View Full Version : Palpable Lymph Node in Neck - How normal is this?
Hi all! I'm new here and I'm pleased to see that I'm not alone in this lymph node/lymphoma fear. I'm 21 years old with pretty severe anxiety: I have convinced myself that I have had various cancers, diabetes, tetanus, swollen tongue etc; have had worries about my family, my home, etc. you name it! The whole pandemic as made my anxiety even worse. It's awful, and luckily, I've always been ok in the end. I'm blessed to have good health but not blessed with this severe anxiety!
Anyway, my recent fear is palpable lymph nodes. To start off, I can feel several... if I look for them. The one I'm worried about is the one on my neck - right side. It's small, invisble (can't see it, only can be felt pretty easily), I would say it's about 1cm as I can fit it in between the tips of my index finger and thumb although I know it's not always accurate to measure something from the outside. I would say it's soft (feels softer than a bean but definitely feels solid and squishy but not super squishy if that makes sense). I can't feel it by simply brushing my fingers down each side of the neck but I can feel it when I start pressing around and since I know exactly where it is. I can feel another node on the opposite side in the same exact region but it doesn't feel raised, although I have been giving it a poke and prod for at least the past three weeks since I've found it (and yes, there have been times where I've spend a few hours poking at it in one session - I'm trying to stop but it's so hard). Both seem to be the same size about 1cm (kind of like a kidney bean or small edamame bean) however, the right one seems raised (probably from me poking and squeezing it). Though, I'm still freaked out. I will say that I am very thin; 5'8 and 133lbs and I read that it's easy to feel in slim individuals.
Otherwise, I feel completely fine, I have had normal CBC and I have seen two doctors: my original pediatrician (about three weeks ago) and a new adult GP (a week ago) - who is great btw! - and they both felt it and have said that what I'm feeling is normal and they aren't concerned in the slightest. Words from my adult GP: "That lymph node is not concerning at all! I'm not worried about it!" - and she gave me after visit report stating that it was a "normal sized, soft, movable lymph node". My anxiety has gotten in the way despite these reassurances and I have wondered whether or not she was feeling what I'm feeling or if she was feeling a palpable vein that is right next to it - however I have to remind myself that I have seen two trained doctors who have been doctors for decades and if they were concerned, they would've sent for more tests. I was surprised by the way they felt it compared to the way I feel my neck. They lightly pressed around while I seem to press with a bit of pressure and dig around. I can also feel two other nodes each side on my neck and one tiny pea sized one in my submandibular region.
To be honest, I feel like I may have never even noticed these things unless I looked for them. I'm honestly not sure how long they've been palpable because I simply don't prod around my neck the way I do now (anxiously!). They're not visible except for the right side one that I can only see if I bend my neck far (and even then it's hard to see - I've taken a photo and can't see it) but other than that, can't see it only can be felt. Despite having reassurance from my doctors, I just still can't help but worry. I was fine for a few days - but then, the anxiety picked right back up. I seriously don't know what to do at this point.
Can poking/pressing/proddng nodes make them more defined and swell? I feel like during the days I was fine, it felt small, softer and even non-existent, but as soon as the anxiety picked up - it feels HUGE! I hate anxiety so much.
NotDeadYet
16-02-21, 15:52
tsmc223
Wow, this sounds just like me when I began my lymph node journey. This is just so relatable.
It sounds to me like you have received a 100% clean bill of health. Now the next step is to work on adjusting your thought patterns. Instead of asking, "What if", instead remind yourself that you've been given the all clear and that everything is fine. It takes practice but it is possible to change these thought patterns and get out of this cycle.
In answer to your last question, yes, you can cause your nodes to swell by poking and prodding. Stop touching them and move forward.
Best Wishes.
I'm a H&N cancer survivor. If you do a search, you'll see my replies. They all apply here.
Positive thoughts
Thanks for your response. It’s honestly so hard to not think about it and not poke it at it. I’ve done well today at not poking at it, I’ve had a few feels today but I’m trying to limit myself.
I guess you’re right in that seeing doctors who are not concerned is a good sign. I can’t help but think about the what if’s.
How are you doing now? Have you had palpable lymph nodes in your neck, and how do they feel? The one In freaking out about feels like a smooth, soft but firm bean. (Probably would be softer if I didn’t spend three weeks poking at it.) This is definitely one of the worst anxieties I’ve had thus far.
Hey there - thanks! I've actually been lurking the forums for a while and seeing a lot of your responses have calmed me down - but then the anxiety picks right back up! I know my doctor wasn't concerned, and she even said my nodes were movable and soft but to me the feel firm and not movable! I guess these trained physicians know exactly what soft and moveable means compared to an untrained individual like myself.
Idk why it's so hard to find comfort in two doctors saying there was no need to worry.
NotDeadYet
17-02-21, 16:08
Remind yourself that you actually do have control over your thoughts. It takes practice but you have control over what you dwell on and allow into your mind.
Thank you. Is it true that obsessively poking at it can cause it to swell? I’ve been poking at it for 3 weeks straight and there have been times where I spent hours poking it.
I’m trying so hard to stop. And like I said - I wouldn’t have noticed it if I weren’t feeling for them.
NotDeadYet
17-02-21, 18:20
Yes, like I said previously, poking them will cause them to swell and could eventually cause them to never go down. This is called a shotty node and is normal. The nodes that I initially found and obsessed over became shotty and have not gone down to their original size. Don't be like me. Take control and rest in the assurance that medical professionals have given you the all clear.
Best Wishes.
Thank you. Is it true that obsessively poking at it can cause it to swell? I’ve been poking at it for 3 weeks straight and there have been times where I spent hours poking it.
1000% YES! In fact you can make them go shotty (permanently enlarged). There was a member here that for years was convinced he had lymphoma. Day after day, week after week, month after month and yes, year after year, he would post about his nodes and how they were swollen. He had seen countless doctors, had countless tests and scans and nothing was wrong. He remained unconvinced. He poked and prodded endlessly to the point that he had shotty nodes in several places. He was told they were shotty but was still unconvinced. He finally found a doctor that performed an invasive procedure (biopsy/node removal) from his groin area. Wanna guess the result? :whistles: He STILL remained unconvinced. He hasn't posted in a couple of years but suffice it to say, I'm quite sure he's alive and well and who knows if the dragon is still breathing fire down his neck :shrug: I have a feeling it still is :(
The bottom line is that you have to gain control over the HA behaviors that are keeping you in the rabbit hole. Real life professional help and/or meds are something to seriously consider if you want to get yourself out of this pattern of self destructive behavior.
Positive thoughts
Thank you. Your response gave me some assurance. Like who new one could feel these things in the neck and cause us to freak out. Anyway, after many weeks of poking it and this morning... :weep:... I will try my absolute best to stop poking at it.
My poking has definitely made it a little more firm but perhaps that's my anxiety. Thank you so much.
1000% YES! In fact you can make them go shotty (permanently enlarged). There was a member here that for years was convinced he had lymphoma. Day after day, week after week, month after month and yes, year after year, he would post about his nodes and how they were swollen. He had seen countless doctors, had countless tests and scans and nothing was wrong. He remained unconvinced. He poked and prodded endlessly to the point that he had shotty nodes in several places. He was told they were shotty but was still unconvinced. He finally found a doctor that performed an invasive procedure (biopsy/node removal) from his groin area. Wanna guess the result? :whistles: He STILL remained unconvinced. He hasn't posted in a couple of years but suffice it to say, I'm quite sure he's alive and well and who knows if the dragon is still breathing fire down his neck :shrug: I have a feeling it still is :(
The bottom line is that you have to gain control over the HA behaviors that are keeping you in the rabbit hole. Real life professional help and/or meds are something to seriously consider if you want to get yourself out of this pattern of self destructive behavior.
Positive thoughts
Thank you so much, again. I guess obsessively poking at something is gonna make it aggravated and I shall try my best to stop. I've had a few pokes this morning but thats it. Ugh it's so frustrating. Sometimes it feels soft, sometimes if feels hard, sometimes it feels non existent. And after seeing two doctors who I have known for several years (one is actually my mom's doctors and my mom is particularly picky about doctors), I still somehow worry about this damn thing. Like I said, I wouldn't even have noticed it if it weren't for me LOOKING for them. It just feels like a 1cm bean which freaks me out. But anyway I will really try to abstain from touching it. Reminds me of a time when I was 16 - about five years ago - I had this pimple that wouldn't go away and I poked and squeezed it and it turned red and got HUGE like MASSIVE. I try to compare it to that.. one day I left it alone and it just vanished. Perhaps this node has just always been there and I never noticed.
Ive been down this rabbit hole before and I totally sympathise. I found my node on my neck a few years ago when I was waiting for the tube. I remember completely freaking out. It was pea in shape/size and was very noticeable. At the time, I remember thinking it felt hard, immobile and about 1cm in size - classic signs of a 'bad node'. After seeing 2 doctors, both said they thought it was nothing to worry about but this didn't help me. The more I googled, the worse my fear got. Eventually, after much prodding, poking and soreness, my doctor referred me for an ultrasound. The node was only 5mm, in fact exactly the same size as the other (this was hidden under muscle). Whilst it felt awful to me, it wasn't anywhere near as bad as I thought and turned out to be totally innocent. To this day, I still have the node - sometimes I can easily find it, others not so much. The more you poke, the more noticeable (and irritated!) it will become. If I go looking, I can usually find some more hidden away amongst the muscle.
