New and scared

[karma12]

Hello,
I have already posted in symptoms and had some sound advice from a member already. I should have done this first though..
I am a 62 year old, former primary teacher who took early retirement to enjoy my life!
I suffer from bouts of extreme health anxiety and am going through my worst one yet. I am in desparate need of support and contact with other people who know how bad this can be. I'm still getting my head around how this all works. I've read some good articles so far.

[venusbluejeans]

Hiya karma12 and welcome to NMP :welcome:

Why not take a look at our articles on our home page, they contain a wealth of information and
are a great starting place for your time on the forum.

I hope you find the as site helpful and informative as I have and that you get the help and
support you need here and hope that you meet a few friends along the way :yesyes:

[karma12]

Thank you, will do.
I am in a very bad place right now and need all the help I can get.

[BlueIris]

What's up, Karma? What's worrying you right now?

[karma12]

Hi there,
Thanks for asking..
I am extremely worried that I have a debilitating neurological illness. I started having intermittent cramping in my feet about a year ago which over that time has progressed to several times a day and is now in my calves. I have "perceived" muscle wasting in my lower legs and am awaiting a neuro referral next month. I went down the Dr Google/body checking route and have ended up 3 weeks on Citalopram and in regular contact with my therapist from last year while on the waiting list for CBT. Every day is a real struggle. I divide the world into everybody else and me, the woman who has permanently cramping feet and doesn't know why. I don't know any more what is my own anxiety or that driven by the side effects of the SSRI!

[BlueIris]

Okay, here's a thought: why does it matter if you have cramping feet? It might be a bit sore but is it really that big a deal?

[karma12]

That's a really good question and one which has left many of my friends scratching their heads when they listen to me bleating on about it!
It's a big deal to me because it has become relentless. sometimes even when I lift my foot off the floor, or turn over when I get into bed. When I actually write the symptoms down they look trivial but of course, the internet details many scary illnesses that list cramping and muscle loss as symptoms. The ultimate battle is my crippling inability to deal with uncertainty. It may be trivial, it may not but I always assume the worst and get myself into the darkest of places with my life practically grinding to a halt. I am trying the CBT strategies suggested by my brilliant therapist but it is SO hard to be consistent. Like I said, the Citalopram at the moment is a double edged sword.

[BlueIris]

It can be really hard, definitely. Citalopram worked wonders for me, but I know I was one of the lucky ones.

Can you keep your internet searching to 30mins a day? That was what helped me start to break the habit. I get all sorts of weird aches and pains now but I can almost always ignore them.

[karma12]

I have stopped internet searching now but I fear the damage is done. There really isn't anything out there from the tabloid end to obscure research papers that I haven't already read on cramping. Together with loss of muscle (which at the moment is unconfirmed by a clinician), it is one of many symptoms of several scary diseases. Trouble is, websites often list many symptoms, not necessarily in order of importance or relevance and while doing the research, being ultra suggestable, I can come off convinced I have others (hence the muscle wasting in the first place, which I hadn't noticed).

[BlueIris]

If the muscle wasting hasn't been confirmed by a medical professional, chances are it doesn't actually exist. I know it's hard, but you seem self-aware enough to know that health anxiety can make you believe things that honestly aren't true.

[pulisa]

There are so many functional neurological sensations/symptoms which are unexplained when connected to anxiety. You have a neuro assessment coming up so it's pointless to speculate any further and I'm sure that you will have exhausted the internet's medical offerings by now..Why not let a real life expert make a valid assessment now and don't attempt to second guess what he'll say?

I'm not undermining the enormous mental effort it takes to do this but for the sake of your mental health you have to wait for the assessment before diagnosing yourself from what you read online which doesn't apply to your case.

[karma12]

I thought I'd do an update on my situation..
I saw a consultant neurologist yesterday. I honestly felt like I was going to the gallows. My already rampant anxiety went up a few notches in the 24 hours before the appointment. I couldn't possibly contemplate anything other than a devastating outcome.
He diagnosed cramp fasciculation syndrome, which he said is not as uncommon as people think. I have the choice of taking medication to calm down my "over excitable nervous system" or learn to live with it and accept it as part of who I am. He thinks it will calm down when I have my health anxiety under control.
I was in total shock at the news. It was the best possible outcome and I was elated (for about an hour). I knew it was highly likely that the doubts would creep in because I've been here before so now I have to stop ruminating on the questions I didn't ask, the other weird symptoms I didn't mention etc.
Health anxiety is absolutely devastating. It is persistent, all consuming and totally illogical in the face of facts. All my friends now expect me to go back to my old self straightaway so I now have to keep my demons between me and my therapist only. Let's hope I can learn from past mistakes with professional help.

[NoraB]

I divide the world into everybody else and me, the woman who has permanently cramping feet and doesn't know why. I don't know any more what is my own anxiety or that driven by the side effects of the SSRI!

Usual culprits for foot cramping is low potassium and magnesium. Try a banana a day and a magnesium supplement (I use powder form) and see if it improves. I had this for years, but I started taking magnesium for anxiety (and my colon woes) and as a happy coincidence (not) I found that it's now a case of, I got 99 problems but the foot cramps aint one'. :yesyes:

[pulisa]

I'm very pleased that you've had this reassurance and it will take a while before the cramping dies down and you begin to attach less significance to it mentally. You can't just switch off the panic button overnight but your friends won't understand this.

I'm sure you can work through this with your therapist at your own pace and learn from your experience. At least you know the reason for your cramping now and that's from a neurologist not Dr Google!

[PippaSutherland]

Hi, newbie here, happy to join you))