Birthday week = bad HA spiral

[carriewriting]

Normally Christmas is my worst time of year, but I've just had my birthday and my HA has been in double overdrive all week.

Every day I've lurched from one thing to the next in what is a disappointing new record for me (which is saying something because last year I thought I'd reached my peak of hyper-vigilance/catatrophising)

I feel like I know so much about health anxiety, and yet I still feel so powerless against the pull of the adrenaline when these scary thoughts come.

I actually had a pretty good birthday, despite my brain's best efforts to ruin it. I'm exhausted now though. It feels like I've had the longest week ever fighting all these fears. I also had a 15 days cycle which probably hasn't helped the craziness (the joys of perimenopause).

Anyway, that's my pity party. At least my birthday is over with now and I also have therapy next week.


*Edited to remove details of what health things I've been worrying about as that was me giving in to the temptation to seek reassurance.

[pulisa]

You're not powerless, Carrie. As you say, you know a lot about HA so you have the power to talk yourself down and you have. I'm not going to comment about your various symptoms because you have the skills to do that for yourself.

Have confidence in your own ability to manage your HA? Yes you have a therapist but ultimately you are your own therapist and knowledge is power.

I'm glad you had a good birthday. Your hormones won't be helping your anxiety. Give yourself a break and congratulate yourself on getting through the week despite all the triggers! They are triggers not diagnoses xx

[carriewriting]

Thanks for your support as always Pulisa. The real thing therapy is bringing to the forefront is that all these health fears are just a distraction to mask what's really going on in my head and heart. You are right, I do need to give myself a break. Even though I battled a lot of health fears this week, I had a pretty big victory over one of them, plus I was worrying about all this stuff while still doing an amazing job at work and running my house and taking care of my family. Time to start thinking of myself as a warrior, not a worrier (to quote Dennis Simsek) :)

[pulisa]

Or a coper because warrior suggests that you are fighting all the time and generating adrenaline?

HA will always find a way in when you have a lot of different roles to juggle and manage.

Have you ever tried ACT? (Apologies if you have-I can't remember)