a sure fire way to trigger some horrible side effects and anxious symptoms.

I do hope you feel better soon.

[Charlie1108]

I've made an appointment for an eye health check tomorrow. At this point I'm pretty much convinced I have a tumour

[Charlie1108]

My left calf is twitching all the time and the base of my foot is numb. This does not bode well

[Charlie1108]

I'm a mess. For months my eyes feel really heavy at night and I'm the morning the area feels almost paralysed. Now this has progressed to a few occasions where I cannot open my eyes as is the muscle won't work and I have to prise the lid open.. I stupidly googled and the only thing that comes up is neuro degenetrive diseases. This couples with my foot and leg always buzzing makes sense. I feel so doomed

[Charlie1108]

I don't even know why I'm posting I here as nobody answers but the doctor wants to see me tomorrow which means it's something bad

[pav1984]

What neurological disease have you got in mind with your symptoms?

Please dont worry until you need to.

[Charlie1108]

So so many. I've spent the day googling and it all points to something awful

[pav1984]

You realise that vitamin d deficiency can give you symptoms? As can anxiety?

I dont know what tests you have had other that a trip to the optician but when I had an issue years ago the optition send me to the doctor that very day. I was then sent to hospital that same day. The fact you went to the optician and wasnt sent to hospital has to be reassuring right?

[pav1984]

Please dont think I am being unsympathetic by the way. Just trying to make you see that it might be just a bog standard appointment and they have got you in quick because they know you are worried.

[Charlie1108]

No, I appreciate it thank you. This is the muscle in my eye lid so wouldn't have been picked up on. This is apparently something to do with the brain. Coupled with my tingling foot, it's a dead cert

[pav1984]

https://www.specsavers.co.uk/eye-health/ptosis#:~:text=Yes%2C%20high%20stress%20can%20caus e%20ptosis.

Now look at what you made me do, I have broken the rules and have googled 😂


Stress can cause it.
Stress can cause tingling
Stress is nasty and causes you to lose hours and days of your life.

Chin up and think positively.

The neurological diseases you are worried about are rare and stress is common.

and I think we can both agree you are stressed.

[Charlie1108]

Thank you. I wish this were the case, but unfortunately, in my case, I cannot open my eye at all upon waking. Like the nerves are paralysed

[pav1984]

Which neurological disease do you think it is? Maybe someone on this forum can put your mind at rest with an experience or worry that we have had?

Maybe not mind but I'm an optimist at heart and am hoping we can help in some way.

[Charlie1108]

ALS, Myotonic dystrophy, myasthenia gravis, and at best as awful as that sounds, MS

[pav1984]

My advice to you is to do a search on this website for all the times those illnesses have been mentioned. Then see how many times people have thankfully been wrong with their self diagnosis.

This is why Google is not good for non medical professionals.

My advice when you see your doctor is to tell them what you are fearing and for them to tell you what their opinion is. Make sure you write any answer down so you can refer to it later if you start worrying.

I hope you find comfort soon and let us know how you get on

[Charlie1108]

Thank you. I really do appreciate you taking the time to reply

[Charlie1108]

Well the Dr did a neurological exam on me and there's no loss of strength and reflexes are fine. She's confident there's nothing untoward going on. I have alot of tension in my upper back so it's affecting me neck and then going on to affect other areas. Wants me to up the sertraline and she's going to do a weekly check in with me.

[pav1984]

Hey fantastic news. Thanks for letting us know. Now you can concentrate on getting better by relaxing and working on anxiety.

Do you feel relieved?

[Charlie1108]

I did feel relieved yesterday and slept quite well after a long distance reiki session. Today though I'm feeling shaky and my mouth feels like it's not working properly. Ah the joys of HA

[Charlie1108]

So since last night, I'm getting the smell of burning rubber and a taste similar to disinfectant. This has to be a brain tumour. There is no other explanation when I put my symptoms together. Random split second blurry vision,heavy heavy eyes that I cant even open sometimes and have to do it manually. The heaviness occurs every night without fail just as I drift off. Numb teeth. Weak arm that comes and goes. Tingling. I don't know what to do. My dr says anxiety but it's getting worse by the day.

[pulisa]

Well the Dr did a neurological exam on me and there's no loss of strength and reflexes are fine. She's confident there's nothing untoward going on. I have alot of tension in my upper back so it's affecting me neck and then going on to affect other areas. Wants me to up the sertraline and she's going to do a weekly check in with me.

So have you increased your sertraline?

[Charlie1108]

I spoke to her yesterday and she's calling next week for an update and discuss going up a dose

[pulisa]

Your doctor is confident that you are neurologically healthy but your HA knows better of course and this is why your doctor thinks an increase would help your anxiety.

[Charlie1108]

I just can't cope with it anymore. All the dots seem to be connecting. I don't want to live my life like this anymore

[pulisa]

The dots are connected to HA though. Your GP wants to see whether the increased meds can help you begin to accept this.

