Knickersinatwist
18-05-21, 21:49
Hi everyone, just looking for a place to get everything out really.
My anxiety is going crazy and I don’t know what to do. For about five months I have felt this building in me. For a while my mother has been showing signs of dementia. She lives with dad who is ok, but both are elderly. At first I think I was in denial and didn’t want to believe it, but I have to face it. I am the only carer if something were to happen to them, but so far they have been healthy enough to look after themselves so I haven’t had to take on any caring responsibilities. That said, dad does pretty much everything for mum, and I know she would not be able to look after herself at all if anything happened to him. I’ve gone into a tailspin of panic thinking about what the future may hold. I’m terrified of something suddenly happening to dad. I work full time and live 13 miles away from them, and I can not cope with the worry or thought of what might be coming. I don’t even know where to start. I recently started to set up lasting power of attorney for them both (in a panic) however just after I sent the forms off yesterday I realised we missed a section and they’d have to be done again. That made me have a meltdown, thinking that I can’t afford to waste any time trying to get these things sorted out. Now every time I visit my parents I get (secretly) upset and anxious, as just witnessing my mother’s memory issues sends me into turmoil. It’s ridiculous but we all like to think our parents will go on forever as we know and love them and I’m just not coping with that not being the case now.
Meanwhile last week I found out that my job is going to be terminated. Last year was extremely stressful at work as I was covering two jobs as my manager was off on long term sick. I got extra pay to cover the higher role and when my manager resigned, steps were made to get me permanently into that role, however last week they announced that the role would actually be terminated. They have offered me the chance to interview for the same job but under the employment of a different organisation which would pay significantly less. I was really shocked and hurt by this as I’d worked so hard and made myself quite ill with stress and anxiety although I didn’t disclose this or take any time off, and the promotion is something I’d been working towards for many years. I just don’t feel I can continue with what is being offered. I cried when they told me and kept going...all day and into the next and the next. I was angry and upset but also panicky, wondering what to do, my mind spinning and every option seeming unfavourable. I keep thinking I should be thankful they’re still offering me something, but it isn’t cutting it. The news just made me collapse!
While I’ve always been prone to anxiety, over the last few days it’s got really bad. I’m also depressed, but anxiety is crippling me. I can’t think straight, I feel exhausted, I’m not sleeping well, I feel wired and on edge constantly, sad, irritable, crying all the time, don’t want to do anything and I’ve started to feel numb, like I’m drifting through the days not really present. All I want to do is curl into a ball and have everything disappear. My partner is supportive but has said he can’t cope with me like this and wants me to snap out of it and move forward, as it’s upsetting him and bringing him down.
I hate being this way. I just want to be able to cope like other people do.:weep:
My anxiety is going crazy and I don’t know what to do. For about five months I have felt this building in me. For a while my mother has been showing signs of dementia. She lives with dad who is ok, but both are elderly. At first I think I was in denial and didn’t want to believe it, but I have to face it. I am the only carer if something were to happen to them, but so far they have been healthy enough to look after themselves so I haven’t had to take on any caring responsibilities. That said, dad does pretty much everything for mum, and I know she would not be able to look after herself at all if anything happened to him. I’ve gone into a tailspin of panic thinking about what the future may hold. I’m terrified of something suddenly happening to dad. I work full time and live 13 miles away from them, and I can not cope with the worry or thought of what might be coming. I don’t even know where to start. I recently started to set up lasting power of attorney for them both (in a panic) however just after I sent the forms off yesterday I realised we missed a section and they’d have to be done again. That made me have a meltdown, thinking that I can’t afford to waste any time trying to get these things sorted out. Now every time I visit my parents I get (secretly) upset and anxious, as just witnessing my mother’s memory issues sends me into turmoil. It’s ridiculous but we all like to think our parents will go on forever as we know and love them and I’m just not coping with that not being the case now.
Meanwhile last week I found out that my job is going to be terminated. Last year was extremely stressful at work as I was covering two jobs as my manager was off on long term sick. I got extra pay to cover the higher role and when my manager resigned, steps were made to get me permanently into that role, however last week they announced that the role would actually be terminated. They have offered me the chance to interview for the same job but under the employment of a different organisation which would pay significantly less. I was really shocked and hurt by this as I’d worked so hard and made myself quite ill with stress and anxiety although I didn’t disclose this or take any time off, and the promotion is something I’d been working towards for many years. I just don’t feel I can continue with what is being offered. I cried when they told me and kept going...all day and into the next and the next. I was angry and upset but also panicky, wondering what to do, my mind spinning and every option seeming unfavourable. I keep thinking I should be thankful they’re still offering me something, but it isn’t cutting it. The news just made me collapse!
While I’ve always been prone to anxiety, over the last few days it’s got really bad. I’m also depressed, but anxiety is crippling me. I can’t think straight, I feel exhausted, I’m not sleeping well, I feel wired and on edge constantly, sad, irritable, crying all the time, don’t want to do anything and I’ve started to feel numb, like I’m drifting through the days not really present. All I want to do is curl into a ball and have everything disappear. My partner is supportive but has said he can’t cope with me like this and wants me to snap out of it and move forward, as it’s upsetting him and bringing him down.
I hate being this way. I just want to be able to cope like other people do.:weep: