nervous95
23-02-21, 08:44
Hi all
I have had hypochondria for around 6/7 years. I go through very bad times and then very good times where it doesn’t bother me.
Last summer I had the worst lupus fear ever caused by a sunburn in the shape of a malar rash over my face. This led me down a rabbit hole and I was paralysed with fear. I couldn’t even get out of bed at the worst. The sun was shining outside and everyone was enjoying basking in it but I convinced myself that if I went in the sun I would develop all sorts of rashes and aches and pains. This coming from a person that lived for the sun and couldn’t get enough of it (I used to tan a lot, but now I know UV rays can lead to lupus).
I checked myself obsessively every day for symptoms. Convinced myself I had kidney disease, everything. Different joints would ache and I would become so hysterical with fear. It really was a very difficult point in my life and I definitely think the pandemic exacerbated the attention I was paying to my health.
Once summer was over I felt relief. Funnily enough my fears regressed and I stopped getting aches in my joints etc. In fact I stopped thinking about it altogether and got on with my life.
Fast forward to now and everyone is looking forward to summer with lockdown potentially lifting. I want to be happy but I can feel the lupus fear coming back again and wondering how I’m going to deal with being exposed to the sun which worsens lupus symptoms. I have went from a sun worshipper to having a literal phobia of the sun.
I know lupus is rare but I really ticked off every symptom. I am wondering if it would be worth going to the doctor and requesting an antibody test but since I live in the UK I think they only do this if they really suspect you have lupus so as not to waste resources, sort of as a last resort. I am terrified to find out if I have it or not but in another way I can’t live my life with this fear hanging over me. Testing in general sends me into a panic for fear they’ll find something untoward but I can feel my hypochondria creeping back and it’ll only be a matter of time before I am debilitated again.
It doesn’t help that my grandmother was diagnosed recently with an autoimmune disorder (primary bile chorosis) and I know that autoimmune conditions run in families.
I have had hypochondria for around 6/7 years. I go through very bad times and then very good times where it doesn’t bother me.
Last summer I had the worst lupus fear ever caused by a sunburn in the shape of a malar rash over my face. This led me down a rabbit hole and I was paralysed with fear. I couldn’t even get out of bed at the worst. The sun was shining outside and everyone was enjoying basking in it but I convinced myself that if I went in the sun I would develop all sorts of rashes and aches and pains. This coming from a person that lived for the sun and couldn’t get enough of it (I used to tan a lot, but now I know UV rays can lead to lupus).
I checked myself obsessively every day for symptoms. Convinced myself I had kidney disease, everything. Different joints would ache and I would become so hysterical with fear. It really was a very difficult point in my life and I definitely think the pandemic exacerbated the attention I was paying to my health.
Once summer was over I felt relief. Funnily enough my fears regressed and I stopped getting aches in my joints etc. In fact I stopped thinking about it altogether and got on with my life.
Fast forward to now and everyone is looking forward to summer with lockdown potentially lifting. I want to be happy but I can feel the lupus fear coming back again and wondering how I’m going to deal with being exposed to the sun which worsens lupus symptoms. I have went from a sun worshipper to having a literal phobia of the sun.
I know lupus is rare but I really ticked off every symptom. I am wondering if it would be worth going to the doctor and requesting an antibody test but since I live in the UK I think they only do this if they really suspect you have lupus so as not to waste resources, sort of as a last resort. I am terrified to find out if I have it or not but in another way I can’t live my life with this fear hanging over me. Testing in general sends me into a panic for fear they’ll find something untoward but I can feel my hypochondria creeping back and it’ll only be a matter of time before I am debilitated again.
It doesn’t help that my grandmother was diagnosed recently with an autoimmune disorder (primary bile chorosis) and I know that autoimmune conditions run in families.