View Full Version : I’m desperate for advice. Plz help. Terrified
These last few months have been emotionally exhausting. I’m exhausted with worry and fear. Scared to death. On Saturday I felt behind my thigh and found a noticeable lump. Instant panic. It’s visible when you look at my leg. It’s soft and I’m freaked out. Scheduled an appt with my ortho. Had my visit today and he did an X-ray and said no calcification and that he thinks it’s a lipoma. He said he can feel it. It’s soft and it’s noticeable. Gave me three options. Ultrasound, wait and see, or MRI. He said it doesn’t appear to be anything dangerous. He said his worry is very low and that an Ultrasound would be good. I inquired about MRI but he said since his worry is low, he thinks an ultrasound will be enough. I managed to get an ultrasound appt this Monday at 6:45 AM. So here I sit. Weeping and crying. Im unable to eat. Unable to sleep. Im literally frozen in fear. I feel like I can’t handle this. I almost passed out in his office today. Logically I know he can’t tell me it’s not 100% bad but it makes me so scared. I looked up lipoma and now I’m paralyzed with fear. I don’t know how I’m going to get through the next several days or the day of the test and waiting for the results.
nomorepanic
24-06-21, 19:42
I really think you need to treat the HA then you would handle things like this so much more rationally. Why don't you do that?
I looked up lipoma and now I’m paralyzed with fear.
Errrr, seriously, why ? He's pretty sure its a common fatty lump, I've a few and have had a few removed. They are benign and common for some people, even one of my dogs has a few. I can't honestly understand your concern about this at all. Is it that you think it might not be a lipoma and something else instead ? Its a shame he didn't quickly do the ultrasound there and then, it would have taken 2 minutes and lipomas are very obvious on ultrasound. My GP checked a couple of mine in minutes, and showed me on the screen what fatty tissue appeared like - kind of grainy. This is an expert, he knows what things feel like and isn't that bothered.
Errrr, seriously, why ? He's pretty sure its a common fatty lump, I've a few and have had a few removed. They are benign and common for some people, even one of my dogs has a few. I can't honestly understand your concern about this at all. Is it that you think it might not be a lipoma and something else instead ? Its a shame he didn't quickly do the ultrasound there and then, it would have taken 2 minutes and lipomas are very obvious on ultrasound. My GP checked a couple of mine in minutes, and showed me on the screen what fatty tissue appeared like - kind of grainy. This is an expert, he knows what things feel like and isn't that bothered.
He couldn’t say for sure. I’m so upset. I feel so scared. The catastrophic thinking is swirling right now. And for what it’s worth, I am on medication for HA. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a bad spell. This time it’s hit me hard. Thank you for responding.
Can totally understand why you'd panic. But as others have said, it doesn't sound even remotely sinister. Your doctor said I'm not concerned but can do a few options to put your mind at rest. Try not to freak out. I went with the same thing years ago, totally demented with worry. She said its just a fatty lump but can refer if you like. I said no, I trust you, and that was that. Still here, 10 years on! And also, my mum has had two sinister lumps in her leg, and they're no joke. Rock hard, stick out like a melon In your leg. There's no mistaking. Don't worry, you're fine! X
These last few months have been emotionally exhausting. I’m exhausted with worry and fear. Scared to death. On Saturday I felt behind my thigh and found a noticeable lump. Instant panic. It’s visible when you look at my leg. It’s soft and I’m freaked out. Scheduled an appt with my ortho. Had my visit today and he did an X-ray and said no calcification and that he thinks it’s a lipoma. He said he can feel it. It’s soft and it’s noticeable. Gave me three options. Ultrasound, wait and see, or MRI. He said it doesn’t appear to be anything dangerous. He said his worry is very low and that an Ultrasound would be good. I inquired about MRI but he said since his worry is low, he thinks an ultrasound will be enough. I managed to get an ultrasound appt this Monday at 6:45 AM.
So here I sit. Weeping and crying. Im unable to eat. Unable to sleep. Im literally frozen in fear. I feel like I can’t handle this.
And your flight or flight response will literally be jammed on because you are constantly feeding these catastrophic thoughts into your brain...
I almost passed out in his office today.
You didn't pass out.
