Mollymoo16
05-02-21, 18:45
Hi guys,
I’m new here looking for support on how to combat my OCD contamination fears.
Long story short, OCD crept into my life at 8 years old, numbers and touching things. It then took hold by way of Emetophobia. I had been to my Nannies for dinner, got back home, threw up and from there never went to hers again. I stopped eating the things I had eaten for tea, it snowballed of me having my own knifes and forks, own plate. I would think I could smell “bugs” and see them, and I wouldn’t flush the toilet for fears bugs would spray out. You get the jist.
Moving into adult hood, my fear turned to aids. I would cut myself and worry someone else had, I would sit on pub park benches and catch a sharp bit of wood, next thing I’m at the doctors telling them I have it. I would fret for weeks after sleeping with someone with protection, almost a punishment for me enjoying myself. I had times I was on nights out and was adimant that someone had pricked me with a needle. I still do not like dark clubs for this reason and have lived this scenario since.
Then we get to my now and present, most oppressive fear of dog poo. My example is that someone I worked with stepped in some outside our work offices, they then didn’t realise until they had walked into the building, all the way to the desks we sit at. I was horrified that every day I had to take the same steps, whilst picking up the dog poo and dog poo germs on my work shoes. This was around 2 years ago now. The offices are hoovered but in my mind that’s not clean enough snd the spread has already been done.
Since the pandemic, and this incident, I now work from home and the shoes have walked around in my home. I am now petrified of the floor, I can’t sit on the floor, or if anything is dropped on the floor it has to be washed or binned, followed by hand washing each time. I have house shoes I must wear all the time.
These shoes are on a shoe rack, which haunts me everyday. My young nephews decided to have a sock fight around this shoe rack, and I am now petrified the socks touched the shoes and then was whacked against the walls during their playfighting. I cannot not touch the walls and squeeze through my hallway, scared of the germs.
I’m waiting for some CBT therapy, as it’s all got too much. But I don’t know a way out? I’ve had years of therapies, councilling, meds (SSRI and SNRIs) which gave me years of night sweats, and after 24 years they are now trying me on pregab. I have to fight and beg for loraz or diazepam to help me cope. I’ve also had hypnotherapy, the lot.
I don’t know how to combat this fear, they say with exposure to just sit with it but my anxiety never comes down, abd I end up a crying mess. What do I do to help myself? I feel like I’m living the same hell day in day out. It’s so hard living alone.
I’ve been miserable for months, tried 2 months off all meds but unfortunately the natural remedies didn’t quite do it for me hence the cry out and push for something new - pregab. Does anyone have any tips on that?
My life is extremely restricted and seems to be getting worse when I should be enjoying the bedt years of my life in my thirties, and seeing the back of this hidious chronic condition.
Thank you so much, any help would be appreciated.
I’m new here looking for support on how to combat my OCD contamination fears.
Long story short, OCD crept into my life at 8 years old, numbers and touching things. It then took hold by way of Emetophobia. I had been to my Nannies for dinner, got back home, threw up and from there never went to hers again. I stopped eating the things I had eaten for tea, it snowballed of me having my own knifes and forks, own plate. I would think I could smell “bugs” and see them, and I wouldn’t flush the toilet for fears bugs would spray out. You get the jist.
Moving into adult hood, my fear turned to aids. I would cut myself and worry someone else had, I would sit on pub park benches and catch a sharp bit of wood, next thing I’m at the doctors telling them I have it. I would fret for weeks after sleeping with someone with protection, almost a punishment for me enjoying myself. I had times I was on nights out and was adimant that someone had pricked me with a needle. I still do not like dark clubs for this reason and have lived this scenario since.
Then we get to my now and present, most oppressive fear of dog poo. My example is that someone I worked with stepped in some outside our work offices, they then didn’t realise until they had walked into the building, all the way to the desks we sit at. I was horrified that every day I had to take the same steps, whilst picking up the dog poo and dog poo germs on my work shoes. This was around 2 years ago now. The offices are hoovered but in my mind that’s not clean enough snd the spread has already been done.
Since the pandemic, and this incident, I now work from home and the shoes have walked around in my home. I am now petrified of the floor, I can’t sit on the floor, or if anything is dropped on the floor it has to be washed or binned, followed by hand washing each time. I have house shoes I must wear all the time.
These shoes are on a shoe rack, which haunts me everyday. My young nephews decided to have a sock fight around this shoe rack, and I am now petrified the socks touched the shoes and then was whacked against the walls during their playfighting. I cannot not touch the walls and squeeze through my hallway, scared of the germs.
I’m waiting for some CBT therapy, as it’s all got too much. But I don’t know a way out? I’ve had years of therapies, councilling, meds (SSRI and SNRIs) which gave me years of night sweats, and after 24 years they are now trying me on pregab. I have to fight and beg for loraz or diazepam to help me cope. I’ve also had hypnotherapy, the lot.
I don’t know how to combat this fear, they say with exposure to just sit with it but my anxiety never comes down, abd I end up a crying mess. What do I do to help myself? I feel like I’m living the same hell day in day out. It’s so hard living alone.
I’ve been miserable for months, tried 2 months off all meds but unfortunately the natural remedies didn’t quite do it for me hence the cry out and push for something new - pregab. Does anyone have any tips on that?
My life is extremely restricted and seems to be getting worse when I should be enjoying the bedt years of my life in my thirties, and seeing the back of this hidious chronic condition.
Thank you so much, any help would be appreciated.