View Full Version : Incident at day centre yesterday caused residential school flashbacks
Yesterday, a (female) client at my day centre had an epic temper tantrum at lunchtime when we all had to wait our turn before getting our lunches (brought from home) from under the table where they're stored in bags/rucksacks until it's time to eat them, and this other person in my 'bubble' group pushed in front of me to grab her stuff instead of waiting for me to move on after me grabbing my own stuff. The staff who were supervising our group at the time told that person she did wrong by doing what she did (in a non-confrontational or aggressive tone of voice) but she ended up kicking a chair over, slamming her mug down hard on the table, and then screaming at the staff who 'reprimanded' her.
She didn't physically assault anyone, nor did the staff physically restrain her but did escort her from the room for about five minutes or so to enable her to calm down, and of course, diffuse the situation.
But I couldn't help being reminded of similar events that occurred at the residential school I attended back in 1986-88, which was a hotbed for pupils routinely having epic meltdowns and temper tantrums and their being on the receiving end of full-on physical restraints and good hidings from some of the barstewards of staff members there who were perpetually angry and had sadistic tendencies, and I vividly recall hearing this one male staff member brawling with other pupils with temperamental tendencies in the corridors late at night with plenty of shouting, screaming, swearing and fisticuffs ensuing, with me trembling under the duvet in terror!!
It really was like bedlam at times in that place back then!
I'm really feeling on edge and hormonal myself today not only after yesterday's events, but even worse, it making me have flashbacks to that hell-hole of a residential school. Added to that my mom's dementia problems are really getting to me at the same time.
Sometimes I feel as though I might just as well be sectioned or do porridge myself. I just feel so worthless ATM.
glassgirlw
02-04-21, 14:47
Oh, Lenco- try not to let that get to you too badly. My brother deals with similar episodes at his day center (he’s mid-level functioning Autistic). Sometimes there are outbursts (by him or against him) and they’re so wonderful at helping to diffuse the situation and allow the individual time to calm down. It sounds like the employees at your day center are similar. I know you’ve had bad experiences with that long in the past, but hopefully strides have been made since then to better handle these situations when they occur. It’s natural you would be feeling overwhelmed today after the emotional high from yesterday - but try not to let yourself feel worthless. You’ve handled the situation well and each time you do, it will make you stronger for the next time.
I understand your struggle re: the dementia. That’s one of the hardest things to watch our loved ones go through - I did with my grandma as well. If there is a bright side to be had, it’s that the person typically suffering with the dementia doesn’t know how bad it is. It’s much harder on those of us watching it happen. Hugs.
Oh, Lenco- try not to let that get to you too badly. My brother deals with similar episodes at his day center (he’s mid-level functioning Autistic). Sometimes there are outbursts (by him or against him) and they’re so wonderful at helping to diffuse the situation and allow the individual time to calm down. It sounds like the employees at your day center are similar. I know you’ve had bad experiences with that long in the past, but hopefully strides have been made since then to better handle these situations when they occur. It’s natural you would be feeling overwhelmed today after the emotional high from yesterday - but try not to let yourself feel worthless. You’ve handled the situation well and each time you do, it will make you stronger for the next time.
I understand your struggle re: the dementia. That’s one of the hardest things to watch our loved ones go through - I did with my grandma as well. If there is a bright side to be had, it’s that the person typically suffering with the dementia doesn’t know how bad it is. It’s much harder on those of us watching it happen. Hugs.
Thanks for your lovely words, GGW.
Like I said, yesterday's incident wasn't really that big a deal in the grand scheme of things, and I believe that the staff handled the situation appropriately, which is fortunate, as perhaps those who attend other centres elsewhere might not be quite so lucky, including my previous day centre some 20 years ago where sometimes more punitive measures such as full-on physical restraints and/or staff threatening police intervention were employed willy-nilly and in the name of 'zero tolerance' against violence and aggression, even when there were no such behaviours displayed by the clients concerned.
Just shows that even zero tolerance against abuse can ironically be open to abuse in itself by staff members responsible, and as justification for their egotistical 'power trips'!
But like I implied above, it was more the reminder of a lot of the chaotic incidents at that residential school back in the 80s, where sometimes even I had a few scraps with staff members myself, but sadly almost always ended up losing, and me subsequently being treated like a criminal in jail, as if I had seriously broken the law!
Lenco, don't beat yourself up over this? You're a valued member of the community here, and your past can't change that. You're a different person now.
Lenco, don't beat yourself up over this? You're a valued member of the community here, and your past can't change that. You're a different person now.
Thanks for those wise words BlueIris.
No matter what era or general culture we live in, there will always still be the odd bad eggs in our society who seem to revel in harmful and unethical practices, and saying stuff like 'well it never did past generations any harm', etc, as justification for their actions.
Plus also labelling the current generation 'snowflakes', 'wokes', etc!
We're (mostly) kinder now, and this is a Very Good Thing. The past generations argument is nonsense.
I can't look at your thread on punishments because it brings back too many traumatic memories, and I know you had things way worse than I did.
We're (mostly) kinder now, and this is a Very Good Thing. The past generations argument is nonsense.
I can't look at your thread on punishments because it brings back too many traumatic memories, and I know you had things way worse than I did.
Too right I did, BlueIris.
