View Full Version : Terrified I have alcoholic neuropathy
Hi again,
I am so scared I have this. I've drank unhealthily for about 2 years. I don't mean litres of vodka or anything but certainly a bottle of wine a night. The last week or so I have a numb tingling foot. It started as pain in my bum cheek and lower back, so didn't think too much of it, thought I must have trapped a nerve. The pain in my back is still there a bit but vaguely, but the numb tingling foot is strongly still there. My calf hurts and is very tight, fhe the other calf is now starting to feel tight too. Does anyone know how long you have to drink for for something like this to happen? I'm terrified I've done irreversible damage. I've also been feeling a bit dizzy and off balance. Of course I googled and the first thing that came up was neuropathy, alcoholic, diabetic, all different kinds. I'm 33, I don't know how likely this is at my age but I'm petrified. I've had several panic attacks the last few weeks, shaking and hysterical for prolonged amounts of time. I'm in a constant state of high alert and have been very inactive because of this. I realise this may have caused muscle tension, but I've had that before but not a numb foot. Any advice would help so much. Xx
I should also say, I sleep with a fan on my feet every night. My partner strongly thinks I've upset the nerves from the cold but surely not to the point of numbness.
Based on the lower back and bum pain, don't you think it could something more benign like a bit of sciatica or trapped nerve as opposed to some extremely rare Googled inspired condition? Add to that your ramped up stress levels and hyper-focusing behaviors and here you are again.
FMP
ankietyjoe
01-03-21, 18:15
The thing about drinking is that it is not predictable. You are drinking way, way more than the established guidelines. You're over 70 units a week, the guidelines are 14, so whether the booze has caused this or not, you are doing yourself damage, 100%.
It's also horrendously bad for mental health. Perhaps you should consider quitting for a few months.
Thanks Fishman. Yes, I have tried to rationalise with it being a trapped nerve im just so worried about it. Joe, I am aware of drinking being unhealthy, I'm quite intelligent. I just came here for some reassurance and you've no idea the hole of terror and hysteria you've just sent me into with that response.
ankietyjoe
01-03-21, 18:49
Stop drinking so much then. I hope I have scared you because I've seen the damage it can cause first hand.
Damaging yourself and asking strangers for reassurance isn't the way forward, right?
But what good is scaring someone? On a health anxiety page? Surely that's just cruel and counterproductive for a person's mental health which would encourage poor lifestyle choices such as alcohol to reduce anxiety? All I feel now is worried when I had actually cut down a lot over the week. I want to have a drink as you've sent me into a blind panic. I'm fully aware its too much to drink. That's like saying did you know smoking gives you cancer...I was under no illusion.
I just wanted to know if I was being over the top assuming I had an extremely serious condition that develops over years of drinking, or whether it was my health anxiety. I had already started private sessions with a psychologist about my health anxiety and using alcohol to medicate so you've not told me anything I don't know, I had already sought help and begun change. All you've done here is frighten someone?
WiredIncorrectly
01-03-21, 18:59
I used to drink alcohol daily. Anything from 4 cans to a liter of vodka. I'm clean 3 years in May. Your issue is probably not related to alcohol as Fishmanpa suggested, but I want to share what happened to me as its bit similar.
I experience neuropathy and swelling of the feet (pitting edema) and it's ultimately what caused me to quit. It scared me so much.
I had loss of sensation in my feet. Random numb spots on the top side of my foot, or near my toes too. Itchiness too.
Do you have any noticeable swelling in your feet at all? Just curious.
Since I stopped I've not had any of those problems.
And frankly set me back 5 steps because I'm having a panic attack now. The trouble with drinking is its very unpredictable.. if you have done this damage... what things to say!
WiredIncorrectly
01-03-21, 19:02
But what good is scaring someone? On a health anxiety page? Surely that's just cruel and counterproductive for a person's mental health which would encourage poor lifestyle choices such as alcohol to reduce anxiety?
The choices you make are your own. There are consequences to drinking more than the recommended amount. Your hand doesn't have to put the alcohol to your mouth. You choose to do that. If you're that worried about your health make positive changes like quitting alcohol :)
I can suggest a great forum that helped me quit. Google "Sober Recovery Forum". They are brutal and honest but will most definitely help if you have an alcohol problem.
Hi Wired, I have no swelling no, just one foot that is tingly and numb. Was yours in both feet or just one? X
WiredIncorrectly
01-03-21, 19:05
Hi Wired, I have no swelling no, just one foot that is tingly and numb. Was yours in both feet or just one? X
It was either one. But listen, relax, you're good :) Calm. Everybody enjoys a drink. My suggestion is that if you are worried, then cut a back a little. I've had all sorts of addictions, cannabis, codine, alcohol.
Sometimes we like to look for reassurance to feel better. I can relate to that so much. But in your heart, if you feel there's any issues in your lifestyle you want to change then you can do it :)
The primary issue here seems to be your panic and anxiety. Especially if replies on a forum can worry you. Are you taking any medications for anxiety?