Ive been down this rabbit hole before and I totally sympathise. I found my node on my neck a few years ago when I was waiting for the tube. I remember completely freaking out. It was pea in shape/size and was very noticeable. At the time, I remember thinking it felt hard, immobile and about 1cm in size - classic signs of a 'bad node'. After seeing 2 doctors, both said they thought it was nothing to worry about but this didn't help me. The more I googled, the worse my fear got. Eventually, after much prodding, poking and soreness, my doctor referred me for an ultrasound. The node was only 5mm, in fact exactly the same size as the other (this was hidden under muscle). Whilst it felt awful to me, it wasn't anywhere near as bad as I thought and turned out to be totally innocent. To this day, I still have the node - sometimes I can easily find it, others not so much. The more you poke, the more noticeable (and irritated!) it will become. If I go looking, I can usually find some more hidden away amongst the muscle.
Wow I can't believe so many people go through the same thing. My node isn't visibly noticeable - but I can feel it. Feels like a kidney bean but a little softer and squishier. Also I'm estimating the size to be about 1cm. I can kind of squeeze the tip of my thumb and index finger to it and measures out to be about 1cm. It just freaks me out that I can feel it. Like I said - it could've been there and I might have never noticed it if I wasn't anxiously pressing around my neck. Ugh! It's so hard to not touch it but yeah I have been obsessively poking at it for like three weeks straight. My doctor have both said it's not concerning but I can't help but wonder "Did they really feel it? Did she even feel what I'm feeling? What if she missed it?!'. It's an endless cycle. I guess it would be best for me to not touch/poke/press on it and not worry about it unless it gets huge. *knock on wood that it won't*
My node isn't visibly noticeable - but I can feel it. Feels like a kidney bean but a little softer and squishier.
I first noticed a swollen node in my neck when I developed a sinus infection. It was the size of a small grape and hard to the touch. Definitely not palpable. That was in August of 2012. By the end of September after a course of antibiotics it hadn't resolved and was larger, definitely visible on the left side of my neck. Back to the doctor and another round of antibiotics. Now, we're into November and I suffered my 2nd heart attack. I received 3 stents. The node remained. Upon my visit to the doctor to follow up on my heart attack, the node had grown to the size of a small egg and was clearly visible on my neck.
I was sent immediately to the hospital for a scan and the rest was history. By the time they did surgery to remove it, I had two over 5cm! It looked like I had the mumps on the left side of my neck! You have a 5mm NORMAL node! I WISH I was as fortunate as you! :lac:
FMP
I first noticed a swollen node in my neck when I developed a sinus infection. It was the size of a small grape and hard to the touch. Definitely not palpable. That was in August of 2012. By the end of September after a course of antibiotics it hadn't resolved and was larger, definitely visible on the left side of my neck. Back to the doctor and another round of antibiotics. Now, we're into November and I suffered my 2nd heart attack. I received 3 stents. The node remained. Upon my visit to the doctor to follow up on my heart attack, the node had grown to the size of a small egg and was clearly visible on my neck.
I was sent immediately to the hospital for a scan and the rest was history. By the time they did surgery to remove it, I had two over 5cm! It looked like I had the mumps on the left side of my neck! You have a 5mm NORMAL node! I WISH I was as fortunate as you! :lac:
FMP
I'm so sorry you had to deal with that, however I'm glad you made it out all good! Glad to see you doing good. However, I think mine is about 1cm, as I can squeeze it between by thumb and index finger tips. But my doctor felt it and described it as normal. I didn't know they could be this big and be considered normal. It feels firmer now that I've been spending time poking/squeezing/prodding at it for weeks. I just wish I never noticed it. Ugh! Worst anxiety ever.
I think finding any lump on your body where your not expecting to find one, can be really scary. I know, ive been there (several times). However, I think you need to try and look at some of the facts that even you mention: 'soft', 'squishy' and '1cm'. All sounds good. None of them scary characteristics. I promise, the more you prod, the more inflamed it will get and this will make if feel harder and actually may make it bigger.
I think finding any lump on your body where your not expecting to find one, can be really scary. I know, ive been there (several times). However, I think you need to try and look at some of the facts that even you mention: 'soft', 'squishy' and '1cm'. All sounds good. None of them scary characteristics. I promise, the more you prod, the more inflamed it will get and this will make if feel harder and actually may make it bigger.
Thanks again. I'm trying real real hard to stop poking at it. I had a whole session last night again.. but today, I haven't poked it once! It definitely feels harder than when I first found it and I know this was caused by the poking. I'm just hoping I'll make it out of this soon enough.
Wanted to update: Today was my first day of not touching it! I haven't poked or squeezed it at all! I've gently felt over the area and of course it's still there but I haven't poked or prodded it like usual. Im proud of myself. Lets go for day 2!
I'm sure three weeks of poking it did some damage - so I hope the node isn't too angry. God I hate health anxiety. Sure hope this is nothing serious.
Wanted to update: Today was my first day of not touching it! I haven't poked or squeezed it at all! I've gently felt over the area and of course it's still there but I haven't poked or prodded it like usual. Im proud of myself. Lets go for day 2!
I'm sure three weeks of poking it did some damage - so I hope the node isn't too angry. God I hate health anxiety. Sure hope this is nothing serious.
Well done, thats the first step. Keep at it, you'll be fine :)
Bumping to see if anyone has gone through anything similar or if they can feel a neck lymph node.
glassgirlw
19-02-21, 22:39
Leave it alone. You’ve gotten quite a bit of reassurance already from FMP and he’s definitely the one to listen to on this subject. If it gets big enough to where you need to worry about it, you’ll know without even having to touch it. Best to just put it out of your mind and focus on something else.
Leave it alone. You’ve gotten quite a bit of reassurance already from FMP and he’s definitely the one to listen to on this subject. If it gets big enough to where you need to worry about it, you’ll know without even having to touch it. Best to just put it out of your mind and focus on something else.
Thanks. I guess it hasn’t really changed much since I first found it four weeks ago. Maybe swelled a bit due to constant poking. Seriously wish I never found it
I have some on my neck groin and underneath my armpits. I have a post on them if you want to check it out. They have been there for years
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I have some on my neck groin and underneath my armpits. I have a post on them if you want to check it out. They have been there for years
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Do mine sound normal sized? Kind of like a bean? Two doctors I've seen have told me they are normal sized and I may have never noticed them if I weren't poking around my neck.
Do mine sound normal sized? Kind of like a bean? Two doctors I've seen have told me they are normal sized and I may have never noticed them if I weren't poking around my neck.
You answered your own question.
FMP
Do mine sound normal sized? Kind of like a bean? Two doctors I've seen have told me they are normal sized and I may have never noticed them if I weren't poking around my neck.
Yes they do . Mine have gotten big and go down. I’ve had multiple ultrasounds,bloodwork and XRay. All is normal according to multiple doctors. So please don’t let this consume you. I got to the point I would feel my family’s body for lymph nodes and guess what I found some on them as well. It seems to be a common thing ;)
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Thank you for your response. Yeah, my doctor even said there were normal sized and didn't even send for tests. I guess that's good cause if they were concerned, either of them would've sent for tests.
Also - yes, I've been trying to not let it consume me. After two days of not touching and poking it - I spiraled again and poked at it for hours - but yesterday was my birthday so I didn't poke it at all and I'm trying to not poke at it again!
I definitely think my poking and prodding made it swell since I did it everyday for WEEKS. I definitely noticed its more noticeable and defined than when I first found it. I really want to let this go fully.
Happy Birthday!!! [emoji3060] mine did the same thing . When my doctor said they all looked okay I stopped touching them and the got smaller so I am proof . I know it’s scary but I’ve had mine for almost 6 year or more . I feel great
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Angiee74,
Thank you! Also that's really good to hear. Today is day 4(?) of me not touching it! My crazy self is like why is it still there, but I guess if it IS swollen, it takes a bit of time to go down. I definitely feel that my extreme and constant poking at it made it worse.
Did you feel sometimes you could see it when you turned your head a certain way? I feel like when I turn my head a lot to the left, I can see it barely barely poking out but my anxiety may also be playing a role and skewing my perception. But, I will say it hasn't grown in size since I found it but I may have swelled it by poking at it. And honestly it could've been there way before this!
BUMPING this again - but question for you all who have palpable lymph nodes.
Were you able to SEE yours if you turned your head a certain way. Cause if I tilt my head all the way to the left, I feel like I can see it a very very tiny bit although I'm sure if a non-anxious person were to look, they wouldn't see it but its cause I know exactly where it is. Anyway is this normal?
BUMPING this again - but question for you all who have palpable lymph nodes.
Were you able to SEE yours if you turned your head a certain way. Cause if I tilt my head all the way to the left, I feel like I can see it a very very tiny bit although I'm sure if a non-anxious person were to look, they wouldn't see it but its cause I know exactly where it is. Anyway is this normal?
I first noticed a swollen node in my neck when I developed a sinus infection. It was the size of a small grape and hard to the touch. Definitely not palpable. That was in August of 2012. By the end of September after a course of antibiotics it hadn't resolved and was larger, definitely visible on the left side of my neck. Back to the doctor and another round of antibiotics. Now, we're into November and I suffered my 2nd heart attack. I received 3 stents. The node remained. Upon my visit to the doctor to follow up on my heart attack, the node had grown to the size of a small egg and was clearly visible on my neck.
