bethyboo
08-02-05, 12:53
am sorry if this looks like an excuse just to talk but it is lol. had the worst weekend i can remember, night times being the worst. after reaching the point of acute anxiety and feeling that nothing is real, had a panic attack during the night and both sat and sun nights made my poor but loyal freinds talk to me on the phone unitl i felt sane enough to fall asleep. i am not normally a negative person but god this weekend has pushed me to my limits! i have stopped trying to fight the anxiety or rather let it happen and went to the doctors yesterday to go back on efexor. i feel like i tried my hardest to get through it but when im on my own with two kids to try and look after when i feel more insane that i ever have, i am just so tired. the rational side of my brain says, stop being silly, u have been here before, u know whats going on and in a few days u will feel better, u r not going mad and ur not gna die. but the other side is just teetering on the edge and one little push and im gone! i just got to the point when i woke up monday morning and the second i opened my eyes rushed to the toilet feeling sick and thought my god!!! i have never felt so insane! i looked at my children who normally bring me back down to earth and thought i dont know these faces, i dont know what to do.
im sorry this all sounds so negative and this is a positive site but i just need to write it down then maybe a small fraction of the physical terror i am feeling right now might subside.
this is the second day of medication and i just want to sleep and curl up. i feel sick and lost in a world of my own where everything is glazed and sureal. i know i am here and i KNOW i will be ok in a few days but god it is hard. without sounding really cheezy and pathetic this is a poem i wrote when feeling at my worst. i am very embarrased at putting it on here but ti is just how i feel!
a buzzing of thoughts so mad and sureal,
logic? no logic cos nothing is real!
My mind has been filled with irrationl gloom,
i will claw at the edges, try to fight my way through.
the panic is setting, confusion and fear,
get a grip! take control!...but still nothing is clear.
i cant eat, i cant sleep, i feel sick and insane,
what is inside my head while im far far away?
still feel scared and alone though your holding my hand,
we both know you cant help cos u dont understand.
but your pills and your sympathy,kind words and smile,
make me feel more at ease than ive felt for a while.
sorry for being so negative but i feel better knowing that i will be ok in a few days i just wanted it out instead of in ..thanku for listening x
beth xx
beth salisbury
im sorry this all sounds so negative and this is a positive site but i just need to write it down then maybe a small fraction of the physical terror i am feeling right now might subside.
this is the second day of medication and i just want to sleep and curl up. i feel sick and lost in a world of my own where everything is glazed and sureal. i know i am here and i KNOW i will be ok in a few days but god it is hard. without sounding really cheezy and pathetic this is a poem i wrote when feeling at my worst. i am very embarrased at putting it on here but ti is just how i feel!
a buzzing of thoughts so mad and sureal,
logic? no logic cos nothing is real!
My mind has been filled with irrationl gloom,
i will claw at the edges, try to fight my way through.
the panic is setting, confusion and fear,
get a grip! take control!...but still nothing is clear.
i cant eat, i cant sleep, i feel sick and insane,
what is inside my head while im far far away?
still feel scared and alone though your holding my hand,
we both know you cant help cos u dont understand.
but your pills and your sympathy,kind words and smile,
make me feel more at ease than ive felt for a while.
sorry for being so negative but i feel better knowing that i will be ok in a few days i just wanted it out instead of in ..thanku for listening x
beth xx
beth salisbury