I'm not at the moment but seeing my doctor on Thursday and am going to ask for some. She knows my health anxiety past. I wondered, did you have stiff calfs? They're so tight and stiff and I have terrible lower back pain
The pain in my back is still there a bit but vaguely
I have terrible lower back pain
Which is it? :huh:
LF, you're in a spiral. AJoe is right. You're drinking far too much. Why not log off and go take a walk or something to distract yourself and give serious consideration to curtailing the alcohol. Anxiety or not, it's not the healthiest thing to be doing and you know it :whistles:
FMP
Sorry, I miss worded it. It was terrible, its reduced now to an ache in certain positions, especially sitting. I just took the dog out for a walk, did not help my foot thats for sure:/
WiredIncorrectly
01-03-21, 19:27
I'm not at the moment but seeing my doctor on Thursday and am going to ask for some. She knows my health anxiety past. I wondered, did you have stiff calfs? They're so tight and stiff and I have terrible lower back pain
Yeah. But mostly from being anxious every day with a hangover. I'd be tensed up all day which caused muscle pain.
Listen to Fishmanpa. He helped me come to realization 3 years ago. In all honesty the alcohol will 100% make your anxiety worse the following day. Take a detox for a month and see how you feel.
Ps. you'll have to stop when you're on anxiety medications anyway as most of them interact with alcohol negatively.
Yeah, I'm seeking help for it currently, the plan is to reduce to controlled drinking just on a weekend with friends which I've always done. Not really sure where it turned into a problem but I'm fully aware its not what I want anymore. Stopped me training and feeling good and always anxious. Its a living hell. But so vicious because I feel anxious every day I want that feeling of relaxation which wine gives me
WiredIncorrectly
01-03-21, 20:29
Yeah, I'm seeking help for it currently, the plan is to reduce to controlled drinking just on a weekend with friends which I've always done. Not really sure where it turned into a problem but I'm fully aware its not what I want anymore. Stopped me training and feeling good and always anxious. Its a living hell. But so vicious because I feel anxious every day I want that feeling of relaxation which wine gives me
The first step is admitting there may be a problem. Well done. Alcohol and anxiety sufferers are a common combination. The alcohol uplifts the mood, makes you feel great, makes your worries go away etc. This can feel great and you can get used to feeling good and slipping into a cycle of coming home and pouring a glass of wine, or opening a can of beer. Alcohol makes us feel good, and that's the deception.
When we think alcoholic many of us think the type of person that sits on the park bench with his bottle of cider. That was the sterotype my grandad fitting into before he died. I watched him battle alcohol for years. Trust me, you nor I, were drinking in a way my grandad was. That;s the classical type of alcoholic though.
But in reality many people depend on alcohol. If you recognize alcohol is causing a problem you have to take the required steps to eliminate the problem. You wouldn't drink milk if it made you sick? Same as you really shouldn't drink alcohol if it makes you unwell in any way. But alcohol has that addictive property milk doesn't.
I wish I could have the relaxation alcohol gives me. But it's a trick. Something is being used to invoke that relaxation. And for me the 3 things I've abused in life have all been to gain that relaxation.
There's methods of relaxation in medication and sincere prayer (not advocating you become religious). I have had some successful relaxation from both. I highly recommend you learn to meditate while you detox. It's beautiful once you can get into the meditative zone.
ankietyjoe
01-03-21, 22:10
And frankly set me back 5 steps because I'm having a panic attack now. The trouble with drinking is its very unpredictable.. if you have done this damage... what things to say!
I'll tell you why, because in this country it's all seen as a bit of a laugh and a joke. If you're panicking about it now it'll pass, but you need to know that what you're doing is way beyond what you need to be doing. Your alcohol dependence won't just pass, the anxiety will. Please don't blame me for 'setting you back 5 steps'.
ankietyjoe
01-03-21, 22:15
This conversation rang a bell so I checked back, and we were having the same conversation about booze a year ago. I can't imagine you're drinking less now than you were then, and if you've mentioned a bottle a day, my bet is that it's more than that.
This conversation rang a bell so I checked back, and we were having the same conversation about booze a year ago. I can't imagine you're drinking less now than you were then, and if you've mentioned a bottle a day, my bet is that it's more than that.
That would account for the spiral and Googling.
FMP
Joe, Yes we did, you're right. And I remember being nasty to you then too and I'm sorry! I get reactionary, it's a touchy subject. Some days its more, some not. But I've never ever drank spirits and I don't drink to be drunk. But it is excessive and I know it is. Thats why I've reached out for help, even if she costs the amount of a small village.
It has spiralled and I guess now I'm very worried about the effects. I hadn't known anything about neuropathy til I googled which I know isn't good for a HA person whatever the weather but, I've done it now. I'm going to get if checked with the doctor. I'm hoping it is just a pinched nerve but, we'll see. I've always had a dodgy back.
Thanks wired, I'm definitely hoping to be in that place soon. Just seems to out of the realms right now to just say nah I'm not having anything, because its so habitual now it doesn't even register to me.
