SmithsFan
03-06-21, 12:25
I've been doing well, really well, with my HA for years and suddenly, BOOM! I have self-diagnosed with mouth cancer. The band (panic, catastrophising, bargaining and compulsive googling) are back together.
The catalyst for this was a mouth ulcer I first noticed a number of weeks ago. I get them regularly so didn't bother much and it was only the other day that I thought "i'll really need to get something to speed that healing up" because it wasn't shifting. I searched for what to take for persistent mouth ulcers and one thing led to another.
I'm going through the coping strategies I learned in therapy, trying to keep myself busy, rationalising etc but I cant keep the overriding feeling at bay that, yes, my MS, ALS, cancerx134 and other scares over the years may have come to nought but this is THE ONE. I feel my mind reverting to a state I thought was long gone, I'm crying about not seeing my son growing up and I'm realising I have a frightening memory for the oral cancer pics on the sides of cigarette packs.
I'm trying to make light of it in this post but I am very, very disappointed to be back in the place I was years ago.
The catalyst for this was a mouth ulcer I first noticed a number of weeks ago. I get them regularly so didn't bother much and it was only the other day that I thought "i'll really need to get something to speed that healing up" because it wasn't shifting. I searched for what to take for persistent mouth ulcers and one thing led to another.
I'm going through the coping strategies I learned in therapy, trying to keep myself busy, rationalising etc but I cant keep the overriding feeling at bay that, yes, my MS, ALS, cancerx134 and other scares over the years may have come to nought but this is THE ONE. I feel my mind reverting to a state I thought was long gone, I'm crying about not seeing my son growing up and I'm realising I have a frightening memory for the oral cancer pics on the sides of cigarette packs.
I'm trying to make light of it in this post but I am very, very disappointed to be back in the place I was years ago.