Peak health anxiety, waiting for lower back MRI results

[Lushchicken]

A bit of background on myself: I have a neurological condition that causes spasticity and put me in a wheelchair. So apart from taking some steps and standing as much as I can, I mostly sit. This went ok for 15 years. But then in December my health anxiety about COVID peaked and I noticed that I was constantly clenching my buttocks. Sitting suddenly became painful. This has now escalated for 6 weeks and now my lower legs are tingling. I finally ended up going to ER on Monday because my anxiety had triggered an episode of deep depression. The doctors did some neurology test and then sent me for an MRI. Words like 'spinal stenosis, but probably not' were floated. But they didn't seem massively concerned. Especially as I'm not really in pain. And there's the added fact that my physio abandoned me once the pandemic started. I'm at risk and he didn't see a way to see me safely. So I haven't had physio in 10 months. I know...

I have been coping on and off. Mostly haven't been able to eat. I'm a trembly, panicky mess. And while I coped ok with having the MRI scan done, I now don't know how to help myself while waiting for the results. Although it was never mentioned, I've convinced myself it's some kind of tumour pressing on my spine. Or that my spinal nerves are severely damaged and I will have to get operated on. In a pandemic. The one thing I fear the most. Even though the neurologist on call said he doesn't think it's something you'd jump to operate.

You see the problem. I'm completely out of my mind. My logical reasoning is there somewhere below the surface. But I feel like I'm dying. I don't feel like myself anymore. I feel like I won't survive this pandemic.:weep: I don't think my health anxiety has ever been this bad.

[Charlie1108]

You poor thing. I don't really have much advice but try and listen to the logical voice. When are you likely to get your results? If you're continuously tensing, is it possible that you may have just triggered some nerves?

[Lushchicken]

You poor thing. I don't really have much advice but try and listen to the logical voice. When are you likely to get your results? If you're continuously tensing, is it possible that you may have just triggered some nerves?

Neurology will get the images on Monday and will then probably call me for an appointment. Could be a good while, depending on how busy they are. Yes, I think a trapped nerve situation must be at least part of it. I think the sciatic nerve actually goes through some buttock muscles. So I might be squeezing it over and over.

[Charlie1108]

The sciatic nerve definitely does. I had sciatica in my first pregnancy and it was definitely shooting from there x

[Lushchicken]

The sciatic nerve definitely does. I had sciatica in my first pregnancy and it was definitely shooting from there x

Sciatica can get real bad, so I wouldn't be surprised if it was involved.

[jojo2316]

Poor you- peak anxiety is a terrible thing to have to sit with. Many of us on here know the feeling and can sympathise. The MRI would surely have ruled out a tumour, which is hugely unlikely anyway, so I really don’t think your fear has any rational basis..... but of course that is no comfort. The fear is real - and it sucks. Do you have a good support network around you?

[Lushchicken]

Poor you- peak anxiety is a terrible thing to have to sit with. Many of us on here know the feeling and can sympathise. The MRI would surely have ruled out a tumour, which is hugely unlikely anyway, so I really don’t think your fear has any rational basis..... but of course that is no comfort. The fear is real - and it sucks. Do you have a good support network around you?

I'm still awaiting the MRI results, hence the tumour fear. I know an MRI would catch anything like that, but I won't have peace of mind until I talk to my neurologist. I have a good support network, thank you! Was even able to get some sessions with my former therapist who is trying to help me get through this. So I'm very fortunate in many ways.

[jojo2316]

You might be fortunate in many ways but fear is still very very hard to bare. I hope that you get some relief when the MRI results are in..... xx

[pulisa]

Waiting for results is always the worst bit because your HA brain has such a lot to work on and so many potential diagnoses to fear. That's just stating the obvious, I know, but it's very predictable with HA. Can you take the sting out of your fear by telling yourself that you're bound to imagine the very worst anyway so what's new?

I do hope you can get some definitive news as soon as possible from your neurologist and that the results show that all your fears were unfounded.
Jojo is right in that fear is very hard to bear as the days drag on. No news is always better than a prompt recall though.

[Lushchicken]

Waiting for results is always the worst bit because your HA brain has such a lot to work on and so many potential diagnoses to fear. That's just stating the obvious, I know, but it's very predictable with HA. Can you take the sting out of your fear by telling yourself that you're bound to imagine the very worst anyway so what's new?

I do hope you can get some definitive news as soon as possible from your neurologist and that the results show that all your fears were unfounded.
Jojo is right in that fear is very hard to bear as the days drag on. No news is always better than a prompt recall though.

Thank you, it certainly helps that they haven't called with something super urgent. I know I am catastrophising, and I'm ok at seeing that, at least on and off. The waiting really is the most torturous part, especially as buttock cramping was bad all day yesterday and I've woken up with lower leg tingling that is driving me up the wall. So at this point I just want some kind of relief. If there is any to be had.

[pulisa]

I'm no doctor but it certainly sounds as if the sciatic nerve could be involved. I do hope you get some mental and physical relief very soon.

[Lushchicken]

Thank you!