silver_shoes
19-03-21, 00:37
I can feel myself slowly going to pieces and don’t know how to get through the next few weeks. And feel incredibly selfish saying that because this is actually not about me, it is my lovely Mum.
She has just been referred to a two week wait clinic at our local hospital and I feel sick even typing those words.
Recently, she has had some symptoms suggestive of acid reflux/heartburn/indigestion. Some discomfort/pain in the upper abdomen area below the breast bone, and although the actual pain has now disappeared , she still feels some discomfort and told me that at times she has a “bubbling” feeling in the abdomen . She did the sensible thing initially of trying some Gaviscon which helped a little bit but not totally. She felt that she had perhaps gained a bit of weight and that may have caused the symptoms. And I think that is reasonable because there is definitely a link between weight gain and reflux. But she still felt that things were not quite right so she had a phone consultation with the GP and they started her on a course of Omeprazole. She’s had two weeks of the Omepazole now, and in some ways she said she actually feels a bit better, but knows that there is still discomfort there. What is a bit concerning is that she has now also noticed on her left upper abdomen there is a slight swelling. Not an actual lump, but more of a swelling of the general area of where your ‘spare tyre’ is (I’m going on her description of it because due to the virus obviously I haven’t been able to see her for a while :( ) I have been extremely worried since she told me of this new development.
She said that she does not feel unwell, she’s not in pain just a bit uncomfortable, and she has not had any changes in bowel habits. She eats healthily and is fit and active for her age (68).
A few days ago she had a follow-up telephone appointment with the GP and they have decided to refer her for a two week wait endoscopy.
Needless to say, my anxiety is rapidly spiralling out of control and I am trying not to let her see this because obviously that’s the last thing she needs. She’s pretty scared about going for an endoscopy, which is understandable.
I am trying hard to rationalise as to what this could actually be. I have been a lot more concerned since she told me about this abdominal swelling. I am quite surprised that the GP has not at least requested any blood tests while they are waiting for the endoscopy, because the bloods may have give some indication of what is going on. In fact the GP has not seen her face-to-face for this at all, it has purely been via the two telephone consultations.
She is having the endoscopy until the 12th of April, which is the earliest date they could offer!
I am catastrophising majorly about losing my mum.
My husband and I have just put our house on the market - this move has been something we have been working towards for quite some time now, I have lived away from my hometown for almost a decade and finally we are in a position to move back to the area again. This was supposed to be a happy time, so that would be close to my family once more and I was hoping for many many years of lovely memories of doing things with them. And now I’m so scared!
What does not help is that I have a lot of guilt about the fact I have lived away for so long and I feel like I moved away for selfish reasons (initially it was for a relationship that did not work out, 10-ish years ago, but I ended up staying in the area because of my previous job and eventually I met my husband and moved even further away because of his job, but now he works from home permanently and this means we are able to move back to near my hometown, thank God). My parents have never once made me feel guilty about this, but I cannot help how I myself feel. I feel that I would never be able to live with myself if my mum gets the worst diagnosis and something happens and I’ve lost all those years that I could have spent more time with her.
I don’t know how to get through these next few weeks until the 12th of April, and I don’t know how to cope with my intrusive thoughts and feelings whilst trying to stay strong for my mum.
She has just been referred to a two week wait clinic at our local hospital and I feel sick even typing those words.
Recently, she has had some symptoms suggestive of acid reflux/heartburn/indigestion. Some discomfort/pain in the upper abdomen area below the breast bone, and although the actual pain has now disappeared , she still feels some discomfort and told me that at times she has a “bubbling” feeling in the abdomen . She did the sensible thing initially of trying some Gaviscon which helped a little bit but not totally. She felt that she had perhaps gained a bit of weight and that may have caused the symptoms. And I think that is reasonable because there is definitely a link between weight gain and reflux. But she still felt that things were not quite right so she had a phone consultation with the GP and they started her on a course of Omeprazole. She’s had two weeks of the Omepazole now, and in some ways she said she actually feels a bit better, but knows that there is still discomfort there. What is a bit concerning is that she has now also noticed on her left upper abdomen there is a slight swelling. Not an actual lump, but more of a swelling of the general area of where your ‘spare tyre’ is (I’m going on her description of it because due to the virus obviously I haven’t been able to see her for a while :( ) I have been extremely worried since she told me of this new development.
She said that she does not feel unwell, she’s not in pain just a bit uncomfortable, and she has not had any changes in bowel habits. She eats healthily and is fit and active for her age (68).
A few days ago she had a follow-up telephone appointment with the GP and they have decided to refer her for a two week wait endoscopy.
Needless to say, my anxiety is rapidly spiralling out of control and I am trying not to let her see this because obviously that’s the last thing she needs. She’s pretty scared about going for an endoscopy, which is understandable.
I am trying hard to rationalise as to what this could actually be. I have been a lot more concerned since she told me about this abdominal swelling. I am quite surprised that the GP has not at least requested any blood tests while they are waiting for the endoscopy, because the bloods may have give some indication of what is going on. In fact the GP has not seen her face-to-face for this at all, it has purely been via the two telephone consultations.
She is having the endoscopy until the 12th of April, which is the earliest date they could offer!
I am catastrophising majorly about losing my mum.
My husband and I have just put our house on the market - this move has been something we have been working towards for quite some time now, I have lived away from my hometown for almost a decade and finally we are in a position to move back to the area again. This was supposed to be a happy time, so that would be close to my family once more and I was hoping for many many years of lovely memories of doing things with them. And now I’m so scared!
What does not help is that I have a lot of guilt about the fact I have lived away for so long and I feel like I moved away for selfish reasons (initially it was for a relationship that did not work out, 10-ish years ago, but I ended up staying in the area because of my previous job and eventually I met my husband and moved even further away because of his job, but now he works from home permanently and this means we are able to move back to near my hometown, thank God). My parents have never once made me feel guilty about this, but I cannot help how I myself feel. I feel that I would never be able to live with myself if my mum gets the worst diagnosis and something happens and I’ve lost all those years that I could have spent more time with her.
I don’t know how to get through these next few weeks until the 12th of April, and I don’t know how to cope with my intrusive thoughts and feelings whilst trying to stay strong for my mum.