Struggling with anxiety again- Shortness of breath

[Honeyskye]

Hi
I've been doing pretty good for a few months down to the great of advice of the kind members on here. I've been coping pretty well with my anxiety considering we are in a pandemic. However...I'm really struggling at the moment. I've had a tough week with being busy at work, homeschooling an autistic child, looking after a 2 year old and I found out earlier in the week my auntie went into hospital with covid. I had a little breakdown around that time because I was so busy, the bad news, etc. I've not slept properly all week, I have been crying a lot and just feeling anxious again. I lay in bed the other night and felt like I had to keep taking deep breaths. I've had this before when I've been anxious but with everything going on I've frightened myself into thinking it's something else.

My auntie developed covid related pneumonia and sadly passed away last night. She died alone and all I can think about is her face in a mask, being frightened and not being able to hold anyone's hand as she passed. We are all devastated as we were so close to her. This has obviously caused me a lot of distress and left me feeling very frightened about the current situation again as it was so close to home. I also found out my cousin (her son) also tested positive and went out shopping knowing he had the virus. He doesn't wear a mask either. I'm stuck between grieving for my aunt and worrying about leaving the house because of selfish idiots like him putting everyone at risk. I am suddenly utterly terrified. I feel like I am over breathing and I can't catch a breath. I keep thinking it's anxiety but then I had it earlier in the week too. I suffer from post nasal drip so sometimes have a lot of phlegm (sorry) in my throat which makes me cough a little and you can feel it rattle in your throat a little. I feel like I am short of breath and a bit weezy in my throat but I don't actually know if I am and if it's because I'm worrying.

My job is super busy at the moment as I work in legals for the NHS and am helping with vaccination sites so I feel like it is constantly in my face and there's no escape and the walls are literally closing in on me. Also, the news is very negative at the moment too, it just feels like death and destruction all around. O read any article yesterday about the new strains and how they have detected them in certain postcodes so are telling people from those areas to go for a test even if they have just a runny nose. This feels like scaremongering at its finest but for someone like me who is anxious about such things, it sends me down a rabbit hole of pure fear.

Does it sound like anxiety I'm suffering from? Obviously any issues with breathing is freaking anyone out atm. I don't have any other symptoms other than feeling like I've been overbreathing and a bit weezy in my throat but I don't know if I'm just focusing on it.

Can anyone help?

[pulisa]

I'm so very sorry to hear about your auntie. It's tragic news in normal circumstances but with Covid it makes it all the more unbearable and horrific and I can't begin to imagine how frightened and alone you must feel.

As regards your "symptoms" you know yourself that you are focusing on your breathing and are very aware of your post nasal drip and the effects it has in overproducing phlegm. You will be super vigilant for any Covid symptoms but in the absence of them I'd say that you are, quite naturally
highly anxious-and chronically highly anxious-so any sensation will make you panic and wonder "if"..

I don't know whether you've ever been prescribed or would consider a short course of diazepam to help take the edge off your anxiety? You are going through a hell of a lot and it's ongoing. I can imagine the strain of homeschooling your autistic child too (I have 2 adult autistic children). You desperately need some help-can you speak to your GP tomorrow? xx

[Honeyskye]

Thank you so much for your reply and kind words. I've taken today off but for background, I am 20mg of citalopram and have been for a couple of years due to PTSD from a bad pregnancy and birth. I was having EMDR therapy since July 2019 as was due to finish this by Xmas but things have all but stopped due to the pandemic and my therapist had to keep cancelling my appointments. I feel I have nowhere to turn. I've been feeling the familiar onset of depression for few weeks now. The usual not wanting to get out of bed and face the day, etc. but I have to for my children. I'm just so utterly terrified of this virus again.

[pulisa]

I think you should try to contact your therapist again and also book a telephone consultation with your GP. Your therapist knows your background and also has been administering your EMDR which is an unfinished work in progress. You have now been hit with another severe trauma which no doubt will be triggering a PTSD-type response.

GPs are pretty hopeless with trauma but may be able to suggest an increase in your citalopram because your dose is not a high one and you obviously feel that depression is taking a hold. Your children will give you the motivation to fight through the days but ultimately it's a miserable existence, especially when you're managing the challenges of autism alone.

Please pick up that phone, honeyskye? x