LG18
04-04-21, 15:29
I’ve identified that much of my anxiety surrounds the ambiguity of what a sinister lump or palpable nodule actually is. We’re told a lump warrants a check up, but in my own experience — and in the experience of the vast majority of people here — we’re often laughed out of the doctors office.
How do you tell something potentially dangerous from something normal? For me, there’s a conflicting thought process between what all the adverts and posters tell you about lumps, and to get them checked out, and what I consider to be a lump.
For me, the vast majority of my lumps have been found through extensive searching. My most recent fear involving testicular cancer brought with it the compulsion to check the entire area. My level of checking was ridiculously invasive: along with the worries about the testicle itself, I checked deep into my abdomen above my groin by accessing it through the soft skin of the scrotum.
In doing so I found something that felt like the size of a little pebble, maybe a few mm, around my pelvic bone. It felt like a tiny lymph node, was movable, and as far as I can tell had not grown since I found it many months ago.
During the same check, I also found something around the many veins above the groin that felt like something smaller than the above, maybe only about a mm, maybe less. It felt like a sort of calcification, but is difficult to locate.
No one would be able to feel these things but me, at least without a lot of directing them, and I know no one normally would be doing the sort of insane checking ritual I would.
My thoughts, of course, are that both of these little things are testicular cancer spreading. I went to the doctor, who when I told him didn’t at all seem concerned by what I said; he didn’t actually even really comment on what I’d said about those little lumps. He just checked my testicles, said they felt normal and explained why he thought they felt normal, and didn’t recommend an ultrasound for it.
and that got me thinking: Does everybody actually have these little granular lumps and little pebble size things here and there, but no one knows because they’ve never checked invasively enough to feel them?
People say that if you have to dig for it, it’s not cancer, but why is that the case? digging is exactly what I have trouble with. In fact, my worry about testicular cancer was also from digging: the thing I’m concerned about is again a very tiny little raised spot type thing, that absolutely no one but me would be able to feel (even for me, it often takes a lot of locating).
I always feel I’ve felt and spotted something before it’s fully developed, but considering no one else does that, I also understand my behaviours are amiss.
I’m trying to understand why I do what I do. On one hand, maybe everybody does have stuff in their body like the above, but then how do you tell the important stuff from the non important?
Many thanks.
How do you tell something potentially dangerous from something normal? For me, there’s a conflicting thought process between what all the adverts and posters tell you about lumps, and to get them checked out, and what I consider to be a lump.
For me, the vast majority of my lumps have been found through extensive searching. My most recent fear involving testicular cancer brought with it the compulsion to check the entire area. My level of checking was ridiculously invasive: along with the worries about the testicle itself, I checked deep into my abdomen above my groin by accessing it through the soft skin of the scrotum.
In doing so I found something that felt like the size of a little pebble, maybe a few mm, around my pelvic bone. It felt like a tiny lymph node, was movable, and as far as I can tell had not grown since I found it many months ago.
During the same check, I also found something around the many veins above the groin that felt like something smaller than the above, maybe only about a mm, maybe less. It felt like a sort of calcification, but is difficult to locate.
No one would be able to feel these things but me, at least without a lot of directing them, and I know no one normally would be doing the sort of insane checking ritual I would.
My thoughts, of course, are that both of these little things are testicular cancer spreading. I went to the doctor, who when I told him didn’t at all seem concerned by what I said; he didn’t actually even really comment on what I’d said about those little lumps. He just checked my testicles, said they felt normal and explained why he thought they felt normal, and didn’t recommend an ultrasound for it.
and that got me thinking: Does everybody actually have these little granular lumps and little pebble size things here and there, but no one knows because they’ve never checked invasively enough to feel them?
People say that if you have to dig for it, it’s not cancer, but why is that the case? digging is exactly what I have trouble with. In fact, my worry about testicular cancer was also from digging: the thing I’m concerned about is again a very tiny little raised spot type thing, that absolutely no one but me would be able to feel (even for me, it often takes a lot of locating).
I always feel I’ve felt and spotted something before it’s fully developed, but considering no one else does that, I also understand my behaviours are amiss.
I’m trying to understand why I do what I do. On one hand, maybe everybody does have stuff in their body like the above, but then how do you tell the important stuff from the non important?
Many thanks.