HIV fear

[anxiousbelle]

Hello,

I’m a 23 year old heterosexual women who has awful health anxiety. I ended up contracting genital herpes in 2019 even though I hardly sleep with anybody and always ALWAYS use condoms, even in long term relationships. Since that, I have had a really bad fear of contracting more STIs. I never have sexual contact with a partner without informing them of my herpes and tend to not be sexual anymore out of my own trauma and fears. However, I met a man and we ended up getting close. I told him all about my herpes and he was completely okay but I said I didn’t want to sleep with him until he had a full STI check done. I felt guilty for not having sex (because that’s what herpes will do to you) so I started to give him a BJ. He stopped me after 2 minutes and said ‘unless I reciprocate I don’t think this is right’ so we stopped. However, later that night he informed me he was bisexual and slept with men as well. This isn’t an issue at all other than my insane health anxiety suddenly told me that I had HIV. He’s been pretty quiet on text and I’m scared the reason is he has HIV. I know how insane I sound and I need to get tested, however, I also know that you have to wait 1-3 months after contact. I’m just really unable to focus on anything and I need to some support/advice.

P.s. we both live alone, work from home and are each other’s support bubble (covid wise).

[lovemydogs]

I used to have a terrible HIV fear myself. Letting yourself "lean into the fear", meaning saying "well, there is a chance, though very tiny that maybe I do have it." I know it sounds terrifying but when you take away the power of the fear, it goes away. (amazing therapist had me do this, I spent a lot of sessions getting over this particular fear) Seeking reassurance will not help you, you probably already know that. There will always be one more reason it could be. HIV is very hard to catch, especially in the way you mention.

[lofwyr]

For what it's worth, it sounds like you found yourself someone who is kind, compassionate, and supportive. Sounds like he actually cares about you, how you feel, and your well being. With that in mind, focus on the happy part of the story you just told us. Keep an eye on the positive, and it really helps diminish the fears.