Fishman, the googling has gone back to 6/7 years ago.when i was 5 hours deep into reading about mouth cancers, heart attacks, you name it. Cant believe I let it happen!
WiredIncorrectly
02-03-21, 03:27
I didn't know you had posted similar a year ago. The help you're being given is to quit drinking.
I've already said, reach out to sober recovery forums and post everything there. If you truly are ready to quit your help is there. This place can help so much with alcohol recovery, but they are the pros.
I get the impression you're not really looking to quit, but instead looking for reassurance that your ailments are not alcohol related. Nobody here can answer that, only a doctor.
It's time to give up the booze, or live with the anxiety and mental health problems it's causing you.
ankietyjoe
02-03-21, 09:20
Joe, Yes we did, you're right. And I remember being nasty to you then too and I'm sorry!
It's fine, it's part of the alcohol dependence. I lived with somebody for 5 years who slowly got worse and worse, and you're well into that journey.
I am genuinely, genuinely not trying to scare you, but I am genuinely trying to ram the message home that what you are doing is potentially dangerous. Had this been your first post on the topic, probably not, but my guess is your admitted drinking level is a lot lower than your actual drinking level.
Not drinking spirits doesn't mean there's no problem. It means you still have enough money to drink the booze you like. People migrate to spirits because it's a cheaper way to feel the buzz.
This may be one of the rare cases where googling is just the shock to the system you needed. Don't make a habit out of it of course!
Like Wired, I have also had my own addictions throughout life including cocaine...so not minor, but trust me when I tell you that once you stop doing it, you realise you don't need it.
Wired, I do truly want to quit. Its ruined my life for nearly two years. Before this I was at uni, at the gym 5 times a week and really happy. I've thought back about where it started, and its when I knew uni was coming to an end and I was going to have to find a job. I started to panic, started drinking more, and here we are. I barely leave the house because I have a huge sickness phobia, which is strongly reinforced by drinking because of course the lovely hangovers and sickness you get with it. So it's all gone to sh*t really quite steeply. My friends don't know whats going on because I went from going out every weekend to not seeing anyone at all.
And Joe youre right, I do have the money, my inheritance money which my dad would just be truly horrified to see me squandering on this poison. I should add he died of liver disease in June. A very functional alcoholic for probably 20 years, ex professional footballer, then had a whole professional career after football while being able to drink. He was never 'drunk either, which is how I justify to myself. Well, thats a lie, as he got older he couldn't handle it anymore and did get drunk, he was 72. But I don't think it was intentional, his body jusy couldn't manage his usual intake anymore. Came totally out of the blue as well. The first lockdown ruined him. I'm guessing he drank a lot more, then suddenly was very poorly, then went to hospital and never came out and they said he had liver disease and how had they never seen him prior to now? I'm traumatised i think still, which has obviously and rightly increased my own fears of my health and reliance on alcohol. So scared
WiredIncorrectly
02-03-21, 12:45
Wired, I do truly want to quit. Its ruined my life for nearly two years. Before this I was at uni, at the gym 5 times a week and really happy. I've thought back about where it started, and its when I knew uni was coming to an end and I was going to have to find a job. I started to panic, started drinking more, and here we are. I barely leave the house because I have a huge sickness phobia, which is strongly reinforced by drinking because of course the lovely hangovers and sickness you get with it. So it's all gone to sh*t really quite steeply. My friends don't know whats going on because I went from going out every weekend to not seeing anyone at all.
And Joe youre right, I do have the money, my inheritance money which my dad would just be truly horrified to see me squandering on this poison. I should add he died of liver disease in June. A very functional alcoholic for probably 20 years, ex professional footballer, then had a whole professional career after football while being able to drink. He was never 'drunk either, which is how I justify to myself. Well, thats a lie, as he got older he couldn't handle it anymore and did get drunk, he was 72. But I don't think it was intentional, his body jusy couldn't manage his usual intake anymore. Came totally out of the blue as well. The first lockdown ruined him. I'm guessing he drank a lot more, then suddenly was very poorly, then went to hospital and never came out and they said he had liver disease and how had they never seen him prior to now? I'm traumatised i think still, which has obviously and rightly increased my own fears of my health and reliance on alcohol. So scared
Did your Dad's cause you to drink more? My Dad passed 4 years ago and caused me to spiral.
Yeah definitely made me drink more, at a time where I was already on the road to drinking way too much. Which you'd think wouldn't happen due to the cause of his death, you'd think that would shock me out of it. And he did always tell me not to drink too much. Sorry to hear about your dad too, it is hard.
WiredIncorrectly
02-03-21, 13:56
Yeah definitely made me drink more, at a time where I was already on the road to drinking way too much. Which you'd think wouldn't happen due to the cause of his death, you'd think that would shock me out of it. And he did always tell me not to drink too much. Sorry to hear about your dad too, it is hard.
I feel your pain. It gets easier, but you never forget them. My grandpa, and 2 uncles lost their lives to alcohol. But that still wasn't enough to deter me. I looked at how they drank, then looked at how I drank, and convinced myself I'm not an alcoholic. All the time trying to justify my drinking to myself, looking for reassurances so I could convince myself all was fine.
