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ADC
08-02-05, 20:01
Dear All,

Became a member of this website today.

I have had post natal depression for just over 2 years,although i am still suffering with this slightly,i am finally over the worst,although i am left with lack of confidence,no self esteem and this terrible anxiety which is making my life a total misery.

I am forever avoiding situations because i get into such a state,and when i do finally face whatever i need to do,i am a total bag of nerves.I want to be happy again and enjoy my life instead of just surviving each day.

I am affraid of ruining my 2 year old son due to keeping him away from social gatherings.tThe last thing i want is to make him as anxious as me when amongst other children.

I feel fairly paranoid most of the time and think that people are talking behind my back and that they are just been nice to me out of politeness,Im sure this is my paranoia again,but its so hard to feel positive.

I am struggling with anxiety folllowing post natal depression

bluebottle
08-02-05, 20:05
Hi ADC,

Welcome, and don't worry, you are in the right place to get help and support.

Have you seen a GP about your anxiety and depression, or any other professional?

Regards,

Blue

FAN
08-02-05, 20:10
hi and welcome im sure there are people on here who can relate to what your going through and give you some good positive advice

fan x

ADC
08-02-05, 20:13
Dear Blue,

yes,i see many proffesionals,i saw a CPN on a weekly basis at the beginning of the post natal depression,and still see her now about twice a month,Obviously my GP knows of the situation,I am on Anti-Depressents (150mg) I recently saw my Surgery Counsellor who referred me to another lady who has started a program for me about anxiety.

The reason i have joined this site is because i need to be able to have some sort of 'out of hours' support when i need it.

I had a very traumatic birth/labour (Had a massive haemorrage following an emergency c.section,which then became life threatening) I feel sure that maybe i had/have suffered slight PTSD also.Although this was only briefly discussed with my GP and CPN.



I am struggling with anxiety folllowing post natal depression

seh1980
08-02-05, 22:02
hello there,

Welcome to the site!! You will definitely get loads of help and support here.

Sarah :D

stimpy
09-02-05, 01:25
Hiya and welcome :D

Woah ! You sound like my twin.

I've suffered post natal depression twice and anxiety after child birth.

When we think of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, we think of a war veteran, we don't think of are women who have given birth.

However it is now recognised that the birth experience itself is so traumatic, that woman now suffer Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) after childbirth. As well as other problems such as Panic Disorder (or Anxiety Disorder).

There are several features of childbirth that make it traumatic:

Extreme pain and a sense of loss of control.
For example, Invasion of privacy by not covering her or by allowing unknown people into the delivery room.
Lack of anesthesia.
Emergency cesarean section or the death of the baby.

Common symptoms of PTSD are :

Flashbacks of the event (sudden and vivid memories).
Nightmares of the event.
Exaggerated startled responses, constantly on edge, always on guard.
Avoidance of all reminders of the traumatic event.
Intense psychological stress at exposure to events that resemble the traumatic event. (Visits to hospital for example)
Fantasies of retaliation.
Cynicism and distrust of authority figures and public institutions.
Hypersensitivity to injustice. (Always feeling you are treated badly.)

You are not alone in how you feel.
There are thousands of people out there who feel exactly like you do.

I think the next move is to discuss this fully with your CPN to make sure you get the care you need.

You might want to take a look at this : http://www.birthtraumaassociation.org.uk

You never know they might be able to give you some useful information.








Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
With hard work and determination and all the things you know.
The world is there for you to take. There's nowhere you can't go.


[:p]Scatty Eccentric & 'Poet Laureate to panic and anxiety'

Cookie
09-02-05, 09:54
Hi there,
Welcome to the site. I just wanted to let you know that you're not on your own, I too suffered with horrendous post natal depression after the birth of my son. He's 2 in a few weeks. As with your experience, I went through a very hard time with the labour and birth which left me traumatised for a long while. So much so, that I don't think I could have another child.
I thought about PTSD, but you get all other mums saying how horrific their births were and it makes you feel as if you should just get over it, just one of those things. Making a mountain out of a molehill.
Its when you realise that giving birth is supposed to be an amazing experience, that you realise you're not being overly dramatic. What you went through WAS worse than what most woman have to deal with, and it's a lot to come to terms with.
My son has severe development problems and learning difficulties due to his birth, so the trauma of it all is a daily reminder for me. Seeing how it has affected him so badly.
My anxiety started when my son started to have seizures, I am on edge all the time waiting for something to happen.
My panic attacks started when I had a severe allergic reaction to a prescribed drug in hospital. It was a frightening experience, and I thought I was going to die. My anxiety has increased ten-fold since this experience.
My panic attacks are under control now, but the anxiety and depression are very much part of everyday life still.
I take beta blockers for my racing heartbeat and palpatations, and I've just started on citalopram 2 weeks ago for the depression and anxiety.
I've also started counselling, once a fortnight, to try and deal with all these issues.
I have no miracle advice for you, just that I'm sure with the right support, medication and determination, you will reach your goal of being happy and living a normal life. Thats what I'm striving for, and I'm going to get there. I've got to do it for my little boy and you have too.
Its hard, I know, but it will get better, you've just got to believe it.
Take care(sorry for the long post), feel free to send me a PM if you just feel like chatting.

Shelley.x

ADC
09-02-05, 10:41
Well its nearly 10 am ,i am taking my son to a toddler group in a minute in my local town,meeting my friend there,i am full of anxiety,my mind and heart are racing.the clock is ticking away and i am starting to feel sick.I didnt go to the group last week as a friend and i took our children for a train ride.

I feel as if i have a tennis ball stuck in my throat,which is stopping me from breathing correctly.I know that once i get there i will calm down slightly,but the feeling will not go until i am back home in my own environment again.

I really am fed up of feeling like this,my CPN tells me that my avoidance to situations makes my anxiety worse,but even if i do throw myself in the deep end and do these things i still feel just as bad.Its like a vicious circle and i cant escape it,no matter how hard i try.And i do try so hard,not so much for me,but for my son.

:(

I am struggling with anxiety folllowing post natal depression

Laurie28
09-02-05, 13:05
My anxiety got 'acute' after the birth of my second son (nearly 2 years!)

If I look back though it was always really there for me (panic attacks at 15 years and some strange thoughts in my second pregnancy) but nothing 'life changing'

I haemorraged with my first son and i remember after I had my second son (pretty easy labour - smaill operation afterwards) I was PETRIFIED I would haemorrage again, I think this contributed and then it spiralled from there.

I agree with your CPN, avoidance should be avoided!!! In my opinion if you begin to avoid things it can make your 'recovery' so much more difficult.

Have you read the First Steps page on the website??

Lucky

linjane
09-02-05, 13:24
Hi everyone,
I can't say when my anxiety first began but remember my first 'proper' panic attack about five years ago after the death of my grandad. I lost my dad at 21, my mom when I was 6months pregnant with my first child and then went on to have emergency C section, then two miscarriages, then lost both grand-parents, next had my second child again by emergency Csection, conceived again a year later buy my baby died inside at five months so I had to give birth to him(natural, this time) and then another year later found out my husband had been having an affair. I am now 38 and suffer anxiety with my main sympton being palpatitions/ectopic heartbeat and worrying about everything, for no apparent reason. I am now seeing a pyscotherapist, who is going back over the events that have happened in my life. At last, I am beginning to feel like I have turned a corner, because I am slowly starting to accept that the ectopic beats are not life threatening - I have had them for nearly three years and they started after I had lost my baby - and I have let them rule my life for all of that time. The only thing I haven't done is to avoid situations, I have always tried to confront my fears, however hard it is. I am really hoping seeing this pyscotherapist will help because I really want to overcome all of what has happened but to everyone else out there with similar symptons/experiences at least we have this website to communicate to each other with and hopefully help.

Hope I haven't gone on too much, lost track half way through of what I wanted to say, but I hope I have made sense.
Take care,
Linda

Meg
09-02-05, 15:00
Linda,

You have had a difficult time . Sorry to hear about your multiple bereavements.

But : Wow - well done . Glad your therapist is helping you past the palpitations thing . The rest you were well on your way with ..

ADC - its easier if you don't throw yourself in at the deep end but expose yourself gradually to things that scare you and repeat the same exposure until it feels comfortable and then move on .. Your CPN is right - avoiding is worse but gradual exposure is sensible in the long term. Well done for going .





Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

You cannot conquer fear until you have learned what it is you're afraid of. The enemy is ignorance. Vivian Vance

linjane
09-02-05, 18:20
Hi Meg,
Thanks for your words of encouragement. It has been hard and the worst thing I have done is not to deal with my emotions - I have never really 'broke down' and cried about any of the events that have happened and therefore not let out what I was really feeling. I just got on with whatever was happening at the time and thought I was ok! Obviously, my body has now been telling me otherwise. As you will know from my 'millions' of posting in 'symptons' I have found the palpitations/extra beats hard to deal with but I hope I am getting there now. I just want to have a better quality of life and not let them rule everything.

I will continue seeing my counsellor and hopefully deal with all of the issures properly - at last!

