View Full Version : Anxiety surrounding my neighbors?
Sorry for all of the posts recently; I've had a lot of general-life stress lately and I think it's making my threshold for anxiety much lower.
I'm in a new neighborhood and it's not really a bad neighborhood; in fact, it's mostly college kids. There are, however, some interesting people peppered into the mix. Someone a couple of houses down I think got arrested a couple of days ago and there's been an ambulance at the house across the street the past three nights.
I just had a woman from across the street knock on the door. She said she had misplaced her phone and wondered if I could call it for her. If my dog had been home I definitely wouldn't have answered as he does not like strangers so I don't answer unless I know who the person is. But of course I did answer. :doh:
I said, sure, as it seemed harmless enough and she headed back to her house. She walked slowlyyyyy and I just kept calling over and over until she came back out. She clearly didn't find it. She had me call once more while she checked the dumpster, it wasn't there, and so she just started walking down the street and around the block?
So it's super strange anyway, but of course the strangeness of it all makes me run all kinds of terrible situations in my head. Like maybe she wanted my phone number and needed me to call a certain number of times? Was she distracting me for some reason? Can someone talk some sense into me? :scared15:
Might be a roundabout way to get to know you or have a chat with you :)
Im sure its harmless but as always in any house and area be secure and keep a watchful eye out
Thank you. I plan to get a security system in August when I go back to the office full-time. That might help me settle a bit. As a whole my neighborhood isn't unsafe, there are just a few unsavory people which I guess could be true of anywhere.
I feel too like that unsettled feeling of "neighbors are dangerous" just kind of hits me from time to time without any real reason for it. Maybe I just need to get more comfortable here. I feel like my last neighborhood had sketchier people but I never felt that way.
So, she came back yesterday. I didn’t answer but she knocked for like five minutes before leaving. My dog was super upset. I watched then and she went to a different house where people were in their yard and asked the same thing because I saw them get their phones out. She again walked back to her house, super slowly with absolutely no rush. They weren’t there long and then left, so she either found it and answered or they just gave up and left. She didn’t come back out of the house but another man did, looked over at the house they were calling, then went back inside.
I know I’m probably being a crappy neighbor but it’s just so weird to me, I don’t want any part of it.
I feel like every time I start to feel secure it happens again. She came by a few weeks ago as I was loading my dog into the car and asked if I would give her a ride to the laundromat. My dog was going ballistic. I said no, he doesn’t like strangers and we were leaving.
Then, today I ordered food to be dropped off. I swear I opened the door to get it and she was across the street, saw me open the door, and made a beeline across the street. I pushed my dog back, locked the screen door and my regular door, and went into my bedroom. I heard her knock on my screen door (my dog didn’t) and I ignored it. I peeled out the window and the delivery driver was taking awhile to leave so idk if she harassed her or not. But I didn’t see her cross the street.
It’s just, odd. I don’t know if she would pose a real threat, it seems like the other people in her house are relatively normal. But I hate the idea that me, or especially my dog, could be at risk, especially as I have to be back in the office so my dog is home alone for stretches during the day. I do have an alarm, but still. I just wish she’d take a hint and leave me alone.
glassgirlw
31-08-21, 01:40
Yeah I have to agree with you on this one, it seems super odd that she’s going to all the neighbors asking you to ring her phone. You mentioned others in the house, could you possibly ask one of them next time you see them if everything is ok with her? Is it possible there is a learning disability or social disorder at play here?
There’s an older guy with a walker who is sometimes around when she’s wandering around so I guess he thinks it’s normal? And there is a younger guy and woman who have been staying there but I’m not quite sure how to ask if she’s normal and how to get her to leave me alone.
I know she’s asked several different neighbors to call her phone, but she only asked me that once. I definitely avoid her though so she may have wanted to. I know she asked once if my neighbors were home (they weren’t) and once tried to cross the street but saw my parents here so turned around.
I definitely want to get a Ring doorbell and some interior cameras - I know it sounds totally crazy because I’m sure she’s harmless but I don’t want anything to happen to my dog when I’m gone. I hate this because I like my house and neighborhood and feel like she’s just ruining it.
I'm really struggling with this right now and I really needed to just get it out of my head, where it's been circling. I'm posting on this thread because I don't want to take over any of the general ones.
I posted in one of the general threads last week that I had made a report (anonymously) because my neighbors across the street just had piles of trash in front of their house. It was ultimately resolved; the trash is now gone. I'm not sure if it was because of my report or if someone else reported it, or if the city just took notice (my mom said there was a fire marshall truck in front of their house several days before). Anyway, I started to get really nervous because I'm already a bit paranoid about someone breaking into my house and I was afraid they would think it was me that reported them and they would retaliate somehow. My parents have been in and out of my house from time to time and my dad has no filter, so I'm worried he commented loudly and they heard him and assumed I was causing trouble as a result.
