View Full Version : Looking for reassurance but I know I shouldn't
BrokenGirl
17-02-21, 19:31
First off, I know I shouldn't be looking for reassurance because everyone says it's wrong. It doesn't help in the long term.
But I'm so crippled with anxiety and worry that I'd take any bit of help or reassurance I can get.
I know I need medication and therapy - medication isn't working for me and therapy not an option at the moment.
So if anyone can help stop the worry short term I'd be so greatful.
I worried about a red line in the white part of my son's eye (he's 19) a few months ago. It eventually went away but while I was looking one day I thought I saw a black line in the coloured part of his eye.
I managed to put it out of my head until a few nights ago when I saw it again. It seems to go from the outside of the coloured part in to his pupil, or almost that far. It's a thin black line but not too thin. It's big enough for me to be able to see it.
I don't know how long it's been there. Maybe he's always had it or had it for years but I saw it because I was looking closely at his eye (I thought I saw the red line again so I looked at his eye for a few seconds longer that you usually would, and that's when I saw the black line).
My HA is so bad that eye cancer is screaming at me. I read a few years ago about melanoma on the iris of the eye and I can't get it out of my head. I know some of you reading this will say this sounds crazy. And I don't blame you.
But HA is just eating me up. Can't get it out of my head what if...... I don't even know if a black line is a symptom of it.
Can anyone reassure me on this for now? I really hate asking for this but I feel as if I have nowhere to turn and nobody to talk to
Hi, I’m not sure if I can help any but I didn’t want to read and run. Could you take him to an opticians? They will pick up on anything ASAP and might be quicker than a GP.
Hi, I’m not sure if I can help any but I didn’t want to read and run. Could you take him to an opticians? They will pick up on anything ASAP and might be quicker than a GP.
That's going to be paid reassurance which will only temporarily quell the real issue. This is a pattern of worry/HA that has been a staple of the OP for 5 years.
Positive thoughts
Hello,
yes, you should not seek reassurance. You know deep down that it is not melanoma, it is you HA saying that it is. And you also know that bringing your son to doctor won’t be for saving his life from melanoma. Please admit that it would be solely for getting your dose of reassurance. Sad but true. Every time you avoid getting this reassurance dose is a small victory over HA.
you’ve said meds don’t work for you. Have you tried everything? A friend of mine had severe depression 4 years ago. She tried meds, it didn’t help, plus severe side effects. She and her therapist tried another, and then another, and then another... It took them a year and a half to find proper combination and dosage for her! But my friend feels SO MUCH better now! Sometimes it takes time and persistance. Please don’t drop meds after trying just couple of them.
Hugs,
Alla
Hello,
yes, you should not seek reassurance. You know deep down that it is not melanoma, it is you HA saying that it is. And you also know that bringing your son to doctor won’t be for saving his life from melanoma. Please admit that it would be solely for getting your dose of reassurance. Sad but true. Every time you avoid getting this reassurance dose is a small victory over HA.
you’ve said meds don’t work for you. Have you tried everything? A friend of mine had severe depression 4 years ago. She tried meds, it didn’t help, plus severe side effects. She and her therapist tried another, and then another, and then another... It took them a year and a half to find proper combination and dosage for her! But my friend feels SO MUCH better now! Sometimes it takes time and persistance. Please don’t drop meds after trying just couple of them.
Hugs,
Alla
Excellent post. My daughter suffers from depression and anxiety. She was on Sertraline for years and it stopped working. She's been through at least a half dozen meds and all the cross tapering, withdraw and ramping up that goes with it. Thing is, she didn't give up and now, she's doing quite well. Yeah, she has her moments, but between the meds and therapy, she has the tools and support to get through the blips.
Positive thoughts
BrokenGirl
18-02-21, 11:20
Taking him to a doctor/optician isn't an option. That will just be letting him know I'm worried about something. If I had taken my children to the doctor every time I was worried about them over the years then that would have been a lot of unnecessary trips to the doc, and also would have showed them that I worry too much.
As far as medication goes, I think I have tried nearly everything at this stage. I'd say over the years I've tried between 15 and 20 different meds. I could handle the normal side effects, I'd stick with it until they passed. But most meds give me debilitating migraines to the point where I'm severely sick and in agony for about 2 or 3 days. And I could get a couple of them a week. The doctor has even told me at this stage that there is nothing else she can give me. She's out of options. So I really think medication is a dead end for me, unfortunately. It's not that I'm giving up on it, but I can't see what else I can do medication wise.
Can I just ask if anyone has advice as to what I should do with this current worry? I can't stop worrying about his eye, it's eating me up, but I know that every other HA worry always did this to me as well. How do I tackle it without meds to calm me down and without running to a doctor for reassurance? If this problem is only in my head, as opposed to it being a real physical problem for my son, then I'd love to win this battle with HA. But how do I do it? Anyone who's had / is having therapy, what would you do? How do you tackle a problem from a mental health point of view when you're scared it's an actual real physical problem?
Do you really think that you would hesitate to take him to an optician if you truly thought he had eye cancer? The fact is that you would take him, HA or no HA
You know deep down that this is just another health fear based on years of "researching" medical websites. You have acquired "knowledge" which you can't unread and which opens up the potential for false "diagnoses" and endless rumination.
So I'd say you have to acknowledge that you are posting on an HA forum and would you really need other people's opinions if you actually thought your son had a genuine and serious health issue? Would you be worried that he would accuse you of fussing? I think you would have made an urgent appointment for him to be examined and have just got on with it.
If I saw a black mark in my eye or my son's eye in my opinion its reasonable to get it checked out. I get the whole HA thing but we also have the responsibility of being proactive with our health.
I suppose it depends whether it's an actual black line or a perceived black line though?
NancyW, I think the problem is that OP is not even sure what she sees. Some time ago she saw red line, which disappeared. Now she kinda sees thinn black line, but perhaps it is part of normal eye anatomy?
In this case some waiting would do no harm. Perhaps it would disappear in 2-3 weeks?
I fully agree with Pulisa - if something really bad would be seen in the eye, OP would take son to doctor immediately. Now its her HA talking, and she herself senses it, that is why she is asking here.
I have terrible HA about my daughter. But I do not take her to docs every time I get scared of some imagined fatal illness. Because I KNOW it is my HA bugging me. I suffer terribly, but refuse to put her to unnecessary tests. However this autumn she had vulvovaginitis, I saw this, understood that it was some kind of real issue and took her to gynecologist. 2 weeks of antibiotics solved the problem. So, when it is real, with real symptoms, you see it and act.
BrokenGirl, unfortunately no advise on how to cope with it. Just willpower, which is very hard :-(
Hi Brokengirl,
Sorry to hear you are going through this but I think the fact that you are seeing different things probably confirms it's your HA running amock rather than anything else.
I totally feel for you as it's a constant battle and I'm doing the same myself but in your son's case, has he complained about anything with his eyes such as pain/vision changes? If not then I really don't think you need to worry about eye cancer. I know someone who had eye cancer and believe me they knew something was wrong without having to examine their eye for changes.
The other thing is, was/is the red line not just a dilated blood vessel? I have these and depending on several factors like hydration/tiredness/anxiousness/allergies they sometimes are prominent and other days hardly at all.
I think if there was anything wrong with your son's eyes he'd notice himself and wouldn't need you to be looking for things?
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.