I looked up lipoma and now I’m paralyzed with fear.
Why would a benign tumour 'paralyze you with fear?
I don’t know how I’m going to get through the next several days or the day of the test and waiting for the results.
What do you think will happen to you?
If you were to sit there and terrify yourself delirious - what do think would happen?
What will happen is that your body will constantly release stress hormones and you'll feel like absolute crap - unless you fancy running the adrenalin off? You will have lots of anxiety symptoms which, in your mind, will add weight to your imaginary diagnosis - even though cancer doesn't work that way - and if you are fretting over a benign tumour (I have one on my spine) then I don't think you're understanding the difference between benign and malignant?
The situation is that you have a lump and generally lumps are benign. I know lots of people who've had lumps, but none of them were cancerous. However, all lumps need to be checked out as a matter of common sense, and that's happening - so - well done! (no really, well done) because you are able to do what some HAers cannot - which is to make an appointment to see their doctor.
So now you have the choice of how you will spend the next few days. You can allow your health anxiety to overwhelm you, and you will be dealing with the after effects of this long after you've been given the all clear. Or, you can start to work on your anxiety, and the best time to start is when you're scared shitless..
For starters, take a look at the internal dialogue you're feeding to your brain...
Fear
Worry.
Scared
Death.
Panic.
Dangerous.
Frozen in fear.
Paralyzed.
I don't know how I am going to get through.
Your brain is taking notice. It thinks you're in danger, so it will respond. It doesn't know it's your thoughts, not reality. Your brain is doing it's job in looking after you.
Instead, try this...
I have a lump which the doctor thinks isn't serious. I'm anxious, and this is natural, but I can handle this.
In doing this, you're not avoiding the issue, but neither are you adding fear to it..
You can handle this.
Practice lots of abdominal breathing exercises and distract yourself by doing nice things. Watch uplifting TV shows. Listen to uplifting music. Read an uplifting book. Go for a walk. Do not sit there and allow your thoughts to run around like a toddler on the e-numbers!
Bodies are lumpy. They get even lumpier as we get older. Rarely is it cancer, but you've got health anxiety and HA only deals in the very worst case (and least likely) scenarios.
You have a choice; keep running from fear, or turn around and stare that mofo down. You were physically strong enough not to pass out. You can absolutely cope with this.
Today, eat something. Small and light - little and often. Have a protein shake if needs be. You need to give your system as much support as you can..
Don't worry about sleep; it will happen when you're tired enough. Use the time you're awake to your advantage, not to Fear's...
And your flight or flight response will literally be jammed on because you are constantly feeding these catastrophic thoughts into your brain...
You didn't pass out.
Why would a benign tumour 'paralyze you with fear?
What do you think will happen to you?
If you were to sit there and terrify yourself delirious - what do think would happen?
What will happen is that your body will constantly release stress hormones and you'll feel like absolute crap - unless you fancy running the adrenalin off? You will have lots of anxiety symptoms which, in your mind, will add weight to your imaginary diagnosis - even though cancer doesn't work that way - and if you are fretting over a benign tumour (I have one on my spine) then I don't think you're understanding the difference between benign and malignant?
The situation is that you have a lump and generally lumps are benign. I know lots of people who've had lumps, but none of them were cancerous. However, all lumps need to be checked out as a matter of common sense, and that's happening - so - well done! (no really, well done) because you are able to do what some HAers cannot - which is to make an appointment to see their doctor.
So now you have the choice of how you will spend the next few days. You can allow your health anxiety to overwhelm you, and you will be dealing with the after effects of this long after you've been given the all clear. Or, you can start to work on your anxiety, and the best time to start is when you're scared shitless..
For starters, take a look at the internal dialogue you're feeding to your brain...
Fear
Worry.
Scared
Death.
Panic.
Dangerous.
Frozen in fear.
Paralyzed.
I don't know how I am going to get through.
Your brain is taking notice. It thinks you're in danger, so it will respond. It doesn't know it's your thoughts, not reality. Your brain is doing it's job in looking after you.
Instead, try this...
I have a lump which the doctor thinks isn't serious. I'm anxious, and this is natural, but I can handle this.