Do you think you could replace the alcohol tonight with cups of tea, juices or regular water?
I hope you can. You need to change the habit which means also changing what you do with your time when you usually drink. This is a great time to learn something new, or peruse your hobbies.
Today could be the start of a new chapter.
WiredIncorrectly
02-03-21, 13:58
Also take a read of Richards recent success story: https://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?243849-Beaten-Alcohol-dependency&p=1992896
Thank you so much, I will read that. I could try to replace the alcohol but I'm scared. My anxiety is soaring that I have this neuropathy thing and stupid as it is the only thing that I know will calm me down is to have a drink. I'm quite sure thays what these symptoms are. Even to the point of asking a family friend who's a gp who assures me it isn't something that happens until much later, years and years later, I can't unread what I read and I've connected all the dots.
If I don't have a drink I'm jusy going to be demented with worry all night, I don't know how to cope with that at all x
ankietyjoe
02-03-21, 14:39
Try to get away from using language like 'it made me drink'. Nothing made you drink, it was a choice.
'If I don't have a drink I'm just going to be demented with worry all night'.
Well, so be it. However you stop, at this point it's going to be hard. The sooner you stop the better. You might need professional help to stop. The AA would be a good start.
Hi! I just saw your post. I second finding a sober online forum. Sober Recovery is one I am on. There are people that go on that site that are still drinking and in time were able to stop. Also, you need people. If you are stuck in your house drinking and googling that is so insufferable. I am so sorry you are going through this. I have been there and it is scary. I know that you can do Zoom AA meetings. Please please, even if you are still drinking all you need is a will to stop. You need people to show you that it can be done. It is not an easy thing to do however it is way better than staying in the place that you are. Also, getting sober is just the beginning but in time you will be so proud of yourself. I saw that you are 33? you are still so very young. You can heal yourself. As an ex alcoholic and major health anxiety person myself I can tell you that I experienced tingling in my feet, in my fingers and various other places. I was in constant state of being drunk or hung over and panicky. It is awful. There is help out there and all you need to do is use google to find the support that you need rather than googling symptoms that send you into a spiral. Once you reach out to and actually start talking to people, especially others that have gone through what you are going through you are going to start to feel better. Being isolated is feeding the addiction. The recovering alcoholics I have met are some of the most compassionate, understanding and selfless people. You will be surprised how your life will change.
Cusper, thank you so much for your message. Its good to know you were able to recover from this and get better. All the things you said is exactly me at the moment, always hungover, constantly panicked and hating how I feel. Its weird because the will I have to stop is huge, but I find myself just giving into it as soon as I feel panicked, which is all day, so the will quickly turns into giving in. And then I feel annoyed and regretful, but carry on anyway. I've done nothing but Google neuropathy for days now, can barely leave my bedroom and still drinking. I've started drinking large flasks of water alongside, but I know its not good enough. The other posters trying to help have mentioned AA too but I guess I'm still in the mind frame that I can stop this myself, but maybe I can't. And the constant numb foot just keeps reminding me and reinforcing that something is terribly wrong. If it would just go away I might be able to get a head start. I'm just in a nightmare.
ankietyjoe
03-03-21, 12:48
If it would just go away I might be able to get a head start.
You regularly use this kind of statement.
'If X happens, I will be in a better place to start'.
X will never happen, and even if it does Y will come along and give you another excuse to not quit again.
You regularly use this kind of statement.
'If X happens, I will be in a better place to start'.
X will never happen, and even if it does Y will come along and give you another excuse to not quit again.
Agreed... we saw that on another member's thread who struggles with alcohol.
Positive thoughts
WiredIncorrectly
03-03-21, 15:28
Cusper, thank you so much for your message. Its good to know you were able to recover from this and get better. All the things you said is exactly me at the moment, always hungover, constantly panicked and hating how I feel. Its weird because the will I have to stop is huge, but I find myself just giving into it as soon as I feel panicked, which is all day, so the will quickly turns into giving in. And then I feel annoyed and regretful, but carry on anyway. I've done nothing but Google neuropathy for days now, can barely leave my bedroom and still drinking. I've started drinking large flasks of water alongside, but I know its not good enough. The other posters trying to help have mentioned AA too but I guess I'm still in the mind frame that I can stop this myself, but maybe I can't. And the constant numb foot just keeps reminding me and reinforcing that something is terribly wrong. If it would just go away I might be able to get a head start. I'm just in a nightmare.
How much are you really drinking? Be honest.
It depends. If I'm having good days it'll be a bottle of wine. Bad days, it can be 3 bottles and I'll start much earlier, say lunchtime, and drink steadily until I go to bed. Which has been the case since I started freaking out about my foot and the neuropathy routine, and is always the case if I'm worried about a health thing. Then I move onto something else and the cycle starts again with a few good weeks inbetween each ailment.
I'm seeing the doctor tomorrow and will be totally honest about my intake. Just hoping I haven't spoiled myself for life because I really want to knock this on the head for good and I've only just started seeing the psychologist to get help for it. X
ankietyjoe
03-03-21, 20:35
You need help, soon. You know that right?
