Hallucination? Hypervisualization?

[Cptdebbie]

Hi All,
I noticed something strange yesterday. Of course, it’s freaking me out a bit.

I have a lot of sleep related “hallucinations.” I was trying to calm down about them by reminding myself that they only happen when I am waking up. This set me to worrying about seeing something with my eyes closed when I’m not waking up. (Anxiety is soooo frustrating.)

So, yesterday I was doing needlework and my eyes got tired. I shut them to rest for a minute. I was resting my head on my hand when I realized I could “see” my hand and arm. I touched my eyes to see if they were completely shut. They were. So, I wiggled my fingers and couldn’t see it. I realized that I wasn’t really “seeing” anything. I was just thinking I was seeing it. I was seeing it in my mind’s eye so to speak. I noticed the same thing for the rest of my body. I was visualizing it in my mind.

Maybe this has been happening forever but I just noticed it because I’m suddenly hyper aware? Maybe I was hallucinating? (Although, that’s a pretty lame hallucination.) Or maybe it was some sort of depersonalization?

I’ve see a new therapist tomorrow. I. suppose I should them him about this, but I’m a little afraid to do so since it’ll be my first time with him.

Any thoughts?

[Fishmanpa]

I've had that happen when I was in a twilight sleep. Actually happened last night. Normal mental anomaly. You're making something out of nothing TBH.

Positive thoughts

[Cptdebbie]

Thanks for answering Fishman. My worry is that I wasn’t close to sleep. I was wide awake. I was just closing my eyes.

[Fishmanpa]

Thanks for answering Fishman. My worry is that I wasn’t close to sleep. I was wide awake. I was just closing my eyes.

So you assume :whistles:

FMP

[Cptdebbie]

I’m pretty sure I wasn’t falling asleep, but you’re usually right Fishman :).

I’ve been thinking about it. I like to understand and label these types of experiences. Pulisa told me once that this wasn’t a good idea. I think she’s right. Sometimes anxiety causes things to happen - things without an explanation.

I was worried about yesterday’s “visions” and shut my eyes to see if I could recreate the event. I couldn’t today, although I did yesterday. However, today when I shut my eyes, I saw a brief image of the blanket I’ve been crocheting for my new grandson. Yep. I freaked out over that. I’m thinking it isn’t coincidental that I start worrying about seeing things with my eyes closed and I suddenly do.

I keep telling myself that the worst possible outcomes are all okay. A part of me believes this, but obviously not all of me.

Sigh. Health anxiety sucks. I’m weary. Hopefully my new therapist will be a good one.

[Fishmanpa]

Great to hear you're getting help CptD... Focus on that. One thing you should talk to your new therapist about is reassurance and the forum. Let him/her know about it and share the info. It will help him/her know how to approach treatment.

Positive thoughts

[ankietyjoe]

Hallucinations aren't lucid in the way you describe. They are misinterpretations of something you're actually seeing, they are a mis-processing of actual reality.

What you are describing is what FMP has explained. The twilight condition between wakefulness and sleep. It's common for me to hear voices in that state or to get 'stuck' between being awake and being asleep. Only when I'm stressed or anxious though.

Nothing unusual in what you described.

[Cptdebbie]

I haven’t gone to my therapy appointment yet. However, I’ve done some experimenting with my “seeing” with eyes closed and wanted to report for anyone who might notice the same thing.

This is not happening to me when I am sleeping. It happens to me when my eyes are closed and there is a light source. It’s like my brain detects a light source and thinks it should be seeing something, so it creates an image. Sounds crazy. I know. I’m still pretty freaked out about it.

I see a neuroopthamologist for short bouts of vision loss. I’m going to talk to her about it, but I’m thinking it’s just a weird visualization thing. I just had a brain MRI in January.

I’ll let you all know about my therapy visit later.

Thank you for being my friends. I’m feeling isolated and alone right now. I need you!!!

[Chlobo]

Hello there.
I’ve actually had this my whole life, as long as I remember. If I look at something and then shut my eyes I can still see it.
For example if I shut my eyes now... *shuts eyes* I can see the screen and message I’m typing at the moment.

I’ve had multiple eye tests and my eyes are always fine

[Cptdebbie]

Oh Chlobo, you’ve made my day. Thank you for responding. It just makes me feel a whole lot better to know I am the not the only one.
Bless you, Debbie

[Chlobo]

Oh Chlobo, you’ve made my day. Thank you for responding. It just makes me feel a whole lot better to know I am the not the only one.
Bless you, Debbie

It’s okay, I used to worry about it as well but I ignore it now. Sometimes I make it happen deliberately because it’s kind of cool!
It’s just technically an after image. But nothing to worry about, like I say it’s happened to me for many years

[glassgirlw]

I definitely get this as well!!! I remember years ago in high school there was this “optical illusion” type trick we did in one of my psych classes. You had to stare at an image without blinking for 5 seconds - then shift your gaze to a blank white wall - I could still see the image on the blank wall. Then close your eyes, and the image would still be there. It was crazy! But it worked! So yeah I think this is extremely normal. I know we like to fixate on any symptom we perceive as “new” - but I bet this has happened to you before, and was probably insignificant at the time because you weren’t in a high anxiety period. So you just didn’t worry about it. Your anxiety is a little higher now so you automatically fixate on it and associate it with something negative - but it’s just your brain and eyes operating as they’re supposed to.

[Cptdebbie]

Thank you Glassgirl. I think you’re right. It’s probably been going on for a long time and I just noticed it.

I appreciate your response 🤗