Anyway, yesterday I was out of town and when I got back they were out in front of their house, and their car was parked on my side of the street in front of my house. As I walked to my door they were crossing the street toward their truck, and it sounded like one of them said "hey b...(expletive)". I'm not super sure, but I do have really good hearing though of course could be wrong. I rushed up the stairs toward my door and they didn't say anything else, didn't appear to be looking at me, nothing. I have played that moment over and over and I have no idea what their intent was. If they'd been confrontational surely they would have said more (then again, my parents were with me at the time) but maybe they weren't talking to me at all...
So I went in, got things squared away, but that night they were all sitting in front of my house as I was getting things ready for bed. I thought I heard a noise outside so I peeked through my blinds (carefully, I didn't want them to think I was watching them) and as I did one of them raised one arm up - I realize now that because my bedroom lamp was on they may have been able to see my shadow near the window and maybe he was waving at me? Which of course started me wondering if they saw me there every time I looked out my window, as I do if I hear sirens or fireworks or whatever outside, and they now think I'm just spying on them and any trouble they may get into may be because I'm reporting them.
It's a different set of neighbors that lives there now; I see the truck that belonged to the original people from time to time but I don't see them anymore. I have no real idea who actually lives there because it's a small house and I regularly see at least 10 people in and out of there, including children.
I got almost no sleep last night, and it's getting harder and harder for me to leave my house to go to work or anywhere else because I am terrified that something will happen when I'm not there and my dog and cat will be in danger. I have a camera and an alarm but it doesn't seem like enough. I have go to on a day trip in a couple of weeks and leave both of them behind and I'm in tears just thinking about it.
Honestly I just don't know what to do. It's so hard to get excited about home improvements or renovations because honestly I want to run as far away as I possibly can. I've started daydreaming yet again about just picking the whole house up and moving it. I just want to feel safe and I'm not sure why that's so hard.
I can only imagine how you must feel. While we've had some very questionable neighbors since we've moved into our home, we've never felt threatened by them. When we first moved in, the neighbor attached to our townhome was a lowlife and drug addict. She would have parties and often times it was a scene from 'Cops' outside our home. They would leave garbage out on their front step and the dang trash can was 6 feet away! I looked up the landlord, took photos and such and sent it to him. She was eventually evicted. The renters and now owners since then have been Ok.
The neighbor on the other side of us was a renter as well and her yard was a garbage dump. Trash everywhere and grass and weeds overgrowing the fence. I wrote the landlord and township and she was eventually evicted as well. The latest neighbor is very nice and she has a dog. We've allowed our dogs to play together and they're polite so finally, no worries.
All I can advise is to go about your life regardless. You're making extreme assumptions as to their behavior and motivation behind it. I don't imagine you to be even remotely a "Karen' so how would they put 2+2 together? And when all else fails, do what we did. We put up a 7' fence around our yard so we wouldn't have to look at or deal with the mess on either side and we have a safe space for our doggie to get her zoomies out ;)
FMP
FMP, that sounds awful. I'm glad you've got some good neighbors now. Thank you for responding, I'm sure I seem like a paranoid mess (and I probably am). Realistically I could very well be projecting onto them, it just makes me nervous to think they are over there like, "oh, she's watching us again!". My mind switches gears a lot too - am I afraid of them, or am I more afraid that some other random stranger will break into my house? Well, unfortunately, it's both and that makes things hard too. But venting does help, I don't know how to talk to my parents about my fears without them thinking I'm silly, and they've both put a lot of work into my house and I don't want them to think I just want to abandon ship (as if I had somewhere to go).
There are a lot of renters around because it's largely a college neighborhood. I don't mind college kids very much because I'm not really bothered by noise or antics, my fear is purely around safety. It probably doesn't help that I'm a female living alone. But I panic for my pets too because if something happened to them while I was away I think I'd have a breakdown. I have considered putting in a fence, I'm just not entirely sure I want to shoulder that cost yet. It's so hard to invest in stuff like that when I'm thinking I'd have both feet out the door if I had somewhere else to go.
I'm currently just trying to fight off the intrusive thoughts of all the bad things that could happen, and trying to keep my lock-and-closet checking to a minimum. I'm typically very action oriented so I've been trying to think up a plan: what could I do to make myself feel safer, if I were to move where would I go, etc. Ultimately it means I need to start applying for a new job so I can afford to live somewhere else and so I'm not so much paycheck to paycheck anymore. I've got some pinned so I figure I'll start just throwing resumes out tomorrow and see if anything at all sticks.
Its funny.... I grew up in the time before technology took over the world. We used to get excited by a knock on the door as it would always be someone you knew. Now? NOPE! We live in a relatively quiet neighborhood but I still wouldn't just open the door willy nilly if someone knocked. We recently got a Ring system (saw the neighbor had one and asked about it. Its pretty cool actually) and its come in handy for us as it alerts us for packages and such. My wife does a lot of ordering from Amazon, Ebay and the like so its been a good addition to the house. And we have Tasha who has a big scary bark so that helps :yesyes:
Security systems, cameras and such aren't that costly and can offer security but as is often seen on the boards, you run the risk of becoming obsessed with checking (especially if you have OCD tendencies) and for some, just like other monitoring a symptom and/or devices, it can increase your anxiety if everything doesn't read 100% perfect.
