PDA

View Full Version : Feeling anxious and guilty about confronti my brother about previous abuse and bully



stay_gold
15-03-21, 20:33
We have the weirdest strained but not strained relationship but we were talking on the phone. He was basically talking about everything bad everybody had done to him. Things family members had done and then it got to immediate family. I mentioned that he took it all out on me. I scratched the surface and didn't mention that he sexually abused me all in the name of jealousy and the advantage of being six years older than me. All he did was basically say that he had it harder than me (which he did), but he ensured that I got it hard too. Ruining my childhood and young adulthood in the process.
The thing is, he has now got a psychotic type disorder from a phase of drug use and he has taken my confronting him really badly. He has gone into a depressed state and I think the disorder is doing it's thing. I feel guilty because I caused it but feel anxious because I don't really know how he's going to be with me. He still has an odd competing thing with me although he'll never admit it. I hate that I tried to call twice and he didn't answer. I'm basically trying to comfort my abuser and I feel like such an idiot. In every other way I'm a well rounded and smart and strong person but here, I just feel like the abused boy I used to be and I can't talk to anybody about it because everybody knows what he's going through and has been through a lot. They assume that I've had it easy and I also don't know if they'll believe that he sexually abused me, my mother won't cope and I don't really want people to look at me as a that guy who was sexually assaulted by his brother.

Fishmanpa
15-03-21, 20:43
Respectfully, you both need to come to terms with the events that took place. Realistically, there's no reason for you to feel guilty and that needs to be addressed as well as the other more deep seated issues and events you speak about.

Real life professional help would be in order with such a complicated and convoluted situation.

Positive thoughts

stay_gold
15-03-21, 20:46
I should add that I have had anxiety for as long as I can remember, developed pretty bad OCD lately too. I'm also an empath. On one hand I think that at the end of the day, I did nothing wrong and shouldn't feel guilty but on the other hand he is ill and I've added to it. I wasn't rude or anything, I was careful about that. I'm starting to feel like I don't deserve anything that I'm trying to achieve and somehow he will ruin it by ruining my self esteem. I'm tired of keeping this all in. I cried when I was telling him about what he did but I made sure that he didn't hear me. I feel like an idiot for trying to call after.

stay_gold
15-03-21, 20:51
Thanks fishmapa, I went to therapy and I again scratched the surface. I just couldn't open up about it.
I feel like it's more that I can't say anything to the family about it. This has all been on my mind so much lately. I also feel like I have to be strong for my mother.

Lencoboy
16-03-21, 13:52
I think situations like this are, and probably always have been, a lot more widespread and commonplace than many of us realise, or want to know.

But due to the highly taboo nature of said issues it is rarely discussed in the open, but at least in these more enlightened times, society in general is becoming more open and understanding about such issues, where as in previous decades/eras, the victims on the receiving end of virtually all manner of abuse often felt obliged to just 'put up and shut up', and such incidents often got overlooked by both the authorities and the general public at large.

I think 'male-on-male' sexual abuse is an issue that's still greatly overlooked. Which is quite pertinent considered this country is currently in the middle of a mass bout of panic and outrage over the Sarah Everard murder case, and subliminally, police brutality.

Which of course I'm not in any way trivialising or playing down.