You don't have to live your life like this, Charlie. Your HA thoughts are very predictable and follow a pattern with every new symptom. Yes..this time it will be different but maybe it won't? Maybe your HA will just move onto something else and the previous illness will be forgotten?

[Fishmanpa]

Your HA thoughts are very predictable and follow a pattern with every new symptom...The dots are connected to HA though.

Exactly... As I read your posts Charlie, and how within a few days after being given the all clear, you've spiraled right back into the rabbit hole, an analogy came to mind about HA....

HA is like sitting in 1" of water and truly believing you're going to drown....

It makes absolutely no sense whatsoever but somehow, you truly believe it :( Expect that your anxiety may ramp up with a dosage change and I won't be surprised but please try to keep in mind the real reason.

Positive thoughts

[Charlie1108]

I'm trying. It's just very hard being in my head at the moment. I can see the pattern that I follow every single time but the "what if" is always louder. I'm hoping all of this is just due to me restarting the sertraline and things will normalise in a few weeks. I've had an eye health check with an optometrist and a neurological exam with my gp. I hate my brain sometimes..

[pulisa]

That brain belongs to you though and you have control over what you choose to believe.

[Charlie1108]

Thank you both for replying. You're clearly very kind people, taking the time to respond to people when they're in crisis, and always with a calm tone. I do appreciate it

[pulisa]

But do you accept what we are trying to say?

[Charlie1108]

I can totally see what you're trying to say, and when I'm rational, it's all very logical. I've looked back on my past posts this evening and the pattern is always identical. Now accepting however is definitely where the struggle lies. I feel as though I'm the girl who cried wolf and this time it's "real". A classic HA thought /behaviour I know.

[Charlie1108]

I'm too afraid to accept what I'm being told because I think it's tempting fate and if I accept this as anxiety, then it will turn out to not be. If that makes sense

[pulisa]

I'm too afraid to accept what I'm being told because I think it's tempting fate and if I accept this as anxiety, then it will turn out to not be. If that makes sense

So you would rather believe that you have a sinister illness than accept you are just continuing with your routine HA catastrophising?

[Charlie1108]

I don't know. It's something I'm working on with my CBT therapy. I can't accept that I deserve good things. That something terrible has to happen to ruin everything. It's been my way of thinking since I was a teen

[Fishmanpa]

I'm too afraid to accept what I'm being told because I think it's tempting fate and if I accept this as anxiety, then it will turn out to not be. If that makes sense

Actually no.... it doesn't make sense to 'me'. You're 'being told' by who? I've faced and dealt with several very serious physical illnesses. If I had ONE doctor tell me I was fine, I would have been jumping for joy and moving on.

Positive thoughts

[pav1984]

You need to learn to relax. Find something to take your mind off things. If you are safe to do so I advise exercise. It is hard to be anxious when you are tired from exercise. Plus I think it releases some kind of hormone that helps.

[pulisa]

I don't know. It's something I'm working on with my CBT therapy. I can't accept that I deserve good things. That something terrible has to happen to ruin everything. It's been my way of thinking since I was a teen

Has something terrible actually happened yet? Have you any evidence that you don't deserve good things?

[Charlie1108]

Not relating to my health, but I have experienced some traumatic life events that have contributed to the health anxiety.

I struggle to switch off and relax. I just attempted to and out of nowhere, my bottom lip went numb. I've started to dread bed time

[pulisa]

Traumatic life events can certainly cause all sorts of psychological distress and I'm sure your therapist will be aware of this and will be working with you to help you make sense of how you are processing this trauma.

[Charlie1108]

I've had a terrible night and day. Things seemed more positive and was able to get lots done and function normally. Then I have come down with a bit of a cold, so couldn't sleep last night. I was tossing and turning as I was nodding off and felt like my breathing was restricted and then suddenly I couldn't breath, couldn't move a muscle for what seemed like ages. I was convinced I was dying. I've had sleep paralysis before but never felt like I couldn't breath. When I was able to move, I wasn't out of breath or anything so I'm hoping it was just perceived. Then I didn't want to go back to sleep and when I eventually did, I dreamt I was fainting and losing consciousness. I'm utterly convinced I have a brain tumour! Today, I'm feeling dreadful and emotional although it's my time of the month which may be contributing. I'm just so fed up now. Everything is pointing towards me having a brain disorder but I'm not allowed any tests.

[pulisa]

Who says everything is pointing towards a brain tumour? Why do you think you're not allowed tests?

[Charlie1108]

I'm still getting this terrible disinfectant chemical smell and tatse. Happens when something hits my sinuses. For example, when I get in shower, spray deodorant. Eating certain foods. I'm so scared it's a tumour causing this but Dr says it's an after effect of covid. I can't cope.