I was sent immediately to the hospital for a scan and the rest was history. By the time they did surgery to remove it, I had two over 5cm! It looked like I had the mumps on the left side of my neck! You have a 5mm NORMAL node! I WISH I was as fortunate as you! :lac:
And no, it's not normal to do what you're doing :lac:
FMP
NotDeadYet
25-02-21, 20:05
Anyway is this normal?
Which part? Seeing a "very very tiny bit" of a normal lymph node or tilting your neck to catch a glimpse of what may or may not be a lymph node? The former is normal anatomy, the latter is unhealthy checking behavior. You are feeding your HA and will not overcome this until you begin challenging your thought patterns and resist seeking reassurance.
Best Wishes
Angiee74,
Thank you! Also that's really good to hear. Today is day 4(?) of me not touching it! My crazy self is like why is it still there, but I guess if it IS swollen, it takes a bit of time to go down. I definitely feel that my extreme and constant poking at it made it worse.
Did you feel sometimes you could see it when you turned your head a certain way? I feel like when I turn my head a lot to the left, I can see it barely barely poking out but my anxiety may also be playing a role and skewing my perception. But, I will say it hasn't grown in size since I found it but I may have swelled it by poking at it. And honestly it could've been there way before this!
Yes I can at times when they raise from me constantly obsessing over them. I have phases where I’m whatever about them and then I come back to the same thing. Lol it’s like a toxic relationship I keep coming back even if there’s nothing there [emoji23]
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It's strange - I can actually feel another lymph node about the same size on the exact opposite side of the one I was worrying about. It doesn't feel as raised but it definitely is there and it feels about the same size (1cm). I noticed it about a few weeks ago. Still trying to not poke at the one I was initially worrying about. I've been doing better but I've given it a few light pokes and pushes but not to the extend I was doing before like aggressively squeezing it. I guess that's a step towards improvement.
I think it's important to realize that for a lot of us with lymph node anxiety... we are not trained professionals. We shouldn't be performing our own lymph node examinations. Doctors are trained for many years to know when these things are concerning and if you've seen multiple doctors, like myself, I think it's safe to say we can not worry about them unless they're huge and noticeable.
I think it's important to realize that for a lot of us with lymph node anxiety... we are not trained professionals. We shouldn't be performing our own lymph node examinations. Doctors are trained for many years to know when these things are concerning and if you've seen multiple doctors, like myself, I think it's safe to say we can not worry about them unless they're huge and noticeable.
:yesyes:
FMP
Worrywart84
01-03-21, 05:06
I am currently going through an 8 month ordeal of lymph node anxiety that I am hoping is nearing the end (based on my ability to cope with it most days and rationalize my fears.) I started by finding one, then searching for an old one from 5 years prior, and over the 8 months I think I’ve found 6 more. They’re everywhere. Please stop looking. Your neck will thank you.
Also, if you happen to discover your carotid artery, that’s a fun random structure in your neck you may not have noticed before but could focus on randomly like I did one day. It’s normal. :)
I am currently going through an 8 month ordeal of lymph node anxiety that I am hoping is nearing the end (based on my ability to cope with it most days and rationalize my fears.) I started by finding one, then searching for an old one from 5 years prior, and over the 8 months I think I’ve found 6 more. They’re everywhere. Please stop looking. Your neck will thank you.
Also, if you happen to discover your carotid artery, that’s a fun random structure in your neck you may not have noticed before but could focus on randomly like I did one day. It’s normal. :)
How did you stop yourself from poking at it? I went four days without poking it but I started again! Ugh. Also how did your lymph nodes feel? Mine feels like squishy kidney beans. The one on my right Side of neck is more prominent meaning I can feel it; not visibly prominent. But I recently discovered a similar feeling node on the left side of my neck in the same exact spot as the other side. They're bilateral. It just feels smaller or deeper in the neck if you will. They both feel about 1cm but the one on the right side feels slightly more raised (maybe from constant poking).
I had my doctor look at the right side one because I noticed it first and she said she wasn't concerned.
Worrywart84
01-03-21, 06:47
I started by only allowing myself to touch it once a day in the morning, then once a week. After I got my inspection out of the way, I didn’t allow myself to look/touch and then my day wasn’t ruled by it. Then I got pretty good at not even wanting to touch it because it never made me feel good—it just fueled the panic and fed the beast. It also may make them swell more and even become shotty. I didn’t want to do anymore damage than I already had.
I would say, “I just touched this 5 minutes ago/1 hour ago/3 days ago..it couldn’t have changed. It’s irrational for me to check, like an OCD behavior that makes no sense but your mind tells you you need to do it to feel relief.” That helped and slowly the anxious feeling would fade away. I’m sure you’ve been in a situation where maybe for a few hours you are too busy and you forget about it. So it’s training your mind to feel that same way, but doing it intentionally even when you aren’t busy. Sure, I have a weak moment and touch one or two of them every once in awhile, but the frequency of which I do this keeps getting less and less (which is why I say I am hopefully nearing the end of this longggg lymph node nightmare.)
Of course as we speak I may or may not be freaking out about neck lymph nodes on my kid now, but that’s health anxiety for ya isn’t it—jumping to the next worry.
Oh and mine also feel squishy, moveable, ranging from kidney bean or pea except for one that seems extra long and skinny almost like a wet noodle. Ha.
I started by only allowing myself to touch it once a day in the morning, then once a week. After I got my inspection out of the way, I didn’t allow myself to look/touch and then my day wasn’t ruled by it. Then I got pretty good at not even wanting to touch it because it never made me feel good—it just fueled the panic and fed the beast. It also may make them swell more and even become shotty. I didn’t want to do anymore damage than I already had.
I would say, “I just touched this 5 minutes ago/1 hour ago/3 days ago..it couldn’t have changed. It’s irrational for me to check, like an OCD behavior that makes no sense but your mind tells you you need to do it to feel relief.” That helped and slowly the anxious feeling would fade away. I’m sure you’ve been in a situation where maybe for a few hours you are too busy and you forget about it. So it’s training your mind to feel that same way, but doing it intentionally even when you aren’t busy. Sure, I have a weak moment and touch one or two of them every once in awhile, but the frequency of which I do this keeps getting less and less (which is why I say I am hopefully nearing the end of this longggg lymph node nightmare.)
Of course as we speak I may or may not be freaking out about neck lymph nodes on my kid now, but that’s health anxiety for ya isn’t it—jumping to the next worry.
Oh and mine also feel squishy, moveable, ranging from kidney bean or pea except for one that seems extra long and skinny almost like a wet noodle. Ha.
When you say moveable... in what sense? Like mine kind of moves back and forth very little but my doctor classified it as moveable and soft. I feel like I should've just dropped this a long time ago after seeing two doctors who weren't concerned. Like I said earlier, I guess it's not good to self examine because us, untrained people, have no idea what the difference is between soft/hard, moveable/immobile, etc
NotDeadYet
01-03-21, 15:39
When you say moveable... in what sense?...I feel like I should've just dropped this a long time ago after seeing two doctors who weren't concerned.
One way to drop it TSMC223 is to resist asking questions like this. You're only reassurance seeking and thus fueling the fire. Worrywart84 has laid out an excellent strategy. Try it out and see if it works for you.
Worrywart84
01-03-21, 17:19
That’s a good point—if I tell you “I can roll it between my fingers about this much in every direction” then that may compel you to go touch your lymph node to see if it does that and if you feel like it doesn’t do it enough, you could cause another spiral. If your doctor (two doctors) told you it’s moveable and soft, then rest assured it is moveable and soft :) key word — rest (as in, rest your mind from this.)
Thank you all for being so patient with me. I know HA can be annoying with constant reassurance seeking, questions, disbelief, doubt, etc. Anyway - I guess if my doctors are unconcerned, I really shouldn't be. And I should really stop poking it and squeezing. (Sometimes I'll squeeze it between my nails and my skin will turn red. It's happened many times). I guess this really does aggravate them as many people have told me.
But seriously - I don't even remember how this lymph node anxiety started but once it did, I looked for them and sure enough found lymph nodes, nodes that I probably wouldn't have noticed if I weren't looking for them. And I keep telling myself that I am not a trained professional that should be doing my own lymph node examinations. It's interesting, I press hard on these things while my doctors gently pressed. I guess if something was so concerning, they would find something by gently pressing around - not poking and squeezing. I just genuinely hope this is nothing serious but it seems that there are hundreds of people that are going through something similar to me.
Ugh - I just can't stop worrying about it. I spent all day looking in the mirror and taking pictures of it. The one on the other side I've been poking now and I would say it feels similar but less raised. I feel like now its also more prominent after poking that one. It's bilateral to the other one I was worried about. Now I can't stop poking both of them. This has been going on for FIVE weeks now and I just can't do this anymore. I know it's causing so much damage to the lymph nodes.
I haven't even gone more than a week without poking or playing with it; even just lightly touching it is bad.
I just wonder has this really been there before I even found it? Like how did I never notice it until now? I guess I never really touch my neck but ugh the fear just lingers and lingers despite me getting reassurance from doctors and multiple people on forums, I just can't shake the worry. Ugh help!
the fear just lingers and lingers despite me getting reassurance from doctors and multiple people on forums, I just can't shake the worry. Ugh help!