In doing this, you're not avoiding the issue, but neither are you adding fear to it..
You can handle this.
Practice lots of abdominal breathing exercises and distract yourself by doing nice things. Watch uplifting TV shows. Listen to uplifting music. Read an uplifting book. Go for a walk. Do not sit there and allow your thoughts to run around like a toddler on the e-numbers!
Bodies are lumpy. They get even lumpier as we get older. Rarely is it cancer, but you've got health anxiety and HA only deals in the very worst case (and least likely) scenarios.
You have a choice; keep running from fear, or turn around and stare that mofo down. You were physically strong enough not to pass out. You can absolutely cope with this.
Today, eat something. Small and light - little and often. Have a protein shake if needs be. You need to give your system as much support as you can..
Don't worry about sleep; it will happen when you're tired enough. Use the time you're awake to your advantage, not to Fear's...
Wow. Thank you everyone. Such kind responses. Means a lot to me. I keep reading your response and hanging onto every word you wrote. I am overwhelmed with fear. And disappointed in the way I’ve handled this
Wow. Thank you everyone. Such kind responses. Means a lot to me. I keep reading your response and hanging onto every word you wrote. I am overwhelmed with fear. And disappointed in the way I’ve handled this
I had a breakdown four years ago with my health anxiety. It's why I try to help people on here - in the hope that they won't have to go that far down in order to come back up because it's a terrible place to be..
At the time of my illness (and for a time afterwards) I felt weak, courage-less - pathetic. I berated myself every single day that I struggled to get out of the chair or out of bed. But now I can see how strong and courageous I was to endure mental illness, and so are you.
You can beat/control HA, but you do have to help yourself.
Nora thank you so kindly for you help. I mean it. It means a lot to me. I had my ultrasound on Monday and was told it is a suspected lipoma and that no other cystic or solid mass was identified. My doctor then called me today and told me a very scary story about how cells multiply in lipomas only they are benign. I’m just puzzled why he would say that. Sometimes doctors are conservative and he def is a conservative. But at any rate thank you all for your support and kindness. I’m in a very very bad place these days and I’m hoping I can feel better soon.
Nora thank you so kindly for you help. I mean it. It means a lot to me. I had my ultrasound on Monday and was told it is a suspected lipoma and that no other cystic or solid mass was identified. My doctor then called me today and told me a very scary story about how cells multiply in lipomas only they are benign. I’m just puzzled why he would say that. Sometimes doctors are conservative and he def is a conservative. But at any rate thank you all for your support and kindness. I’m in a very very bad place these days and I’m hoping I can feel better soon.
It's only a 'scary' story because you have health anxiety. It's a simple case of biology to your doctor..
I have a benign tumour on my spine. It's just sitting there doing nothing at all. It's not impacting on anything. It's just there. Lots of people have them are incidental findings on MRIs. Therefore it's a non-concern for me. This is what you can achieve if you learn to control your health anxiety.
Honestly, I've lost count of the times I have read something into a convo with a doctor. When we're scared, we latch onto things and rationality goes out the window. We don't understand medical terminology, so our minds latch onto certain words like 'tumour', 'lesion' etc and in the HA mind this always equals cancer. Only in reality, they don't, and cancer is a lot less likely than people think..
From what I can gather - you have a harmless fatty lump, and this is good news!
Time to get to work on your health anxiety!
It's only a 'scary' story because you have health anxiety. It's a simple case of biology to your doctor..
I have a benign tumour on my spine. It's just sitting there doing nothing at all. It's not impacting on anything. It's just there. Lots of people have them are incidental findings on MRIs. Therefore it's a non-concern for me. This is what you can achieve if you learn to control your health anxiety.
Honestly, I've lost count of the times I have read something into a convo with a doctor. When we're scared, we latch onto things and rationality goes out the window. We don't understand medical terminology, so our minds latch onto certain words like 'tumour', 'lesion' etc and in the HA mind this always equals cancer. Only in reality, they don't, and cancer is a lot less likely than people think..
From what I can gather - you have a harmless fatty lump, and this is good news!
Time to get to work on your health anxiety!
Very wise words that I appreciate so much.
I'd focus on "benign" which is really good news and is the key word in your diagnosis.
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