Whilst I normally deplore violence and aggression, I am currently having fantasies about physically assaulting Mr Norton, the main rage-filled staff member at that residential school some 35 years later and also swearing loudly into his face to provoke him.
I recall one other kid at that school back in 1986 having a late-night scrap in the corridor with Mr N screamed at Mr N 'Go and catch cancer, you f***ing Pakistani'! and Mr N punched that kid's lights out.
Mr Norton was White British though, and so was the kid who screamed the racist insult at him.
Ironically (and luckily), despite the fact that there were a few Black and Asian pupils attending said school, in particular from the wider West Midlands conurbation, racism never really seemed to be an issue there by either pupils or staff, well at least not to the best of my knowledge, anyway.
We're (mostly) kinder now, and this is a Very Good Thing. The past generations argument is nonsense.
I can't look at your thread on punishments because it brings back too many traumatic memories, and I know you had things way worse than I did.
Also, it does seem at times as if we are a nation of child-haters and I vividly recall back in September 2011, soon after the previous month's English city riots, David Cameron and Co were discussing the reinstatement of school corporal punishment (and of course harping on about Broken Britain for the umpteenth time), but it never actually materialised.
I also recall a (male) staff member at my then-current day centre talking about 'kids today' and saying that if he was a teacher or a police officer he would give the little blighters a bloody good hiding before they even started misbehaving, as it 'never did him and his generation any harm', and I had a bit of an argument with him over it as I felt as though his views and opinions were a bit extremist, but he weren't having none of it and said 'well it's a free country', and accused me of having no respect for freedom of expression, or authority, for that matter!
Seriously, I couldn't for the life of me see the direct link between said disturbances and school discipline issues, as those riots happened during the 6-week summer break, so the teachers were hardly responsible for what their pupils got up to during said school holidays, and outside normal school hours in general.
The past in reality was never always as great as many people often like to remember it.
Backing off from this thread now - as I said, I'm quite badly triggered by stories of kids being enthusiastically punished. My mother delighted (and still delights) in kids being hit to a point where her sheer pleasure in it makes me queasy; my skin's crawling just typing this.
Backing off from this thread now - as I said, I'm quite badly triggered by stories of kids being enthusiastically punished. My mother delighted (and still delights) in kids being hit to a point where her sheer pleasure in it makes me queasy; my skin's crawling just typing this.
I can't say I realy blame you, though I sincerely apologise for triggering you.
Dare I say it, your mom seriously sounds like she has issues herself in the sense that she condones such barbaric treatment of youngsters, though I'll leave it right there and apologies in advance for sticking the knife in, and possibly triggering you once again.
Nevertheless, thank you very much for your concerns and replies today.
Thanks for your lovely words, GGW.
Like I said, yesterday's incident wasn't really that big a deal in the grand scheme of things, and I believe that the staff handled the situation appropriately, which is fortunate, as perhaps those who attend other centres elsewhere might not be quite so lucky, including my previous day centre some 20 years ago where sometimes more punitive measures such as full-on physical restraints and/or staff threatening police intervention were employed willy-nilly and in the name of 'zero tolerance' against violence and aggression, even when there were no such behaviours displayed by the clients concerned.
Just shows that even zero tolerance against abuse can ironically be open to abuse in itself by staff members responsible, and as justification for their egotistical 'power trips'!
But like I implied above, it was more the reminder of a lot of the chaotic incidents at that residential school back in the 80s, where sometimes even I had a few scraps with staff members myself, but sadly almost always ended up losing, and me subsequently being treated like a criminal in jail, as if I had seriously broken the law!Lenco, you're a really good guy and I love reading your posts, especially your Covid analysis addressing the latest stats. I'm really sorry you had to go through those incidents years ago, no wonder it has left you with some psychological scars. While its not in the same league, I remember vividly being caned, slippered and humiliated by teachers on a power trip. There was so much abuse of authority back then but we thought it was normal. And you're not worthless, not in a million years :hugs:
Lenco, you're a really good guy and I love reading your posts, especially your Covid analysis addressing the latest stats. I'm really sorry you had to go through those incidents years ago, no wonder it has left you with some psychological scars. While its not in the same league, I remember vividly being caned, slippered and humiliated by teachers on a power trip. There was so much abuse of authority back then but we thought it was normal. And you're not worthless, not in a million years :hugs:
Thanks for your comments focusing on my personal strengths. It's really touching my heart!
I do reckon a sizeable proportion of the older generation must feel some sense of resentment because many of them felt forced to suffer in silence over many of the unjust treatments they were on the receiving end of as kids, hence the use a lot of their clichéd expressions like 'kids today have no respect', 'beatings never did us any harm', etc.
Well such inhumane treatment did do me harm, and I had more than just wallops at that residential school back then. I was dunked under the water at the swimming baths by Mr N as a punishment for grassing him up to my parents over his rough treatments of kids both in the pool and in the shower afterwards, and he said 'I'll show you what it's really like to be ducked under the water'!
None of the other staff present (including my own (female) residential social worker) even seemed to bat an eyelid over that bloke's misdemeanour, and even my own RSW seemed to imply that I asked for it for telling tales about school staff that weren't true.
But it WAS true though.
Hardly surprising said school had a blanket ban on all pupils bringing in their own portable cassette recorders, even if they were playback-only Walkman-type devices.
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