I'll said this to another member in a similar situation and I'll pose this to you.... In reality, how can we help? Reassurance from doctors and members is useless. You've gotten the most practical and useful help and that's seeing doctors and getting the all clear. I sense the desperation in your words but more words won't quell the fear or help you stop the obsessive self checking behavior I'm afraid :shrug:
FMP
I'll said this to another member in a similar situation and I'll pose this to you.... In reality, how can we help? Reassurance from doctors and members is useless. You've gotten the most practical and useful help and that's seeing doctors and getting the all clear. I sense the desperation in your words but more words won't quell the fear or help you stop the obsessive self checking behavior I'm afraid :shrug:
FMP
I understand - I've seen the doctors and despite knowing I shouldn't be performing my own lymph node examinations, I still do. Also, I've been poking at it again which I know is just so bad for it. I think this is like week 5 of me poking at it and I just know I made it more slightly raised. I'm sure 25+ days of poking at it constantly will be very bad for it. I can't stop checking in the mirror to see if it grows and then seeing a tiny tiny part of it freaks me out - idk if it's my anxiety making me see things or not but I just really really need to stop poking at it. My hands have been on my neck 24/7.
It's just like... how did I notice this NOW? How have I never noticed before or even how long as it actually been there? Ugh.
I understand
Do you really? :huh: There's nothing wrong yet you continue this behavior. It's blatantly bad for you but you persist. If you truly understood, you would be making a concerted effort to stop and/or seek real life professional help. How does posting truly help you if you can't help yourself?
FMP
Do you really? :huh: There's nothing wrong yet you continue this behavior. It's blatantly bad for you but you persist. If you truly understood, you would be making a concerted effort to stop and/or seek real life professional help. How does posting truly help you if you can't help yourself?
FMP
I guess posting gives me constant reassurance. To know that there are others out there who can also feel their lymph nodes. It's actually scary how the mind works. Sometimes my lymph node looks HUGE when look in the mirror when I'm worrying but then sometimes, I can't see it at all.
I guess posting gives me constant reassurance.
Let's be real.... Posting here or elsewhere, you'll get reassurance. But is it really helping you? I say NO as you're constantly posting looking for the magic words that don't exist. I've seen this over and over and over for years and the bottom line is, unless you take personal responsibility and address your issues in real life, the pattern will just continue and you'll just become another serial poster on the anxiety websites :shrug:
Positive thoughts
Let's be real.... Posting here or elsewhere, you'll get reassurance. But is it really helping you? I say NO as you're constantly posting looking for the magic words that don't exist. I've seen this over and over and over for years and the bottom line is, unless you take personal responsibility and address your issues in real life, the pattern will just continue and you'll just become another serial poster on the anxiety websites :shrug:
Positive thoughts
It does help sometimes but yeah you're right. I can't live on like this. I just have to take the advice of my doctors. I just wish I never found this lymph node - I wish I never anxiously poked around my neck. And now I feel it's more prominent because of poking. I haven't even gone more than 4 days without poking it. :weep:
Now I feel like I can see it even more sticking out when I bend my neck to the left. I feel like I see a tiny raised part of the skin. Sometimes I can see it, and sometimes I can't. It's driving me crazy.
It all started January 14, 2021. I was having a great day and decided to take a shower. I was washing under my chin in the submandibular region, and I felt both my submandibular glands. I had never felt them in my 21 years of life so that freaked me out. Of course, now I know they weren't anything to worry about but at the time, it freaked me out. I googled things like salivary c*ncer and all those things. This led me to start poking around under my chin and neck. I would find things like veins and muscles and tendons and ask on reddit whether this was normal or not. This led me to read about "lymphoma" and from there started to look for "symptoms".
This all led to poking around my neck and sure enough I found lymph nodes which is what really spiked the anxiety. The one I am currently worrying about (although my worries come and go now and is less crippling) is one on the sides of my neck. The one on my right side feels like a 1cm sized kidney bean. It's smooth and a little movable and feels like a kidney bean. I had seen two doctors and pointed it out to them. First one (a pediatrician) was unconcerned and I decided to get a second opinion from an adult GP. She, too, said it was a normal sized node and that it was unconcerning. She explained how because I am thin, it's palpable. Of course, I didn't buy that explanation. Anyway she went on to give me an after appointment report to which she stated I had no lymphadenopathy after feeling around my neck. (It's crazy how she felt softly around my neck whereas I press hard and squeeze).
Anyway, I have not left this node alone for the past 5 weeks. I have poked/prodded/squeezed/pushed the damn thing everyday - sometimes even spending 1+ hour poking at it. I'll be sitting on my couch playing with it. I know this can swell them. I don't think I have gone one full day without my hands on my neck and I don't think I have gone more than 4 days without touching and squeezing the damn node. Sometimes if I bend my head to the left and stick my neck out to the mirror, I can feel like I see a tiny slightly raised part where the node is. I don't know if it's my anxiety or if its because Im sticking my neck out towards the mirror. Otherwise, it's not visible like a grape sticking out or anything.
I had recently discovered that there was a node on the exact opposite side of the neck... bilateral on the left side now. This one feels less raised but it does feel about 1cm in length and very similar to the one on the right side.
The questions driving me crazy are:
- Could this node been there forever and I am just noticing now?
- Is it even considered swollen? I know my doctor said it was normal sized but I have my doubts thanks to anxiety.
- It's not visible so would I have even noticed it if I weren't poking for it?
- Could I have caused it to get bigger by poking at it the way I do? (Obsessively)
Oh I need major help you guys. I can't stop looking for reassurance. It's a crazy and terrible cycle.
I just hope someone can sympathize with me and understand my fears. :weep:
nomorepanic
07-03-21, 13:11
Hi
This is just a courtesy reply to let you know that your thread was merged with another of your threads.
Please when posting on similar topics add it onto your previous post rather than starting a new one.
It is nothing personal it is just to make it easier for people to follow your story and to give you advice as a whole.
Like what do I even do anymore? Do I leave it alone? Do I see another doctor for yet another opinion? Do I stop poking at it? How do I know for sure it's not changing if I can't touch it?
NotDeadYet
08-03-21, 16:14
Like what do I even do anymore? Do I leave it alone? Do I see another doctor for yet another opinion? Do I stop poking at it?
You absolutely leave it alone and work on your mental heath! You are going to drive yourself insane. This really isn't any way to live. I know! I've been in your same spot. You have to tell yourself to stop touching, poking, and inspecting it! Just challenge your thoughts. They are just thoughts and false thoughts at that since you have been given an all clear by two doctors.
How do I know for sure it's not changing if I can't touch it?
The reality is that you have no idea if it's changing by touching it every second of the day. Your brain won't pick up those changes. Instead tell yourself that you'll check it in a week and then DO NOT TOUCH IT. Then touch it once the week is over and you'll be able to notice a difference. **Whispers: There won't be a difference because there isn't anything wrong.**
Best Wishes
Thank you NotDeadYet. This is day 3 of not touching it now. I’ve given it light pokes but no more than that.
I’ve been trying to calm myself down with the fact that:
- It feels like a bean and is soft.
- Not visible.
- Not growing (I don’t think since I found it 5 weeks ago)
- Wouldnt have found it if I weren’t looking for it so it could’ve been there for years.
- Have seen two doctors who are not concerned and didn’t send for further tests.
Really trying hard not to poke at it. Like I’ve said before, I haven’t even gone more than a four days without poking it constantly for 5 weeks. Really need to stop hurting the node.
Using this thread as a journal for me - Starting again at Day 1 of not poking it.
Spent all day poking and squeezing it. For some reason - when I don’t worry about it, it feels soft. My mind is like playing tricks on me. Sometimes it feels massive, sometimes it feels almost nonexistent.
It's so weird - I managed to stop worrying about it way less. Another worry came up. And I've noticed how soft this node actually is and now I'm questioning whether or not it is a node or if it's some sort of muscle since it's also on the other side. Could be a node. But yeah, I've given it some pokes and it feels... SOFT!
When I worry about it, it feels huge, but when I don't worry or worry less, it feels soft. I think I'm at the end of this. It also hasn't changed since I found it two months ago...
Can I ask how, being that this is a non-issue, journaling your worries publicly benefits you?
FMP
Can I ask how, being that this is a non-issue, journaling your worries publicly benefits you?
FMP
I guess it helps me get out my thoughts along with helping others out there. I know for me, I had to visit countless forums to see other people's experiences. Maybe it could help someone out there also worrying about lymph nodes
While you still worry about yours? I think the best way to help is to resolve the worry and self-checking behavior but that's just me :shrug:
FMP
It's just like what is the likelihood this could've always been there and I never noticed it? I keep obsessively poking and checking my neck knowing it's there but I could've never noticed it if I weren't looking for it.
I guess seeing two doctors is reassuring enough but a Youtube video about how someone's results came back benign but turned out cancerous triggered my anxiety about this! I feel like if I bend my neck and push my neck out towards the mirror, I can see a tiny bit of it raised a bit. Who knows!! Im tired of this and I just wish those doctor's words would reassure me. If they were concerned, they would've sent me for tests, right?!
Then again, I've seen many people experience the same thing I am where they can feel lymph nodes and it's just a normal node.
