sorry just need to vent

[littlemiss_sunshine]

this is the 'only' place i can come to and feel i'm not gunna be judged by society as im pretty sure u guys can understand evrythin im goin thru. Being out of uni has made my anxiety worse and pulled my confidence realy down. i cant stop thinking the worst. even though the worst has already happened. i fear that in this mess i'll never be able to continue my nursing, which i so wanted to do. my mums just gunna get worse, in fact drs have sed she cud be like this for another decade the least. sometimes i have these crazy thrts that i'd wish shed just die and this suffering wud just stop- how heartless does that sound. im totally disconnected from friends and the outside world. i fear that my self harming cud come back and then i'll never be able to get back onto the course for real. i'v tried to lash out on pillows- yes pillows and put cold water over my head to stop these annoying and crazy thrts.

sorry just had to get it all out

[joannap]

you are not being heartless. my grandma is in a nursing home with a brain tumour - i love her dearly and have helped look after her for 4 years and i have thoughts like that too when things get on top of me - getting rid seems like the only solution - everyone who cares for someone experiences a huge range of conflicting emotions so acknowledge you are doing your best and coping with difficult emotions of your own.

i have just started learning to stop my thoughts escalating - it takes time but look at all your "what ifs" in your post - what if i cannot continue my nursing, what if i start self harming, what if i never get back on the course, what if my mum gets much worse - this is what is making you feel so bad and adding to your anxiety.

take a deep breath and start to try replacing them with more realistic positive thoughts such as - i can take some time out to build up my confidence, i can start getting out more and contacting other people, i can always go back to nursing when i feel better - even if it is not on the same course, i will take mum's illness one step at a time etc. its not something that happens overnight and you need to be really VIGILANT as these thoughts are v sneaky! i can be what iffing for half an hour before i realise!!!!!!

hope this helps. at first i used to read other people's advice like this and think yes - but its so hard! it is hard but i am really starting to realise that much of our anxiety/depression is what we do to ourselves. the initial thoughts may be automatic but we can choose how to react to them. xx


take a deep breath and try to catch these thoughts

[Bill]

Hello both,

Sunshine, does your mother get any support for her illness other than you? In effect, you are her carer so you are entitled to support to help care for her even if you don't live in the same house.

There are various schemes and groups that exist to help carers like yourself. Are you in touch with any, if not, ask your doctor for support to look after her. You're entitled. It will take some of the pressure off you. Have you heard of Carers UK? They would offer advice. Or perhaps a Voluntary Care Group. They are being created to provide helpers and befrienders. I'm sure there's help out there that will help you but you may need to check your surgery noticeboards or in the local papers. You have far too much to cope with alone so any little extra help will also ease your anxieties. It's very wrong that you're being left to cope alone!:hugs:

Joanna, I'm So pleased that you are working out how to deal with the intrusive thoughts! It's great news! I'm Sure you're on the right road. :hugs:

[littlemiss_sunshine]

hi guys and thankyou for replying.
i've been caring for my mum for the last decade and now when the drs sed shes just gunna get worse, it just hit me all at once. one minute im just 'getting on with it' 'like the rest', next minute i'm stuck as i cant help her let alone myself. with every recent event im just really unclear of what to do next. wenever i ask for help, those people dont get back to me and im constantly waiting and worrying. my health is getting caught in themiddle. i just wanna escape i wanna breathe. im 20 for gods sake and there are many of my peers telling me that 'i dont have a life'. why is it so difficult for them to understand.
im trying to get someone to 'assess' my mums condition, but cos my dads main carer, hes gunna have surgery and hasnt been well at all. so again im pulled apart with my duties as a 'dutiful daughter'

[Bill]

Hello sunshine,
I know that when we carry a heavy burden, the last thing we want to have to do is push others to help us but sometimes if you threaten that you'll be walking out when your dads having his operation because you can't cope alone, then often they'll start listening! It doesn't mean you actually mean to do it but by calling their bluff sometimes it wakes them up to act!

I've always found that he/she who shouts loudest gets heard first but I realise it takes a lot of effort especially when we feel ill ourselves.

I would keep pushing the doctor and if you can, go direct to social services. There is also advocacy. This means you can go to a carers charity in your area who will arrange for someone to help you fight your cause.

Surely your dad realises how much of a burden he'll be leaving for you when he has his op but if he can't push others because he's ill himself, then you'll have to push for your own well being. It's just not right that you should be left to cope alone! I'd make Alot of waves about it to people in high places! Please don't sit and wait- be a nuisance and keep at them daily if needs be! I'd also strongly advise you to talk to someone like Carers UK. They'll advise and support you.:hugs: