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Lana
24-03-21, 20:51
Many of you know me, I have always been huge worrier, and I suffer from severe HA and OCD. Episode with my son sent me into despair, worse then ever. I apologize in advance for long post, but I need to share this:
Last Saturday ( March 22nd), my 22 year old son went out, and he has some goods friends, so it was this completely normal thing. He usually comes back late, but he does not drink, so I am usually not overly worried ( just normal Mommy worries). I got up Sunday morning, and my husband told me that my son actually came home around 7 am ( my husband was already up), very drunk, and covered all over with his own vomit. He made him undress completely, and threw everything in the garbage, and helped him shower properly. He put him to bed and said to me: It happens, do not bother him, let him sleep it off. However, his bank called to say that there were some suspicious charges on his debit card, so we managed to cancel both cards, and sure enough, they were not in his wallet.To make it short: when he finally got up Sunday night, he told us he was very sad, started drinking in bars, and when they closed ( earlier due to Covid), he went to a liquor store and bought a bottle of vodka and sat in the park and started drinking. He did not remember anything from that point on. He was also banged up, on his forehead, and his hands had several wounds. Sunday evening he was still groggy but not drunk, he was normal.
Monday morning he remembered that a policeman came to him in the park, and called EMT (ambulance). He remembered that they looked at him, took his vitals, and said he was OK, but very drunk and he should be sent home. A policeman put him in the cab and that is how he came home. Yesterday he went to the doctor who examined his bruises, and told him there was no concussion, but added that he obviously does not know how to pace himself, and that he should stop drinking for now completely and that he was still not "himself" because his body was still getting rid of the poison. However: yesterday evening he got a horrible panic attack because when he went to the bathroom , his underwear had a big fresh blood stain. I was trying to calm him down because he does have some hemorrhoids and it is not unheard of that heavy liquor can really irritate them. But he could not be calmed, because he started thinking that he was raped while being blacked out. My husband said that his clothes were NOT torn, just vomited over, and his shirt was still tucked and his belt was on as well, when he came home. But we are going to the doctor back tomorrow, to see what he says. Needless to say, I am absolutely beside myself, because the only thing I can think of is HIV. But, my husband saw no blood on his clothes that morning. So if he was raped, wouldn't there be blood that day, and a lot of pain? Would the doctor tomorrow be able to see if he was raped? Of course, we will test him too, but , we cannot test for at least another week for HIV, for it to be conclusive. I have a very good friend that I shared this with, and she said that rape would definitely sober him up, he would remember such horror, and pain for sure. Please pray for us, and give me some comfort, if at all possible. I am dying from fear.

Scass
24-03-21, 21:36
Oh poor boy, what an ordeal.
I don’t know why either of you jumped to the worst case scenario, but it would be a good thing to talk about at the doctor too.

I hope he’s ok - and gets help for the things that are bothering him.


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Lana
24-03-21, 21:58
Thank you Scass for your kind words.
He jumped to the worst case scenario because he learned it from me, long ago. Before his panic attack about rape last evening, since he woke up on Sunday, I kept on asking him: Are you sure nobody touched you? How can you be sure, if you were that drunk?! God knows what happened to you that you do not remember!

He knew how my mind works, and he subconsciously knew what I was thinking, and that is why, I believe, when he saw a blood stain last evening, that thought jumped on him.
We will talk to the doctor tomorrow, and I guess, I just have to somehow survive the " window period", so that he can get tested.
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Scass
24-03-21, 22:01
Maybe you could ask for help too?
It must be terrifying not being able to remember what he got up to. But it happens a lot to boys that age. Nevertheless they aren’t usually alone. This has been a tough year, so hopefully you can both get a bit of help.


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NancyW
25-03-21, 01:11
Lana, I have 2 sons and just reading your post made my heart pound and my eyes fill with tears.

At this point to even start to heal from this trauma you all need to hear from the dr and get a clear test result.

You're work is not finished then, why was he feeling so sad in the first place?

Please make him understand he can come to you or his dad no matter what without judgment.

Keep us posted you've got my mom worry going

Lana
25-03-21, 12:02
Dear Nancy,

Being (good) mother is very hard - I actually believe that my depression started as post partum depression, and after that it evolved into huge anxiety, when he was little, that something will happen to me and he will be left without mother. That anxiety never disappeared, just sprouted various variants during all these years, and is still with me...

I am very close with my son, who himself had severe OCD for several years in high school, but later, with a good therapist and Lexapro, got rid of it completely. However, he is very complicated young man. He is excellent student ( soon will be graduating from college), runs a literally magazine, speaks several languages fluently, but takes after me when it comes to being very "high strung" individual.

I talk to him all the time, I know all his moods, and try to help without hovering over him at this point. I really did not notice that day that anything was wrong, and still have no idea why he did it.

Thank you very much for your friendly words. We are going today afternoon to the doctor's and I asked my son if I could come in with him. So we would know more at the end of the day, but regardless of what the doctor says, I will have him tested . I will keep you posted.

Thank you again, and keep us in your mind.

Lana
25-03-21, 23:26
Just little update: The doctor saw us ( I asked my son if he would allow me speaking with the doctor for just a couple of minutes), and he said that rape trauma is physically visible, so he wanted to look at him. I left and after a while, the doctor called me back, and said that nothing points to any kind of assault, but my son does have a couple of hemorrhoids. He also said: we can test for everything in a couple of weeks, but I really do not think it is necessary. He said to my son: if you decide you want to test, just come back. I do not see any reason for that, but I do see reason for some therapy regarding such drinking, and we should talk about that.

I was calmed down, and so was my son. Everything looks brighter, and my son actually physically feels completely back to normal. Thank you Scass and Nancy for your concerns and compassion.

glassgirlw
26-03-21, 00:19
Lana, I’m relieved to hear that. What a worrying thing to go through as a parent.

Will send positive thoughts your way and hopefully your son will consider stepping away from the bottle for a bit. It could very well be a much needed wake up call for him. So glad he’s alright!

NancyW
26-03-21, 01:02
Thank goodness. I too think this may be a wakeup call.

Scass
26-03-21, 02:48
That’s good to hear.
Your son sounds like a lovely young man and you are lucky to have such a good relationship.


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Carys
26-03-21, 08:03
I've been following this thread, but had nothing helpful to say as it wasn't a situation I knew anything about, but I am so glad to hear that the outcome was a good one. I think you are doing a fabulous job Lana, and are such a sensitive and thoughtful loving parent, I'm sure you and your son will work everything out in the long term and are blessed to have such a fabulous relationship.

pulisa
26-03-21, 08:27
I'm so relieved for you, Lana..Thank goodness the worst didn't happen. Your doctor sounds wonderful and I'm sure your son will benefit from the psychological support he can offer.

It's so hard watching loved ones suffer but you've taken the very best care of him and have got him medically assessed as soon as you could. He's very lucky to have you as his Mum.

BlueIris
26-03-21, 08:30
I'm glad you've been able to get some sort of resolution on this, Lana. You sound like such a brilliant mother!

Lana
26-03-21, 20:46
Dear friends, all of you who comforted me with your words, and those who followed this story, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. I am not the best mother by no means, but I try, all the time. Probably like every mother out there. My son will be focusing now on graduating, and I will be trying to find some help for my raging OCD. And in a month , he willl have his ( overdue) physical, and then all the tests will be performed.

Thank you again, all!