I have posted here about this before so please don't yell at me if this comes across annoying :weep: I can feel a lymph node on my neck (right side) of my neck. initially found on January 25; feels like a lima or kidney bean. Ever since then I have been constantly poking and prodding and squeezing it. And I mean constant, I can't seem to stop. I could spend hours touching it. Just last night I was watching an hour long movie with my boyfriend and am pretty sure I poked and pressed on it for the entire time. I know people say it causes them to swell, but does it really? I have been poking at it at least once every single day. I haven't gone a whole week without touching/poking at it since I found it. I can't see it at some angles, but now I can see it a bit raised if I turn my neck a lot. I'm not sure it's growing or if I am just now looking at new angles and seeing it raised like when I bend my neck a lot I can see it a little raised from the back, but I can't see it in other angles. It's barely noticeable. It's like now that Im looking at different angles, I can see parts of it raised a bit?I have seen two doctors and both are unconcerned and the second doc said it was a soft and normal sized lymph node. No need for tests
Should I stop worrying about it or should I see yet another doc? I also found this lymph node because I obsessively checked around my neck. I don't think I would've found it if I weren't pressing and searching for it. It could've been there for a while and I just never noticed since I don't usually bend my neck and try to see. I really don't know. I can't feel it by just rubbing my neck if I were to have a ache or anything. But since I found it and know here it is, I can easily access it. I'm driving myself crazy and I keep falling back into this cycle.
There's some really good info in THIS THREAD. (https://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?243713-Palpable-Lymph-Node-in-Neck-How-normal-is-this)
FMP
There's some really good info in THIS THREAD. (https://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?243713-Palpable-Lymph-Node-in-Neck-How-normal-is-this)
FMP
I keep reading over and over again. But the thoughts keep coming. How do my doctors know for sure it's nothing if they didn't ask for ultrasound? How do I know its not growing without poking it even tho I know poking it can cause it to swell? How do I know for sure if its been there this whole time or if it's new? Why can I see it if I bend my head a certain way? Is it even considered swollen? I just can't stop living in fear and I doubt therapy could help me.
Sorry to hear this. Time to get your medical records together and book an appointment at a cancer center. Maybe you and Hypo27 can carpool? :whistles:
FMP
nomorepanic
22-03-21, 22:02
Hi
This is just a courtesy reply to let you know that your thread was merged with another of your threads.
Please when posting on similar topics add it onto your previous post rather than starting a new one.
It is nothing personal it is just to make it easier for people to follow your story and to give you advice as a whole.
Sorry to hear this. Time to get your medical records together and book an appointment at a cancer center. Maybe you and Hypo27 can carpool? :whistles:
FMP
I'm a bit confused. What do you mean book an appointment? Who is Hypo27?
glassgirlw
22-03-21, 22:10
I'm a bit confused. What do you mean book an appointment? Who is Hypo27?
He’s another user on NMP that also perpetually believes he has cancer of some sort regardless of being told by doctors he’s fine.
He’s another user on NMP that also perpetually believes he has cancer of some sort regardless of being told by doctors he’s fine.
Oh. I see. It's not that I believe I do, its the uncertainty and fear. Was FMP being sarcastic about going to a cancer center?
glassgirlw
22-03-21, 22:16
Oh. I see. It's not that I believe I do, its the uncertainty and fear. Was FMP being sarcastic about going to a cancer center?
The problem is that there shouldn’t be uncertainty because you’ve been told by at least one doctor (and maybe two, can’t remember if I’m mixing your thread up with someone else’s). You won’t believe the doctor. You don’t really believe anyone on here because you got some great reassurances and then started a new thread seeking more reassurance. Nothing anyone on here is telling you seems to be helping. So the best help you can give yourself now is to stop touching it (which is completely possible - hard, but possible) and find something else to do with your time.
The problem is that there shouldn’t be uncertainty because you’ve been told by at least one doctor (and maybe two, can’t remember if I’m mixing your thread up with someone else’s). You won’t believe the doctor. You don’t really believe anyone on here because you got some great reassurances and then started a new thread seeking more reassurance. Nothing anyone on here is telling you seems to be helping. So the best help you can give yourself now is to stop touching it (which is completely possible - hard, but possible) and find something else to do with your time.
You're correct, it was two doctors I saw, I understand that I've gotten reassurance but idk the worry is just there. It's so hard, so so hard to not poke it. I mean, yeah it could be possible that it was always there but how come I never noticed before? But I can easily locate it now? Sometimes I feel like there's a huge rock in my neck and then as soon as I look in the mirror I feel fine cause I cant see anything. It's like my mind is playing tricks on me
glassgirlw
22-03-21, 22:29
I understand being worried. But do you truly want to put the worry behind you? Or do you want to continue posting for reassurance that isn’t working? Do you have hobbies, something that would provide you a good distraction? Have you tried any of the CBT resources on the forum that will help give you tools to manage your HA?
Was FMP being sarcastic about going to a cancer center?
I'm being 'resigned' to the fact that nothing said will help. Sadly, I don't even thing being told by an oncology team would alleviate your fear. You truly are ill, just not physically, and nothing said at this point can change that IMO :(
FMP
I understand being worried. But do you truly want to put the worry behind you? Or do you want to continue posting for reassurance that isn’t working? Do you have hobbies, something that would provide you a good distraction? Have you tried any of the CBT resources on the forum that will help give you tools to manage your HA?
Thank you for understanding and I truly don't mean to annoy anyone on this forum. It's just so hard to deal with this anxiety. I can't even enjoy hanging out with friends or family because Im worried about something like this. I wish I could let it go 100%
I'm being 'resigned' to the fact that nothing said will help. Sadly, I don't even thing being told by an oncology team would alleviate your fear. You truly are ill, just not physically, and nothing said at this point can change that IMO :(
FMP
I definitely have some sort of mental illness and it just makes me constantly worry. All I do is worry worry worry, even despite being told I'm ok. FMP, I hope one day I can come back here and report that I finally overcame these worries. I seriously wish I could stop worrying about this - something that may have been there for a long time. I hate it.
I definitely have some sort of mental illness and it just makes me constantly worry. All I do is worry worry worry, even despite being told I'm ok. FMP, I hope one day I can come back here and report that I finally overcame these worries. I seriously wish I could stop worrying about this - something that may have been there for a long time. I hate it.
I apologize for my frustration. Being an actual H&N cancer survivor, I know nodes, and seeing someone that doesn't have cancer or anything physically wrong but is convinced otherwise despite actual medical evidence to the contrary is somewhat insulting. I WISH my doctors told me there was nothing to worry about.
It's time you seek real life professional help for your anxiety. Posting for reassurance is not going to do that.
FMP
glassgirlw
22-03-21, 23:22
Thank you for understanding and I truly don't mean to annoy anyone on this forum. It's just so hard to deal with this anxiety. I can't even enjoy hanging out with friends or family because Im worried about something like this. I wish I could let it go 100%
I understand the obsession. I really do. I’ve been there, and I’m sure I’ll be there again. But it’s how we choose to react to these obsessions that dictate how we’ll react to them in the future. The problem with HA is that this current issue you have will resolve. You’ll look back on it and think, wow, I handled that really badly. Then a new “symptom” will come along. You’ll obsess over it again, until you let it go and move on to the next. It’s a vicious circle. Training yourself NOW will help prepare you for future struggles. It costs you nothing to read through the CBT materials on this forum. Do the worksheets. Really give it a try. You may find that it helps - and it may not. But it can’t hurt to try.
I understand the obsession. I really do. I’ve been there, and I’m sure I’ll be there again. But it’s how we choose to react to these obsessions that dictate how we’ll react to them in the future. The problem with HA is that this current issue you have will resolve. You’ll look back on it and think, wow, I handled that really badly. Then a new “symptom” will come along. You’ll obsess over it again, until you let it go and move on to the next. It’s a vicious circle. Training yourself NOW will help prepare you for future struggles. It costs you nothing to read through the CBT materials on this forum. Do the worksheets. Really give it a try. You may find that it helps - and it may not. But it can’t hurt to try.
It's just why? WHY does it have to be lymph nodes? At of all things? Do you really think pressing/squeezing at it for almost two months now and almost everyday it could've caused it to swell a bit?
It's so much easier said than done, trying not to touch it and think about it. I can't tell you how many days I would say I wouldn't touch it/poke at it and yet here I am still spending hours squeezing the damn thing. I really wish I never found it. It's caused my so much anxiety.
I suck at overcoming health anxiety. I probably will have to deal with it my whole life. However, I have minimized some of my worries by dealing with them as an alcoholic would deal with their challenges.
If I was an alcoholic, I wouldn’t have alcohol in my home. I have health anxiety, so I do not touch places on my body with palpable lymph nodes. For me, its like asking to get freaked out and worried. I know I can’t handle it. Maybe one day I’ll be able to, but that’s not today. Right now I need to avoid my triggers. I have to do this in order to survive and maintain sanity. And, I have to be as committed to this as an alcoholic is committed to not drinking. My Illness is very much like alcoholism in that it can consume my life.
I use a fluffy loofah for showering and a thick towel and a hair dryer to dry off. I use a heating pad on my neck or get a professional massage instead of rubbing my own neck of it gets sore. I don’t even scratch my neck with my fingers. I use a pen top or something.
This may sound extreme, but I feel like I’m fighting a battle. I’m doing what I have to in order to gain any advantage.
Sometimes I fall off the wagon, but I get back on again and do what I can.
