Really scared:(

[LF87]

Hi,
I hope everyone is ok, I've not posted for a while. I am having the worst week of my life I think and I'm really scared that this time its for real. My dad died in June and I have been drinking more. I've also become very isolated during lockdown and not getting out and about. The last few days I've had a completely numb and tingling foot and sore glute, which my nurse friend says is sciata probably from sitting around too much. I've also got very bad dizziness and weakness in my wrists. I've had multiple prolonged panic attacks the past few days, and I'm trying to rationalise this weakness and faint feeling to the horrendous panic attacks I've had, but the creeping thought it that there's something really wrong with me like internal bleeding, kidney or liver failure or something like that. I don't usually get dizzy. But then I've never had as bad panic as I have had this week. My teeth were chattering, I was shaking uncontrollably and vomited a few times. I've also convinced myself the sick is brown and had blood in it, to the point of making my brother and partner examine to see if they thought it was blood. They said no, but I'm still convinced its part of my organ failure from drinking. Please can anyone help me x

[LF87]

I've also only slept about 3 hours the past 4 nights because of this pure fear of being sick, and as soon as I nod off I wake myself up somehow, possibly to continue self monitoring how I feel. I know this could cause dizziness too, maybe I'm focusing too much on it. But I feel horrendous. My partner and brother are furious with me, say I need to get a grip stop drinking or deal with feeling horrid. Bjt that doesn't help me as I am scared I'm dying

[Rumpo]

Hi LF87, sorry to hear about what you're going through at the moment. To start with, I can say from personal experience that anxiety can cause all of those symptoms (I'm not a doctor, though). In addition, it's quite common for anxiety symptoms to shift or change as time goes on, meaning you can get new symptoms that are still directly caused by anxiety.

On that note, what are you doing at the moment to treat/manage your anxiety and drinking? Are you working with a therapist or taking any medication? Getting so little sleep is also bound to make you feel awful. Excessive drinking can also cause issues like vomiting and dizziness, which you're probably already aware of... I would definitely encourage that you get in touch with your GP to discuss getting you some support, if you haven't already done so. I'm sorry to hear about your dad passing away, too.

[ankietyjoe]

Sorry to hear about your Dad.

However, sleep deprivation and isolation are used as forms of torture. On top of that you're drinking heavily?

There's nothing to rationalise really, these things perfectly explain why you feel the way you do.

I would focus on dealing with each one, one at a time, starting with the drinking. You're not as helpless as you might thing, and your partner and brother are right. Stop the drinking, get washed, go outside for a walk.

That's day one.

[LF87]

Thank you both so much. Rumpo, I'm actually due to start therapy at the end of this week. I'm in UK and had been with talking therapies but its just not intense enough. So I am going private. Costs a fortune but I can't sink any further. I'm hoping she can get me pulled around.
Joe, its hard for me to get out when I'm in this mode. I have a sickness phobia and if I feel even slightly sick I won't go out. But I'm going to attempt this tomorrow, to get up and have a stroll. I just hope this dizzy feeling goes away it is so scary:(

[ankietyjoe]

Listen, it's hard for everybody when they're in this mode, but this is where you have to summon the bravery. I know EXACTLY how that feels, I used to struggle taking the bins out. I couldn't even get to the front door some days but you have to push. It gets to the point where staying indoors is no longer self care.

If all you do is get washed, dressed and walk 20m outside and back, it's a massive win.

And again, symptoms are just symptoms. Dizziness is common, and is most likely muscle tension. I have that all the time still.

[LF87]

Thanks so much. Getting ready now and will try have a wander. Definitely making me feel more crazy being indoors all the time

[ankietyjoe]

Just remember if you go out and feel like absolute crap, that's fine. Exposure therapy. Soon it will become normal again, and just being outside often provides you with a bit of perspective to take on the rest of the day.

[Rumpo]

Being inside all the time definitely doesn't help. Good luck with starting therapy, you may like to try complementing it with mindfulness/stress-reduction activities in order to see the best results - what's more, you can do them at home on your own time :) trying to go for a walk every day might help you feel a bit better and should help reduce your anxiety levels somewhat, too.

[DarthMojo]

I've experienced a lot of the same symptoms without drinking, when my anxiety is high and persistent. Drinking can make anxiety and depression a bit worse, which can cloud how your already feeling. Panic attacks mimic a lot of the symptoms you describe. Can you maybe go outside for a bit and just stand in the fresh air? I feel so locked up to the past year and it definitely has not helped. I hope you feel better.

[LF87]

Thank you all so much. I didn't manage the walk, but I did stand in the garden for a little while for some air. I'm just feeling so poorly and convinced its for real. I read about alcoholic neuthroapthy and sure its that. My partner says this happens after years and years of abuse and I have a trapped nerve but I don't believe him.
I forgot to say I have a lump in my armpit, which I think is the reason I had a naughty spiral with alcohol. I had an appointment booked, cancelled, then a second, cancelled. I can't handle it I really can't