This is fully fledged alcoholism I'm afraid. You can beat it, you just need to make the decision.
Yeah I know, I've spoken to the woman last week about it and she said the same. I've also told my family I think I'm fully an alcoholic. They always say but you're never drunk, and I'm saying yes but I'm always a bit topped up. My brother is really worried obviously after my dad. Which is why I'm seeking help, for him as well as me x
ankietyjoe
03-03-21, 22:18
Alcoholics rarely appear drunk. I used to work with a guy on a building site who drank from 7am every day and was fully functional. The the fact you're not presenting as drunk is actually more of a warning sign.
Yeah thats true. You have different variants of drinkers as I discussed with the med examiner about my dad. Many alcoholics are just constantly drunk and cannot function at all, whereas your friend, myself, have a habitual way of making it fit in. Hoping the doctor can give me some advice going forward and hopefully tell me I'm not permanently damaged already. So strange how these things escalate. If you'd told me two years ago I'd have laughed! Was playing competitive netball, enjoying life, doing well in a degree. Then the wheels just fall off like a bolt out of the blue
Hi LF, I am so happy you are going to see your doctor. Your doctor will be able to get you into an outpatient or inpatient program where they can walk you through quitting. It is so important that you get help. I am telling you I was exactly where you were. I am sure you know this but someone said, "What you focus on expands" I had a tingling middle finger (hahah i know) for 3 months. And all I did was focus on that finger. I did all of the things you did. I didn't tell anyone though. I was afraid to tell people that I was an alcoholic. I would say most, if not all alcoholics have OCD. (obsession of the mind with the compulsion to drink) I had to stop because at the point that I quit I was waking up in the morning in pure panic and by 10am I had to have a beer just to calm down. It was at that point I had to quit. So I still did not tell anyone but my husband. We were so poor at the time that I could not afford to go to rehab.(which I would have loved to do) So I quit slowly after a week. Now everyone will not recommend the weaning but I was determined. Then I joined the Sober Recovery site and I would go on there all of the time. Everyone on that site is just like you. You will be able to relate to what they are talking about. You can post about whatever you need help on and there will be people who will reach out to you. I can see that you want to quit. You are reaching out on here that means you do have concern for yourself. It's just scary making the first step, which you have by being accountable for the fact that you drink too much. A lot of people don't even believe they have a problem so just admitting that is sooooo important. My parents are still alcoholics and they would never admit it because they have a nice house and are retired. Not on the street with a paper bag. Also, I wanted to recommend "Talk Sober" on youtube. There are several others but I love these guys, they met at rehab years ago and now they do this youtube channel. They give you good tools and they explain a lot about getting sober in a way that the other sites haven't. I hope this helps. I know exactly where you are because I have been exactly that. I had to ban myself for life from google. So far, every single disease I have self diagnosed with the help of google has not happened. But at the time I was so convinced it was something terminal. That is OCD. I still worry but nowhere near what I did when I drank. Please let me know how your doctors appointment goes.
ankietyjoe
03-03-21, 22:46
Yeah thats true. You have different variants of drinkers as I discussed with the med examiner about my dad. Many alcoholics are just constantly drunk and cannot function at all, whereas your friend, myself, have a habitual way of making it fit in. Hoping the doctor can give me some advice going forward and hopefully tell me I'm not permanently damaged already. So strange how these things escalate. If you'd told me two years ago I'd have laughed! Was playing competitive netball, enjoying life, doing well in a degree. Then the wheels just fall off like a bolt out of the blue
Again, I would encourage the idea that using language like 'bolt out of the blue' removes your responsibility from this.
This is absolutely not an exercise in blame or criticism, but you need to own the actions that got you here. You absolutely know that drinking 1-3 bottles a night is way beyond ok, so first thing to admit is that YOU got yourself here, for whatever reason. That gives you the opportunity to stop too. If you played no part in starting, how do begin to play a part is stopping? Know what I mean?