Well, that’s my two cents. I hope you feel better soon.
Best,
Debbie
glassgirlw
23-03-21, 10:47
It's just why? WHY does it have to be lymph nodes? At of all things? Do you really think pressing/squeezing at it for almost two months now and almost everyday it could've caused it to swell a bit?
It's so much easier said than done, trying not to touch it and think about it. I can't tell you how many days I would say I wouldn't touch it/poke at it and yet here I am still spending hours squeezing the damn thing. I really wish I never found it. It's caused my so much anxiety.
Yes, touching and squeezing and poking really can cause them to swell. And the bad part is, if you do that enough, they may never go down - and then where will you be? Continuing the same habits the rest of your life?
Break this habit now before it becomes a years long obsession. I’ve read posts on here where people were worrying about the same nodes for years on end. Don’t let that be you! Work to recover from this obsession and the tools you use will only help you in future obsessions. Debbie has given you some options below to help with that as well.
I can feel many pea sized lymph nodes in my neck at any given time. When I was obsessing about lymphoma, I made many of them bigger and sore because I kept touching them.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I can feel many pea sized lymph nodes in my neck at any given time. When I was obsessing about lymphoma, I made many of them bigger and sore because I kept touching them.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Mine kind of feels like a kidney bean. Idk how long it's been there but I think I may have made it bigger or swell slightly. I have poked/squeezed at it for about 8 weeks now.
I suck at overcoming health anxiety. I probably will have to deal with it my whole life. However, I have minimized some of my worries by dealing with them as an alcoholic would deal with their challenges.
If I was an alcoholic, I wouldn’t have alcohol in my home. I have health anxiety, so I do not touch places on my body with palpable lymph nodes. For me, its like asking to get freaked out and worried. I know I can’t handle it. Maybe one day I’ll be able to, but that’s not today. Right now I need to avoid my triggers. I have to do this in order to survive and maintain sanity. And, I have to be as committed to this as an alcoholic is committed to not drinking. My Illness is very much like alcoholism in that it can consume my life.
I use a fluffy loofah for showering and a thick towel and a hair dryer to dry off. I use a heating pad on my neck or get a professional massage instead of rubbing my own neck of it gets sore. I don’t even scratch my neck with my fingers. I use a pen top or something.
This may sound extreme, but I feel like I’m fighting a battle. I’m doing what I have to in order to gain any advantage.
Sometimes I fall off the wagon, but I get back on again and do what I can.
Well, that’s my two cents. I hope you feel better soon.
Best,
Debbie
Hi Debbie, thanks for this comment. It definitely is like alcoholism. It's an obsession. An addiction that I just cannot shake. I am constantly pushing and poking at this lymph node that I think I definitely caused it to react. I really hope it goes back down but I am trying hard to not poke it. Like I've said everywhere, I have not gone more than four days without poking it since I found it. After those four days, I spiraled again and started poking again which I know is bad for the node. I really hope it's nothing serious. I can't stop worrying. At this point, I feel like I should put a scarf around my neck so I cant touch it at all
Yes, touching and squeezing and poking really can cause them to swell. And the bad part is, if you do that enough, they may never go down - and then where will you be? Continuing the same habits the rest of your life?
Break this habit now before it becomes a years long obsession. I’ve read posts on here where people were worrying about the same nodes for years on end. Don’t let that be you! Work to recover from this obsession and the tools you use will only help you in future obsessions. Debbie has given you some options below to help with that as well.
Thank you. Yeah, I'm obsessing about it even more now. Bending my neck a lot to the point my neck gets sore. Looking at the node area from different angles. Now if I shine a light from the back (which I never have done), I can see it slightly raised, but when I move the lighting, I don't see it anymore. It's like I'm noticing new features about this damn thing each day. I am almost always bending my neck in the mirror, taking pictures with my phone, shining a flashlight on it.
It's driving me insane. It doesn't stick out of my neck. But I see it slightly raised. Maybe it's from me poking at it. But then again, I never bent my neck like this AND what drives me real insane is that when I go to rub my neck if I had an ache or sore or like if I were to wash my neck in the shower, I can't feel it. But I can feel it pretty easily when I press around. That doesn't make any sense to me.
Ugh how I wish I never found this lymph node. Also, is bean sized even considered normal? Like a lima bean? I also can feel one bilateral but it scares me because it's definitely not as prominent or raised if that makes sense. It seems like its' deeper in.
I'm trying so hard not to let this overcome me but it slowly is. At this point, I want to put a scarf around my neck because if I've been poking obsessively for almost 8 weeks now, how can I be sure I can even go a full week without touching it?:weep:
I'm trying so hard not to let this overcome me but it slowly is. At this point, I want to put a scarf around my neck because if I've been poking obsessively for almost 8 weeks now, how can I be sure I can even go a full week without touching it?:weep:
You can always try this :winks:
5316
FMP
NotDeadYet
23-03-21, 19:22
As difficult as this may be to read, you are at a point where none of us can provide you with assistance. You're at a similar place where I was at one point and the ONLY way out is to challenge your thinking. Until you practice that, you will continue spiraling. If you want help with how to challenge your thinking, many of us will gladly provide assistance but we will not do it if you continue asking reassuring questions. That behavior needs to stop full stop because it clearly isn't helping you.
We're here when you're ready to start challenging your thinking.
Best Wishes
You can always try this :winks:
5316
FMP
At this point, I might need one of these :shrug:
As difficult as this may be to read, you are at a point where none of us can provide you with assistance. You're at a similar place where I was at one point and the ONLY way out is to challenge your thinking. Until you practice that, you will continue spiraling. If you want help with how to challenge your thinking, many of us will gladly provide assistance but we will not do it if you continue asking reassuring questions. That behavior needs to stop full stop because it clearly isn't helping you.
We're here when you're ready to start challenging your thinking.
Best Wishes
I just don't know how to stop worrying when I can literally feel the lymph node and see it slightly raised in the mirror. I just can't take it anymore; even the doctor's reassurance doesn't ease me. I hate it. A normal person probably would've listened to the doctor and even probably never have noticed it.
NotDeadYet
23-03-21, 22:26
I just don't know how to stop worrying when I can literally feel the lymph node and see it slightly raised in the mirror.
Here is a practical way to challenge your faulty thinking:
1) You get a thought about the lymph node. You close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and audibly say "That was just a thought. It doesn't mean anything. There is nothing wrong with me and I do not need to touch the lymph node or look at in the mirror."
2) Repeat until the thought and urge go away.
You can also set a time later today or even tomorrow to look at and feel the node. You then commit to not looking or touching until that time NO MATTER WHAT. When that time comes, you look and touch it for the allotted time you've determined and then stop. You would then set up another time later in the day or better yet in a day or two to do the same.
Give it a shot.
Best Wishes.
Here is a practical way to challenge your faulty thinking:
1) You get a thought about the lymph node. You close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and audibly say "That was just a thought. It doesn't mean anything. There is nothing wrong with me and I do not need to touch the lymph node or look at in the mirror."
2) Repeat until the thought and urge go away.
You can also set a time later today or even tomorrow to look at and feel the node. You then commit to not looking or touching until that time NO MATTER WHAT. When that time comes, you look and touch it for the allotted time you've determined and then stop. You would then set up another time later in the day or better yet in a day or two to do the same.
Give it a shot.
Best Wishes.
Thank you. And I really really will try this. I just can't help but think about how I never felt this before. How could I have gone so long without feeling this?
We have 400-600 nodes in our body. They range from a few MM to 2+ CM. If you poke and prod enough, you're bound to find a few. It really is that simple. Poking and prodding can make them enlarge. Keep poking and prodding and they can go shotty (permanently enlarged).
What you're feeling is normal. What you're thinking and doing is not :lac:
FMP
Well I managed to find a scarf to prevent from poking at it. I should've done this a long time ago but so far, haven't poked or squeezed it. Only lightly felt the area but so far, it's kind of helping. This is only day 1 tho. :weep:
nomorepanic
24-03-21, 21:50
Hi
This is just a courtesy reply to let you know that your thread was merged with another of your threads.
Please when posting on similar topics add it onto your previous post rather than starting a new one.
It is nothing personal it is just to make it easier for people to follow your story and to give you advice as a whole.
Yay!! I’m so proud of you.
Just a wee warning just in case: Don’t get discouraged if you fall off the wagon. Just get back on and start again.
And, don’t be afraid to be creative in figuring out what works for you.
But be proud of yourself. You are making progress!!!!
Yay!! I’m so proud of you.
Just a wee warning just in case: Don’t get discouraged if you fall off the wagon. Just get back on and start again.
And, don’t be afraid to be creative in figuring out what works for you.
But be proud of yourself. You are making progress!!!!
:weep: Thank you. I am proud today, so far - I just truly hope this is nothing serious or concerning. My doctor's reassurance should be enough but I always have the worry in the back of my mind. I wish I could just 100% let this go.
It’s okay to not be at 100% yet. You’ve taken a step towards it. You’ll get there one day. 🤗
It’s okay to not be at 100% yet. You’ve taken a step towards it. You’ll get there one day. 珞
Should I listen to the doctors I seen who were unconcerned or should I see a third doc?
glassgirlw
25-03-21, 00:24
If two doctors haven’t reassured you, I think it’s a safe bet a third won’t make a difference. Trust the two you’ve seen and work on managing the HA.