I do hope you find some peace. You worked hard to get to where you're at in being a homeowner and hopefully, you'll be able to make it your 'home' without the worry.
FMP
Thanks, FMP. I do have a Ring doorbell, as well as the security kit so I know if doors are opened and I have a motion sensor in my basement, plus a camera in my living room and another in my basement. It's not perfect but it is something. I do have to keep myself from checking in on my dog too much during the day, and I don't set the alarm at night because there have been times it's gone off for no real reason, like the front door sensor registers a disconnect even though it's still closed and locked. That's happened a couple of times when I'm away from the house and I've panicked every time, but been able to look at the system and my camera and determine the issue. It's a lot worse when I'm asleep and the alarm starts going off :wacko:.
It's still hard to leave my boy, and I don't know if that will ever be easier. I still do leave quickly and have to look around because I'm always a little afraid someone will watch me leave and think that's the prime time to try and break in. My boy does have a pretty booming bark for such a little guy, but I'd really prefer if something happened that he would run and hide because I wouldn't want him to be in any danger.
I still have to push out intrusive thoughts, but I'm working on it.
Also the most random of fears - my walls and baseboards will, from time to time, just turn yellow. Like my walls will drip yellow stuff, or yellow patches will appear on my baseboards even if I've just repainted them. I had thought my dog had been having accidents, but it happened before we moved in as well and it doesn't smell or anything, and obviously he's not urinating high up on the wall anyway. Today I was in my kitchen and I noticed yellow stuff on my brand new blinds. No odor, but when I tried to wipe it off I noticed it's very thick and sticky, almost like sap. I haven't really cooked much, and nothing that could have caused that. So now I sit here hoping that my house isn't haunted, on top of everything else. Like I'm aware that sounds ridiculous, but my mind just runs wild when there is no explanation.
EDIT: I posted on Reddit to see if anyone had suggestions about the issue and the thought was that a smoker probably lived in my house before I bought it and they just repainted the walls, but it's bleeding through. That's definitely a possibility, but I'm not sure why it would be on my new blinds (and they don't seem to know either). So now it's either my house is haunted or someone has broken in and decided to have a nice smoke while I wasn't around (unlikely for several reasons, I think). Not sure which I would find scarier, lol. Just wish it could be as simple as saying "hm, that's weird" instead of instantly catastrophizing, but I guess that's the nature of the beast.
Okay, so after reading Reddit responses and freaking out about the concept of thirdhand smoke exposure, I realized that it's happening a lot on baseboards and drywall that I know is brand new, so the consensus is that it's something called "surfactant leaching" that is pretty common, especially if there is humidity. A bit weird, but harmless. The blinds are still odd, but am wondering if it could have dripped down from the boards around the windows.
So yeah, that was a really weird tangent/freakout but am feeling a lot better about it now. :roflmao:
I'm posting here again because I just needed to let it out. I'm hoping I can access some therapy again after the holidays because I think that would be a good next step, it's just become increasingly difficult to get appointments where I'm at.
I was honestly doing pretty well. I hadn't been doing a lot of the checking around the house, at least not to the extent that I was before, and I was feeling better about leaving for the day, etc. I even had some nights where I slept without the TV on, or was able to take some cold medicine before bed (I've been getting over something I caught from my niece/nephew).
But after the news about what happened in Idaho, I've kind of unraveled again. I don't live anywhere near Idaho, but it's so frightening. I find myself hoping that it ends up being someone they knew, because the idea that it could be totally random is even scarier. It's also terrifying that you could have a moment where you just smile at the wrong person, or come across as rude to the wrong person, and that ends up having consequences. I used to think that if I didn't live alone I'd feel safer, but that idea has gone out the window. I also used to feel a lot safer when my neighbors to my right were home, or when I'd go outside and see lights on in the houses around me, but that's not really a thing anymore either.
I tell myself that I'm at least fortunate enough to have my dog; there is absolutely no one that could enter my house that he wouldn't lose his mind over. I'm not sure if it's shameful or not, but I do also sleep with bear spray on my nightstand, as if that could make me feel safer. Still, it's hard. I haven't slept super well, and I still have my cold but won't take cough syrup at night because I'm afraid of sleeping too deeply. I've started doing thorough sweeps of my house before I go to bed. It's gotten hard for me to leave during the day as well because I don't like leaving my dog and cat behind.
Once nice thing is that I'll be able to go home for Thanksgiving, and I'm taking my dog and cat along so I can lock up and not have to worry about them being alone. It's a long story, but both cat and dog will have to stay in separate outbuildings at my parents' house, but I'm very fortunate that they have the ability to accommodate that, and that my mom was really understanding when I said I didn't want to have to leave either one alone. My nephew will be really excited to see my cat too.
But, still. It's hard feeling afraid and not knowing what the "appropriate" level of fear in a situation like this should be. This feels harder than when I struggled with HA, maybe because my HA felt really isolated to just me? Like there was less of an external threat. I don't know. It helps to just type things out sometimes while I wait to access some other help, so if you've read this thank you. :hugs:
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