Cusper, yes I have diagnosed OCD which is interesting. I've also said to my partner, half the time I don't even feel like I need a drink but it MUST be in the house and I WILL drink it even if I don't want to. Its definitely part of some obsessional workings. Youre so right about the focusing too. I mean, my foot is definitely numb, but most people would probably forget about for most of the day until it went away. Its all I've thought about now for a week, non stop,and diagnosed myself with the worst possible scenario. And like you thats ramped up my need to drink earlier and earlier than I usually would. And it is so scary thinking of life without it, even for a day, because its so integral now. But I know I have to, its gone too far and taken so much. Its amazing you did what you did. And I will get onto that page tonight, I'm definitely going to need the support. Thank you so much for sharing your experience, it makes me have some hope. Ill definitely let you know how tomorrow goes X
Hi LF! I am not surprised that you have OCD. I come from a family of them and I am undiagnosed but I know my patterns. You know, it sounds sooooo cliche but it really is a one day at a time. I would FREAK out about the idea of NEVER drinking again. But each day, it was like I knew the terror I felt drinking all of the time and knew that I really didn't have a choice. I have children and I didn't want them to grow up the way I did. Having alcoholic parents made me feel constantly unsafe in my own home growing up and I was sure my kids would not feel that way. Also, genetically speaking I know I have the gene and they could too so I have be on my game if they go through the same struggles. We still have alcohol in the house because my husband still drinks and I am at the point where I just know exactly what would happen if I ever drank again. My life goes off the rails. You are in the middle of it right now but once you talk to people who are actively in recovery or listen to audiobooks, whatever, there is a ton of stuff out there to help you. My number 1 priority before anything in life now is my sobriety because if not, everything else falls apart, especially my sanity. Active alcoholics are insane. It's not you, it's the alcohol. I thought, said and did things when I was drunk that I would NEVER do sober. You will see all of this after you have had some time under your belt. And really each day just say to yourself, "I will not drink today" Also, the more people that you talk to, you will start to realize you are capable of it. And there are people who are not alcoholics who will just tell you to quit but if they are not an alcoholic they have no idea what they are talking about. People used to say well, can't you just have one and leave it at that?!!!!!!!!!!! These are the people that can leave half a glass of wine on the table and switch to coffee. No idea at all. Three glasses was the beginning of my night. ok I could go on and on but I believe you can do this. Get yourself immersed in all of the resources out there with information. Before I quit I used to watch "Intervention" and I would drink while a watched it. But it's all of these little steps that will add up. Ok good luck tomorrow. Be brave, you can do this.
Cusper, I had my appointment. It was a phone appointment for now as they're trying hot to have people in clinic. She said it sounds like a trapped nerve and should fix itself, and that alcoholic neuropathy would be the same in both feet at the same time. But she did say if it hasn't cleared in a few weeks she'll do some blood tests, and a liver function test which has really freaked me out! I know it'll be a terrible count after the sheer abuse over the last year or two and because of health anxiety I have major text anxiety and always try to avoid having any done. But I guess I'll have to if it doesn't go away. Hopefully it'll just fade off like she said.
Youre so right, honestly the amount of times my boyfriend says well just don't have anymore! Or my brother who gets super angry is like well just stop for God's sake. I'm like, do you think I wouldn't do that if it was so easy. Its a massive fear to just stop, I've relied on it so long to help me through the days, especially after my dad died. Intervention, is that the show on Netflix? I've just bought a book called Alcohol control by Annie Grace which is apparently a life saver book, has huge results. She starts by saying don't force yourself not to drink, have a drink even whilst you're reading if necessary, to.prveent that sudden fear of deprivation. Its about the conscious and unconscious desire to drink which will definitely link to OCD I think. Can I ask how many years you drank for? I can PM if don't want to talk on here x
WiredIncorrectly
04-03-21, 14:11
It depends. If I'm having good days it'll be a bottle of wine. Bad days, it can be 3 bottles and I'll start much earlier, say lunchtime, and drink steadily until I go to bed. Which has been the case since I started freaking out about my foot and the neuropathy routine, and is always the case if I'm worried about a health thing. Then I move onto something else and the cycle starts again with a few good weeks inbetween each ailment.
I'm seeing the doctor tomorrow and will be totally honest about my intake. Just hoping I haven't spoiled myself for life because I really want to knock this on the head for good and I've only just started seeing the psychologist to get help for it. X
How did it go with the doctor?
3 bottles is quite a lot. I've been there and done that.
It's my responsibility to tell you that cold turkey quitting could be dangerous for you. I'm not saying this to increase your anxiety and you don't have to worry about anything. But, if you was to stop suddenly and something did happen to you I would feel to blame. I am not a doctor so please discuss what we've all said with your doctor.
You'll probably be ok going cold turkey but it's going to be a rough ride for a week. After that it gets easier, you just have to ignore cravings. It's funny because I told my family I was an alcoholic and they all laughed like I was joking.
Get yourself on that forum too please. Stay here ofc, but over there you'll get a bit more support from fellow alcoholics and recovering alcoholics.
There's tablets you can take that will make you vomit if you drink alcohol. They might be useful, but personally I think it's better to face the daemon than to use aids.
Joe is right though, you must accept. Your sentences should read "I", not "its my OCD at play".
You're on the right tracks, and without this post you may never have book a doctors appointment. Please keep posting, we're here to help you :)
Hey Wired. Yeah, the psychologist woman im seeing said the same regarding cold turkey. She said we mustn't stop completely incase of 'fitting'. I was like woaa don't say that haha. She said just to start pouring one glass of any bottle that I drink down the sink, and we'll keep reducing from there, which seems reasonable. I signed up to Sober Recovery, seems a great site. Although I did end up down a 'Neuropathy' thread which isn't great. But most people on there said they'd been drinking 10+ years before they had symptoms. So yes, my doctor said she thinks trapped nerve but if I'm still worried in a few weeks she'll do full bloods. And I have my next appointment with the psychologist tomorrow so hopefully that'll help again.
ankietyjoe
04-03-21, 15:54
Well done you.