Trying everyday to trust my docs. I also haven’t poked at it or messed with it except very lightly feeling it. Now it feels smaller, idek if that’s me just thinking that. But I am really determined to not poke or mess with it anymore .
OMG!! Someone messaged me about how they're going through a similar situation about SWOLLEN nodes and how I should see an ENT about an ultrasound just for peace of mind. I told her/him that my doctor wasn't concerned and didn't send for one or any additional tests and this person told me how an ENT is more experienced than a GP about lymph nodes.... WHAT?! This cannot be true, right? I SHOULD trust my GP right? Like... GPs are trained on nodes for years and KNOW what to look for... why would that person say that to me?
Now... I've begun poking at it... again. I can't even make it a full week without poking it. I'm so disappointed in myself.:weep: Realistically thinking, it could've been here longer than I'm noticing. So I'm really hoping this has just been a normal sized lymph node that has always been present. I also saw my boyfriend yesterday and felt his neck. He is bigger than me and I did feel some little bean type lumps if I pressed down.. kind of similar to me. I didn't wanna go in further cause he would probably think I'm weird but I felt them and he didn't even seem concerned. (He knows about my lymph node anxiety).
I can't do this anymore. Do I see more doctors for further examination? Do I get an ultrasound? Do I stop and relax? Idk what to do.
I started poking again.. after just four days of not worrying and that message I got triggered me again. I can't live like this anymore. I want to think normally again. How do I KNOW it's not growing? How do I know if it's not growing if I can't poke and check it? Why can't I just be normal after seeing my docs?
NotDeadYet
30-03-21, 00:55
Do you have access to a mental health professional that you can talk to and work through this with?
Do you have access to a mental health professional that you can talk to and work through this with?
I don't. I really just know what to do anymore. I feel trapped. This is overtaking my life. Over a lymph node. Who would've thought I would be worried about THIS! Idk if I should keep worrying or just breathe. I can't stop poking. It's like my hand is drawn to my neck. I can't do this anymore.
God.. someone please give me some good advice. :weep:
Am I absolutely worrying about noting and ruining my days over this?
How do I know its not growing if I don't poke it or if I don't turn my neck to see it in the mirror?
How do I know it's always been there?
Could my constant poking and squeezing caused it to swell and raise? Should I stop?
So many questions. I just want to cry. :weep:
God.. someone please give me some good advice. :weep:
You need to contact a professional (https://www.mentalhealth.gov/get-help)...
Positive thoughts
I just feel hopeless now. Even with professional help, I feel like I’ll still worry. I’ve poked at it so much that I think I made it swell. I really hope it goes soft again or back down and get smaller. I haven’t been able to keep my hands off of it since I found it. :(
Did you contact anyone from the link I posted?
FMP
No :(
Idk if my poking is affecting it.
I really wanna not poke it for a whole week.
No :(
Then why even post here? You ask for help. I gave you a direct link here in the States to get it. Shit or get off the pot dude!
FMP
AnxietySufferer
30-03-21, 22:17
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YL--3UsmGFQ something that really helped me
Then why even post here? You ask for help. I gave you a direct link here in the States to get it. Shit or get off the pot dude!
FMP
I’m sorry. I dont mean to sound annoying. I just feel helpless and I don’t know how convinced I am that poking and messing with lymph nodes causes them to swell.
I’m sorry. I dont mean to sound annoying. I just feel helpless and I don’t know how convinced I am that poking and messing with lymph nodes causes them to swell.
Please use the contacts in the link I provided and get real life professional help. You can find real life help in your area.
FMP
fizzymoon86
31-03-21, 03:16
I haven’t bothered reading the rest of the replies because it’s 3am here but I just wanted to stop by and say...
Pressing, prodding, poking and otherwise messing with your lymph nodes will definitely cause them to swell and/or feel sore. Don’t do it.
I have permanently “scarred” lymph nodes in my neck only on the right hand side from a bad case of Glandular Fever when I was 16, and there are two in particular that are actually noticeable to the naked eye when I move my neck a certain way because they have never really gone back to normal. I’ve gone through stages where I’ve worried about them and I’ve even had blood tests during a particularly worrisome stage but I’m 34 now and have had to accept that they will always be there and if I prod them they will feel sore. They grow when I’m unwell and return to their new normal size when I’m well again, they even swell when I’m run down sometimes!
You’ve been told by your dr that there is nothing to worry about. At some point you have to trust the doctors and try to move on and like you said, you probably wouldn’t have even found it if you weren’t looking for something new. Imagine if you’d never been prodding your neck in the first place!
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I haven’t bothered reading the rest of the replies because it’s 3am here but I just wanted to stop by and say...
Pressing, prodding, poking and otherwise messing with your lymph nodes will definitely cause them to swell and/or feel sore. Don’t do it.
I have permanently “scarred” lymph nodes in my neck only on the right hand side from a bad case of Glandular Fever when I was 16, and there are two in particular that are actually noticeable to the naked eye when I move my neck a certain way because they have never really gone back to normal. I’ve gone through stages where I’ve worried about them and I’ve even had blood tests during a particularly worrisome stage but I’m 34 now and have had to accept that they will always be there and if I prod them they will feel sore. They grow when I’m unwell and return to their new normal size when I’m well again, they even swell when I’m run down sometimes!
You’ve been told by your dr that there is nothing to worry about. At some point you have to trust the doctors and try to move on and like you said, you probably wouldn’t have even found it if you weren’t looking for something new. Imagine if you’d never been prodding your neck in the first place!
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I am trying my best at not poking it but I keep failing and keep falling right back into the habit. I hate this :(
I guess I should trust my doctor but I am so afraid of it growing. Maybe it's been there for all I know. I don't even know anymore.
fizzymoon86
31-03-21, 06:59
I am trying my best at not poking it but I keep failing and keep falling right back into the habit. I hate this :(
I guess I should trust my doctor but I am so afraid of it growing. Maybe it's been there for all I know. I don't even know anymore.
Fine, keep poking and prodding it but I guarantee you are doing more damage to your lymph nodes than good. They are not there to be poked and prodded and it is not something that they will appreciate. I also read that you are squeezing it? Don’t do that. You say yours is the size of a kidney bean? Mine are bigger. My NORMAL size ones are about the size of a kidney bean but my scarred ones are bigger. Stop poking.
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Fine, keep poking and prodding it but I guarantee you are doing more damage to your lymph nodes than good. They are not there to be poked and prodded and it is not something that they will appreciate. I also read that you are squeezing it? Don’t do that. You say yours is the size of a kidney bean? Mine are bigger. My NORMAL size ones are about the size of a kidney bean but my scarred ones are bigger. Stop poking.
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Thank you for this comment. I suppose I haven't seen any significant growth in the past two months but I will say that I have been poking at it almost everyday for that time. So I'm trying real hard not to poke at it any longer. I can't go on like this. If my doctors weren't concerned, then I shouldn't be. It's just so hard not to worry and not to poke.
I am going to stay off this forum for at least two weeks, in addition, I will not be poking my lymph node for those two weeks. I am determined to break this habit and move on with my life. I have a scarf that I wear to prevent me from poking it. I have to keep reminding myself that it could have always been there and that doctors are not concerned whatsoever. I really wanna see what happens to the node if I don't touch it for at least one week, preferably two weeks.
Thanks for all the reassurance and patience with me. I'm determined to fix myself.
fizzymoon86
01-04-21, 01:29
Good for you. Keep those hands busy during that time and when you find yourself wanting to check, go make a drink or go for a walk, anything. Habits can be made and habits can be broken.
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Thanks! I'm doing well!! Haven't touched it at ALL and this is day 3. I'm wondering how long it'll take for any swelling that I caused by poking to go down.
Thanks! I'm doing well!! Haven't touched it at ALL and this is day 3. I'm wondering how long it'll take for any swelling that I caused by poking to go down.
I am going to stay off this forum for at least two weeks
:huh:
FMP
Welp... happy Easter. I messed with the node again. Today. I went Weds-Saturday without feeling it completely and I spiraled back again. Gotta restart counting the "non-poking" days I guess. Like I really need to not poke it for at least two weeks... I started thinking today how the node literally has not grown at all since I found it. Maybe a bit "swollen" but I guess the fact that it's literally the same since Jan when I found it is a good thing maybe...Sometimes, I ask myself "Am I stupid/dumb for still worrying?"
I mean seriously.. it hasn't grown since I found it but how do I know it's not growing if I don't poke and feel it? Seriously? Also how do I know for sure poking and squeezing it is causing it to swell? Is it really reacting to my poking? If my doctors were concerned in the slightest, they would've sent for testing, right? :weep:
I AM SPIRALING AGAIN!!!
Tomorrow - Day 1... again.
So I think I realized something. Remember how I mentioned I can feel one on the exact opposite side? I could always feel it but it wasn't originally as raised as the other side. However, I have been poking and squeezing at it now and noticed it feels more noticeable meaning it's probably reacting to the poking. So I'm sure this is what happened to the other side which is the main worry. So I guess poking/prodding really does swell them a bit.
My question is how long it would take for them to not swell anymore if I don't poke at it? I AM DETERMINED TO FIX THIS ANXIETY! I made an excel chart to monitor when I poke or don't poke it. So far I poked at it 53 out of the 68 days that I've been aware of the node.... which is ALOT. I put it into perspective and I only didn't poke at it for a total of 15 days over those two months which was spread out cause in actuality I haven't gone even more than 4 days straight without poking it and then end up falling back into the habit.