Linda

Cookie
09-02-05, 21:04
Hi Linjane,

Lets hope the counselling works for both of us, seems we both have a lot of issues to deal with. My mum comitted suicide when I was 15(25 now), so I know what it feels like to lose a parent. Its very hard isn't it? We've got a lot in common us two! Apart from being bonkers![:P]

Any luck with your doctor yet?

Shell.x

linjane
10-02-05, 19:36
Hi Shell,
How are you? So sorry about your mom, that must have been so hard. You never get over losing them either do you, especially when your children come along, I so wish that my mom had been hear to share them with me.
Went to docs on Tuesday for a smear, but saw the nurse, not doctor, who is much nicer and actually listens! Went through everything - again - with her and she assured me that I was fine and defo didn't need beta blockers. She said that if I could avoid taking them it would be better for me! I read something the other day about heart disease and it was hardening of the arteries, and for some strange reason that made me realise that perhaps my palps etc were not a sympton of heart disease - don't ask me why perhaps I am bonkers!!! Anyway, I am really trying hard to block them out of my head instead of thinking about them 24-7 and when I saw my counsellor yesterday, I felt and so did he, that the session went much better, we started talking about issues we hadn't covered before and going over all of my past experiences, so hopefully as the weeks go on, I might get somewhere. I think they talk to you differently and so you might express stuff in a different way to them?
Anyway, take care, better see what the kids are up to!
Linda

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Hi Linjane,

Lets hope the counselling works for both of us, seems we both have a lot of issues to deal with. My mum comitted suicide when I was 15(25 now), so I know what it feels like to lose a parent. Its very hard isn't it? We've got a lot in common us two! Apart from being bonkers![:P]

Any luck with your doctor yet?

Shell.x

<div align="right">Originally posted by Cookie - 09 February 2005 : 20:04:53</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

lisarose
16-02-05, 00:14
Hi ADC, Iv'e just seen your post and I really do feel for you.

I started with PND when my son was 5 months old in december 2000 and it started with a panic attack, although i didn't know it was a panic attack at the time and I thought I was about to die so I ended up in casualty and felt so stupid when they said it was only a panic attack as I really did think I was having a heart attack or a stroke or some other terrible illness. The feeling of panic was with me daily from that day on and it is a day I will never forget.

I ended up in a physchiatric unit for mothers and babies and it was hell on earth. i thought they might be able to help me but they were not very sympathetic and they made me feel like I was completely mad. i was convinced I had some terrrible illness not PND or anxiety and I thought I was going to die in there. I was not allowed any contact with my family for 2 days until I was assessed and I was made to feel like a bad mother and that I didn't have any real feelings. I was constantly watched by the staff in case I harmed my baby and this made me feel so guilty like they were expecting me to do something to him. The problem was with me not the way I felt about my baby but they just didn't seem to care. The final straw came when another patient who was male on the same ward as mothers and babies tried to break into my room and tried to strangle me. I was so scared that I phoned my mum and dad and begged them to get me out of there.

My parents came the next day and told the doctors that they wanted to take me home but the doctors didn't think it was a good idea as they didn't think I was ready to leave and that I might harm my baby. My dad said that he wasn't going to leave me there as he did't think it was safe for me or my baby. Eventually they agreed to discharge me on the condition that I returned the next day for another assessment. Well when I got home I was a complete nervous wreck still convinced that there was something seriously wrong with me and my boyfriend took my baby to bed and while he was upstairs I took an overdose of the medication they had given me. I don't think I really intended to take my own life but I couldn't see a way out as I was convinced that when I had to return to the psychiatric hospital the next day that they would detain me indefinately and I decided I couldn't face going back there because it was so horrendous.

Anyway to cut a long story short I suffered with PND for 4 years along with panic attacks on a daily basis and generalized anxiety. My family were a huge support but I don't think anybody can truly understand until they have experienced it for themselves. My boyfriend found it so hard to deal with and he still does not understand when I wake in the night with a panic attack convinced I am going to die. He just tells me to go back to sleep and tells me that I have been through it a thousand times and that I should be used to it by now. As you can imagine this doesn't reassure me at all and i just want him to talk to me and tell me that I will be O.K!

All I can say is there is light at the end of the tunnel, the best thing you can do is take one step at a time and don't feel guilty for being like this as you have been through such a traumatic time it is only natural. It has taken me nearly 5 years to start getting my life back together and I can honestly say that it doesn't seem to have had too big an effect on my son. he is a happy well adjusted child unbelievably, he is now settled at school and I am at college part-time. When I look back on my life I can't beleive what I went through and wonder how I ever survived but I have come through it although it has been a long hard struggle.

Believe me, things will get better for you it just takes time.

Take care and if you would like to email me please do so at lisarosemoore@msn.com. I will try to help as much as I can.

Love Lisaxxx