This won't be easy, but don't see setbacks as failures. This is long haul.
Hi LF! I am so happy you talked with your doctor!! Yes I have heard Annie Grace. She is all over youtube as well. I really like her. Also, a lot of people Like Allen Carr's "The Easy Way To Stop Drinking" In that book he wants you to drink while you read it. I also read a book "Alcohol Lied To Me". So I would say in total I drank for 25 years. I quit several times throughout, 3 months here, 3 months there... Back in 2013 I quit for 2 years and then a pile of things happened and I slipped again. Then I drank for another couple years and then finally quit. I know that I have no business having a drink now. If I just have one it activates all of those old neuro pathways. That's why alcoholics can never switch to moderate drinking. I have tried it a million times and the road always leads back to binge drinking. Intervention is a show you can find on Youtube. I don't think it's on Netflix in the UK. They did have it for a while on Canadian Netflix. But If you youtube "Intervention-alcoholic episodes" There are several on there along with other addictions. Honestly there are some great documentaries on Youtube, that actually was filmed in the UK. I think really just educating yourself on what alcohol does to your brain/body helps steer you in the right direction. For the longest time I didn't think I had a problem because I was more of a weekend drinker. But once I was at home all the time being a stay at home mom the days got closer and closer together. I think it was a combination of anxiety over being responsible for someone else and the isolation being home all of the time. And the funny thing was in the end I wasn't even really drunk, I was just drinking continuously so I would avoid withdrawals and panic. I still have panic because I come on this site. But it's nowhere near the way it was when I drank. I know that at any time if someone were to need help I can help them. Where as before I would turn off my phone and avoid people because I had been drinking. I didn't even want to leave the house sometimes because I was afraid I was going to run into someone and they would know. Also, you are going to notice that you will start looking so much better. The bags under your eyes will go and your eyes will be clear. And it doesn't happen over night but you will start to notice. Oh! and keep a journal of your progress. That really helps. I did a whole VLOG the first time I really quit and it was amazing to see the change in the way I looked in just a year. I did a video each week talking about my symptoms and the things I was doing to get well. I highly recommend that. Feel free to message me anytime and I am happy to help. I am not on this all of the time, so if I don't respond right away, that's why.
So amazing that you were able to quit after all the time. It really does give me hope, thank you for that. I'm sure Intervenrion is on Netflix, I've scanned past it a few times and thought about watching it.
Yes, being in the house is a huge trigger for me too. Lockdown has not helped at all. If I'm bored, my mind wanders, and suddenly I'm thinking ah well might aswell have a drink and stick something on the TV. Oddly if I'm out and about I'm not that concerned about alcohol, so I think a large part of it is emotional addiction rather than dependence. Although its been a long time since I've gone fully without for a whole night so I wouldn't really know what kind of impact it will have which is scary to me. The stuff you said about not leaving the house I could have written myself. Because of drinking I've gained weight, so never want to see anyone, and same as you think they'll know if I've had a drink. I've become very isolated which has helped this whole drinking thing slide along. I used to only drink on a weekend, and don't get me wrong I would drink a lot, all my friends do, and have a big night out. But never drank through the week. Maybe one here and there. Then its just out of control and hard to pinpoint what the the hell I was thinking crossing that line. I will message you, thanks so much xxx
Hi LF! Anytime, please feel free to message me. This pandemic is really bad for people suffering. People need other people. I actually went out to a local market where my friend works and when I was in there, I just feel like any anxiety just melts away because I get to be around friends which is really rare. Our lockdown ended last week so I was able to go out a bit. Still we can't have friends over and it is so cold here that being outside I have to wear a whole snowsuit in order to keep warm. So many people I know who didn't even have addiction issues in the past have been drinking way too much because of the lockdown. We have all gained weight! Me, with a bad diet so now I have put myself on a diet. My point being is that anxiety seems to be at an all time high because of the pandemic too and luckily when I get a bit panicky I have friends and family to reach out to. Again, I am on here every few days. More lately because I wanted to make sure how you got on. And really I just know where you are at because I was there and really I had no one to talk to about it who got both alcoholism/health anxiety/OCD. Plus, my friends, I know it sounds bad but I don't think they really believed I had a problem so they weren't too enthused when I quit. Now, they are not bad friends but in actuality some of them didn't want to think about their own relationship to alcohol, or they thought I was over reacting and being dramatic, or they didn't think I would be able to go out with them. However, strangely over time they realized I was no different except I wasn't calling them in the morning in a panic asking what I had done at the end of the night. I didn't have a problem going to parties or bars, I just knew that if I even had one it would begin the whole horrible cycle over again. And when people who I don't really know that well will ask me why I don't drink I am completely honest and say that when I start I just don't stop. and no one ever bothers about it anymore. I hope you are feeling better and I will talk with you soon!
Hey Cusper.