I AM SO determined to not poke it so that it can not swell anymore.
NotDeadYet
05-04-21, 21:23
You sound quite determined and I'm glad you have this goal. Poking however isn't the real problem, right? Your hand doesn't involuntarily go up to your neck. You have to have a thought first in order for that to happen. As you're working on not poking, ensure that challenging your unhealthy thinking patterns is part of that process. If you're only goal is "don't poke, don't poke, don't poke" then that's all you're ever going to think about. Continue working on challenging whatever unhealthy thought patterns are leading to the urge or desire to poke.
You sound quite determined and I'm glad you have this goal. Poking however isn't the real problem, right? Your hand doesn't involuntarily go up to your neck. You have to have a thought first in order for that to happen. As you're working on not poking, ensure that challenging your unhealthy thinking patterns is part of that process. If you're only goal is "don't poke, don't poke, don't poke" then that's all you're ever going to think about. Continue working on challenging whatever unhealthy thought patterns are leading to the urge or desire to poke.
Thanks for your response, NotDeadYet. I mean does poking and playing with it really cause it to swell? I mean why is that? Also what you said stuck with me. My head has been"don't poke! don't poke!" so of course that's all I think about and want to poke. I never thought about it that way and that was extremely helpful. I'm really determined. I'd love to go two weeks without poking it and then see what happens. I can't keep living like this... almost three months of constant worry about a node that has been checked and that I would've never noticed if I didn't look for it. I want to get back to the person I was before all of this. It's eating me up alive
does poking and playing with it really cause it to swell?
YES! It can cause them to become 'shotty' (permanently enlarged) There was a member who was obsessed with nodes. He believed he had lymphoma. He poked and prodded for years and these nodes became shotty. He had countless tests and doctor exams and nothing was wrong. He still didn't believe them. He continued this for several more years until he found a doctor that would do an invasive procedure (biopsy) on the shotty nodes. All clear. He STILL didn't believe them. Just goes to show how crazy the obsession can become. Don't become another one of those members. Get real life help for your mental illness before it totally takes over your life. I gave you links to seek help. USE THEM!!
Just a reminder of what you said March 31st....
I am going to stay off this forum for at least two weeks
FMP
I am just so obsessed with them. Imagine almost 2 months poking at it. And the damage and swelling that it caused:weep: I really hope this is a normal lymph node.
fizzymoon86
06-04-21, 02:09
Honestly, if you’re still concerned, see another doctor.
Just to be clear, this is not me saying I think you should see a doctor because there is something wrong. I’m saying this because nothing anybody is saying to you here is sinking in. In one post you said you actually realised that poking and prodding does cause swelling and then two posts later you’re asking for reassurance that poking and prodding causes swelling. You need another medical opinion clearly and even then I don’t think it’ll be enough.
I’ll end with this. You need to stop poking and prodding because you are going to do more damage than good. Lymph nodes are not there to be squeezed, poked, prodded or otherwise interfered with. They do a job in your body and you poking them is not helping them to do that job. Stop it. Find something else to do.
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Honestly, if you’re still concerned, see another doctor.
Just to be clear, this is not me saying I think you should see a doctor because there is something wrong. I’m saying this because nothing anybody is saying to you here is sinking in. In one post you said you actually realised that poking and prodding does cause swelling and then two posts later you’re asking for reassurance that poking and prodding causes swelling. You need another medical opinion clearly and even then I don’t think it’ll be enough.
I’ll end with this. You need to stop poking and prodding because you are going to do more damage than good. Lymph nodes are not there to be squeezed, poked, prodded or otherwise interfered with. They do a job in your body and you poking them is not helping them to do that job. Stop it. Find something else to do.
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I just wonder after the irritation I caused by poking... if the lymph node still has a chance to reduce and go down a bit? I can see a tiny bump if I bend my neck a lot. But it's barely noticeable.
Hmm I wonder if it's bc I'm skinny that I can feel it easily and "see" it kind of when I twist my neck a lot...I mean I'm 5"8 and 133lbs
fizzymoon86
07-04-21, 08:24
I just wonder after the irritation I caused by poking... if the lymph node still has a chance to reduce and go down a bit? I can see a tiny bump if I bend my neck a lot. But it's barely noticeable.
If it’s barely noticeable that’s normal. If you stop touching it, it will likely just go down but you have to stop touching it. And as I said before, if you’re still that worried, get another medical opinion [emoji846]
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If it’s barely noticeable that’s normal. If you stop touching it, it will likely just go down but you have to stop touching it. And as I said before, if you’re still that worried, get another medical opinion [emoji846]
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It’s normal to kind of see it when I bend my neck a lot? Okay good to know. I guess either I swelled it up by poking or it could’ve been like that and I just never noticed. Ugh hoping this will just end
fizzymoon86
08-04-21, 00:00
It’s normal to kind of see it when I bend my neck a lot? Okay good to know. I guess either I swelled it up by poking or it could’ve been like that and I just never noticed. Ugh hoping this will just end
I can see mine and mine are normal so you’re all good there. And saying you’re bending your neck a lot has me worried you’re now going to strain your neck by trying to become a contortionist or something so please try and relax :)
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I can see mine and mine are normal so you’re all good there. And saying you’re bending your neck a lot has me worried you’re now going to strain your neck by trying to become a contortionist or something so please try and relax :)
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Your replies are honestly a lifesaver. You can see yours too?! I guess healthy and normal people CAN see their lymph nodes sometimes even when they're not swollen.
And honestly, I can only "see" it if I bend my neck a lot.... like I stick it out towards the mirror and I'm thin. Also even then, it's barely noticeable. When I shine a flashlight from a different angle on my neck, then I can "see it" like a bean sized raised part, but when I turn on the lights, it's not even noticeable.
I should probably stop twisting... as there have been a few times where my neck felt sore or like I tore something. Thanks for your replies :D
I think it's safe to say a lot of us have palpable lymph nodes, including myself, which I have gotten checked by doctors and they told me everything was normal. Yet, still I worry because that's just anxiety for you.
My question is how many of you have palpable lymph nodes? Mine are either pea or kidney bean sized. I feel like it's more common than we think... it's just some of us notice after we fear the C word and start examine our body. In fact, last night I was massaging my boyfriend's neck and felt a small bean sized ball thing which I assume is a lymph node. Kind of feels like mine but he has more fat around his neck as Im extremely skinny and he is considered more fit. But, it's there and he wasn't worried about it (since he doesn't have crippling health anxiety). It just seems a lot of us worry about nodes that are in our neck/groin/armpit that we can't even see but only feel. I just feel like there are people out there who do have nodes they could feel if they look for it... they just don't look for it.
I think I'm at the end of this and I really really hope this is the end of this nonsense that I am worrying about. But now that I am aware of the node, I can kind of sea a small bump very tiny and barely noticeable when I turn my head in photos. Like only I can notice it, no one else can.
Guess what? I looked back on a video of me singing with a friend back in 2017. 2017!!!! And you will never believe what I can see. The tiny lymph node.... same spot....same size. I'm almost positive that's what it is. It's in the exact same position. Maybe it really has been there longer than I noticed. I really really hope this is the end of this months-long worry.
nomorepanic
08-04-21, 13:17
Hi
This is just a courtesy reply to let you know that your thread was merged with another of your threads.
Please when posting on similar topics add it onto your previous post rather than starting a new one.
It is nothing personal it is just to make it easier for people to follow your story and to give you advice as a whole.
So if you haven’t seen some of my past posts, I’ve been extremely worried about this lymph node on the right side of my neck. I noticed that I can kind of see it when I turn my neck a lot, but it’s barely noticeable. Anyway, I found a video of me singing from FOUR YEARS ago!! And guess what!? I had turned my neck in the video and saw where it was a little raised in the exact spot I see and feel it now.
I guess it’s been there for quite some time and I just never noticed. Mind you, I saw two docs recently who said it was normal and yet I still worried. The worry is still there but I think (and hope) it’s safe to say that I’m getting over this worry after finding that video of myself. I guess we can just have palpable lymph nodes. I’m honestly quite relieved a bit. And really hope I can 100% put this to rest.
Well - although the worry is less now, I still worry and check it but not as much. I hope that what I saw in the video is similar to what I see now when I look in the mirror. A barely noticeable bump where the node is. It's really only "visible" if a light shines a certain way. Its pretty hard to see unlesss I turn my neck a lot but yeah, the video I found from years ago shows that same thing. Maybe I've really had this node for a long time and never noticed...
I wanted to update you all on myself:
- I've let go of the worry. I think it's safe to say I overreacted and panicked because 1) I found a video of myself from 2017 with the same barely visible bump on my neck when I turn it and 2) it hasn't grown or changed since I first found it. (I think its gotten smaller/less noticeable now that I stopped poking it).
- It's been a full week and I haven't touched it once!!!!! This is the longest I've gone without poking it since I first discovered it. I know that's ridiculous but I'm going to continue not to poke at it! I did check it very lightly today and it seems less firm and squishier. Barely even noticeable! I guess poking at it does aggravate it!
- I got my COVID vaccine today and am feeling great!!
- I think I can finally let go of this worry. Thank you to all who helped me during my lymph node worry. I'm glad it's finally (and hopefully) over!
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