Yes totally agree, the pandemic has made things so much worse. Sitting in and having not much to do is an instant let's have a drink trigger for me. I've done a lot better today, cut out a fair amount and went for a long walk which I was very scared to do after convincing myself I am severely ill with neuropathy! Went for a good walk with my partner and the dog and have managed to drink less. I'll continue that tonight. My foot is still numb and I'm worried but trying not to have a huge focus on it.
I do have concerns for if and when I tell my friends I'm not drinking for a while, if at all, once we can all go back out. I've always been a bit of a party person and they're entirely used to me being the one buying the shots haha. But I'm sure they'll understand. I'm quite happy to tell them my drinking spiralled during the pandemic and need time off. My closest friend is a nurse and is aware of the situation so I'm sure she'll back me. I do have blurry vision the last few days too and trying not to link that to neuropathy as the doctor said it would be both feet and so did my psychologist, trying hard not to go down a rabbit hole with that. Thinking maybe it's cos I have a fan in my room all the time that might have given me dry eyes... just need to not drink to eliminate worry! X
Hi LF! You know what? I think you should just go in and get your blood checked. And NOT because I think that there is something wrong with you but just for you to have some peace of mind. I didn't say earlier but I had been worrying about something for probably about 6 weeks. For my anxiety to ramp up over a symptom it has to have persisted for over a month. So, naturally I was on here and I had seen your post and wanted to reach out to you. ANYHOW, I finally called my family doctor and told her what my issues were. To even get a blood test can take weeks here. So I finally went to what we call a "walk-in clinic" here and told them my issues and concerns. I was actually concerned about blood sugar issues. They did an immediate test and told me what I was dealing with was most likely an allergic reaction. And I can tell you that I am really happy I went. I had been delaying going in because I was just hoping it would go away but the problem was I was exacerbating the symptoms because I kept focusing on them. But now that I had a one on one, face to face conversation with a doctor and I had the opportunity to ask him several questions he made it clear that what my worst fears were not a possibility. So most of the things that I have been feeling have abated. We can only take phone calls from our family doctors which was just not doing it for me. I had to talk to someone. This is why I am recommending you go in and talk to someone and get your bloods checked. Since I had mine done I feel so much better and after asking my questions the doctor just said I was fine and he didn't even flinch when he said it. Also, It has been an entire year since I did have my bloods checked. I do get anxious if I am not up to date and this pandemic has just made things worse. I hope you are doing well. And please, feel free to message me. anytime.
Yes I totally agree, if I don't get bloods taken I think I'm going to believe entirely that I have some life altering condition caused by alcohol. Like I am convinced and have lived as a 'sick person' for about 3 weeks now. Won't go to the shop because I feel 'faint', won't go out walking with the dog anymore because 'I'm off my feet', the list goes on. I did force myself the other day and was glad, but honestly I've fallen into a real sick role, acting and behaving as though I'm ill. We only moved house in November and have so much do to and that's all come to a halt, everything I enjoyed doing has stopped. I've also got a little lump in my armpit that I need checked out but I'm too scared to get that seen to as well. So I have these things hanging over me, total limbo, but instead of just biting the bullet I'm hiding and using alcohol to ease the anxiety. The doc offered me blood tests last week to put my mind at rest but I said no. How did you cope with it, the waiting? I've also moved from neuropathy to possible diabetes. I'm not big, there's no history in my family, I've lived a generally active lifestyle up until the past year. But that's crept in as a reason for my foot/blurry eyes even though I know you'd probably have to have a really bad diet for a long time. Eurgh I am so annoying! Hope you're well x
LF!!! The waiting is the absolute worst. I get it. I really do. Funnily enough I was worried I had diabetes too!!! A. Because I drank too much in the past B. I replaced my alcohol with lots of chocolate, crisps whatever. I had also put on loads of weight during this pandemic. However I was displaying symptoms and I really don't want to get into it because I don't want to trigger you, but also turns out I am absolutely fine. I am down 14lbs (One stone) in your country since I changed my diet. I was having eye issues too and I make my living as an artist (oil paintings) plus my dad has had diabetes since he was 30 and he is in his 70's now. It also didn't help that we were told to stay indoors for a year. So basically I painted all day and ate garbage. Because you are 33 you can fix yourself much better than say a 50 year old with the same issues. I am mid forties now and I now need glasses. I think you will be so relieved, you just have to brave the time in between the test and the result. And in my experience the results impower you. It's just the crap that is in your head in the mean time. It can be absolutely maddening. You are just in the middle of it, take the first step and go and get the test. Honestly I know that it is so cliche to say but it's just one step and then the next and then the next. And next thing you know it will be a year and all of those little steps will have added up and you will look and see how far you've come. So when I am struggling, I always think, what is the small thing I can do to help this situation? Sometimes it is literally as small as just taking the dog for a walk or cleansing my face!! so stupid but when you get in destructive cycles, doing things for yourself in a good way goes out the window. Please keep in touch and let me know how you are doing. :)
I tried to send you a message but I don't know how to do it so I think I've added you as a friend haha, I didn't realise I was a bit phone inept until just now 😂
Ok, so I tried to accept you as a friend and I am unsure if it worked but I just sent you a trial message to see if you get it.
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